The Fight To Preserve My Uterus After Developing Fibroids
I swore I was about to bleed to death.
I was at work, standing in a bathroom stall frantically scrubbing my pinstriped lavender pants, shamefully unaware of the stain on them when I walked into the restroom for the umpteenth time and mad that I didn't wear black.
I caught my reflection on my way back to my desk to retrieve my cell phone. I was beginning to look gaunt. My iron count was so dangerously low that I was prescribed supplements, and I lost over 10 pounds – weight I worked so hard for years to gain, mind you – plus muscle all in one month.
I was suffering from uterine fibroids--benign tumors that grow within the uterus and a condition that disproportionately impacts 80% of Black women. While most women are asymptomatic and can continue life as normal, my symptoms--including frequent restroom breaks, lower back pain, and a hard, slightly round stomach equivalent to a 12-week pregnancy, according to my doctor – were a little more severe because of the fibroids' location and size. Fibroids can be as small as the width of a pea and as large as a grapefruit. Judging from the amount of blood loss, mine might've been approaching the size of a lemon or tangerine. I called my doctor for an emergency appointment because the bleeding wouldn't relent, and I was on track to pass out somewhere.
“It's been over three weeks," I said to the receptionist at my doctor's office.
The next morning, my gynecologist and I sat down to finalize a treatment plan. I was nervous about the whole idea of undergoing surgery, but I was relieved that I didn't have to have a hysterectomy, or the removal of all or part of the uterus and cervix. Unless it was cancerous, I didn't see the point of sacrificing a functioning organ, and according to an article in the International Academy of Pelvic Surgery, more women are opting for uterine preservation for reasons other than fertility: Sexuality and body image issues and personal and cultural preferences are presiding factors.
So it's important to know that a hysterectomy isn't a woman's only choice for fibroid relief, although many women think so and doctors may push for one as a solution when it should be the absolute last resort. In fact, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists says that 76% of all hysterectomies performed today were unnecessary. But some doctors aren't exactly familiar with the newer medical advances, or they find them too “time-consuming," as my doctor once pointed out. Hysterectomies are routine, but patients face longer recovery periods, instant menopause, and bladder and sexual dysfunction. But despite the fact that my symptoms may have fallen on the more severe side of the spectrum, my GYN and I agreed that another option would be ideal.
Initially I had previously picked up a pamphlet for uterine fibroid embolization (UFE), partly to duck surgery. UFE, also known as uterine artery embolization, is a minimally invasive procedure that works by injecting contrast material – which may cause an allergic reaction in some women – into a woman's upper thigh to block arterial flow to the fibroids. It takes 1-3 hours and the patient is sedated – but not asleep – so she can follow any directions given by the interventional radiologist. Women can expect bleeding and pain from the breakdown of fibroid tissue from anywhere between a few weeks to a few months, although my doctor mentioned that some patients end up in the emergency room for “excruciating pain from dying tissue." In a few of those cases, women face emergency hysterectomies because of infections. But in best case scenarios, most women can resume usual activities in about a week.
However UFE isn't recommended for patients like me who do wish to preserve fertility because it shuts off blood flow that would be necessary for a future fetus. So I was left with the pill, myomectomy, or a combination of the two.
“I see the pill didn't work," my GYN said as he opened my chart.
The pill was supposed to have been the first step in controlling the profuse bleeding, and usually it does work for most women. It did for me, until my fibroids grew rebellious. Since I was already on oral contraception, my doctor just prescribed a different variation with iron. But to be honest, that pill was brown and looked funny (as in chalky-funny), and after years of taking the same tablets with no side effects, I was too stubborn to switch to a new one, anyway. Plus I convinced myself that I didn't drink enough water for my body to properly process iron, so that was that.
Ultimately I chose the laparoscopic, or robotic, myomectomy to remove the fibroids and keep my uterus intact. During this procedure, the surgeon makes a series of 3-5 one-inch incisions preferably along the bikini line but sometimes nearer the belly button where mine are located. A tube with a camera and small surgical instruments are then inserted into the abdominal wall. With the use of a “robot" or a separate console, the surgeon controls the instruments to cut the fibroids into “strips" thin enough to remove through the incisions. The surgery should've taken a few hours, but mine was nearly three times as long because my doctor and his colleague discovered more fibroids than were on the MRI once they were inside. But they were determined to complete the surgery without making a full cut across my abdomen. Some patients can go home the same day, however, I spent the night at the hospital, probably because I woke up late evening. I also needed a blood transfusion midway surgery, which UFE patients don't have to worry about. Recovery is about 6-8 weeks.
Three years later, at least one fibroid returned, which is a risk with both the UFE and myomectomy. But I still have no physical symptoms including fatigue, heavy bleeding, and severe anemia. I do try to practice a bit of self-care (again) because that was one thing that changed post-surgery. Now I'm more mindful of what I eat because some experts say what we put in our bodies – and on our bodies, like hair relaxers – can encourage the (re)growth of fibroids. It's possible genetics play a part, too. But there's no definitive answer.
There's also no cure for fibroids, and the only surefire way to get rid of them once and for all is through a hysterectomy, but that should still be a woman's choice. We shouldn't be led to believe we have no other recourse to both manage fibroids and maintain our uterus when, in fact, we do. Of course, treatment options vary depending on the patient, her medical history, and reproductive choices among other factors. This list of treatments isn't exhaustive, and as with any medical procedure, you should always consult your doctor and perform your own thorough research before making a final decision.
Have you had fibroids? What are some tips that you've learned to help with managing them?
Featured image by Getty Images
I write about lifestyle and women's health and wellness. When I'm not in front of a computer screen crafting stories, I'm in a kitchen crafting cocktails. Follow me on the 'gram @teronda.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I think we all can agree that social media really is a double-edged sword. What I mean by that is there is just as much bad that can come out of it as good. At the end of the day, it really is about 1) having your own mind, 2) finding balance when it comes to how much time you spend online, and 3) doing your own research instead of taking random people’s opinions as the gospel (i.e., facts).
Gee, I wish more folks did all of this when it comes to if a man needs to have a large penis to sexually satisfy a woman (he does not) and if a woman who has had multiple sex partners will ultimately end up with a vagina that is too large for smaller penises to please her (a lie).
Science totally has my back on debunking both of those things (more on that in a bit). Know what else does? A particular type of sex method that is becoming more popular by the day. One that just might convince you to, as they used to say back in the day, focus less on the “size of the wave” and ride out the “motion of the ocean” instead.
It’s called shallowing. Here’s what it’s all about.
What Is Shallowing?
GiphyIf there’s one thing that I wish folks would say more thoroughly when it comes to women and orgasms, it’s that when it comes to75 percent of women not being able to orgasm from only intercourse, the accurate statement is they struggle with achieving a vaginal orgasm without the assistance of some type of clitoral stimulation. Yeah, we’ve really got to remember that very few things in this life are a complete monolith — orgasms included (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”).
In fact, it was while I was reading up on pairing — a word that is used for when clitoral stimulation transpires during penetration — that I decided to do some deep-diving into shallowing (because it was mentioned inone of the articles that I read).And what is it? Shallowing is when a penis, finger, tongue, or sex toy of some sort is used in order to ever so slightly penetrate the vaginal opening of a woman.
And why is shallowing not just a current sex trend but something that every woman on this planet should try? It’s because of what I’ve said, more than once, on this platform: it focuses on the most sensitive part of a woman’s vagina, which isthe first two inches of her vaginal opening.
When the emphasis is placed there, not only does it increase your chances of experiencing “the big O,” but it can also build up anticipation, which can intensify your orgasms too — yes, shallowing can also be seen as a form of edging.
Another thing that’s cool about shallowing is — and it really and truly can’t be said enough — something that makes vaginal and blended orgasms easier to achieve for some women really has little to do with the size of a man’s package or even his technique; it’s straight up anatomy. Yep, the closer that a woman’s clitoris is to her vaginal opening, the easier it is for a penis to stimulate both. So, science makes it possible for vaginal orgasms to be easier for some women than others.
At the same time, shallowing can make it possible for more women who want to see what a vaginal orgasm actually feels like (because it’s easier for the head of the penis to stimulate the opening of the vagina while the shaft can rub up against your clitoris; based on the position that you are in, of course — the missionary with some pillows propped under the lower part of your back is ideal for this).
Now that you see what shallowing actually is, do you get why I said that penis size doesn’t matter when it comes to doing it — and getting the kind of orgasms that you want? Contrary to popular belief, your vagina is only around four inches. In fact, some health experts say that it ranges between 2-4”. Anything larger, your body literally has to stretch out to accommodate; this includes penises and babies. So, if your vagina is “making room” for more than four inches, why in the world do you think you need a 10-inch man? Yeah…exactly. It really is time to get over the silliness. The average penis continues to be 5.5”. Makes sense when you take it all in (no pun intended).
Aight, so now that you know what shallowing is all about, let me try and hard sell you on why it’s a sex technique that you should try as soon as tonight (if you possibly can).
1. It takes the pressure off of you and your partner.
I’ve been working with couples for almost 20 years at this point. This means that the topic of sex comes up quite a bit. And if there’s one thing that continues to be an issue is inconsistent orgasms (check out “Why Do Orgasms So Often Seem Like A ‘Hit-Or-Miss’ Experience For Women?”).
Listen, no matter how many articles you read or sex positions you try, if you’re anxious, stressed out, or overthinking, it’s gonna get in the way of you experiencing high peaks of pleasure on a consistent basis. Since shallowing is something that can easily be done even in foreplay (via fingering and/ororal sex) if you get that first “release” off, that makes it easier to just sit back and enjoy the ones that (hopefully) are to follow.
2. It teaches you more about your vagina.
A part of the reason why I keep repeating certain facts about vaginas in these articles is that it’s amazing how little certain things are discussed en masse — like the size of the vaginal tube. And since shallowing helps you to stimulate the nerve endings at the entrance of your va-jay-jay along with your G-spot (which is housed a little ways from your opening), shallowing is a great way to explore that area of your body as you figure out what truly works for you and…what doesn’t.
3. It’s the perfect merging of foreplay and intercourse.
When you really stop to think about it, shallowing is like the bridge between foreplay and intercourse because you can use so many different things to do it. So, if you want to experiment with a new sex toy or you want a bit more time to “warm up the engine” before full-on penetration begins, shallowing is one of the most sexually arousing compromises there is.
4. It can help to increase your partner’s stamina.
A few years back, I penned an article for the site entitled, “We’ve Got Some All-Natural Ways To Increase Stamina & Sensitivity.” Listen, even though I onceread a GQ article that said that over 60 percent of the people they polled were fine with intercourse lasting no longer than 5-10 minutes — that poll doesn’t speak for all of us, chile.
So, if you would like your man to build up to going longer, shallowing can help to make that happen. Since he’s barely putting beyond the tip in, he can learn how to be in you for longer periods of time without being, well, in you.
5. It helps you to appreciate whatever “package” he has.
Again — and it really can’t be said enough — if shallowing is all about exploring the mere entrance of your vagina, you don’t need a man with BDE (check out “BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go”) or honestly, even anything close to it.
I mean, even though, reportedly, the size that the average woman says gives her the most orgasms is eight inches — I bet those women have never really tried shallowing before. 10”, 8”, or the average 5.5” can certainly get the job done. And well.
6. It feels A-MAZ-ING.
Okay,so now that you know about shallowing, I promise that if you put the word into your favorite search engine, you’re either gonna see articles on golfing (LOL) or sex, especially as of late. That’s because more couples are trying it out and getting mind-blowing results from it. So, if you’re looking for something new to try, give shallowing a shot.
Hey, anything that’s designed to stimulate your most intense vaginal nerve endings has got to be something for the record books. I mean, how could it not be? Lawd.
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Featured image by Juan Moyano/Getty Images