GOAL-Digger: Here's Why Tiffney Cambridge Is More Than Just A "Rapper's Ex"
Did the song even surprise you or come as a shock?
It did. I was surprised by the song but I wasn't surprised by the lyrics. I told him because we had a discussion about it, he played it for me, I said, "Boy, you know I don't have no million dollars worth of Birkin bag in my closet, so at least take that part out." So that was funny.
Like I said, I do think that in his mind, Jayceon knows what I'm deserving of and he knows what my expectations are and he knows what I'm able to achieve. All of them. So him actually, he knew it and he knows it, and for him to actually write a song about it, it was like 'Ok, alright!' He knows. He knows what's up with Ms. Cambridge. He knows!'
He and I are so different when it comes to how we handle ourselves. I'm very private and discreet. I don't let everyone know what's going on in my world. I'm not the one to broadcast my business. I just don't believe in letting all your business out there.
[TWEET "I think that just because your eyes see something that doesn't mean your mouth has to say something."]
You see enough things. When you have been a high-profile relationship like I have been in, it's very important to not share everything.
Have you ever heard the saying, 'Sometimes we're meant to be in a man's life to help them become a better man, for another woman.'?
Right, I have. I've heard that before.
Do you kind of feel like with you and Jayceon's experience that's kind of what it is? Was he supposed to learn in that experience with you to be that guy to someone else?
Well, when I think about that question, I don't only think about it in terms of just him, I think about it for myself as well. Is my role, for Jayceon, to be a teacher for him to get him all ripe and ready for the next woman? That could be the case. And it is in his position to have shown me exactly what I want, or what I don't want, when I'm ripe and ready for my next relationship. I think it can go either way. I think our relationship has been a learning ground for both of us. I'm older than him and maybe have more life experience than him and maybe have a different way of governing myself. So it may come across as I'm the older one and I'm the teacher.
So just as much as people may look at me and say, 'He learned on her and she is prepping him for the next person,' I think that the same thing could be said about me. I've been through a lot in this relationship. I've had challenges and struggles that you wouldn't believe. The things that you guys see aren't even half the internal struggle, sacrifices, the hurt that I've been through in my involvement with this man.
I've learned a lot from Jayceon. Learning goes both ways. Sometimes you learn what to do and that could be his learning, I suppose. And sometimes you learn what not to do, and that could be mine. And I think both are equally as important. And I think both will help in future relationships.
You mentioned the age thing and being a little bit older and being able to teach him, but do you feel like age played an ultimate factor in you two separating?
I don't think that a numerical number played a part in it because technically, I'm only 4 1/2 years older than him. Jayceon was born in 1979. I was born in 1975. He was born at the end of 1979 in November, and I was born in July of 1975. So we're technically only 4 1/2 to 5 years apart. So numerically, the age, I'm 40, Jayceon will be 36 in November, so I don't think that played a part. I think the level of maturity played a part.
You can have someone that is 36-years-old that is very mature, knows what they want out of life and can appreciate having a good woman and two beautiful children. And that's their choice. 'I want my woman, I want my family. I am a rapper, but this is what my focus is, so I'm going to do what I'ma have to do and then go on home.' There are 36-year-old men who do think like that. But then there are 36-year-old men who don't think like that. So I think that it is individual to the person and where they are in their lives and where they are in their level of growth and maturity.
So do I feel like the number matters? Jayceon is 36. Ok? You're not 26, 25 or 24 and I'm 40. You're 36. That's not...people try to make it seem like it's suchhhhhh a big gap, like I'm 10 years older than him, and I'm not. We're still right there [in age with] each other. So it's not the age, it's what I'm allowing and what I'm not allowing in our relationship. I'm not the one for a lot of different things so it makes me seem like like an old hag.
Maybe monogamy is not the hip thing. Maybe that's not the young thing. Maybe in this day and age, it's cool to have a harem of females around you, that makes you marketable or makes you hot. Whatever. But for Tiffney Cambridge, it's not for me. I don't do that. I am very old school.
I was born in 1975, I grew up in the 80's. I grew up in a time where relationships and commitment mattered. I grew up in a time where you talk on the phone until you fell asleep on the phone, you wrote love notes--will you be my boyfriend, yes or no?--and it was you two.
I'm not here to tell you, another grown person, how to live their life. I'm not going to force my beliefs or values down your throat. What I'm going to do is remove myself from the situation, and let you do you, and so basically, that's what I've done. And Jayceon and I have [still] managed to maintain a friendship. We have two beautiful kids. And both Cali and Justice, we both want what is best for them. We'll both be in each other's loves forever. We have a very close and special bond. He is the father of my children, and we're always going to be together in that way.
I think a lot of women these days have accepted, 'OK, I guess that's just what men do,' so their new thing now is fighting to be the "main" one. Not fighting for monogamy, but fighting for the "number one spot" on a list of women. And I guess that's something that you just won't allow or do.
No, I don't fight for a spot. The other person can just have it. It's really true. I don't have any problem with it at all. I don't do competitions, I don't do "choose me or her," the other person can just have you. Because if that's your thought process, I don't want you. So she can go and have you. My bishop, Bishop Noel Jones, told me many years ago:
[TWEET "Some battles are worth fighting even if you lose. And some aren't worth fighting even if you win."]
And that has really stuck with me. And it's a philosophy that I live and love by. Because I want to be in a situation where there is no choice. 'I want to be with Tiffney, and that's it.' And that is a turn-on for me. That's what makes my heart sing.
So if there is any competition, there is no competition. Just go on and be with the other person. That's it.
So what would it take to impress the lovely Ms. Cambridge?
I like loyalty. I like a man that is very respectable, career driven. I like a man who has a spiritual sense about himself, who is in tune with God. I love a quiet, calm, confident man. And in my next relationship, I would like to be the one that is lead. I feel like in this relationship I was the leader. So finding someone with the ability to teach me something, to be able to lead me in a positive direction, would be very intriguing to me.
You go, Tiffney! In-between teaching, Tiffney is still on her book tour for her children's book, "The Little Girl Who Lost Her Smile," which you can purchase here. She is also doing motivational speaking engagements on the weekends, and you can keep up with her tour dates (and all things Tiffney) on her official Instagram and Twitter.
Good girls may finish last sometimes, but at least they finish. Which is a lot more than most can say these days!
A modest goddess who keeps it humble between mumbles. I'm a journalism graduate with a HERstory in digital media, print and radio. Roll the credits: Power 96, VH1, xoNecole, EBONY, SOHH. Deemed "Top 20 Women in Media" by Power 105. Bronx made me, Broward raised me.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How A Stay At Switzerland's Luxurious 7132 Hotel Reminded Me To Live The Life I Deserve
Sometimes, as women—especially as single Black women—we simply need to be reminded that we are deserving of living a life we dream of. Even if that means creating it for ourselves. I recently set out on a weeklong trip to Switzerland, a trip I’ve been wanting to take for years, and near the end of my visit, I had an epiphany.
“DeAnna, this is the life you deserve,” I thought to myself as I took in the gorgeous bathroom in my suite at the famous 7132 Hotel and Thermal Spa. It was one of the most luxurious hotels (and bathrooms) I had ever stayed in—and that’s saying a lot for someone who often travels for work.
To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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