Why I'm Choosing To Be Myself While Everyone Else Is Being A Brand
It is the year of our Lord 2017 and everyone is a self-proclaimed something.
The internet is full of media mavens, inspirational speakers, "nerds," "artists," and, of course, entrepreneurs. There are a lot of jacks-of-all-trades and masters of none. But no matter who you are, the chief concern of millennials seems to be---branding.
Are you a momprenuer?
Are you a stylist?
Are you a blogger? What kind?
Oh, you're a chef? A healthy one or a "those vegans are crazy...animals are here for us to eat" one?
You DJ? Like forreal or with your laptop only?
How many followers do you have on IG?
Twitter?
Snapchat?
You get my point.
It's gone so far that instead of asking people who they are, we say, "What do you do?"
We have reduced one another to doings instead of beings.
And while I recognize the "game done changed," I have to wonder, are we doing this all wrong?
Living in Los Angeles, it's a normal happening to be introduced to someone's brand representative instead of his or her true person. The brand representative is the one who says, "Let's get drinks," puts their number in your phone, and promises to email you this week – and you never hear from them again.
Life is curated now. And in an attempt to be #lifegoals for however many people think you're interesting enough to see everyday, we often deny ourselves the opportunity to just simply be.
It happened to me.
A few years ago---I had a breakdown. I was gasping for air on the floor of my godparents' home where I was staying because I had nowhere else to go. I was working a temp job and running an online magazine. I had a boyfriend who, at the time, was doing his best to help me stay afloat. But I was drowning. Financially, spiritually and emotionally---I was completely submerged.
I was embarrassed. I was angry. I was lost.
So, I did what a lot of people do at that crossroads: I hid.
I hid the parts I deemed not good enough.
I photoshopped my sadness into fake joy so that everyone around me felt comfortable in my presence. I made my soul match my bank account so that something, anything, could feel in sync. I was trying my best to disappear while everyone else seemed to be having the best years of their lives. I was telling myself that I had to be a finished product.
Right now.
In my 20s. With, God-willing, a whole life ahead of me---I had to be perfect. After all, it was completely off brand to feel stagnant while everyone else was loving, living, and earning bigger than me.
I was fine with creating a picture of my life that was not true---as long as it looked good with a Valencia filter and a Beyonce quote.
I had to get real. I didn't have it all---I still don't.
I cry.
I hurt.
I make mistakes.
My breasts aren't perky.
My butt isn't big.
And when you see me post in the gym, I probably haven't been in weeks. When I shop at Whole Foods, I always have to check my account balance and I just graduated to shopping at Zara instead of H&M. I'm not at all where I thought I'd be right now but you know what?
I'm happy.
I am growing. I have no antiquated, harmful ideas of perfection to hold myself to.
I am enjoying the now.
I am a work in progress.
I am defining myself by no other standards than that of my own. Oprah once said, “Wherever I am, therein lies my brand"---and I couldn't agree more.
The most important business you'll ever brand is you. All of you. The imperfect broken hearted you.The you that exists regardless of who enters or exits your life. The you that exists far past listicles, bucket lists and 140 character declarations of having “it all." The you that is a work in progress.
Your healing—your freedom---it's in embracing that whether the whole world is watching or you're completely alone; you. are. enough.
Self-love is habitual. It is waking up every single day, facing yourself just as you are and committing to sticking it out: for better or for worse. It's remembering that your worth is not defined in white dresses, diamond rings, a glossy picture perfect feed or if you are someone else's #goals.
It is understanding that no amount of money, fame or popularity determines the value of the gifts you have to give. You need no one's permission to shine, sis. You only need to trust that whatever you're going through---whatever you may feel you lack---is exactly what will make you someone else's hero.
The Internet is full of gurus teaching others how to be a brand, but no one is teaching us the power of being yourself.
My life changed when I stopped hiding my scars and became committed to loving myself unconditionally and being authentically me. I want that for you. I want that for all of us.
And for the women we will raise, mentor, and inspire:
Let's stop pushing a false narrative of flawlessness and instead wear our imperfections like someone paid us to promote them. #ad.
Iman N. Milner is an actress and writer living in Los Angeles. She is the recipient of the 2015 ESSENCE Magazine Discovery Award and is known for the character Yazmin on Black and Sexy TV's "Chef Julian". Her first book "on breakups...and beginnings", is a journey through the process of healing after heartbreak and is available for purchase on Amazon and anywhere e-books are sold.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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The Rise Of Tyla And The Importance Of Capitalizing On The Moment
For years, we watched Black female artists be forced to unfairly stagger their way through the music industry. Sometimes, they hit their stride--like Beyoncé, Mary J. Blige, Missy Elliot, and Rihanna--never truly succumbing to the doubts of those around them. Other times, they rose to stardom very quickly, only to fall suddenly overnight with a whisper. However, more often times than not, they found themselves stuck in a strange limbo, one where they had enough to become discovered but not enough to be able to see their careers come to fruition.
Nevertheless, it appears that this narrative is now coming full circle. Contemplate the works of artists like Coco Jones, Victoria Monét, and especially the South African prodigy Tyla. With the release of her first single just four years ago, Tyla finds herself at the peak of her career--showing that although she may stumble, it was only inevitable that she'd find her footing. With her recent Grammy and upcoming debut album, Tyla is a living example of the importance of capitalizing on created opportunities and living in the now. Here's what you can learn from her rise to stardom.
Manifest and Create Your Opportunities
Contrary to popular belief, Tyla's ascent to fame did not happen suddenly. Rather, it took her four years of arduous struggle to become famous. Tyla, who was born and raised in Johannesburg, started sharing original music and covers on Instagram while she was a senior in high school. A few months later, she began pitching her songs to several music industry heavyweights in hopes of getting a break. Consequently, Tyla manifested an opportunity to be discovered by her first manager, Garth von Giehn, who set up Tyla's first recording sessions. Tyla used to commute to the studio every weekend during her last year of school.
She released "Getting Late," her debut track, which she had recorded with Kooldrink, following her high school graduation. The dance tune with a falsetto and pop and African influences marked the start of the sensation's musical career and helped her become extremely well-known in her own country. Because of the success of this song, Tyla finally inked a record deal with Epic Records in 2021.
Tyla didn't only think hypothetically when she started creating possibilities for herself; instead, she realized how important it was to put yourself out there and turn into her own biggest advocate and fan. She developed a portfolio that demonstrated her abilities and persuaded people that she was worthy of investment due to her persistent approach to consistently producing songs and covers.
To ensure you have the same opportunities, visualize your objectives and make a six- to twelve-month strategy to achieve one or two of your goals. Then, start small every day and work towards your plan until it is completed. Regularly send leaders in your industry resumes, art, music, or whatever it is you're selling. The worst-case scenario is that they decline. When you create your plan, make sure you're creating a sturdy foundation that will guarantee your success.
Tyla wins her first Grammy
Photo by Emma McIntyre/Getty Images for The Recording Academy
Invest In Yourself: Taking a Break from University
Tyla not only taught us the value of pursuing and realizing one's aspirations, but she also stressed the value of making an investment in oneself. Tyla studied engineering at university when she first started her profession. However, the singer made the decision to put her degree on hold for a year in order to focus entirely on her music career after going through a really stressful period. Afterward, she continued to gain recognition, finally releasing the music video for "Getting Late" two years later.
This resulted in the South African sensation receiving nominations and awards, a record deal, and acclaim throughout the pandemic.
Tyla's ascent to popularity teaches us how to invest in ourselves as well as how to take our time in making and carrying out our ideas. Tyla had to balance her time between her music and engineering education when she initially started her career. However, Tyla chose to take a year off from school and devote all of her attention to her music career after feeling an unimaginable amount of stress from the major. At this point, she started to witness the fruits of her labor.
In the end, she made a video during the pandemic, which eventually led to a record label deal and domestic success.
Seize the Moment: Capitializing on "Pop Stardom"
Tyla kept taking advantage of her fame and prosperity for around three years. In contrast to several contemporary artists, she persistently and deliberately dropped singles, seizing the opportunity whenever it presented itself and only bringing forth new ones after it had passed. Tyla released two further songs in October 2021 and November 2022, "Overdue" and "To Last," respectively, after her initial single.
In addition, she made her stage debut in 2023 at the Dolce & Gabanna after-party in Milan, solidifying her status as a global performer. The singer's single "Been Thinking" got her the first chart spot of her career on the Billboard R&B airplay. Later, she traveled with Chris Brown on his "Under the Influence Tour" and released a single with Nigerian vocalist Ayra Starr.
Utilize Social Media to Control Your Narrative: Rise to Fame Through TikTok
Even though she was well-known before her TikTok dance, her long-lasting international popularity didn't come until the release of her single "Water" in July 2023. When every TikTok dancer persisted in making their own dance variant to the song or perfecting the already-created "Water" dance, it was difficult to ignore the song's enticing harmony, given how captivating it was.
@fallontonight @Tyla makes her Tonight Show debut with “Water” 💦 #FallonTonight #Tyla #Water #TylaWater
In addition, a number of musicians added their own features or covered the song to prolong its popularity. Whatever the case, Tyla's rise to fame began in the summer of 2023. The song became so well-known by the end of the summer that it peaked at number 10 on billboards in the US, UK, and Australia.
Thanks to TikTok, Tyla became the first South African to reach the Billboard Top 100 in 55 years. By embedding herself in history, it'll be hard to forget the artist for a while.
Tyla demonstrates to us the value of using social media to promote oneself through this. Building your social media network might be a great approach to generating passive money if you're looking for a second job or to market your writing, music, art, or other interests. In addition, it's an inexpensive approach to sell yourself and display your skills without having to break the bank.
This makes it possible for people to sell their brands independently and for others to market your goods on your behalf. When used properly, social media is the ideal platform for seizing the moment since it guarantees that your moment will be highlighted and shared often.
Tyla shows off her platinum plaque for "Water."
Photo by Tommaso Boddi/Getty Images for Epic Records
Network, Network, Network: Gap Collaboration
Tyla is one of the many faces of Gap, which unveiled its spring collection earlier this month. It was no surprise that the "Water" singer was chosen by the Gap to promote their business, as their Spring 2024 range is a celebration of dance, fashion, and music, all woven into linen. The charismatic and talented South African singer lends her charm and abilities to the campaign.
Tyla fits in nicely with Gap's mission to support musiciansthat are genuine and unique. In addition, the singer teamed up with the other summertime favorites Jungle's "Back on 74" dancers in an attempt to reap the rewards of their moment of fame to ensure their long-term success in the business.
Not only does the singer collaborate with clothing brands like Gap, but her upcoming debut album features collaborations with artists like Becky G, Tems, Gunna, Skillibeing, Kelvin Momo, and Travis Scott. Allowing her to capitalize on multiple audiences and fandoms with her newest singles.
This partnership demonstrates how crucial networking is to achieving one's objectives. Learning to capitalize on the moment requires networking to market one's brand, even if it can be awkward and irritating at times. You may start to open doors to new possibilities and promote the sharing of ideas and best practices by developing professional connections. As a result, networking may help you advance professionally, flourish personally, and eventually succeed in your desired industry.
Practice Self-Care: The Cancellation of World Tour
Lastly, Tyla's ascension to prominence has taught us the value of taking care of oneself and slowing down. Tyla had announced her global tour and the release of her debut album earlier this year. She did, however, also declare earlier this month that she would have to postpone her Coachella performance and her worldwide tour because of a nagging ailment.
The news took many aback since she had been giving so many performances and announcements that nobody could have predicted the artist would be going through such hardships. However, it is crucial to be reluctant to prolong one's harm in the face of fame. Most artists are so focused on seizing the moment that they neglect to calm down and let their moments unfold into whatever they may naturally become, which leads to them penning themselves into a corner.
By postponing the global tour and canceling other performances altogether, the performer is allowing herself more time to hone her stage act and presentation when the tour finally happens, as well as an opportunity for fans to pause and recognize her talent beyond the hit song "Water."
This teaches us the importance of taking moments to slow down and be in the now. Sometimes, when we work hard for something, we often forget to take a moment and appreciate the fruits of our labor. Whether it be an injury that makes us stop and take stock or simply a mindful mental health day, it is imperative to practice self-care on our journeys to success.
Tyla's self-titled debut album is available on all platforms on March 22.
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Feature image by Arturo Holmes/Getty Images