LiL Fizz Reminds Us That Even “Perfect” Parents Need Support Too
I don't usually take most of what I see on VH1 seriously, but Monday night's episode of Love and Hip Hop: Hollywood took a different direction and actually featured a segment that wasn’t all Vodka Redbulls to the face during a brunch brawl. Or the main chick and side chick beefing over breakfast while their man sits between them scrolling through Twitter.
Lil’ Fizz is pretty much the closest thing to Father-Of-The-Year by reality show standards, and took a moment on the last episode to remind us about the importance of having solid support systems. If you aren’t familiar with the cast, I’m referring to Omarion’s homeboy, “Lethal Like Danny Glover” Lil’ Fizz of B2K fame. Fizz (whose real name is Dreux) has a son with Moniece Slaughter, who has always been made to appear a little all over the place being romantically linked to celebs like Shaquille O’Neal and Rich Dollaz as of late. Her professional career has consisted of everything from singing to sex toys, but unfortunately what she’s probably most famous for is a very public custody battle she has with Fizz over their son, Kameron.
Since joining the show, the two have had conflicting stories about their parenting skills and how Fizz came to have primary custody over Kameron, but if anything is clear it’s that Fizz has taken a bulk of the responsibility for some time when it comes to Kameron’s daily care including paying his school tuition and buying clothes and other necessities. And while I don’t believe Fizz is asking for a chocolate chip cookie with sprinkles for fulfilling his duties as a father, he did remind me Monday night about how hard parenting can be, especially when you’re forced to do it on your own.
On Monday's episode, Fizz took it upon himself to approach Moniece's mother, Marla, about pitching in more in Moniece's absence to help out with Kameron’s care. He points out that Moniece is falling back into bad habits by taking a raincheck on her scheduled weekends with Kameron. Basically Fizz lets her know he’s tired of getting his single super-dad on all the time, and feels that if Moniece can’t handle motherhood while dealing with her own issues, he should at least be able to depend on her parents to jump in for the sake of their grandson. Just so we’re clear, Marla doesn’t strike me as the type to spend her Sundays perfecting her peach cobbler and killing it at choir practice. She gives me more of a “spin class” and Scandal stan vibe, but regardless of her interests, it’s clear that she is very critical of Moniece and her life and relationship choices. Moniece has revealed in the past what led to their strained relationship:
“Growing up, I definite didn’t have a friendship with my mom or a real relationship with my biological father, either. I was really more into the relationship with my stepdad. I felt growing up he was the only person…that really considered me.”
And Marla’s response to Fizz’s plea isn’t exactly #TeamMoniece as she suggests the only way to successfully co-parent with Moniece in Kameron’s best interest is to take Moniece to court and get complete custody. Now, my feeling is a lot of things are being unsaid and maybe Marla is just practicing a little tough love, but in the most mature moment I would argue in Love and Hip-Hop history Fizz declares that what is in the best interest of Kameron is for Marla to be a solid support system for both her grandson AND her daughter.
Say what you want about the boy’s messy romantic choices, but at that moment I wanted to bottle up Fizz’s maturity and sell it on Amazon Prime. At first, I found myself co-signing Marla’s advice. I’ve seen too many parents casually have kids only to dump them on their grandparents as soon as those terrible two’s hit and turning up every day is way more of an attractive priority than keeping your kid from gluing the pets together. I even caught myself verbally saying, “Naw, Fizz, now you’re doing the most. Marla is done raising her kids.” But Fizz is right, and being a parent is a lifetime responsibility that doesn’t just end after 18 years. As much as Marla tries to call him out on his questionable decision to date Moniece and raise a family, he pleads with her through tears:
“If you’re gonna be a parent to Moniece, Marla, I feel like you should support her through her demise. Period.”
Marla reveals that she herself is a mere 47-years-old and can relate to his single-parent struggle after having Moniece at 19 and for the most part raising her on her own. When Fizz later brings up the conversation to Moniece, she has a mini-breakdown reiterating that, “No one cares!” and it’s obvious that her own parenting (or lackthereof) is probably the result of a cycle of poor communication and inconsistent support. Fizz is the epitome of unconditional love when he responds:
““You’re attacking me, and I’m the one that’s been helping.”“I love you and I know that Kameron loves you, and I need you to figure this out, Moniece.”
Maybe I’m being extra, but if that doesn’t hit you straight in “the feels” I don’t know what will.
What I’m learning about parenting is that all you can do is the best you can with what you have. I don’t like asking folks for help. I don’t like feeling indebted to anyone or placing myself in a position where people can make or break my life. I think in many ways, especially being a black woman, asking for help is more like admitting a weakness or flaw. But let me let you in a little secret: No one raises a child alone, and better still, no one should have to. Unfortunately, people find themselves as single-parents every day. Does that mean you should put up with baby mama drama or shiftless baby daddies? Hell to the no. But even if you’re lacing up your cape every day and single-handedly killing supermom status, what’s in the best interest of a child is a well-balanced parent who knows the importance of self-care and being able to ask for help. And you can only accomplish that when you have a team to talk you off the ledge when the score is You: 0, The Parenting Struggle: 1000.
I can’t tell you how much having two sets of fully supportive grandparents this past year has saved me in childcare expenses, as much as my patience and sanity. Whether my husband and I both have to work overtime or I need that happy hour once a month to make the difference between parental bliss and breakdown, I am glad to have parents that are committed to their new role as grandparents: to help me in my parenting journey and step in for their grandchild if for whatever reason we are unable to. I still don’t think grandparents should have the task of raising kids all over again, but I do think any good support system recognizes that parenting doesn’t just end when your children have kids of their own. I applaud the single parents out there who are raising awesome kids all by themselves, but the truth is Fizz isn't alone in admitting that child support is about more than what's taken from your check each month. Whether it’s a "Pop Pop," your cousins and 'nem, or your pastor, what's in the best interest of the parent and child is a solid support system.
Take a look at Fizz’s moment of truth below:
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Writer, sexual health superhero, and #BlackGirlMagic and #BlackBoy curator regularly featured on @Madamenoire. Toya can usually be found in between her earbuds, listening to trap music and refreshing her browser for concert tickets. Tweet her @thetruetsharee.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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6 Spring Events To Boost Your Professional And Social Networks
When spring arrives, we all want to be outside, looking fabulous, and back to socializing. And now is the perfect time to add a few great events to your calendar to get you through the quarter in order to make new friends, build new partnerships, and talk new opportunities to level up.
Spring is a high season for networking and social events for Black women, with many organizations and event entrepreneurs booking prime locations and offering dynamic experiences that you can maximize in whatever way possible. Write down your goals, and get out there. Start with a few of these events between now and the start of summer:
New Orleans Jazz And Heritage Festival, April 23 - May 3
The New Orleans Jazz And Heritage Festival is a 10-day event held over two weekends, bringing together thousands of musicians, craftspeople, and food lovers to share in common threads of culture in the heart of New Orleans. You'll get to enjoy works by artisans local to Louisiana as well as from across the U.S. and around the world.
Black Food Truck Festival, April 26-28
Hosted in Charleston, S.C., the Black Food Truck Festival includes an opening party, access to more than two dozen food truck vendors, and a time to workout with other attendees. Charleston has long been known as a Southern foodie destination, with global recognition due to James Beard-awarded chefs heading popular restaurants there and a renewed focus on Gullah and Geechee culture and food in the region. And what better conversation ice-breaker than to talk about food with a new acquaintance?
Black Women's Mental Health Conference, May 4
Hosted by New York University, this is a one-day event to tackle issues of mental wellness and health that uniquely affect Black women and girls. The keynote speaker for this year is Kim Young, MSW, LCSW, founder of Dope Black Social Worker® and host of the podcast Revolutionary Hoodrat, and leading licensed professionals in the field will offer their insights and share their experiences. And, of course, no college-led event is without time blocked specifically for networking.
Strength of a Woman Festival, May 11-12
Anything with Mary J. Blige headlining or leading is a win, especially if we're talking about women's empowerment and enjoyment. This event will be held in New York City, and beyond the performances from some of our favorites like Muni Long, Jill Scott, and The Clark Sisters, there will be a Gospel Brunch. And even if you're not able to attend or concerts aren't your thing, just being in the city during that time will mean you're bound to run into plenty of other women to network with at local bars and restaurants nearby.
Carefree Black Girl Cookout, May 4
Held in the Queen City, Charlotte, N.C., this is a day festival amplifying the voices and brands of Black women entrepreneurs, artists, and creatives. There will be vendors, glam and beauty bars, and complimentary meals for the first hour (according to the platform's website). They're hosting another cookout in Philadelphia on May 25.
Black Women Leading Live, May 13-16
Touted as an “intimate retreat + conference,” this Virginia Beach, VA event will be held on a resort and is offering a professional development experience led by Laura Knights, founder of the Black Woman Leading® program and podcast. It’s an ideal fit if you’re a mid-level or senior professional, as the topics and approach are set to cater to those levels of career experience, with coaches and speakers pouring into attendees with a holistic approach.
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