The Fight To Preserve My Uterus After Developing Fibroids
I swore I was about to bleed to death.
I was at work, standing in a bathroom stall frantically scrubbing my pinstriped lavender pants, shamefully unaware of the stain on them when I walked into the restroom for the umpteenth time and mad that I didn't wear black.
I caught my reflection on my way back to my desk to retrieve my cell phone. I was beginning to look gaunt. My iron count was so dangerously low that I was prescribed supplements, and I lost over 10 pounds – weight I worked so hard for years to gain, mind you – plus muscle all in one month.
I was suffering from uterine fibroids--benign tumors that grow within the uterus and a condition that disproportionately impacts 80% of Black women. While most women are asymptomatic and can continue life as normal, my symptoms--including frequent restroom breaks, lower back pain, and a hard, slightly round stomach equivalent to a 12-week pregnancy, according to my doctor – were a little more severe because of the fibroids' location and size. Fibroids can be as small as the width of a pea and as large as a grapefruit. Judging from the amount of blood loss, mine might've been approaching the size of a lemon or tangerine. I called my doctor for an emergency appointment because the bleeding wouldn't relent, and I was on track to pass out somewhere.
“It's been over three weeks," I said to the receptionist at my doctor's office.
The next morning, my gynecologist and I sat down to finalize a treatment plan. I was nervous about the whole idea of undergoing surgery, but I was relieved that I didn't have to have a hysterectomy, or the removal of all or part of the uterus and cervix. Unless it was cancerous, I didn't see the point of sacrificing a functioning organ, and according to an article in the International Academy of Pelvic Surgery, more women are opting for uterine preservation for reasons other than fertility: Sexuality and body image issues and personal and cultural preferences are presiding factors.
So it's important to know that a hysterectomy isn't a woman's only choice for fibroid relief, although many women think so and doctors may push for one as a solution when it should be the absolute last resort. In fact, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists says that 76% of all hysterectomies performed today were unnecessary. But some doctors aren't exactly familiar with the newer medical advances, or they find them too “time-consuming," as my doctor once pointed out. Hysterectomies are routine, but patients face longer recovery periods, instant menopause, and bladder and sexual dysfunction. But despite the fact that my symptoms may have fallen on the more severe side of the spectrum, my GYN and I agreed that another option would be ideal.
Initially I had previously picked up a pamphlet for uterine fibroid embolization (UFE), partly to duck surgery. UFE, also known as uterine artery embolization, is a minimally invasive procedure that works by injecting contrast material – which may cause an allergic reaction in some women – into a woman's upper thigh to block arterial flow to the fibroids. It takes 1-3 hours and the patient is sedated – but not asleep – so she can follow any directions given by the interventional radiologist. Women can expect bleeding and pain from the breakdown of fibroid tissue from anywhere between a few weeks to a few months, although my doctor mentioned that some patients end up in the emergency room for “excruciating pain from dying tissue." In a few of those cases, women face emergency hysterectomies because of infections. But in best case scenarios, most women can resume usual activities in about a week.
However UFE isn't recommended for patients like me who do wish to preserve fertility because it shuts off blood flow that would be necessary for a future fetus. So I was left with the pill, myomectomy, or a combination of the two.
“I see the pill didn't work," my GYN said as he opened my chart.
The pill was supposed to have been the first step in controlling the profuse bleeding, and usually it does work for most women. It did for me, until my fibroids grew rebellious. Since I was already on oral contraception, my doctor just prescribed a different variation with iron. But to be honest, that pill was brown and looked funny (as in chalky-funny), and after years of taking the same tablets with no side effects, I was too stubborn to switch to a new one, anyway. Plus I convinced myself that I didn't drink enough water for my body to properly process iron, so that was that.
Ultimately I chose the laparoscopic, or robotic, myomectomy to remove the fibroids and keep my uterus intact. During this procedure, the surgeon makes a series of 3-5 one-inch incisions preferably along the bikini line but sometimes nearer the belly button where mine are located. A tube with a camera and small surgical instruments are then inserted into the abdominal wall. With the use of a “robot" or a separate console, the surgeon controls the instruments to cut the fibroids into “strips" thin enough to remove through the incisions. The surgery should've taken a few hours, but mine was nearly three times as long because my doctor and his colleague discovered more fibroids than were on the MRI once they were inside. But they were determined to complete the surgery without making a full cut across my abdomen. Some patients can go home the same day, however, I spent the night at the hospital, probably because I woke up late evening. I also needed a blood transfusion midway surgery, which UFE patients don't have to worry about. Recovery is about 6-8 weeks.
Three years later, at least one fibroid returned, which is a risk with both the UFE and myomectomy. But I still have no physical symptoms including fatigue, heavy bleeding, and severe anemia. I do try to practice a bit of self-care (again) because that was one thing that changed post-surgery. Now I'm more mindful of what I eat because some experts say what we put in our bodies – and on our bodies, like hair relaxers – can encourage the (re)growth of fibroids. It's possible genetics play a part, too. But there's no definitive answer.
There's also no cure for fibroids, and the only surefire way to get rid of them once and for all is through a hysterectomy, but that should still be a woman's choice. We shouldn't be led to believe we have no other recourse to both manage fibroids and maintain our uterus when, in fact, we do. Of course, treatment options vary depending on the patient, her medical history, and reproductive choices among other factors. This list of treatments isn't exhaustive, and as with any medical procedure, you should always consult your doctor and perform your own thorough research before making a final decision.
Have you had fibroids? What are some tips that you've learned to help with managing them?
Featured image by Getty Images
I write about lifestyle and women's health and wellness. When I'm not in front of a computer screen crafting stories, I'm in a kitchen crafting cocktails. Follow me on the 'gram @teronda.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images