Why I'm Choosing To Be Myself While Everyone Else Is Being A Brand
It is the year of our Lord 2017 and everyone is a self-proclaimed something.
The internet is full of media mavens, inspirational speakers, "nerds," "artists," and, of course, entrepreneurs. There are a lot of jacks-of-all-trades and masters of none. But no matter who you are, the chief concern of millennials seems to be---branding.
Are you a momprenuer?
Are you a stylist?
Are you a blogger? What kind?
Oh, you're a chef? A healthy one or a "those vegans are crazy...animals are here for us to eat" one?
You DJ? Like forreal or with your laptop only?
How many followers do you have on IG?
Twitter?
Snapchat?
You get my point.
It's gone so far that instead of asking people who they are, we say, "What do you do?"
We have reduced one another to doings instead of beings.
And while I recognize the "game done changed," I have to wonder, are we doing this all wrong?
Living in Los Angeles, it's a normal happening to be introduced to someone's brand representative instead of his or her true person. The brand representative is the one who says, "Let's get drinks," puts their number in your phone, and promises to email you this week – and you never hear from them again.
Life is curated now. And in an attempt to be #lifegoals for however many people think you're interesting enough to see everyday, we often deny ourselves the opportunity to just simply be.
It happened to me.
A few years ago---I had a breakdown. I was gasping for air on the floor of my godparents' home where I was staying because I had nowhere else to go. I was working a temp job and running an online magazine. I had a boyfriend who, at the time, was doing his best to help me stay afloat. But I was drowning. Financially, spiritually and emotionally---I was completely submerged.
I was embarrassed. I was angry. I was lost.
So, I did what a lot of people do at that crossroads: I hid.
I hid the parts I deemed not good enough.
I photoshopped my sadness into fake joy so that everyone around me felt comfortable in my presence. I made my soul match my bank account so that something, anything, could feel in sync. I was trying my best to disappear while everyone else seemed to be having the best years of their lives. I was telling myself that I had to be a finished product.
Right now.
In my 20s. With, God-willing, a whole life ahead of me---I had to be perfect. After all, it was completely off brand to feel stagnant while everyone else was loving, living, and earning bigger than me.
I was fine with creating a picture of my life that was not true---as long as it looked good with a Valencia filter and a Beyonce quote.
I had to get real. I didn't have it all---I still don't.
I cry.
I hurt.
I make mistakes.
My breasts aren't perky.
My butt isn't big.
And when you see me post in the gym, I probably haven't been in weeks. When I shop at Whole Foods, I always have to check my account balance and I just graduated to shopping at Zara instead of H&M. I'm not at all where I thought I'd be right now but you know what?
I'm happy.
I am growing. I have no antiquated, harmful ideas of perfection to hold myself to.
I am enjoying the now.
I am a work in progress.
I am defining myself by no other standards than that of my own. Oprah once said, “Wherever I am, therein lies my brand"---and I couldn't agree more.
The most important business you'll ever brand is you. All of you. The imperfect broken hearted you.The you that exists regardless of who enters or exits your life. The you that exists far past listicles, bucket lists and 140 character declarations of having “it all." The you that is a work in progress.
Your healing—your freedom---it's in embracing that whether the whole world is watching or you're completely alone; you. are. enough.
Self-love is habitual. It is waking up every single day, facing yourself just as you are and committing to sticking it out: for better or for worse. It's remembering that your worth is not defined in white dresses, diamond rings, a glossy picture perfect feed or if you are someone else's #goals.
It is understanding that no amount of money, fame or popularity determines the value of the gifts you have to give. You need no one's permission to shine, sis. You only need to trust that whatever you're going through---whatever you may feel you lack---is exactly what will make you someone else's hero.
The Internet is full of gurus teaching others how to be a brand, but no one is teaching us the power of being yourself.
My life changed when I stopped hiding my scars and became committed to loving myself unconditionally and being authentically me. I want that for you. I want that for all of us.
And for the women we will raise, mentor, and inspire:
Let's stop pushing a false narrative of flawlessness and instead wear our imperfections like someone paid us to promote them. #ad.
Iman N. Milner is an actress and writer living in Los Angeles. She is the recipient of the 2015 ESSENCE Magazine Discovery Award and is known for the character Yazmin on Black and Sexy TV's "Chef Julian". Her first book "on breakups...and beginnings", is a journey through the process of healing after heartbreak and is available for purchase on Amazon and anywhere e-books are sold.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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ItGirl 100: Get To Know Some Of The Most Inspiring And Empowering Women On Our List
The ItGirl 100 List, in partnership with Hyundai, is a celebration of 100 Black women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table.
We often see lists featuring amazing women who are seasoned in this thing called life, and our ItGirl 100 List gives flowers to the people they’ve passed the torch to: young millennial and Gen Z women who are innovating and disrupting in today’s world of advancement.
xoNecole has partnered with Hyundai for its inaugural ItGirl 100 List to give these women their flowers today. It’s a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who have built their own tables, launched new businesses, and redefined what it truly means to be blessed, booked, and busy.
Here’s a snapshot of fun facts from a few of the women listed on the ItGirl 100, representing the East, West, Midwest, and South:
EAST
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DJ 9AM: DJ & Curator
Representing: Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "On My Mama" by Victoria Monét
Favorite OG It Girl: Nia Long
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Taurus Moon, Pisces Rising
Favoring open-format, multi-genre mixes, this DJ has created a winning reputation for rocking a crowd with seamless transitions and selections, always representing Southwest musical and cultural influences.
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Tiffany James, Founder, Modern BLK Girl
Representing:Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Lucky Girl" by Carlina
Favorite OG It Girl:Naomi Campbell
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Virgo Rising
Modern BLK Girl is one of the leading investment groups among women of color, and the founder serves as an avid investor, community builder, and advocate. Tiffany James is also a mentor, utilizing her unique combination of financial and fashion expertise.
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Kat Mateo, Casting Director
Representing: New Jersey
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Princess Going Digital" by Amaarae
Favorite OG It Girl: Kelis, Eve, Lil Kim
Zodiac Big Three: Aries Sun, Cancer Moon, Cancer Rising
Thriving as a casting director and stylist, Kat Mateo offers a unique point of view that has shaped New York Fashion Week shows, ad campaigns, and editorials. She has also been a major contributor to cultural conversations related to fashion and inclusivity.
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Denise Stephanie Hewitt, Photographer
Representing: Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Experience" by Victoria Monét
Favorite OG It Girl: Hannah Montana
Zodiac Big Three: Taurus Sun, Aquarius Moon, Aquarius Rising
This Gordon Parks Foundation scholar is a full-time student who has been working to expand her freelance career in photography. Denise is also been featured among Essence'sinaugural list of "Top 10 Creators Under 30," for her unique aesthetics and perceptions through her art.
WEST
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Nayamka Roberts-Smith, Aesthetician
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Tomorrow 2" by GloRilla & Cardi B
Favorite OG It Girl: Meagan Good
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Capricorn Rising
Nayamka Roberts-Smith is an award-winning professional in the skincare industry and serves as an educator, offering knowledge on beauty culture. She also is a well-sought-after speaker on beauty and women’s issues, with a following of more than 1 million on social.
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Desiree L. Talley, Esq., Vice President, Legal & Business Affairs, Revolt TV
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Nice" by The Carters
Favorite OG It Girl: Issa Rae
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon, Cancer Rising
An attorney and storyteller, Desiree L. Talley meshes relatability with her legal smarts for the culture. She advocates for cultural advancement and societal change through her POPLAW Podcast while balancing her executive duties at Revolt TV.
Marley Rae
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Marley Rae, Organizer, WalkGood
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Nice For What" by Drake
Favorite OG It Girl: Mariah Carey
Zodiac Big Three: Capricorn Sun, Taurus Moon, Leo Rising
Marley Rae is a Nike Athlete, certified yoga instructor, COO, and Director of Health and Wellness for WalkGood LA, a family-founded non-profit organization. She is dedicated to fostering understanding and care in local and global communities.
MIDWEST
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Shawnee Dez
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "FreeBody Freestyle" by Shawnee Dez
Favorite OG It Girl: Toni Morrison
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Aquarius Moon, Cancer Rising
Shawnee Dez is an artist who's all about captivating her audience through encouragement and empowerment. Her music features fluid harmonic layering, live instrumentation fused with digital production, and her unique multi-talented voice in an alto melodic tone.
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Bianca Pastel, Visual Artist
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: Anything by Whitney Houston
Favorite OG It Girl: Grace Jones
Zodiac Big Three: Taurus Sun, Leo Moon, Sagittarius Rising
Bianca Pastel's artistic portfolio includes fine art, illustrations, and animation, and she's worked with clients including Disney Pixar, and the NFL, to name a few. Her focus is "empowering the experience of being a Black child and dealing with mental health issues."
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Donyale Walton, Founder, Hoop Mobb
Representing: Detroit
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Yeah I Said It" by Rihanna
Favorite OG It Girl: Aaliyah
Zodiac Big Three: Virgo Sun, Libra Moon, Capricorn Rising
Donyale Walton's brand Hoop Mobb, celebrates the Black and Brown fashion and cultural impact and presence of hoop earrings. It's grown to earn more than seven figures in annual revenue and a nationwide community of loyal consumers.
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Ticara Devone, Content Creator
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "She's a Bitch" by Missy Elliott
Favorite OG It Girl: Ananda Lewis
The Zodiac Big Three: Libra Sun, Taurus Moon, Virgo Rising
A trusted sneaker enthusiast and content creator, Ticara Devone uses dynamic storytelling to hold space for others with a passion for sneakers. A published writer, she’s worked with brands including Nike and Footlocker and inspires us all by ensuring women are vocal and seen in the multi-billion dollar shoe space.
SOUTH
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AllyiahsFace, Content Creator
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Go Off" Doja Cat
Favorite OG It Girl: Gabrielle Union and Halle Berry
Zodiac Big Three: Gemini Sun, Leo Moon, Scorpio Rising
AllyiahsFace's YouTube channel has more than 830,000 subscribers, and she's been hitting the ground running since 2015. Her content creation, which centers on beauty, fashion, and lifestyle, has led to a lucrative career and drawn a close-knit social and real-life community to view and be inspired.
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Jaycina, Executive Director, Tender
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "All I Got" by Amel Larrieux
Favorite OG It Girl:Tracee Ellis Ross
Zodiac Big Three: Leo Sun, Sagittarius Moon, Sagittarius Rising
Jaycina is a signed model with a nonprofit that works to provide support and community for single mothers in Atlanta. She's also appeared in campaigns for brands including Fenty and GAP as well as features in all your favorite magazines and on billboards across the country.
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Asha Christian, Founder, Coily App
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "It's My Life" by Mariah Carey
Favorite OG It Girl: Toni Childs (Girlfriends)
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Leo Rising
Asha Christian created Coily to provide beauty recommendations utilizing social data. It offers a more personalized, AI-driven experience for users and part of her mission is to provide solutions related to diversity and put the focus back on the consumer. Meshing tech and culture, Christian is innovating with options that exemplify the Black girl magic needed in tech.
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Featured image by FG Trade/Getty