LiL Fizz Reminds Us That Even “Perfect” Parents Need Support Too
I don't usually take most of what I see on VH1 seriously, but Monday night's episode of Love and Hip Hop: Hollywood took a different direction and actually featured a segment that wasn’t all Vodka Redbulls to the face during a brunch brawl. Or the main chick and side chick beefing over breakfast while their man sits between them scrolling through Twitter.
Lil’ Fizz is pretty much the closest thing to Father-Of-The-Year by reality show standards, and took a moment on the last episode to remind us about the importance of having solid support systems. If you aren’t familiar with the cast, I’m referring to Omarion’s homeboy, “Lethal Like Danny Glover” Lil’ Fizz of B2K fame. Fizz (whose real name is Dreux) has a son with Moniece Slaughter, who has always been made to appear a little all over the place being romantically linked to celebs like Shaquille O’Neal and Rich Dollaz as of late. Her professional career has consisted of everything from singing to sex toys, but unfortunately what she’s probably most famous for is a very public custody battle she has with Fizz over their son, Kameron.
Since joining the show, the two have had conflicting stories about their parenting skills and how Fizz came to have primary custody over Kameron, but if anything is clear it’s that Fizz has taken a bulk of the responsibility for some time when it comes to Kameron’s daily care including paying his school tuition and buying clothes and other necessities. And while I don’t believe Fizz is asking for a chocolate chip cookie with sprinkles for fulfilling his duties as a father, he did remind me Monday night about how hard parenting can be, especially when you’re forced to do it on your own.
On Monday's episode, Fizz took it upon himself to approach Moniece's mother, Marla, about pitching in more in Moniece's absence to help out with Kameron’s care. He points out that Moniece is falling back into bad habits by taking a raincheck on her scheduled weekends with Kameron. Basically Fizz lets her know he’s tired of getting his single super-dad on all the time, and feels that if Moniece can’t handle motherhood while dealing with her own issues, he should at least be able to depend on her parents to jump in for the sake of their grandson. Just so we’re clear, Marla doesn’t strike me as the type to spend her Sundays perfecting her peach cobbler and killing it at choir practice. She gives me more of a “spin class” and Scandal stan vibe, but regardless of her interests, it’s clear that she is very critical of Moniece and her life and relationship choices. Moniece has revealed in the past what led to their strained relationship:
“Growing up, I definite didn’t have a friendship with my mom or a real relationship with my biological father, either. I was really more into the relationship with my stepdad. I felt growing up he was the only person…that really considered me.”
And Marla’s response to Fizz’s plea isn’t exactly #TeamMoniece as she suggests the only way to successfully co-parent with Moniece in Kameron’s best interest is to take Moniece to court and get complete custody. Now, my feeling is a lot of things are being unsaid and maybe Marla is just practicing a little tough love, but in the most mature moment I would argue in Love and Hip-Hop history Fizz declares that what is in the best interest of Kameron is for Marla to be a solid support system for both her grandson AND her daughter.
Say what you want about the boy’s messy romantic choices, but at that moment I wanted to bottle up Fizz’s maturity and sell it on Amazon Prime. At first, I found myself co-signing Marla’s advice. I’ve seen too many parents casually have kids only to dump them on their grandparents as soon as those terrible two’s hit and turning up every day is way more of an attractive priority than keeping your kid from gluing the pets together. I even caught myself verbally saying, “Naw, Fizz, now you’re doing the most. Marla is done raising her kids.” But Fizz is right, and being a parent is a lifetime responsibility that doesn’t just end after 18 years. As much as Marla tries to call him out on his questionable decision to date Moniece and raise a family, he pleads with her through tears:
“If you’re gonna be a parent to Moniece, Marla, I feel like you should support her through her demise. Period.”
Marla reveals that she herself is a mere 47-years-old and can relate to his single-parent struggle after having Moniece at 19 and for the most part raising her on her own. When Fizz later brings up the conversation to Moniece, she has a mini-breakdown reiterating that, “No one cares!” and it’s obvious that her own parenting (or lackthereof) is probably the result of a cycle of poor communication and inconsistent support. Fizz is the epitome of unconditional love when he responds:
““You’re attacking me, and I’m the one that’s been helping.”“I love you and I know that Kameron loves you, and I need you to figure this out, Moniece.”
Maybe I’m being extra, but if that doesn’t hit you straight in “the feels” I don’t know what will.
What I’m learning about parenting is that all you can do is the best you can with what you have. I don’t like asking folks for help. I don’t like feeling indebted to anyone or placing myself in a position where people can make or break my life. I think in many ways, especially being a black woman, asking for help is more like admitting a weakness or flaw. But let me let you in a little secret: No one raises a child alone, and better still, no one should have to. Unfortunately, people find themselves as single-parents every day. Does that mean you should put up with baby mama drama or shiftless baby daddies? Hell to the no. But even if you’re lacing up your cape every day and single-handedly killing supermom status, what’s in the best interest of a child is a well-balanced parent who knows the importance of self-care and being able to ask for help. And you can only accomplish that when you have a team to talk you off the ledge when the score is You: 0, The Parenting Struggle: 1000.
I can’t tell you how much having two sets of fully supportive grandparents this past year has saved me in childcare expenses, as much as my patience and sanity. Whether my husband and I both have to work overtime or I need that happy hour once a month to make the difference between parental bliss and breakdown, I am glad to have parents that are committed to their new role as grandparents: to help me in my parenting journey and step in for their grandchild if for whatever reason we are unable to. I still don’t think grandparents should have the task of raising kids all over again, but I do think any good support system recognizes that parenting doesn’t just end when your children have kids of their own. I applaud the single parents out there who are raising awesome kids all by themselves, but the truth is Fizz isn't alone in admitting that child support is about more than what's taken from your check each month. Whether it’s a "Pop Pop," your cousins and 'nem, or your pastor, what's in the best interest of the parent and child is a solid support system.
Take a look at Fizz’s moment of truth below:
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Writer, sexual health superhero, and #BlackGirlMagic and #BlackBoy curator regularly featured on @Madamenoire. Toya can usually be found in between her earbuds, listening to trap music and refreshing her browser for concert tickets. Tweet her @thetruetsharee.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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My name is Yasmine Jameelah, and I’m a founder, journalist, freelance writer, and dog mama. Wellness is at the intersection of everything that I do.
Six years ago, I started a small wellness community on Instagram after embarking on a healing journey in my mid-twenties that I documented via a blog where I wrote about healing, therapy, celibacy, and growth after what felt like years of chaos. Six years later, that wellness community has blossomed into one of the largest online wellness platforms for Black women called Transparent Black Girl which has a reach of over five million Black women.
It still sounds crazy to say that aloud, to know that a 24-year-old girl planted the seeds of the life that this 30-year-old woman gets to live now.
While I was growing my company, because my love for writing was so strong, I went back to school and obtained my master's in journalism. I’ve worked as a freelance writer, an editor, and a frequent contributor to publications that I respect greatly, xoNecole being one of them! My journalism career has been a reflection of my passion and heart for wellness and the culture. My day-to-day is busy, but we manage to get it done, and on the days that I can’t, I give myself grace to do what I can with the time that I have.
My days consist of events, long walks with my dog, freelance pitching, and deciding what content creation and events will look like for my wellness collective, Transparent & Black.
Now, follow me on a random day in my life.
Morning
5:00 a.m.
My Goldendoodle keeps me on a schedule, so every morning, like clockwork, he wakes me up to use the bathroom and eat breakfast, at 5 a.m.! Am I usually over it first thing in the morning? 100%, but his being on a schedule challenges me to stick with mine and start the day on a productive note. He’s a wellness dog which means I feed him home-cooked meals and give him supplements daily to support his health, and he has a daily dental treat to keep his teeth healthy. Canine dental hygiene is imperative for a long life and a good smelling breath!
Today, I’m heading into the city, and I’ll be there almost all day, so when I’m gone that long, I take him to doggy daycare.
7:00 a.m.
Doggy daycare drop-off is filled with tons of barks, and my dog is practically jumping out of the car with excitement to see his friends. Now, some of y’all might be thinking, doggy daycare, sis, that’s too much for a dog! But it’s not, socialization is key for dogs, and so is keeping my house intact when I’m gone for long periods of time. Does he go daily? No, we aren’t rich (yet, we gotta manifest!), but when my dog is happy and experiencing play, and I’m happy attending events, I feel accomplished.
Having a pet is a serious responsibility, and I pride myself on knowing that I am invested in his mental and emotional health by encouraging his socialization with his friends.
7:30 a.m.
Headed to my local coffee shop to grab my go-to order. Iced coffee, a single shot of espresso, half and half, and 3 pumps of agave. Winter, spring, summer, fall, I am an iced coffee girl. I love it, especially after a workout where I’ve broken a sweat - nothing about having hot coffee after I’ve been sweating for over an hour feels good to me.
8:00 a.m.
Back home listening to Carlos King's commentary on YouTube in the shower (what can I say, commentary on reality TV drama relaxes me, don’t judge!) and prepping for the first stop on the agenda for today which is an event in the city. Without traffic, I’m about a 25-minute drive to Manhattan but it’s rush hour, so that 25 minutes is about 55 which means I have to head out soon so that I can arrive on time.
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9:00 a.m.
Headed to Manhattan for a Black History Month event with Meta, Peloton, and We The Culture. I wanted to take the train, but I ran out of time, so I hopped in an Uber because I didn’t want to be late, and I had my daily check-in with my best friend while I rode in the Uber. We talk daily and have since our early twenties to check in with each other. I'm grateful that while many aspects of my life have changed, this is still a constant. As we age, prioritizing our friendships for sure gets harder, but it’s not impossible in the least bit when both parties are invested.
9:30 a.m.
Emailing my editor from the car to ask for a deadline extension and sharing with her my ideas for pieces for the month! I’m grateful to have been on both sides of the journalism space. I’ve been a managing editor for years for publications, and I’ve also had the honor to work with managing editors, deputy editors, and editors-in-chief who have poured into me and understood how quickly my schedule can change, I’m honored at the magic we’re able to create together.
As a storyteller, from content that I share to my platform to pieces that I write, I’m having fun again in this season of my life, and I am loving it.
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10:00 a.m.
The event begins, and I can’t lie, when I host my own events, I’m not scared, but as a social anxiety girlie, events sometimes can be a little scary. I am naturally a very shy girl, but wellness events always feel like home to me. You don’t have to dress up; you can show up in workout gear because most of the time you’re experiencing some form of wellness and fitness even during the event. Moments into the panel discussion we experienced a seated meditation led by Peloton instructor Dr. Chelsea Jackson Roberts - talk about a way to kick the day off!
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The discussion hosted by Meta and Peleton touched on the importance of taking up space in industries and spaces where Black women and people are underrepresented, our self-care regimens, and We The Culture also shared how their work came to be. It was such a powerful event, and of course, we got the inside scoop on Peloton’s newest machines! I also spoke with some people (it’s important to me to always say hello to those who put on the event) and ended up sitting next to THE Pilates girl herself, Raven Ross. She was such a sweetheart, and we talked about our love for Pilates and the importance of community events like this.
Afternoon
2:00 p.m.
Leaving the event, I headed to Sephora to see if I could find Topicals' always sold-out Slick Salve, but to no avail, so I pulled out my phone and ordered it on their website as I walked back to the train station to head back home. I am a girl who loves to walk, so I’m always down for a long walk to the station and a walk back home when time permits, so that’s exactly what I did. I did about four miles just between walking back to Penn Station and walking back to my apartment once I got off the train!
4:30 p.m.
My phone started blowing up because the piece that Oprah Daily asked me to write was published for Black History Month, and my face was on Oprah’s website, AOL’s homepage, and the publication's Instagram page! My mama, aunties, cousins, dad, and everyone who has known me since I was a little girl were beyond proud and excited to see that and how far I’ve come.
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Evening / Night
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5:30 p.m.
I headed to my gym in my home (praise the Lord for apartment amenities) for a quick swim before I picked up my dog from daycare, and then I headed to the sauna and ran into a neighbor who is another successful Black woman killing it in her own right in the tech space. We chatted about life updates and the importance of taking time for our mental health and it felt good to ground myself with swimming. Much of my life has changed in the past few years, but swimming has remained a constant.
Whenever something amazing happens I soak it in and then immediately do what I can to ground myself to stay present, humble, grateful, and focused on what’s ahead.
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6:30 p.m.
It started raining badly and my anxiety is all over the place on the drive to pick up my dog but I practice some deep breathing and remind myself that I have had a calm day and it can end calm as well. I don’t need to rush there, I can drive at a pace that feels good to me. My mother calls to check on me because she sees the weather is terrible and asks me to let her know when I arrive safely.
7:00 p.m.
I arrived at doggy daycare, and the rain is calming down. Can y’all see why I take him?! They watch him all day! My dog is exhausted in the best way and ready to go home and sleep, and I can sit down and relax when we head back home.
9:00 p.m.
I’m back home, took a bath, ordered my favorite healthy Chinese takeout (beef and shrimp with broccoli, light sauce with brown rice), and I’m on the couch with a glass of sustainable wine from one of my favorite Black-owned brands, House of Brown watching Sistaswith a side of kimchi to enjoy with dinner. My candles are lit, I’m letting the highs of the day sit with me and stillness come over me as I prepare for bed.
10:30 p.m.
I took my dog out for a final walk, gave him his bedtime treat, and it’s lights out to prepare for another day.
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