
From choosing love over our career goals to not negotiating, there are so many career mistakes that young women make.
When we are in our 20s, we are in a very vulnerable state in our lives. For some of us, we just finished college, are working at our first “real" jobs, and we are even starting families. In the midst of it all, we tend to make simple mistakes as it relates to our careers. Since I graduated from undergrad, I've made plenty of the same mistakes that my female friends have made. I cringe now when I think of them from time to time, but now that I know better, I try my best to do better.
Recently, I was able to connect with a few girl bosses in various careers and personal backgrounds. Each woman shared their biggest career mistake and what they learned from it. Whether you are a graduating college senior, just starting out on your own, or a 20-something woman that is already working, you will be able to benefit from the wisdom of each of the boss women below. Each woman shared her own career mistake and how they've managed to get in formation (slay girl, slay!)
1. Sheena Allen (@whoisSheena)
Entrepreneur & Founder of Sheena Allen Apps & Insta Funds
Learn when to ask for help.
"My biggest career mistake in my 20s was thinking that I could do it all on my own. I started my first tech company as a solo founder and actually waited a good amount of time before seeking mentorship or a team to help in growing my company. I learned that it is important to have a great team in order to build a great company. Trying to do everything on your own will tire and stress you out, which only leads to hurting your company."
2. Troy Washington (@thetroyla)
On-Air News Reporter for KSLA
Have faith in yourself over everyone & everything else.
"I vowed that I would keep this mistake between myself and the reporter who found me bawling my eyes out in the restroom but if it helps someone else out in their career then I suppose the embarrassment is worth it. It took a nightmare live shot during the evening news to teach me that you shouldn't depend on technology. No matter how confident you are in your smartphone, keep a backup plan!
"I was reporting live on a complicated story, the anchor tossed my phone to me and my iPhone canceled out of my notes. I spent the entire shot stumbling and trying to open the note in my phone. Finally, to no avail, I tossed the phone back to the anchors feeling defeated. To top it off a viewer came up to me right after and said "got a little tongue-tied there at 5." I was mortified. Now no matter how simple or complex the story is I don't complicate things or depend on anything else. I rely on old fashioned pen, pad, bullet points, and what I know. This taught me to trust myself instead of a flimsy note in my phone.
"Believe it or not that moment built my confidence because I knew I could never repeat that mistake. In essence, falling on my face has always delivered the best lessons. That was one of my first live shots and I've done hundreds more since then but I'll never forget that one. That's the one that humbled me, it hurt, and taught me that I never wanted to experience it again. In TV, you'll make mistakes and that's inevitable because you're human and likely those mistakes will be broadcasted, but as long as you don't repeat those mistakes, you'll be fine."
3. Shay Lawson (@ShayMLawson )
Diversity Professional & Attorney
Stay hopeful, be fearless, & focus on you.
"I have quite a few career mistakes that comes to mind, but this one sticks out the most:
"When you start working, you need to negotiate. Women make $0.79 for every $1 a man makes, often because men demand more. I didn't even know this was an option when I was in my twenties and in talking to my girlfriends they all agreed that they wish they had negotiated for a higher salary in their first few jobs. I know that's not something most young women are comfortable doing, but men do it ALL THE TIME!!!
"Do the research, know how much people at the job and experience level make, and also come prepared to explain why you want what you're asking be it for relocation, for cost of living, etc. Once you've been offered a job, don't worry you will lose the offer. You're not being petty over pennies, you're getting what you're worth."
4. Emily Drewry (@emily.drewry)
Assistant Social Media Editor at Forbes
Never let the world drown out your voice.
"My biggest mistake thus far has been holding back my thoughts in the workplace because I lacked confidence. As a 22-year-old in my first role out of school, I would frequently wait to bring ideas to the table until I was 100% sure they were good and would be successful. At a certain point, my boss sat me down and told me that I needed to stop focusing on my age and let the ideas speak for themselves.
"It's harder than it sounds to forget about seniority and structure at the office, but doing so let me shine so much more -- and perform better in my role. I try to remember that every day is a new opportunity to prove my skills, and I can't do that without speaking up."
5. Gia Peppers (@giapeppers)
Freelance Entertainment Journalist & On-Air Talent (portfolio includes the NBA, BET, ESSENCE, Hot 97 & more)
Be faithful & fearless to YOURSELF.
"I've learned a lot in the first five years of my 20s. The top thing I want other young women to know is that an internship doesn't guarantee a job and you should be loyal to you. In college, I interned almost every semester to make sure I knew exactly what I wanted to do in radio and/or TV. When I graduated, my resume was stacked with "experience." I just KNEW everyone was going to be knocking at my door (or LinkedIn page) with opportunities. But, after I got all my cookout celebrations out of the way, I still had no offers and had to take a job outside of my field to start paying back loans. I hated it. I would go in the bathroom and cry.
"BUT, the resources I had-- like a laptop and overnight car service-- motivated me to work all hours of the night to ensure I would not be there longer than one year. Every moment you have is meant to prepare you for the next one. Do your best in that moment and learn all you can. And, don't be surprised if no one calls you RIGHT after you graduate. It takes a job to get a job. Once you get that job, be loyal to YOU. Our parents grew up in a time when you could stay at one company for 20 years and move up to make more money and gain experience within the company.
"Unfortunately, our generation doesn't have that security. In many fields, companies barely pay full salaries with benefits. In fact, many of these same companies don't offer raises until an employee threatens to leave. Have your own brand. Make yourself irreplaceable and save for rainy days. In this economic climate, you will probably have some."
6. Nicaila (Caila) Matthews (@CailaKSpeaks)
Senior Manager of Social Marketing at NPR, Founder of CailaKSpeaks.com
Setbacks are temporary. Comebacks create legends.
"My biggest career mistake in my 20s was believing that a job at a big media conglomerate would guarantee happiness and career growth. I was lured by the brand's name and glitzy reputation, but I did not take the time to assess how it aligned with my career goals. Two years and one horrible boss later, I ended up quitting my first job out of college and going through a frustrating period of unemployment, having to move back home, and feeling like a failure. I bounced back by starting to side hustle as a blogger and freelance writer, which led me to my calling as a digital content marketer.
"If you're reading this and experiencing the same feelings of disappointment and confusion that I did, take the time to assess what you want from your career and life and write down three things you plan to do to get there. I worked at an unrelated job for one and a half years while I hustled to get to the next stage of my career, and ended up living with my parents for three years (two years longer than I planned). In the end, I know you'll be happier and that much closer to fulfilling your authentic purpose on this earth. This low point in my career would later propel me into social media marketing and drive me to get my MBA. As I learned from my experience, sometimes you have to take a step backward before you can move forward in pursuit of your goals."
7. Sidnee Michelle Douyon (@sidmich_)
Editorial Operations Assistant at Forbes, and Music and Entertainment Writer/Reporter
Never let your insecurities get in the way.
"My biggest career mistake I've made in my 20's would be second-guessing myself. There were times I was hesitant and even shied away from going after certain opportunities and interviews because I thought I didn't have what it takes to execute at 100%. I learned that you have to always go for what you want, especially in your career.
"If you let the fear of failure or your insecurities keep you from going after what you deserve then you'll never reach the heights of your potential. If I could go back in time to prepare myself for the struggles I went through, I wouldn't do anything different but develop a personal confidence within myself early on and really use that as a driving factor to push me forward in my career. Fast forward, I've definitely evolved into a much more confident journalist. Before I even execute an interview or gain an opportunity, I go into it like I know I'm going to "kill this." I also have evolved my work ethic to align with a 'newfound career confidence' where I put in the work and research to be able to go into an assignment or interview 100% confident and prepped."
8. Melissa Kimble (@Melissa_Kimble)
Senior Social Media Manager at EBONY, Leader of The#blkcreatives
Know when to walk away & when to stay.
"The biggest mistake I've made is giving away my power. Anytime my true value wasn't recognized or my energy was being depleted in situations that didn't fulfill or honor me, I should have made the decision to walk away from those things sooner.
"If you're constantly giving away your power, you're living in a place of fear and fear destroys everything, especially your chance to succeed and build the career life you really want for yourself."
9. Ariel Lopez (@ArielLopez__)
Founder of 2020Shift
Try to make the most out of every situation & be the best.
"The biggest mistake I made was making a leap before I was ready (I was 22 at the time) I was working full time at a staffing firm and also on a startup idea when I was presented with an opportunity to work from home. I immediately thought that this was a dream situation. Make money and have more time to work on my own thing- why not? Unfortunately, the position fell through within a month's time and I had to scramble to figure out how to make it. I went through a super rough time and almost had to move back home (nightmare) but was able to land something a few months later. I learned that you can't try to game the system. I wasn't taking the position to give 100% effort to them, I was using them as a catalyst to get my own thing off the ground (bad karma). It also taught me to really think things through before making life-altering decisions. I wasn't financially prepared to sustain myself and my expenses if my job didn't work out.
"Ultimately, I took a risk on leaving something stable to pursue the unknown, but I think it paid off. That experience fueled me to do it all over again, just better. I actually don't believe in mistakes, just lessons learned. I recently took the leap again, but this time I had things aligned differently. Since then, I've evolved a ton as an entrepreneur and also as a career coach. I'm able to advise people on their careers because of my personal experience. It's also shown me that if I can bounce back once I could do it twice. I'm unafraid because I know what I'm capable of."
10. Emmelie De La Cruz (@EmmelieDeLaCruz)
Author of Make Yourself Marketable & Personal Branding Strategist
Your personal brand is more important than you may think.
"The biggest career mistake I made was believing that I needed the right credentials to be an expert. Have you heard of Malala? Imagine if she censored herself because she considered herself too young and her story insignificant. We wouldn't have the youngest Nobel Peace Prize winner. Our personal brand is a combination of our personality, skill sets, and the value we create for others.
"It is all about who we are, what we do and how others perceive us through those in-person and digital interactions. Building your personal brand inside and outside the workplace is necessary to accelerate your career. Our insecurities around self-promotion, our credentials, and contributions will disappear when we understand that the stakes for us to succeed as a sisterhood are so high that we are almost forced to tell our story for the sake of being a resource to someone else. We have an important story that needs to be told and heard. The unique combination of your personal and professional experience, your skills, and accomplishments already make you an expert."
11. Tola Lawal (@tola617)
Entrepreneur & Founder of SixOne7Creative
Never let them see you sweat or lose your cool.
"One of my biggest career mistakes was bringing my emotions to work. In my early 20's I let a co-worker take me out of my professional element and I went OFF in the office. My bosses and co-workers were SHOCKED! I was a great employee and most times I ignored the tomfoolery but at that point, I was fed up. As busy as I was supporting a number of senior-level executives, I didn't have time. But that day... that day, I had time. But after I lit the office up, I was SO embarrassed. After this mistake, I learned a few things. I learned the importance of a poker face, and that most of what goes on at work is not personal. Don't take any of it personally. If there is an issue, go to your immediate boss, and if that doesn't resolve the issue, take it to Human Resources.
"BUT don't EVER give someone the satisfaction of taking you out of your calm which can result in you embarrassing yourself. Since that mistake, I don't take much personally. There is always going to be someone, something, that ruffles your feathers at work. Be like a duck and keep calm. Don't let anything get to you, and if it does, vent in private. Vent to your accountability partners, your friends, but NEVER, EVER at work."
Featured image by Shay M. Lawson
Originally published December 9, 2017
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This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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While doing a podcast interview a couple of weeks ago, when I said my age, the interviewer complimented me by saying that what I said is not what they would’ve guessed. When they asked what the secret was, the first thing that came out of my mouth was, “Oh, I’m gonna take me a nap.”
I adore sleep. I’ve said before that it’s like what Six Flags is to some people. And really, it’s just a plus that there are so many health benefits from getting plenty of rest. Beauty-wise, science does reveal that getting no less than seven hours a night can slow down signs of aging. Know what else? There are some direct things that sleep — and the lack thereof — can do to your immunity as well.
And so, since this is the time of year when catching a cold (and/or the flu) is common, let’s talk about the impact that sleep (and again, a lack thereof) has on your immune system. That way, you can remain as healthy as possible during the fall and winter seasons.
1. Less Sleep Means More Colds
GiphyLike I stated in the intro, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard somewhere that the fall and winter are the seasons when people are most susceptible to catching a cold or coming down with the flu. And that’s exactly why I thought I would start this all off by sharing the fact that some studies reveal that if you get less than six hours of sleep, on a consistent basis, you end up making yourself more vulnerable to coming down with both. In fact, some research says that only 18 percent of people who get six-plus hours of rest caught a cold while almost 40 percent who got less than that did.
The logic behind it all is sleep gives your body time to build up the proteins and cells (like cytokines and T-cells) that you need to fight off certain viruses. So, if nothing bothers you more than having a stuffy nose or stubborn cough when it’s cold outside, getting more sleep is one way to prevent that from happening to you.
2. Less Sleep Means More Allergy Symptoms
GiphyAt the end of the day, an allergy is basically what transpires whenever your immune system “overreacts” to something that other people’s systems do not. And since sleep is what helps to keep your immune system nice and strong — well, I’m sure you get how less allergy-related symptoms and more sleep go hand in hand. Also, since sleep helps to decrease bodily inflammation (more on that in a bit) and inflammation can also intensify allergy symptoms, that’s just one more reason to get as much shut-eye as possible.
3. Less Sleep Means Potential Diabetes and Heart Disease
GiphyDid you know that in 2024, Black women were diagnosed with diabetes 24 percent more than any other adult demographic. Also, it continues to be a reality that heart disease is the leading cause of death for Black women. These two sobering statistics alone should be enough of an incentive to do whatever you can to keep the risk of diabetes and heart disease way down.
One way to do that is by getting more sleep. Aside from the fact that sleep strengthens your immune system to where it is easier for you to fight off illness and diseases, sleep can keep your blood sugar levels in a healthy space; plus, when it comes to your heart, it gives it, along with your arteries and blood vessels a break.
4. Less Sleep Means Less Time for Your Body to Push “Reset”
GiphyIf you really stopped to consider all that your body goes through during the day (you can read some about that here), you definitely would respect it enough to do your best to thank it by giving it no less than six hours of sleep, each and every night. Sleep is what helps to slow your brain and body down so they are able to “refuel” for the next day. After all, how can your body prevent you from getting sick if your immune system is too worn out to fight ailments off? Exactly.
5. More Sleep Helps You to Fight Off Infections
GiphySpeaking of, in order for your body to fight off infections, there are certain cells and antibodies within you that need to be healthy and strong — one way that they get and stay that way is by you getting a good amount of sleep. For instance, remember when I touched on cytokines earlier? Well, the same way that they help to prevent colds, they also help to prevent infections too. And since sleep lowers your cortisol (stress) levels, rest gives your body the time and space to build up an army that can fight off free radicals and other health-related challenges while you are awake.
6. More Sleep Lowers Bodily Inflammation
GiphyWhenever a health-related issue is mentioned on this platform, inflammation is something that is mentioned quite a bit. Probably the easiest way to explain inflammation is it’s how your body responds/reacts whenever something is happening to your body that shouldn’t be, whether it’s an illness, an injury, a germ or something that you may be allergic to.
If you happen to have chronic inflammation, some symptoms that are associated with that include fatigue, stiff joints, skin rashes, weight gain and moodiness.
The interesting thing about all of this is if you aren’t getting enough rest, you could be triggering inflammation in your body. That’s because studies reveal that a lack of sleep can elevate molecules that are associated with inflammation. So, if you don’t want inflammation to increase within your system, you should definitely catch more zzz’s.
7. More Sleep Regulates Hormones
GiphyWhen it comes to hormones like serotonin, estrogen and cortisol, believe it or not, they play a role in how your immune system acts and overreacts. That’s because, if your hormones are out of balance, that can cause your immune system to work harder than it actually should and that can make you more vulnerable to sickness. One way to keep your hormones leveled out? SLEEP.
That’s because sleep gives your body the opportunity to rest, repair and restore your hormone levels. On the other hand, when you are sleep deprived, that can put/keep your hormones on the ultimate roller coaster ride. #notgood
8. More Sleep Strengthens Vaccines
flu shot GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyIf you’re someone who is good for getting some sort of vaccine around this time of the year, make sure that you rest up before and after getting your shots. Not only does adequate rest before a vaccination help your immune system to be better receptive to your shots but sleep also helps your body to build up enough antibodies to make your vaccinations effective after getting them. Because if you’re gonna get pricked, shouldn’t it be worth it? My thoughts exactly.
Get some freakin’ sleep! Your immune system depends on it.
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