Good Vibes Only: Alex Elle Teaches Us About Balance, Finding Peace, & Letting Go Of Negativity
It slips across my Instagram feed every morning—little reminders that I'm worthy, and that it's okay to walk away from someone who doesn't know how to love me; subtle hints that I don't need to apologize for being who I am, and that it's more important to practice self-care and to rid of self-destruction; that I can't rush the process, and instead, I should enjoy the journey.
One thing's for sure—when author and poet Alex Elle puts up a post, you know it's going to be laced with truth sometimes so uncomfortable you have to wonder if she's talking to you or talking about you.
When I hop on a call with the mompreneur on an early Friday afternoon, she confesses that she's fighting against the urge to lie on the couch. She has just finished a meeting for one of her many business ventures—an array of products that help her devoted followers heal through the lens of reading, journaling, and meditating—and is taking advantage of the time away from her daughter and her romantic partner to focus on her endeavors before she has to jump into mommy mode.
“I try not to work when they're home unless it's at night and she's asleep," she says. “But if I am home, and I happen to hop on my email or something, she'll go read a book or she'll be out here on my desk with me coloring, and it's a family effort."
For Elle everything is about balance. She doesn't believe that you can't have it all, but that it's a matter of making time and having people in your corner who will support you and put you in check when devoting too much to things that drain your energy.
It's been a little over two years since her book Words from A Wanderer: Notes & Love Poems was released. With over 30,000 in independent sales, it has become a self-help manual of sorts for those seeking healing and motivation on topics ranging from love to self-worth. Flip through the 58 pages of uplifting quotes and poetic prose and you'll swear that Elle is inside your head reporting on your own rollercoaster of a relationship. The ups. The downs. The pain. The beauty. All eloquently penned and amazingly accurate. Words that only someone who's been to “hell and back" could relate to.
Although she grew up an only child in an upper middle class neighborhood in Montgomery County Maryland, Elle struggled with finding happiness. Her mom worked to provide her with a stable life, but her dad, well, let's just say he used their lives as a revolving door.
“In a sense she didn't want to be that mom like if you're not around consistently then you can't see her at all type of thing, but I think that would've served me better," Elle says.
At the age of 16, she decided to do what would later become one of her many mantras—she loved herself enough to cut ties from someone who didn't appreciate her worth. I ask if he ever attempted to reach out to her again, and she laughs as she recounts the story of him contacting her through social media—after reaching a level of success and visibility of course.
“It's crazy how God works because my page has always been open; it's not private. And for some reason, I made my page private one night, and I woke up the next morning and I had a friend request from him after not seeing him in years."
She saw the random encounter as a test to prove the type of woman she'd become. One of peace, and who protects her spirit. One of forgiveness, but not forgetfulness.
"Just because you forgive somebody doesn't mean that they can come back and be in your life."
"I don't wish him ill will or anything, but he's just not welcomed here, you know what I mean? That's just where I'm at with relationships that don't serve me."
It's no longer just her heart that she has to worry about protecting, but that of her now seven-year-old daughter. Being unprepared for the real world, she found herself caught up in the college whirlwind of hookups and breakups, resulting in her pregnancy at the age of 17. The birth of her daughter was just the shot of reality needed to focus on her physical, mental, and emotional health. She started attending therapy sessions to deal with her feelings of abandonment due to the absence of her father, and to help her move past her depression and suicidal thoughts.
“I was in therapy for years, and that is the best thing that has ever happened to me. In our community mental health in general is very taboo. It's like I don't want anybody to think I'm crazy or know my business and stuff like that. With therapy, for me, it wasn't that at all. I literally needed a neutral party to help give me the tools to move forward in my life, and that is what a good therapist will do. I had to go talk to someone, there was no way I could get through my sadness just by talking to my mom, or my grandma, or my best friends."
It's something that she talks about more openly through her posts, and has encouraged many to come to her seeking their own emotional release.
“I always tell people, especially young women who reach out to me telling me how sad they are and how they don't want to be here anymore, I can't help with that. That's definitely not my forte to give that type of life-altering advice, but I always send them to the suicide hotline, and I make sure I send them love and to get help—not to keep quiet about it if they're hurting. That's definitely what I'd say to anybody; there's nothing wrong with going to talk to someone to help sort out your feelings."
Writing out her pain also helped her, and her followers, find the beauty within themselves and to understand the importance of self-worth. In the process, she wrote and released her first self-published book and met her partner Ryan. “I don't know how I knew he was the one, but you just feel when somebody really loves you for who you are, and you build that friendship."
It may all sound so simple, but for the young writer, it was a process. One that she shares with her readers and followers through the pages of her books and her social feeds. By nature, she's a creator, and by teaching she is an entrepreneur. The desire to have sole control of her product and her brand led her to self-publishing both Words from a Wanderer and her second book Love In My Language. She encourages all writers to bet on themselves instead of waiting to be discovered by a big publisher. Her advice? Hire a graphic designer, and just make it happen.
“If you have quality work and you really believe what you're doing, you can make music, you can write books, you can start a business. It just all comes from determination and the work ethic."
Of course having a strong following makes a difference, too. She admits that when she first hopped on Instagram, she wasn't using it for business and actually got kicked off twice before realizing that the best way to use the platform was to showcase her creativity. She shared her jewelry line (now exclusively sold in a boutique store in Washington, D.C.), and started flexing her photography skills, and over the last five years has grown a substantial following with little marketing beyond social media. Now she's adding brand consultant to her resume by helping other small businesses with social media. She stresses the importance of staying connected with your consumers.
“I try to be available when I do post on social media just so that they know I'm a real person and that I'm here to help if they need me," she says. “People like having that access, so finding the balance between that and your business is definitely important for entrepreneurs."
Her third book is currently in the works, and this time she's decided to partner with an independent publishing company so that she can expand into bookstores as opposed to solely being online. She also recently released her meditation journals and runs her Balm Co. product line with her daughter, which she prefers to keep on a smaller scale so that she can continue writing, crafting and creating.
It's enough to wear you out just listing all of her business ventures, and I can't help but to wonder how this mom, businesswoman, and future wife manages to do so much and still make time for herself.
"A lot of people think that they can't have everything because they haven't found balance yet. And that just comes with trial and error."
She credits Ryan being a supportive partner as a part of her ability to balance it all. Even as she speaks about him I can hear the happiness in her voice. “It's so funny because people think that it's so deep…like we're just super unique and we're really not. We really are just two people in love, and we're friends that [got] to marry each other."
Her balance also comes with knowing herself, what nourishes her, and incorporating those things into her lifestyle. About three years ago she started embracing more holistic habits and went vegetarian after eating a Wendy's burger that left her feeling like “crap." She did research on how to feel at her best from the inside out, ditched the meat, and picked up more veggies. But cheese? That's something she couldn't part with. I mean, come on. Pizza.
Essential oils also became a part of her medicinal cabinet. She credits her lunar oil with alleviating cramps and mood swings during menstrual cycles. “I rarely take over-the-counter meds for anything. I think essential oils are freaking amazing."
After her yoga class she may slip on her favorite basic tee from Everlane, ironically doting the same name as her partner (she assures that it's just a coincidence!), jeans, and a pair of Vans. It's her signature outfit that she's most comfortable in. I tell her that there's beauty in simplicity, and she wears it well with confidence.
"I'm not like super glam. I don't wear makeup. I fill my brows when I feel like it. I'm real lowkey, and that's mainly because I just don't have the time to go through my closet and figure out what to wear.
"I like my jeans. I like my neutral tones and monochromatic tones. One of my close friend's teases me all the time she's like, 'oh, you're back to no color again.' And I'm like no girl, no color."
Let me tell you, talking with Elle the girl oozes cool, calm, and collectiveness.
Maybe it's because of the success that she's gained by turning her pain into poetry and sharing her words of wisdom as her way of giving back to others. Maybe it's the fact that she's finally at a place of peace in her life—one filled with family, love, and authentic friendships. Or maybe it's that she's simply mastered the art of attraction—getting back what she's feeding into the universe: love, light, and laughter.
Whatever it is, I'm here for it—soaking up every bit of her positive energy.
Featured image courtesy of Alex Elle
Originally published in June 2017
Kiah McBride writes technical content by day and uses storytelling to pen real and raw personal development pieces on her blog Write On Kiah. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @writeonkiah.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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'Finding Tony' Director Raven Magwood Goodson And Star Stephen Bishop On Telling Authentic Stories On Screen
In cinema, stories often serve as mirrors reflecting the complexities of our experiences. Finding Tony, the latest cinematic gem from millennial director Raven Magwood Goodson, takes us on a profound journey of trauma, redemption, and resilience. With the magnetic performance of lead actor Stephen Bishop, this film shines a light on the struggles and triumphs we face daily. Through the lens of mentorship, community, and self-discovery, Finding Tony invites audiences to journey alongside its characters as they navigate the complexities of life, love, and everything in between.
In the process, it sparks conversations, challenges assumptions, and inspires viewers to embrace their own stories with pride and authenticity. As the film prepares to make its mark on the cinematic landscape, it serves as a reminder of the importance of representation and the power of storytelling. Executive-produced by NBA star Anthony Davis, Finding Tony not only adds another layer to the tapestry of Black narratives in cinema but also reaffirms the significance of our voices in shaping the cultural conversation.
Crafting Calm in the Creative Storm
As Black women, it's crucial to carve out moments of self-care amidst the demands of our daily lives. Raven Magwood Goodson, the visionary behind Finding Tony, embodies this ethos with unwavering grace and determination. In our conversation, she shared her strategies for nurturing her well-being amidst the whirlwind of filmmaking, offering valuable insights into the importance of prioritizing self-care in pursuit of creative excellence.
"While shooting, I was all into the film. No one knew, but I was pregnant and 2-3 months along. After production, you have a long period of post-production, and we spent months editing, going back, rewatching, and adding music,” Raven explains. “During that time, I was able to prioritize myself and my family. It’s a matter of being intentional for me and knowing these are the things I have to do for the film or for other businesses I have. I'm very intentional about whether it's work or play and making sure everything gets my attention.”
Amplifying Black Narratives in Cinema
Anthony Davis (L) and Raven Magwood Goodson (R).
Courtesy
Our stories matter, serving as the heartbeat of our collective experiences. Authentic representation on screen is not just a desire but a necessity, and Finding Tony emerges as a powerful testament to the importance of reclaiming our narratives. In our dialogue with Raven, we delved into her vision for the film and its profound impact on Black stories in cinema.
"I just want to be able to be an advocate, whether it's through the actual storytelling or my own life, for individuals that look like me. I know the importance of being able to watch TV and have an example because, being a brown-skinned girl growing up, sometimes you look and you don't see those examples,” Raven says. “To have women and little girls come up to me and say how much I've motivated them and that they want to write a book or a movie because of me means the world to me.”
Authorship Amplified: Raven's Journey to Filmmaking Mastery
Black women are no strangers to wearing many hats, navigating various roles and responsibilities with unparalleled grace. Raven epitomizes this multifaceted brilliance, seamlessly transitioning from author and motivational speaker to director. In our conversation, she shared how her experiences in these diverse domains equipped her with the skills and perspective needed to lead with confidence and creativity in the realm of filmmaking.
"I get the distinct opportunity to speak to a lot of different types of people, young people, women, men, and athletes about their experiences. I got the inspiration for Finding Tony. I've met a lot of different individuals, youth, whether that's in high school or college, that had similar experiences to [the lead character] Destiny and the film,” Raven shares. “I've also spoken to a lot of mentors, and people have gone through adversity and found themselves in a Tony space as well. My experience in speaking, writing, and getting to know different audiences shaped my viewpoint to be able to write this story.”
Game Plan to Script: Stephen's Playbook for Acting Success
Stephen Bishop
Courtesy
In a world that often underestimates our abilities, the Black community continues to excel in diverse arenas. Stephen Bishop's journey from professional athlete to actor resonates deeply with our own experiences of resilience and adaptability. As a former Atlanta Braves player, Stephen talked about how his background in sports equipped him for the challenges of portraying a complex character in Finding Tony.
“In sports, you learn a lot of life lessons and can use a lot of those to help inform your characters when you're in different roles. But specifically, this role, it helped because I’ve been an athlete who's had to retire,” Stephen says.
“I am a current coach, so I know what the transition was like. I know a lot of the emotions you go through and things you battle with when you're looking at athletes that you're trying to get to level themselves up. It was a very fortunate coincidence that I happened to be an ex-professional athlete who was going to play this role. It played a big part in me being able to be as comfortable as I was in the role.”
A Role Written in the Stars: Stephen's Path to 'Finding Tony’
Raven shares that her decision to cast Stephen in the lead role of Tony was a moment of intuitive certainty, sparked by his compelling performance in Terminal List alongside Chris Pratt. Upon witnessing his talent, she knew without hesitation that he was the perfect person to capture the essence of Tony Greene. The very next day, fueled by conviction, she reached out to her casting director, passionately advocating to do whatever it took to secure Stephen for the pivotal role. This bold move speaks volumes about Raven's unwavering commitment to bringing her vision to life with authenticity and excellence.
As Stephen reflects on this pivotal moment from his perspective, he shares, "They told me about it and sent the script. [My team and I] all read it the same day, and then the next day, we all got back on the phone, and I said, ‘I really like this.’ A lot of times in my career, by the grace of God, I've played the love interest, and I've been in a couple. I've been really wanting to move into roles where I could just be a standalone character and have my storyline drive the film or the television show without it being at the whim of the relationship. And this role came along and it was not only that, but it was an opportunity for me to really show myself and others what kind of chops I really have because there's a huge emotional arc.”
L-R: Raven Magwood Goodson, Stephen Bishop, and David Banner on set of "Finding Tony."
Courtesy
As today marks the release of Finding Tony, it's not just a film hitting the screens; it's a testament to the power of determination. Shot in a mere 17 days, this cinematic gem shows the sheer dedication and grit of its creators. Director Raven Magwood Goodson, amidst her battles, led the charge with unwavering strength and grace, proving that obstacles are merely stepping stones to greatness. Through late nights and unforeseen hurdles, her unwavering vision shone bright, guiding the cast and crew through the rollercoaster ride of production.
Finding Tony reminds us that even in the face of adversity, there's beauty to be found, strength to be discovered, and purpose to be fulfilled. So, as we prepare to immerse ourselves in Tony's journey, let's raise a glass to the triumphs of creativity, resilience, and the unbreakable bonds forged in the pursuit of art.
Finding Tony - Official Trailer
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