From Immigrant To Entrepreneur: How Rosa Acosta Hustled Her Way To Being Her Own Boss
It's July 2009 and the official video of Drake's “Best I Ever Had" has just hit the Internet.
A group of beautiful and voluptuous girls run out on the basketball court (bra-less, of course) in low-cut pink wrestling singlets and matching sweatbands repping team Drake. The beardless, baby-faced rapper is making each of his “players" feel special as they sensually stretch and bounce in attempt to get coach's attention.
But there's one girl who throughout the video doesn't appear to be vying for the title of MVP. She stays mostly in the background, occasionally caught on camera gracefully stretching, but otherwise relatively hidden. Despite the lack of visibility, it's 25-year-old Rosa Acosta's big debut. Not the one she expected when she moved from the Dominican Republic just three years before, but the one that would earn her a spot in the video girl hall of fame—whether she wanted it or not.
“I never wanted to be a model and be in music videos, this is not something that I dreamed about. This is not something that I thought would ever happen to me," she says.
Video vixen. Urban model. Four words that when paired together distastefully roll off the tongue as they come with their own set of connotations that the entrepreneur believes are neither accurate nor representative of who she is as a woman. Despite retiring from the game a few years prior, Acosta still finds herself shedding the labels of her past. “I still get a lot of calls to continue to do music videos. They will still have me doing music videos at the tender age of 45 if I was still looking good."
Like most immigrants, Rosa Acosta came to America looking for opportunity, though, in her hometown of Santo Domingo, she was arguably already a burgeoning star. As a classically-trained ballet dancer who studied since the age of four, she would graduate with honors from the Instituto de Cultura y Arte (ICA) and become the youngest soloist member of the Ballet Nacional Dominicana—performing around the country in notable shows such as The Nutcracker, Swan Lake, and Carmen. But her battle with anorexia and bulimia took a toll on her 100-pound frame, forcing her to decide between living her dream or staying alive.
At home, her circumstances weren't much better. Her mom left for America years prior, but as a single parent that didn't meet the required income level for immigration laws, she couldn't afford to bring over Acosta and her brother for the first ten years. So Acosta grew up with old-school grandparents who would place more value on virginity than education for the girls of the house.
“From an early age, I experienced this gender thing where they would try to make me feel like because I was a woman, I was less or I was just supposed to marry somebody and cook and clean. When my brother talked, they would ask him what he wanted to be when he grew older, but for me it was just she's going to marry somebody, and that's it."
Becoming a rebel, she chose to trade in her culinary skills for business school and attended the local community college against her grandparent's will. The decision caused a rift back home, so when the paperwork for coming to America was finally approved, she made moves to the land of opportunity with hopes of going back to college. But when she arrived she was unable to transfer her credits, and due to high tuition costs decided that dishing out $15,000 to go to school for massage therapy was more reasonable. By this time she had relocated from her mom's home in Pennsylvania to New York, where she picked up a job as a bartender while finishing school.
In May 2009, she received a message on MySpace from a guy who owned a website featuring videos of ex-dancers, contortionists, and strippers doing their stretching and dance routines. The former dancer didn't hesitate to put on a tank top and a pair of shorts and get back to her glory days. The video was picked up by entertainment gossip site MediaTakeOut, raking in millions of views and attracting the eyeballs of artists and magazine editors who suddenly wanted to know the new girl on the block. In a matter of months, Acosta's life went from zero to one hundred as she started picking up hosting gigs, features in KING and XXL, and a number of music video appearances for artists such as Chris Brown, Lil' Wayne, and Diddy. Even though the dollars were making sense, she didn't have the intention of staying in the business long. "I never thought of it as a career; I was just going with the flow and making some money. I always felt like it wasn't going to be something that would last for a year and then I'd try to make all the money that I can because I wanted to own a spa," she says.
She made it three years before calling it quits in 2012.
“I just realized that I was in the wrong thing when people judge you based on the fact that you are not spending $5,000 on a pair of shoes. When I saw the kind of people that I was working with and surrounding myself with every day, I said I don't even want to do this anymore. I don't want to be around people that are that dumb. I want to be around people that inspire me, that I can learn something from, that are making moves towards building true wealth."
She's partially referring to an incident in 2010 when rapper Maino commented on her “cheap" shoe game, which Acosta kindly gave the fiery response in her own interview, “I wasn't aware they could give you lessons about women's shoes in prison" before adding that she's still the same girl from the Dominican Republic and won't buy a $2,000 pair of shoes when she can't afford it. Her money goes to helping her family back in DR or her own education.
While people were checking for her bank account, Acosta was busy building it. In addition to becoming a regular on Nick Cannon's Wild 'n Out and launching her fitness apparel line Body by Acosta, she was also running her online business CossaMia, a one-stop shop for clothing designers and brands that is run and self-funded by the entrepreneur. When Acosta first came up with the idea, she reached out to fellow friends and designers Geebin Flores and Angel Brinks about the opportunity. “I just wanted to offer people the opportunity to order all the brands that they like in one place," she says. “If you like two or three of the brands that we have, instead of going to their websites and paying separate shipping, you could just pay no shipping or just one shipping for everything."
Acosta began posting the designs on Instagram, attracting more designers, and to date has almost 20 brands featured on the site. “There isn't anything wrong with capitalizing off of Instagram or any social media period. It takes a lot of time and dedication; it is not cheap to have an Instagram "boutique."
After hustling hashtags for four years, Acosta opened her flagship store on Melrose Ave. in Los Angeles this past October, and is looking to expand to other locations in the near future. “No rich mom and dad backing me up, no boyfriend, sugar daddy, investor, friend, drug dealer money, none of that stuff."
At the Grand Opening of CossaMia
"This is me doing the same thing I've been doing since the beginning—not spending my money on shoes and bags, but putting it into my work and investing in my business."
Having multiple streams of income has definitely afforded Acosta a taste of the lifestyle of the rich and famous. While on our call she was shopping for her new home (she tells me it's big), which she hoped to move into within a month. She has already purchased a home for her brother (a DJ) and her mother, who she says no longer works.
As for who will be living with her in this new, big house? That's to be determined. During most of her career, she was dating a low-key guy not in the industry who she purposefully kept out of the public eye, but they recently broke up, and according to the 31-year-old, she's not interested in young men. “I just don't have anything to talk about with a guy that is 22. I mean, I can have a casual conversation, but I doubt that I can actually be enlightened and I can learn…I just don't see myself totally connecting and clicking with people 10 years younger than me."
In fact, she admits that she's hardly ever interested in men period, which is ironic considering that her claim to fame stems from guys salivating over her silhouette. But Acosta says she never grew up being “boy crazy," and due to attending an all-girls school felt no pressure to have her first boyfriend until she was 20-years-old. “I always had my relationships are more so like my friendships with my girlfriends, they take a lot of my time. I like a guy like once every five or six years. I think that the older I get, the less I like guys. I've been hoping that I was normal and that I liked guys like everybody who are like, 'you're so hot, you're so fine' and I'm like, who?"
So does she want kids?
“Yes, definitely. I know I'm going to be a mom, I just don't know under which circumstances. Me and my best friend think about this all the time, about what if we get to the time where we feel like physically we are reaching that point but there's no men around. We have contemplated the idea of doing something where she will have my babies or I will have her babies or something like that, and the idea of getting married and doing it ourselves, but I'm not sure yet."
Now I'm curious. Is this a sexual relationship between you and your best friend? Or…
“More so in a partnership for both of us. I mean, we love each other very much in a way that is not selfish, and I don't own her and she doesn't own me. I think I have more intimacy with her than some people that are sleeping together. There's so much more to somebody's dreams and wishes and personality, and I think that I have those things with some of my friends, we know each other so well and we love each other in a way that is really amazing."
She goes on to explain that finding someone who actually cares to help you grow and who won't just slide in your DMs (which she doesn't check by the way) thinking that's all it takes to establish a connection is a dime a dozen. I'm not sure if she's talking out of frustration with her dating experience, or if she's starting to become at peace with the idea that maybe marrying a man isn't in the cards for her. The idea of intimacy versus a sexual relationship where you really understand and have a deeper connection with someone, even if it's a female friend, is an interesting conversation that challenges the traditional idea of marriage and relationships—one that isn't defined by the physical, but the mental and emotional connection with a partner.
When I ask her if she thinks growing up in a household that placed so much emphasis on her vagina had an impact on her sexuality, she says, “I always had common sense to understand that my worth goes beyond my pussy. If for some reason I could never use it again, there is somebody out there at would love me regardless. Don't get me wrong, I have a very sexual sense of humor, and I realize that a lot of people's lives are ruled off of sex and I was able to capitalize off of that and make a lot of money, but sex is very minimal in my life."
And she's certainly used her assets to create assets. With each lip-pucker, back arch, and look-back-at-it pose she padded her bank account. It's easy to confine and define her by the profession that she gracefully stretched her way into, but in an era of social media booty beauties showing less for no paychecks, Rosa Acosta has played the game smart by expanding her brand beyond her three years of fame.
It's certainly not easy to remain in the public eye when everyone has an opinion about who you are and what you do with your own body. It takes a certain level of confidence, or maybe just nonchalance, to have your every move—every post—critiqued and criticized by those who took the time to type in your name. Though Acosta appears sure of herself now, often sharing photos of her fit physique, that wasn't always the case.
“I feel like I come from a place where Rosa Acosta's are very common. Girls that look like me, there are really hundreds of them everywhere. When I came to America, people used to compliment me on things I didn't like. I think that seeing other opinions, I realized that beauty is really in the eye of the beholder. There are many opinions, but the only opinion that truly matters is yours."
I ask her how, then, did she become so confident in her sexuality. After all, posing for men's magazines and constantly being on display takes some level of guts.
“I mean, hey look, there's Photoshop, you don't need to be that confident. They're going to make sure that you look good," she says matter-of-factly. “I had my moments where I haven't been sexually confident or just confident in myself period, but I have realized that being the baddest bitch was not my priority. And being the bitch with the best body or the baddest head game, these things have never been one of my goals. I still work to make sure I look good, and that I'm happy with the way I look, but I have also tried to put as much effort on spiritually growing."
One thing you won't catch Rosa doing is being a hater. She believes in building up and not tearing down women who may look better or are doing better than her. “When I look at a woman, I try to say a couple of things that she's better at than me. I think it's healthy to realize that there are people more beautiful than you, more successful than you. I just acknowledge that people can look better, can be doing better, can be better, and then I use that as fuel and try to continue with my journey."
Just as she may be admiring other women, Rosa has her own admirable characteristics, such as her dedication to her community. She's often seen feeding the homeless on Wednesdays with My Friends House in LA, teaching dance classes to kids, and volunteering in Tanzania. And no, she's not just doing it for the 'gram, growing up in the Dominican Republic she was volunteering at home for kids with Down syndrome and also working with the animals that she so dearly loves (she recently went back to being vegetarian—ten years after being advised by her doctor to eat meat due to her eating disorders).
One thing I can say about Rosa Acosta is that she's unapologetically open, and in an industry where people put on personalities like a costume, she's managed to humbly stay true to who she is—a woman who would rather rock a pair of Forever 21 shoes and be about her business than put up a façade. Her next mission? Changing how the world views her.
And this time, the ball is in her court.
Kiah McBride writes technical content by day and uses storytelling to pen real and raw personal development pieces on her blog Write On Kiah. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @writeonkiah.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Not too long ago, while in an interview, someone asked me for a top complaint that I hear husbands say (first) and then wives state (second) as it relates to what goes down (or doesn’t go down) in the bedroom.
Ladies first: when it comes to women, I think what comes up more than anything might surprise some: it’s boredom. A lot of wives want there to be more spontaneity instead of taking the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach from their partner. As for men? I mean, would anyone be shocked to hear that they wished their wife would initiate sex more often?
I’m telling you, over frequency, technique, and even dressing up more for bed (and yes, those things also come up quite a bit), hands down, what I hear that more men want is for their partner to show them that they are desired by taking the initial steps to make copulation happen…more often.
And so, since I’m all about doing whatever I can to reduce dissatisfaction and frustration in the bedroom department, let’s explore this very topic today — from a few angles. For starters, what it truly means to be a sexual initiator; two, why it’s so vitally important to be a sexual initiator, and three, why it could literally change the entire tone, energy, and outcome of your sex life with your partner — if you’d simply be open to initiating sex more often than you (probably already) do.
What It Means to Initiate Something. LITERALLY.
Giphy
I’m word-literal — there’s no secret about that. So, when it comes to the topic of initiating sex, let’s start with what the word means. To initiate is “to begin, set going, or originate” and “to introduce into the knowledge of some art or subject.” Some synonyms for initiate include begin, open, set up, trigger, admit, introduce, and invest. And when it comes to all of the meanings of these words, between men and women, when it comes to sex specifically, guess who does it more? Men. BY A LONG SHOT TOO: a whopping 60 percent.
When it comes to why a lot of women are so comfortable with men initiating intimacy, many think that, just like men should pursue them for a relationship, it is also “the man’s role” to pursue sex in the bedroom; they literally think that it makes them look desperate or needy for them to be the initiator — yes, even as a wife. What in the world?
Listen, when two people sign up to be each other’s exclusive sex partner until death parts them, it means they are both saying that they desire each other so much that they are willing to make that kind of commitment — and so, there should be no “I don’t want to appear this way or that” when it comes to sexual activity.
So, with all of that ridiculous overthinking out of the way, that should make you want to “set up” some sex plans, “admit” to some sexual fantasies that you may have, and “introduce” some new ideas to your partner; especially since that’s exactly what so many men wish that their lady would do, to begin with.
So, with all of this said, if you’re someone who is hung up on not initiating, first spend some time really processing what the word means. Because when two people are eager to begin sex and invest in each other sexually, that is the recipe for a truly satisfying experience…over and over and over again.
C’mon. Who Doesn’t Want to Feel Wanted?
GiphyI remember once reading an article that said our brain processes rejection the same way that it does physical pain, and y’all, I don’t know about you, but if something is physically hurting me, my natural inclination is to get away from it. Along these lines, when it comes to relationships since research has proven that rejection can lead to things like jealousy, shame, anxiety, loneliness, and guilt — yes, it makes all of the common sense in the world that you would want to do all that you can to make your partner feel wanted…both in and outside of the bedroom because, just like no one wants to deal with physical pain, no one wants to keep dealing with rejection and all of the fallout that comes with it…either.
Actually, when it comes to this particular point, I think that an article that I once read on Psychology Today’s site said it best: “Not only does being needed help define your role in a relationship, but being needed can also influence how satisfied you feel in a relationship.” And before some of you say that “sex is not a need” — the hell you say? I mean, the only purpose of your clitoris is to provide sexual stimulation, so that alone should make us all deem sex (and sexual fulfillment) as pretty damn important.
Plus, by definition, a need is something that is deemed as being essential while also being something that is extremely necessary, and anyone who thinks that a romantic relationship doesn’t need physical intimacy? That’s someone who really needs to remain single because one of the top things that makes a relationship more than a friendship is there is intimacy that’s involved.
Besides, who doesn’t want to feel wanted by their partner — and I do mean, in every way? And when you make the decision to be in an exclusive relationship with someone else, you are declaring that they are someone who pleases you to the point where you don’t need to look for anyone else to do it; and, if that is indeed what you are saying, it doesn’t make sense that you wouldn’t initiate sex with them sometimes (and I do mean more than on their birthday).
One, because you choose them to “fill that role.” Two, because they are the source of your fulfillment in that area. Three, because it’s completely unfair (not to mention totally hypocritical) to expect them to make you feel wanted when you’re not being intentional about making them feel the same way in return. Not to mention the fact that initiating also helps to safeguard your relationship on a lot of levels too.
Since sex is important and rejection is detrimental on so many levels, it’s crucial to make your partner feel sexually wanted and desired by you. One way to definitely do that is to initiate sex.
What Initiating Sex Does for You
GiphySo, what does initiating sex do for the initiator? Something that I tell a lot of my women clients is it helps them to create an atmosphere that puts them in the mood. What I mean by that is, if their husband is perfectly content having sex on the couch during commercials (I’m kind of exaggerating to make a point…kind of…LOL) while they would like some candles, mood music, and rose petals — they can control that if they are the one who initiates.
Another perk that comes with being the initiator is you have more “control” over how the sex goes. The kind of foreplay you want, how fast or slow things go, how intercourse begins — all of this, you have more of a say so in if you’re the one who is initiating intimacy. Why? Well, think about when your bae initiates — doesn’t it seem like you tend to follow his lead more when he’s the one who is first to get the ball rolling?
Oftentimes, when a couple comes to me about being sexually dissatisfied, and I recommend that the one who doesn’t initiate takes more initiative, the one on the receiving end likes the fact that their partner is “running the show” — and the initiator likes “being in charge” more than they thought that they would. As a result, both end up experiencing far more pleasure.
The initiator shows what they want more of while the receiver feels desired in the process. A win/win for everyone.
What Initiating Sex Does for Him
sexy black and white GIFGiphyA couple of weeks ago, while in a session with a client, he was joking about how much he has “too much of a good thing” when it comes to his wife’s libido. Although science says that the fact that men have a higher amount of testosterone in their system, and it is the reason why they typically have a higher sex drive, don’t sleep on a lot of women out there who want to get it in more than their husband does. His wife is one of them. Since she’s a client of mine too (oftentimes, we do our sessions separately), it’s interesting that he’s fine with having sex a couple of times a month while she would like to a couple of times a week.
So, is he denying her when she wants it more often? Nope. The reason why they’re not having more sex is that even though her drive is higher, she still waits for him to initiate. Why? Because she thinks that’s what “the man should do”; not only that but “being wooed” turns her on more.
As I’ve been working on helping them to find a middle ground (because if marriage ain’t about compromise, I don’t know what is), he says that he feels like because he plans a lot of the dates, he wishes that she would initiate more: “I don’t think a lot of women get how hard it is to be a Black man out here. Nothing feels better than knowing that if no one else is thrilled by your presence, your woman is. For us, initiating isn’t just about sex. It’s about feeling wanted as a whole. And when we feel like our woman adores us, there is no greater turn-on.”
I’m not sure what y’all heard, but what it sounds like to me is when we, as women, initiate sex, men feel holistically special and cherished. That makes sense, too, because if we were to put our feet in their shoes, we would probably say the same thing. That’s just one more reason to pull the “gender roles” out of this topic; men and women both want to feel like they are the best thing on the planet by their sex partners. And again, initiating helps us all to feel that way.
What Initiating Ultimately Does for Your Relationship As a Whole
Issa Rae Love GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphyPersonally, I can only imagine how much better sex would be for everyone (who is in a sexual relationship) if people simply initiated copulation whenever they wanted to have it. That way, everyone would feel desired — and what could possibly be wrong with that? Especially if both individuals factored in some of the definitions for initiated that I already shared. Just think about if you rushed home tonight because you read about something that you want to introduce to your man or there’s a fantasy that you have that you want to admit.
The mere conversations alone will help to bring the two of you closer together because, after all, deep intimacy is about minds, bodies, and spirits getting as close as possible…right? And so, yes, by initiating sex, it can bring more closeness and stability to the relationship as a whole.
And what if you initiate and your partner isn’t interested at the time? Or what if you’re shy about initiating due to having a fear of rejection? That’s a fair and legitimate concern. One day, I’ll need to pen an article on how couples should handle situations like that with grace (on both ends) while applying the golden rule of “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.” For now, I’ll just say that if this is your greatest point of concern, share that with your partner as well.
After all, it’s pretty unrealistic to expect them to always want it when you do (although it’s been my experience and observation that men are almost always far easier to convince…LOL); just know that not wanting sex at the exact moment that you do doesn’t mean that they don’t want you altogether. Besides, oftentimes, a nap or a night of sleep can rectify that issue. Trust me.
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Rihanna was actually once quoted as saying, “To me, sex is power. It’s empowering to do it because you want to do it.” I personally think that’s a great way to bring this to a close. Make your partner feel wonderful, empower yourself, and strengthen your relationship by initiating sex more often. I can’t think of one reason why it’s not a wise move. Can you?
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Featured image by Jacob Wackerhausen/Getty Images