‘Insecure’ Actor Sarunas J. Jackson Talks Life After Dro And What He Looks for In Love
Tall, outspoken, and handsome!
Those are just three words that can describe one of the newest faces on Season 2 of Insecure. Sarunas J. Jackson, the proud Panamanian-bred, Philly-native who is better known as Dro, Molly's smooth-talking, openly-married childhood friend, stands at a solid 6'8 ½''and definitely made our heads turn. But it wasn't just his athletic build or pearl-clutching sex scenes that had us intrigued. Jackson is a man that knows being successful means using your voice and influence for good and that the path can sometimes lead in you in many different directions.
While his initial rise to fame started with playing college and professional basketball in an international league and even boxing for a while, Jackson eventually found his way into the Hollywood Hills, landing spots in basketball commercials, which further piqued his interest into acting. This would propel him and put him in the position to land other roles in shows like Major Crimes and ultimately the critically acclaimed film Chi-raq, directed by Spike Lee. We got the chance to sit down and talk with Jackson about why it's important to do meaningful work, his ideal woman, and why he's passionate about Lawrence Hive.
What has life been like since being on Insecure?
Busy! I've been busy bouncing from place to place and the attention has been probably the biggest change in my life. The appearances, the interviews, and different things have been fun.
People love the show. I didn't know it would be to this magnitude, I didn't know it would be this impactful and this big. But I'm very grateful for it all, I'm very blessed.
Are there any parallels between you and your character Dro?
Dro, to me, isn't shook by much. He's very level-headed and cool. I might be a little more emotional than him but I still see similarities as far as how we both would handle things. We both are in control of situations, not letting certain situations affect us and not letting other people's emotions rub off on us so easily. Those are definitely the similarities that I find between my character and myself.
In this season, we continue to see the different perspectives and interpretations of sex and race. What do you make of the role shows like Insecure have in helping to drive conversations about race, race relations, sex, and the likes?
As an artist, you always want to be a part of something that has something to say. You don't want to do blind work or thoughtless material. We love anytime when we can spark a conversation between people, you start getting different perspectives. What we do is very influential, it speaks to the masses. Issa (Rae) and the team on Insecure always smoothly massage topics and conversations that need to be had, but they do it in subtle ways. They don't beat you over the head with it (laughs). It's very satisfying to be a part of those types of creatives and that type of world.
Speaking of Issa, she was quoted on the red carpet for saying that she was rooting for “everybody black" at the Emmy's this year. I've also seen you be dubbed as #WokeBae on the internet by some because you don't hesitate to speak out on certain things. How important is it for celebrities and those with influence to show that solidarity for the culture?
If we don't use our platform, you kind of have to ask yourself: what are you doing? If we're going to try to continue to progress, we have to speak our thoughts. What Issa did was beautiful, even though people tried to make it into something else. You can't keep the culture down. We make up only 13% of the U.S. population at most, yet we're one of the most lucrative and influential cultures worldwide but at the same time the most discriminated against.
When we show that support, it's not only better for us, but for everybody. It's just one step closer to unity and equality. Using your voice and using your platform smartly is needed and necessary for the culture. You can't be reckless, but if you're a minority there should be no reason why you're not speaking your mind when you see something wrong or when you want to uplift your culture. It's definitely a responsibility.
Switching gears, the sex scenes you had this season were very explicit and pretty frequent. It definitely caught the attention of a lot of women.
Yeah, you get to know me quickly (laughs). It has been a lot of support, but I like the type of women in the demographic. Educated and intelligent black women, they're very open and conversational. I've had fun with them, it's been entertaining. People are very joke-y about my character's situation. The women have been hilarious.
"I love women that are very determined; they have a passion about something."
Speaking of which, what is it that you look for in a woman?
I love women that are very determined; they have a passion about something. They can hold great conversations, they're very thought-provoking. I like them outspoken, just respectful human beings. I'm also attracted to very nurturing type of women, you know the kind that will rub your back and your head (laughs). I'm very affectionate, so I like that. From a physical standpoint, I like them to have nice style and take care of their hands and feet. A big thing for me too though, is your quality or taste in music and film. That's a big indicator, a lot of times it correlates to where you are in life and whether or not we're going to connect. It's all tied in to me; obviously there are some exceptions though.
Are you dating right now?
I'm not in a relationship, but I'm definitely dating. It's a very specific time in my career, I'm not opposed to having a relationship but I think I'd have to have someone who's very understanding. I've been lucky enough to meet some very good people, I haven't had any bad experiences. You know I'm just keeping things afloat, nothing too extra but definitely open to dating (laughs).
What would be an ideal date for you?
You always have to go somewhere dope to eat; I love food (laughs). I'm very into intimate concerts, like smaller type venues with artists who aren't necessarily commercial but still put out quality type music. That would be fun to me. Good music and good food.
What would you say are some of the biggest life lessons you've learned throughout your journey leading up to now?
I would say allowing myself to get out of my own way and allowing my spiritual evolution to flow instead of forcing issues or certain things because I wanted them so bad. Also, you have to work hard and just be a good person. Those two things are so simple but they go a long way. And surrounding yourself with like-minded people, with good people is very important.
"People that have that same drive, that same determination, it can only improve your life."
#WCW: Tessa Thompson, Issa Rae (Issa BAE), Logan Browning, Antoinette Robertson, and Ashley Blaine Featherson
Now Listening: BOSCO, The Internet, Khalid, Daniel Caesar, Kendrick Lamar, Drake
Top 3 Favorite Drake Projects:If You're Reading This, It's Too Late; Take Care; & So Far Gone
On Working with Issa Rae: "I was a fan of Awkward Black Girl when it came out. And I believe in visualization and the power of attracting things. So I knew I'd be working with someone great. I thought maybe it would happen a little later in life, but I'm definitely grateful to be a part of it all."
On Being an Ambassador to #LawrenceHive: "I won't tolerate any Lawrence slander, that's too much for one man to handle so I had to jump in. I'll have to wear multiple hats once #DroHive gets to kicking off though. I have to stand up for the good guys and I have a very close relationship with Jay Ellis. It's something I'm very passionate about and when it's a passion, it's not work (laughs)."
To tie you over until the third season of Insecure, get your daily Sarunas J. Jackson fix by following the actor on Twitter and Instagram.
Image Credits: HBO
Shanelle Harris is a Southern-based freelance writer & fashion social media curator. When she's not in class or writing, you can catch her quoting Drake lyrics and spreading #BlackGirlMagic one outfit post at a time. You can follow her on IG: @random__nelle.
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Writer. Empath. Escapist. Young, gifted, and Black. Shanelle Genai is a proud Southern girl in a serious relationship with celebrity interviews, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and long walks down Sephora aisles. Keep up with her on IG @shanellegenai.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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You're Catching Feelings For Your Guy Friend. Now What?
Let me just start this all off by saying that I will never be the kind of person who thinks that men and women can’t be friends (or that single people and married people can’t be friends). Choosing friends is about looking into someone’s character and how they complement your life; it should never be about their gender or relational status. Don’t get it twisted, though — in order to properly navigate the dynamic between a man and a woman, there are some things that should be pondered and then discussed.
For instance, is the relationship truly platonic? Even though our culture has reduced that word to simply mean that two people are friends and nothing more, the actual definition is that BOTH individuals do not have any type of sexual interest or attraction at all; that only a spiritual kind of love exists. Is that possible? I have a few male friends where that word applies. I won’t lie, though — most of my (unmarried) male friends are more in the lane of, “You could get it. We just value the friendship too much to explore it”…and no, it hasn’t been “game” whenever they’ve brought it up.
Contrary to the notoriously toxic belief of so many folks out here, not every man has coochie on the brain 24/7 and/or lacks self-control and/or is willing to risk it all in order to get some. In fact, not one man in my life is even remotely that shallow.
Now, that doesn’t mean that I don’t get that the line between just friends and possibly more isn’t a tightrope for some friendships from time to time. Like, what happens if the person who ends up “with a little extra,” as far as emotions go for a friend, ends up being you? Even further, what if that question isn’t even close to being rhetorical because it’s something that you’re experiencing right at this very moment, and you’re not exactly sure what you should do about it?
If that’s the case, have no fear. I think I might be able to offer up a bit of insight that can get you through the (potential) internal stress of what happens when you look up one day and it really does seem like, out of nowhere, you suddenly want your guy friend to become something…more.
What Kind of Friendship Is It?
GiphySo before we talk about anything else, the first thing that you should get clear on is the type of friendship that you’re in. What I mean by that is, although we tend to use “friend” to cover all of the bases of someone who we’re not romantically involved with (or isn’t a relative or we can’t stand — and chile,don’t even get me started on frenemies), the reality is that friendships definitely have levels to them (check out “Always Remember That Friendships Have 'Levels' To Them”).
Like,is he a work friend? Is he a church friend? Is he someone you’ve recently gotten to know over the past couple of months? Is he an online friend? Or is it deeper, like a guy who you’ve been friends with for a couple of years now or someone who you used to have in the friend zone (check out “Before You 'Friend Zone' Someone, Read This.”)? Or — and lawd have mercy, if so — is he your best friend, and you’re starting to see him in a completely different light?
Do you see how, just breaking down some of these friendship dynamics, the situations are quite different? For instance, if you have feelings for a co-worker friend, you’ve got to take into consideration what your work environment will be like if the two of you date and it ultimately doesn’t work out. If he’s an online friend (especially if he’s in another city, state, or country), the risk of potential rejection probably won’t be as impactful as if you have to see him every weekend at church.
If he’s someone you already put into the friend zone, I’m gonna tell you right now that if he has any sort of self-esteem, you’re gonna have to eat a few slices of humble pie to get him to entertain being more than friends (because guys tend to move on once they find out that they fall into that space). And if he’s your best friend? Well, while it probably won’t cost you your friendship, it could make things awkward for a while at best or shift the relationship a bit at worst.
That’s why I definitely think that getting real about the kind of friendship you have with the guy is what you should get mentally cleared up first. Then, we can move on to the next thing.
What Do You Want to Come from the Matter?
GiphyAnyway, because I do have a nice circle of male friends, many of whom are single or divorced, I get asked often if it’s hard to be just friends with them. It’s not because I really like what we have as being friends only. There is a type of intimacy and balance of energies that come from a male-female friendship that you can never get from same-sex ones. I value it all too much to risk it. What I want from my male friends — a certain level of protection (because I’m single), insight from a male perspective, doing things that my female friends may not want to do, etc. — I get…and that’s worth more than seeing if the sex would be bomb or if we should try something more and it end up being a bad decision that we can’t come back from.
That’s me, though. That doesn’t have to be you and your guy friend. For example, what if what you want is to explore a sexual relationship (check out “5 Things You Should Ask Yourself Before Having Sex with A Friend”) because you can’t seem to get sex with him out of your head? For better or for worse, chile, back when I was out in these sex streets, that was pretty much my pattern: sex with close friends (check out “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners”), and it’s not an impossible feat.
You’ve just got to be real with yourself about whether that’s truly all that you want and if you can handle it gracefully if things don’t go as planned (check out “How To Preserve Your Friendship After BAD Casual Sex”) or the sex is so good that now you can’t decide if you’re into him or just into…it. Oh, and don’t even get me started on if he’s seeing other people (because all you wanted was sex…right?). Yeah, a movie that I like calledSleeping with Other People has a scene where a woman is mad that her casual sex partner is sleeping around. His response was on-point: “Keeping our arrangement doesn’t make me an as-hole, but it does make you a liar.” #checkmate
That’s just one example to emphasize the point that, yes, you need to figure out what you want to come from your more-than-just-friends feelings. Do you just want to get it off of your chest and you’re not sure if you want or need to do anything more than that? Do you want just sex? Would you like to go on a few dates to see ifthe chemistry is mutual? Are you “deeply in” and you’re hoping that he feels the same way so that you two can have a full-blown relationship?
Listen, I have watched enough relationships in my lifetime to know that when it comes to something that needs to be as thoughtfully approached as this, it’s not fair to share your feelings with someone and then expect them to know what you want to come from doing so. You need to know…first. So before bringing it to him, figure it out on your own.
Tell Him the Deal. No Hinting Around.
GiphyAlthough timing and delivery matter, I don’t know one man who isn’t a “straight no-chaser” type of individual. This means no hinting around. No guessing games. No 50 million questions to try and see if he likes you first. I promise you that all of these approaches are off-putting to guys and will get them to mentally and emotionally tap out before you get around to making your point. Besides, if he’s a FRIEND friend, you should be able to express your genuine feelings — and honestly, this is a huge plus to telling him: you will be able to see how mature he is when it comes to handling matters of the heart.
Can there be a reason to not tell your guy friend how you feel? I mean, honestly, if you’re avoiding it, I’m assuming that it’s mostly due to fear, and trying to maintain anything with fear as your “fuel,” ultimately, isn’t going to get you anywhere. Plus, the more that you suppress what is going on inside of you, the more it’s going to alter the energy between the two of you, and that could cause unnecessary stress and strain to where either you start unnecessarily projecting things onto him, or he wants to spend less time around you because you’re making him feel as uncomfortable as you are.
Are there any exceptions to this? Eh. If you’re more like good acquaintances than actual friends, perhaps. Personally, though, I think that solid friendships are rooted in honesty — and how can you claim that you’ve got a healthy friendship with someone if you’re holding something as big back as having feelings for them away from them? Logically, it just doesn’t make much sense.
Prepare Yourself for His Response. And Don’t Penalize the Friendship If He Doesn’t Feel the Same Way.
GiphyOnce you tell him, for the most part, there are three ways that telling him can go: he can like you back, he can want some time and space to consider the possibilities, or he can not be interested. Let’s briefly unpack all three.
Liking you back...
So, what if you tell him how you feel, and he feels the same way (or something close)? My two cents would be for the two of you to still go slowly. Where I’ve seen many mess up is they think that they can go from friend to more-than-friends in two days or less, and that’s super unrealistic. Meaning, someone having feelings for you, too doesn't mean that they can, should, or will automatically stop seeing other people or that you two can or should immediately start becoming intimate.
Take some time to really discuss each other’s feelings, thoughts, and expectations — and what you guys should do trying to move into a different relational space ultimately proves to not be the best thing for one or both of you. If anything should take the “ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” approach, it’s friends who are transitioning into something more — or else.
Wanting time and space...
Going from friends to potentially something different is a lot like shifting gears in a car — and if you move too fast, you can strip them. That said, just because you’ve been sitting with your feelings for a while, it’s not fair to want to rush him after he finds out. Whether he wants time and space to figure out how he feels about your feelings or time and space from you altogether — both are warranted.
Should it be for weeks with no contact? Not if he’s a good friend. On the other hand, should you pressure him into making you feel at ease about what he’s just now learning? Eh. You might want to go to another friend to help you out with that. I mean, how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? Right…exactly.
He's not interested...
No one likes rejection; that’s real. At the same time, though, it’s not fair to penalize him if he doesn’t feel the same way that you do. Clearly, if he’s your friend (especially a close friend), he adores and values you on some level. However, if that’s not romantically, try and be emotionally mature enough to know and then accept that not wanting all of what you desire from the relationship doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want you in his life at all.
At the end of the day, if it’s too hard to be his friend when you want something else, you’ve got to do what’s best for you. Just make sure that you’re not going to lose a great person in your life because your ego got bruised or your pride couldn’t handle him not reciprocating what you were offering. It’s not fair, and it could end up costing you…A LOT. Take the kind of space you need to redirect your focus. If he loves you, he’ll be there when you get…back.
___
I’ve developed feelings for a friend before; more than once. Was it always easy to work through? Not always. My friendships always survived it, though — whether the feelings were reciprocated or not. And it was because we valued the friendship too much to lose it.
And honestly, I think that is one of the best things to come out of having feelings for a friend: you end up finding out just how solid the bond actually is. And in a world where really good friends are hard to come by…that can never not be a good thing.
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Featured image by FG Trade/Getty Images