The Fight To Preserve My Uterus After Developing Fibroids
I swore I was about to bleed to death.
I was at work, standing in a bathroom stall frantically scrubbing my pinstriped lavender pants, shamefully unaware of the stain on them when I walked into the restroom for the umpteenth time and mad that I didn't wear black.
I caught my reflection on my way back to my desk to retrieve my cell phone. I was beginning to look gaunt. My iron count was so dangerously low that I was prescribed supplements, and I lost over 10 pounds – weight I worked so hard for years to gain, mind you – plus muscle all in one month.
I was suffering from uterine fibroids--benign tumors that grow within the uterus and a condition that disproportionately impacts 80% of Black women. While most women are asymptomatic and can continue life as normal, my symptoms--including frequent restroom breaks, lower back pain, and a hard, slightly round stomach equivalent to a 12-week pregnancy, according to my doctor – were a little more severe because of the fibroids' location and size. Fibroids can be as small as the width of a pea and as large as a grapefruit. Judging from the amount of blood loss, mine might've been approaching the size of a lemon or tangerine. I called my doctor for an emergency appointment because the bleeding wouldn't relent, and I was on track to pass out somewhere.
“It's been over three weeks," I said to the receptionist at my doctor's office.
The next morning, my gynecologist and I sat down to finalize a treatment plan. I was nervous about the whole idea of undergoing surgery, but I was relieved that I didn't have to have a hysterectomy, or the removal of all or part of the uterus and cervix. Unless it was cancerous, I didn't see the point of sacrificing a functioning organ, and according to an article in the International Academy of Pelvic Surgery, more women are opting for uterine preservation for reasons other than fertility: Sexuality and body image issues and personal and cultural preferences are presiding factors.
So it's important to know that a hysterectomy isn't a woman's only choice for fibroid relief, although many women think so and doctors may push for one as a solution when it should be the absolute last resort. In fact, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists says that 76% of all hysterectomies performed today were unnecessary. But some doctors aren't exactly familiar with the newer medical advances, or they find them too “time-consuming," as my doctor once pointed out. Hysterectomies are routine, but patients face longer recovery periods, instant menopause, and bladder and sexual dysfunction. But despite the fact that my symptoms may have fallen on the more severe side of the spectrum, my GYN and I agreed that another option would be ideal.
Initially I had previously picked up a pamphlet for uterine fibroid embolization (UFE), partly to duck surgery. UFE, also known as uterine artery embolization, is a minimally invasive procedure that works by injecting contrast material – which may cause an allergic reaction in some women – into a woman's upper thigh to block arterial flow to the fibroids. It takes 1-3 hours and the patient is sedated – but not asleep – so she can follow any directions given by the interventional radiologist. Women can expect bleeding and pain from the breakdown of fibroid tissue from anywhere between a few weeks to a few months, although my doctor mentioned that some patients end up in the emergency room for “excruciating pain from dying tissue." In a few of those cases, women face emergency hysterectomies because of infections. But in best case scenarios, most women can resume usual activities in about a week.
However UFE isn't recommended for patients like me who do wish to preserve fertility because it shuts off blood flow that would be necessary for a future fetus. So I was left with the pill, myomectomy, or a combination of the two.
“I see the pill didn't work," my GYN said as he opened my chart.
The pill was supposed to have been the first step in controlling the profuse bleeding, and usually it does work for most women. It did for me, until my fibroids grew rebellious. Since I was already on oral contraception, my doctor just prescribed a different variation with iron. But to be honest, that pill was brown and looked funny (as in chalky-funny), and after years of taking the same tablets with no side effects, I was too stubborn to switch to a new one, anyway. Plus I convinced myself that I didn't drink enough water for my body to properly process iron, so that was that.
Ultimately I chose the laparoscopic, or robotic, myomectomy to remove the fibroids and keep my uterus intact. During this procedure, the surgeon makes a series of 3-5 one-inch incisions preferably along the bikini line but sometimes nearer the belly button where mine are located. A tube with a camera and small surgical instruments are then inserted into the abdominal wall. With the use of a “robot" or a separate console, the surgeon controls the instruments to cut the fibroids into “strips" thin enough to remove through the incisions. The surgery should've taken a few hours, but mine was nearly three times as long because my doctor and his colleague discovered more fibroids than were on the MRI once they were inside. But they were determined to complete the surgery without making a full cut across my abdomen. Some patients can go home the same day, however, I spent the night at the hospital, probably because I woke up late evening. I also needed a blood transfusion midway surgery, which UFE patients don't have to worry about. Recovery is about 6-8 weeks.
Three years later, at least one fibroid returned, which is a risk with both the UFE and myomectomy. But I still have no physical symptoms including fatigue, heavy bleeding, and severe anemia. I do try to practice a bit of self-care (again) because that was one thing that changed post-surgery. Now I'm more mindful of what I eat because some experts say what we put in our bodies – and on our bodies, like hair relaxers – can encourage the (re)growth of fibroids. It's possible genetics play a part, too. But there's no definitive answer.
There's also no cure for fibroids, and the only surefire way to get rid of them once and for all is through a hysterectomy, but that should still be a woman's choice. We shouldn't be led to believe we have no other recourse to both manage fibroids and maintain our uterus when, in fact, we do. Of course, treatment options vary depending on the patient, her medical history, and reproductive choices among other factors. This list of treatments isn't exhaustive, and as with any medical procedure, you should always consult your doctor and perform your own thorough research before making a final decision.
Have you had fibroids? What are some tips that you've learned to help with managing them?
Featured image by Getty Images
I write about lifestyle and women's health and wellness. When I'm not in front of a computer screen crafting stories, I'm in a kitchen crafting cocktails. Follow me on the 'gram @teronda.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?
German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” At close to two decades of working with married couples, I agree with this man 1000 percent. It’s actually the main motivation for why I once penned, “Are You Sure You're Actually FRIENDS With Your Spouse?” because, the reality is, if you’re not friends with the person who you vowed to share every aspect of your life with, for the rest of your life, it’s going to be very difficult (if not damn near impossible) to honor that level of commitment. Without question, I will now and forever die on the hill that if you like your partner, you can make it through the not-so-in-love-right-now moments. Vice versa? Eh…not so much.
A basis for why I feel this way? Another quote immediately comes to mind. Famed author Jane Austen once wrote: “There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.” You know, back when I also wrote “10 Things You Should Absolutely Expect From Your Friendships” for the platform, I shared that some of the traits of a friend — a real friend — include loyalty, honesty and compassion. And if you can’t say that your spouse is this way (as they say the same thing about you), chile…what is y’all doin’ over there?
So, why am I talking about marriage when this article is supposed to be about friendship? It’s because, something that life has taught me, kinda sorta the hard way, is we should vet potential friends — especially close friends — almost like we would a spouse.
And if you keep reading, I think you’ll get why I framed the intro in the way that I did.
Why Friendships Are Still Hella Essential
GiphyOkay, so before I get into why it seems that people have fewer friends than they ever had before, let me just say that, even as an ambivert who enjoys my own company and has absolutely no problem with being alone a good amount of the time, every personality type needs friends. That’s not just my opinion;science makes it a fact. Not only do studies support thathealthy friendships help us to feel more satisfied with our lives, but they can also reduce our chances of experiencing depression, stress, and anxiety and they increase longevity overall.
This is why — without going too deep because it’s kind of another topic for another time — it’s important to not allow past hurts and disappointments from former friends (or folks you thought were your friends) to cause you to build up walls as you declare that you don’t need anyone. When you do that, all you’re really doing is working against your own health and well-being. The saying that “no man (or woman) is an island”? It is absolutely true.
That said, even if it’s just a couple of people, make sure that you’ve got individuals in your life who you can call a friend and, in turn, they can say the very same thing about you, okay?
Are All of Those People Your Actual Friends? Or Do You Just Happen to Know a Lot of Folks?
GiphyAight but what if you happen to be someone who swings on the other side of few? Meaning, if someone were to ask you how many friends you had, you’d quickly declare that you’ve got too many to count. Listen, not to patronize or anything yet, but whenever I hear folks (especially if they are over 35) say something along those lines, it takes me back to high school — a time when so many of us thought that so long as we knew a ton of folks and/or we were popular, clearly, we had many friends.
Wisdom and pure ole’ dealing with humans on a consistent basis will teach you that an article that I wrote a few years back for the platform has a title that is spot-on: “According To Experts, We Only Have A Few Friends — Here's Why.” According to it, the average American (based on a survey that was conducted) has somewhere around 16 friends. Oh, but wait. Last fall, I wrote another article for the platform entitled, “What's The 'Five Friendship Theory' All About?” According to it, if you’re someone who takes the word “friend” and the responsibility that comes along with it very seriously and quite literally, as an adult, you can probably only maintain about five close friendships.
Why? Well, that brings in another article that I once wrote: “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient.'” Chile, I don’t know about y’all but my friends know that if I call you that, you can call me in the middle of the night, and you can have money towards your rent (I’m not your mama but we all have hard times sometimes) and I’m gonna have your back in a way where you’ll wonder where you stop and I start — and no, I don’t have a lot of bandwidth for a ton of those people.
Okay, but what if you’re someone who is like, “I know that I have more than 16 and definitely more than five friends, no question”? The next thing that I would encourage you to explore is a theory by Aristotle (check out “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends”). Without even realizing it, many of us have people who we use the word “friend” for when…it’s kind of like how social media apps say “friend”: we’re familiar with one another and enjoy some of the same things, we might even have some of the same goals; at the same time, though, we’re not “all-encompassing friends.” We just get along really well at work (utility friends) or like to go to brunch at the same spots sometimes (pleasure friends).
Taking all of this into account, are you sure that you have a ton of actual friends? Or do you just happen to know a lot of people and you use that word for the lack of having another?
And that brings me to my next point.
There’s A LOT of Space Between “Friend” and “Enemy”
GiphyIf you read a lot of my friendship content, something that you will notice me saying quite a bit is that there is quite a bit of space between friend and enemy. It needs to be mentioned, as often as possible, because there are some people who get offended if you don’t consider them to be a friend — and that is unfortunate. I say that because the conclusion shouldn’t automatically be that they are your enemy just because “friend” isn’t what immediately comes to your mind.
They can be an acquaintance. They can be “cool people.” There is someone in my life who, while we’re not friends in the traditional sense, we are each other’s confidant; years ago, we agreed that we would be the place to tell each other whatever and it would stay between us — that is the main purpose that we serve in each other’s lives. Some people, you may consider to be spiritual family in the sense that you care for them and have some deeply profound things in common and still, they are not exactly a friend (I mean, a lot of blood relatives aren’t “friends” with each other).
All I’m trying to say here is we’re all too old now to only put folks in two boxes when it comes to this particular relational dynamic: friend or enemy. So, take some time out to seriously reflect on what you consider the various people in your life to be. I can promise you from personal experience that the sooner you know and the clearer you are, the easier it will be on everybody — because needs and expectations will be clear to you (and them once you articulate them) too.
What Got Folks to Having Less Friends? The Pandemic Plays a Significant Part.
GiphySo finally on to what inspired this piece to begin with. A part of it was an article that was published last year by Big Think entitled, “Americans more than ever have no friends. Here are 5 steps to make more friends.” Another was something that The New Yorker published back in 2021; it’s entitled “What COVID did to friendship.” Y’all don’t have enough time and I don’t have enough space to get into the fact that, just because the media may be talking about it less, that doesn’t mean that we’re not still in a pandemic.
In fact,one article stated my thoughts on it quite well when it said, “The real question, then, is not whether COVID is still a pandemic, but how much COVID illness and death are we willing to accept?” SMDH. And one of the things that has come with experiencing COVID is an interesting type of PTSD: detachment. There are plenty of articles out here to support the fact that my saying that is not merely my opinion.
Even according to the American Psychological Association, loneliness damn near skyrocketed, especially during lockdown and, unfortunately, a lot of people have not recovered from it. That’s why it did not surprise me at all when I read that more than ever, many people do not consider anyone to be a best friend; fewer people are relying on friends for any type of real support, and there is a semi-steady decline in people having friends, especially quality friendships, overall.
In fact, as far as close friends go, currently, close to 50 percent of Americans say that they only have three or fewer, and a relevant contributor to that was what the pandemic revealed as far as people’s proactive participation in other individuals’ lives (I actually read that young women were the ones who lost touch with friends during the peak of the pandemic the most). I also thought it was interesting that some studies cite that 12 percent of Americans say that they don’t have any friends at all.
Is the pandemic the only cause? No. So are things like people working more hours and spending more time online than they probably should (which also increased due to the pandemic, though). To that, Teen Vogue once published, “Social Media Is Impacting IRL Friendships” and Healthline once published, “Social Media Is Killing Your Friendships.” Then we also have to factor in having families of our own which can also take up a lot of time, and that sometimes can cause us to forget to nurture our friendships; so, before you know it, they fade to black. Not due to a fallout or anything, just…life.
And all of this? Some people are saying that it has led to what is known as a “friendship recession.” A huge flag about that is there are reports that a drop in close friends can cultivate a type of loneliness that is just as health hazardous as smoking a whopping 15 cigarettes a day. Not good, y’all. Not. Good.
Quality over Quantity Is Key. Just Make Sure That You Have a Friend or Two.
GiphyOkay, so what is my overall point? That’s a fair question. Just like sometimes “life life-ing” can make us forget to tend to our friendships, if you don’t stumble across content like this, you might not even realize that you’re feeling mentally stressed, emotionally strained, or super isolated and it’s all because you need to prioritize your friendships — because your mind, body, and spirit need them. Again, science has proved it.
At the same time, if, like a client of mine, you find yourself getting a little bit paranoid because you have noticed that over the past several years, your close friend count has been far less than what it used to be, this article proves that you are absolutely not (pardon the pun) alone. Honestly, there’s nothing wrong with having a very small circle of friends because quality is gonna beat out quantity every time; you just need to assess when it happened and why so that you can be sure that you are choosing it to play out that way and it’s not due to some underlying cause that you hadn’t taken into consideration — until now.
An Italian priest by the name of Thomas Aquinas once said, “The happy man in this life needs friends.” Even if it’s just one or two people, please make sure that you have folks who aren’t just your friend but your very close friend. You need them. They need you.
Everyone else, figure out where they fall and nurture accordingly. Life is a lot. We all get by with the help of our friends. Real talk, y’all. Thank goodness for them.
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Featured image by jose carlos cerdeno martinez/Getty Images