From Homeless To Hollywood: How Terrence J Turned His Dream Into A Reality
“They may just not be in the room," the front desk clerk says, doing little to disguise her annoyance.
“No, he should be there. Can you try again?"
She patches me through for the second time as I begin plotting an alternative plan of action in case the phone goes unanswered. It's not the first time I've played phone tag with Terrence J because, hey, he's a busy man. But before I can decide between calling his manager or shooting a “well I tried" email, the ringing ceases and I'm greeted with a warm tone.
He's in Anguilla, he tells me. “I'm shooting for Mark Burnett. We're doing a show for FOX."
Mind you, this was two days before he was set to release his latest film The Perfect Match, where he played the role of the leading man alongside model Cassie Ventura and a cast of beautiful women—think Paula Patton, Brandy, Lauren London, and Dascha Polanco—in addition to snagging a production credit. Somewhere between doing radio and television promo and red carpet appearances, he's managed to slip back to the islands to add another hosting gig to his resumé. Less than three months prior, the former co-anchor announced his departure from E! News in order to pursue acting and producing full-time—just a few days shy of receiving a call from Lionsgate that they were interested in distributing The Perfect Match. He left a steady paycheck in pursuit of his dream, nothing less than a boss move. Risk-taking is something that Terrence J has perfected over the years.
“It was really stepping out on faith and believing myself to know that I want to leave the club before the lights turn on," he says. “I actually sat down with Will Smith, and I asked him when did he know it was time to leave The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. They offered him a million dollars an episode for 22 episodes, and he said he just felt it in his gut—he felt it in his heart—and he knew when it was time to leave. This was when he only had Six Degrees of Separation. It wasn't like he had done Bad Boys or Men in Black yet, he just stepped out on faith. And so I felt like it was just my time."
Terrence J has always had this innate ability of knowing when to trust his gut, and it's always paid off. When the Rocky Mount, NC native showed up on the campus of North Carolina A&T State University during his freshman year, he headed straight to the student radio station and offered to volunteer. Within one semester he snagged a part-time job at the city's local radio station 102 Jamz. "Closed mouths don't get fed," he says without hesitation. "I tell people that if you do something that you love, eventually it'll come full circle and it'll work for you. And you'll never feel like you're working a day in your life."
He took that same logic with him to New York in 2005 when he auditioned for BET's “New Faces" contest. Like thousands of others he didn't advance to the second round, but the person in front of him did. Instead of admitting defeat, he took it as a lesson in perseverance. “It wasn't that I didn't get the job, it was more so that I couldn't believe that somebody that close was able to advance, and I didn't feel like the person was any better than me or that person was greater, it was just that for whatever reason I wasn't on my A game that day."
He showed up to Atlanta the next day where they were holding another round of auditions. This time he was prepared, and when he stepped into the room for the second time, they didn't dare turn him away. “A lot of times in life when people tell us no we take that so personally. When someone tells us that we can't sing, then we'll never sing again. If someone tells us that you can't play basketball good, a lot of us will put the ball down and never pick it back up. And a lot of times in life people will tell you no for a lot of different reasons and those reasons having nothing to do with you. People will tell you no because of how they feel about themselves, and so you've got to understand that the only person that can't stop you from doing that is yourself."
"People will tell you no because of how they feel about themselves."
His career aspirations landed him in the Big Apple during the heart of winter with nothing more than a dollar and a dream. At one point he was homeless, sleeping in his car and on his frat brother's couch while waiting to be assigned to a show. He beat out three other finalists before he and co-host Rocsi Diaz finally graced the stage of 106 & Park six months later. "We didn't know how it was going to work out, so we had to be patient and stay hungry."
At BET he would encounter a setback that later prepared him for a comeback. Interviewing celebs with their flashy chains and expensive rides enticed Terrence into the world of overindulgence. Instead of paying off student loans, he bought a Cadillac in effort to keep up with his celebrity friends, but after nearly going bankrupt he learned a lesson on the importance of money management. (He has since built a net worth of a reported $4 million.)
After seven years of entertaining teens, his gut told him that it was time to make moves. Before getting the call from E! News, he had already started dabbling in film as a co-star in Think Like A Man and later Think Like A Man Too. Though his brand was getting bigger, that didn't mean his ego had to. “Walking into a movie theater and having people watch you on screen is a scary thing. I do work where it's based off of opinions, so any given day public opinion can shift and say we don't like you and I have to figure out something else to do. You just got to believe in yourself and stay hungry."
Never knowing when his time may be up keeps Terrence J grounded and grinding. Ask any production crew and they'll tell you that he's the first on set and the last to leave. “There are a lot of people out there who may be more talented than me, may be better looking than me, they may be stronger, taller, and faster than me, but they're not going to work harder than me. I will outwork whoever until the wheels fall off, and so I think with that it's [about] how bad you want it."
"There are a lot of people out there who may be more talented than me, may be better looking than me, they may be stronger, taller and faster than me, but they're not going to work harder than me."
In the midst of building his empire he's also attempted to have a love life with model Selita Ebanks and blogger Nicole Isaacs, but becoming a Renaissance doesn't come without sacrifice. The time and effort required to build a healthy relationship would come at the price of his career, and similar to his bestie Michael B. Jordan, he's not willing to put his aspirations on hold just yet. “The Michael Ealy character [on Think Like A Man] is a character that every guy can relate to because it's hard for you to be the person that you have the potential of being in a relationship until you're at a place in your career that you can be comfortable with," he says “ I'm very aware of where I want to be with my career, and a lot of times that takes an extreme amount of tunnel vision in order to get that."
The 33-year-old still has hope for marriage and kids—one day. “Relationships are reflections of where you are and you get what you project. You receive what you put out into the universe. I have no doubt that one day I'll be married and with kids if I'm fortunate enough, and I look forward to all of those things. But for me right now I've worked very hard for a long time and right now I'm focused."
Touché.
It's easy to understand why Terrence J goes so hard when his work is his passion. He's chosen a path where waking up is another day to live out his dream, and he's determined to add a few slashes to his Twitter bio.
"The universe will move out of your way and conspire to assist you in whatever your dream may be."
“All I want to do is what I'm doing. I love what I do so much that this is my joy. And I don't care about winning an Oscar or any type of award or recognition or even a bunch of money. None of those things are at the top of my priority list. I love waking up in the morning and doing what I'm passionate about. If you keep going after your dream, the universe will move out of your way and conspire to assist you in whatever your dream may be."
For the television host, actor, and now producer, his dream took him from his small-town home all the way to Hollywood. Terrence recently acquired a new first-look production and talent deal with MTV and VH1 proving that your dreams can be achieved!
Featured image by Daniel Zuchnik/Getty Images
Kiah McBride writes technical content by day and uses storytelling to pen real and raw personal development pieces on her blog Write On Kiah. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @writeonkiah.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How To Tell If You're Disciplining Your Child Or Seeking Revenge
When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images