Exclusive: Fantasia Shares How Celibacy And Fasting Ultimately Led Her To Love And Happiness
“I'm sorry. My momma is tryna talk to me while I'm on the phone with you," Fantasia Barrino apologizes in a soft-toned small voice over the phone. It's quite surreal to be speaking to the woman I casted votes for on American Idol when I was just 16 years old. Back then, my entire family tuned in weekly, completely captivated by the North Carolina native's soulful performances. I vividly remember how she'd bend and transform classics like "Chain Of Fools" and make them her own. Little Patti LaBelle, as she was quickly nicknamed, would sweat, kick off her shoes and allow her gospel roots to shine. She gave everything.
Now, after 13 years of career highs and personal lows, the 32-year-old singer is in the middle of discussing “I Made It," a song from her new album The Definition Of... that puts her church roots and rock influences on full display. It's also her favorite record. “It is my gospel song and I wanted to end the album how I started my career, which was singing in church," she explains in a Southern-soaked accent.
What she doesn't mention until later is that the track is incredibly indicative of how far she's come.
“That song just talks about how I made it through things most people didn't think I'd make it through."
American Idol
Fantasia's singing career started in front of the world. In 2004, a then 19-year-old Fantasia, who grew up listening to the likes of Prince, Sheila E and Frankie Beverly and Maze, was crowned the winner of American Idol. In just a few months, she skyrocketed and quickly felt the whirlwind of fame. As a young, inexperienced singer who just won a national singing competition, the road to fame was mapped out for her by the powers of the television network, from managers to lawyers to the songs she was expected to record. “You don't really get the option to say what you really want to do. When you win, you're assigned to a management company, you're signed to a label. You don't really have an opportunity to say what you want to do and what you don't want to do. And that can be very, very tough."
Though she was caged creatively, her debut album Free Yourself, birthed from Idol orchestration, eventually went platinum and was Grammy-nominated two years later. Her second and third studio efforts, Fantasia and Back To Me respectively, received much of the same success, earning her Grammy nods, a Grammy win for “Bittersweet", and landed her on Broadway's rendition of The Color Purple as Celie.
“I thank God for the favor that was on my life and the opportunity that I was able to do outside of just the music," she says, describing this critical time of her career. “I was able to do Broadway, I was able to do my own Lifetime movie, and in all of that, I was able to show the people that I can do a little bit of anything if I put my mind to it."
As Fantasia continued to create songs, from a fan's perspective, the music never faltered. Receiving largely positive reviews, her now five studio albums have all reflected her intuitive, soulful rock sound, with the latest LP being her most musically authentic. For years, however, Fantasia suffered beneath the weight of vicious media headlines and the highs and lows of her business deals (she was dropped from Simon Fuller's management company in 2008). Rumors about her illiteracy and relationship with married boyfriend Antwaun Cook were strewn around the internet and eventually culminated in a suicide attempt.
“That's a feeling I would never be able to explain because words cannot explain how lonely and how hurt I was," she says. “I came off of Idol taking care of my whole entire family, so I went through a lot of dark times. It was almost like being in a glass box where everybody could see me but I couldn't get out of that box. It was just me. No one wanted to help. Everyone just wanted to talk about it, but not many people were stepping up and saying, 'Hey, I wanna reach out.'"
Thankfully, people like Tyler Perry, Oprah Winfrey, Aretha Franklin and Patti LaBelle were in her corner during those times. “They all reached out because they all had been there."
The Power Of Love
Despite breakups and hitting the lowest valleys of her life, Fantasia doesn't carry the burden of the past on her shoulders. Though we're delving into her trials, she sounds grateful for those soul-crushing obstacles. “I can thank God for those times because being here at the age of 32 making it through so much, I feel like it was a part of my journey," she says. “There's not a day that goes by that I don't meet someone––young, old, black, white, female, male––that comes up to me and wants me to talk and encourage them. God allowed me to go through certain storms and certain tests to have a testimony and share it to help somebody else along the way."
She also credits the love of her life, husband Kendall Taylor, for finding the strength to love herself past her pain. The two wed in 2015 after only a few short weeks of dating. Admittedly broken and insecure at the time, the mother of two says she found her perfect guy by switching up her approach to love.
“I fasted for seven months while I was doing my last Broadway play, After Midnight. I started realizing that what I was doing wasn't working for me, so I did something very corny and I put a ring on my own finger. I did a lot of praying and watched a lot of things that were good for my spirit. Me and Kendall married before we made love, so it wasn't about my body or my money. He was a man with his own business and he was also a man with a past. I think I fell in love with that the most because he did not let his past block his future. He has a story and a testimony, too."
I hear her smiling through the phone as we discuss her prince charming, and it takes everything inside of me not to let a few amens loose. You see, I'm still in the toad-kissing phase of dating, but to know this soul singer found the love she deserves is the spoonful of hope single black women need. She makes it plain that every day isn't "peaches and cream," but they both put in the work to make their love flourish. "He always says he married me to date me," she laughs. An example? Her hubby recently took her on a date to where they got married and she live streamed in on Facebook.
The lessons she's learning from this new love are even more encouraging. “Love is fragile," she says. "You have to be patient with love. You have to make sure that the way you carry yourself, the words that come out of your mouth, that you're being careful because we're both still human."
These are the lessons of love Fantasia wants to pass down to her kids, especially her daughter Zion. “My husband teaches them what a man should be and he shows them by how he treats me. I show them how to be themselves. Both roles play a big part."
Free Yourself
It's like a sigh of relief to see the woman Fantasia has become. Like much of the world, I saw the stones thrown her way from all angles. But in this moment, I can tell Fantasia is free from the dark times that crippled her. Both personally and musically, she's on a high. "I'm at that point where as an artist, I'm supposed to be able to creatively share what I want to share with the world musically, video-wise, fashion-wise. I'm supposed to be able to express that and not have someone tell me what to sing, how it should sound, what to wear. I'm just finally to that point of like, if I'm going to go through all that I'm going to go through. If I'm gonna catch flack and people talking about me, I might as well just do what I want to do the way I want to do it."
Does she regret anything? Not at all.
“I realize in life that we must go through things and understand that everything we go through is necessary. It was necessary for me to go through it in order for me to do my music and do what I do on the stage."
For anyone, finding yourself and your voice is a major key to living well. For Fantasia, it's the definition of who she is today. “At this point I've been through so many things and I'm every woman."
Featured image via Jamie Lamor Thompson / Shutterstock.com
Niki McGloster is a Maryland-based writer and co-founder of her sweat. She has written for ESSENCE, Genius, Billboard, VIBE and Teen Vogue. Follow her on Twitter at @missjournalism.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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It was early spring 2023 when Joey Bada$ pulled up for a chat with us on love and relationships courtesy of our Dana Blair-hosted "xoMan Live." There, he clarified that though we felt the sizzling chemistry between him and singer/actress Serayah radiating off our screens in the music video for his single, "Show Me" and rumors were swirling of a possible romance, that they were just friends.
"We got a pretty cool friendship, and I think she’s gorgeous. I think she’s talented," Joey shared with xoNecole at the time. He would later dead the rumors even further by announcing his relationship status, "I'm single." But he'd leave the door open for the possibility of a thing, adding, "Things could happen."
Joey Badass Clarifies His Relationship With SerayahYouTube
Since then, things have indeed been happening between Joey and Serayah, who was previously romantically linked to Jacob Latimore, as their "just friends" status has seemingly blossomed into something more. The love they imitated in the name of art proves to be much more beautiful in real life. "I’m staying ready, so I don’t gotta get ready if that makes sense, you know what I mean," he shared in our interview about feeling "ready" for a relationship. "I don’t want to say that it’s anything I’m looking for, like I understand the way the law of attraction works."
These days, the look of love is undeniable and we are here for this couple showcasing their deep affinity for one another out loud whenever possible. Keep reading for a brief timeline of the love between Serayah McNeill and Joey Bada$.
June 2023: Joey Bada$$ Flies Serayah Out for an Epic Birthday Trip
In what is regarded as their first hard launch as a couple, Joey took to Instagram to share a compilation of short videos they took while boo'd up on a birthday trip for Serayah's 28th in a tropical paradise. After previous denials of a romance, the Raising Kanan actor confirmed their relationship by captioning the post, "happy birthday my love."
A little over a week later, Serayah dropped her own version of a hard launch in a series of photos on IG showcasing some BTS moments of her and Joey.
August 2023: Joey Bada$$ Shouts Out Serayah For National GF Day
We stan! Joey took National Girlfriend Day as an opportunity to show love for Serayah, sharing on Instagram Story a series of never-before-seen photos and videos of some of the couple doing and enjoying life together.
January 2024: Serayah and Joey Celebrate His Birthday In St. Lucia
Birthday trips seem to be a welcomed tradition for this couple as they spent Joey's 29th birthday in paradise where they effectively brought the sand to the beach. "Celebrating you is something I'll always love to do," Serayah captioned her Instagram post to Joey and their tropical escape. Joey left in a comment of appreciation, "Aquemini," it read in a nod to the Outkast album, as well as the couple's sun signs.
September 2023: Joey and Serayah Pop Out at New York Fashion Week
Shareif Ziyadat/Getty Images
From New York Fashion Week to international trips to Tokyo for Joey's shows, September 2023 proved to be a booked and busy month for the Flutter vocalist and the "Passports & Suitcases" artist. Joey shared a carousel of highlights of street-style moments in their matching outfits for the fashion event with the caption, "NYFW FESTIVITIES."
Serayah posted some Tokyo memories to her IG that didn't skimp on the Black love, writing, "tokyo was a dream."
February 2024: Serayah and Joey Take Fashion Week
This year, Serayah gave a BTS look at her time during February's New York Fashion Week, and of course, boyfriend Joey Bada$$ was there to show love and support.
February 2024: Serayah Teases The Arrival of New Heat with Throwbacks Of Her and Joey
What better way to announce the debut of your latest EP of R&B-meets-rap influences than to drop archives of your own relationship mirroring those same influences? ARCHIVES is out now.
March 2024: Serayah McNeill and Joey Bada$$ Attend ESSENCE Black Women in Hollywood
Monica Schipper/Getty Images
Serayah was a vision in gold as she graced the red carpet of the 2024 ESSENCE Black Women In Hollywood Awards Ceremony arm in arm with rapper beau Joey Bada$$. In February, Joey professed his forever love for Black women in "A Love Letter To Black Women," in partnership with Bumble. The "Fallin'" rapper began in the video, "I don’t think I tell you this enough, but you are so sacred to me."
"Just know you got my heart. The only one I’m coming home to. See, I been in my heart and mind, trying to find the right woman and they say that love is blind, but you looking right to me," later adding, "Please never forget how truly blessed you are. I’ll cater to your visions and be there while I’m growing your purpose. Real love is our language. And a Black woman is a blessing in my life."
March 2024: Joey Bada$$ Responds to Viral Video of Him and Serayah Arguing
Frazer Harrison/Getty Images
In March, a viral video of the couple arguing and Serayah crying made rounds all over the internet and sparked speculation that Joey and Serayah had broken up. To squash the rumors, Joey assured inquiring minds that everything is good over here by posting a series of photos of the two of them loved up and enjoying a night out on the town, captioning it, "People all in our business they don’t even know the facts, they don’t see the shit we witness only what the cameras catch."
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Featured image by Robin L Marshall/Getty Images for ESSENCE