Every Woman Should Rock Short Hair At Least Once In Her Life
“I see you've had your little Waiting to Exhale moment."
That was the comment my sorority sister made when she saw me with my haircut for the first time. The thick, kinky-curly locks that went past my shoulders had been sheared off in favor of a much shorter tapered look.
I wondered if she really thought that my new 'do was man-inspired. I didn't blame her. It's common for a woman who breaks up with her boyfriend or husband to cut off nearly all her hair like Bernadette did in Waiting to Exhale.
But me? I'd been single for quite some time. I just wanted the 'fro gone because it was too much work! Or so I thought...
It wasn't until many months later I realized that deep down, I'd wanted a break from the past, too. And I got much more than that.
I didn't expect to undergo the mental transformation that I did. After my haircut, I questioned myself in ways I hadn't since high school.
Am I beautiful without long hair? I wondered.
Thoughts like that made me panic. Did the self-esteem I'd spent over 23 years building really shatter in an hour's worth of hair cutting?
Sure, I found pride in the numerous compliments my bold curls would garner, but I never saw myself as attached to my hair. Frankly, I'd hated my hair, not because I didn't think it was beautiful, but because it took entirely too long to style. (I'm lazy.)
I thought the freedom to wake up and go for once would cancel out any reservations I'd have about the new cut. Having an edgy cut would be more fun and unique; no longer would I blend in among the sea of afros. I knew I'd absolutely love it.
However, it took me quite a while to get used to being “near bald-headed." Sometimes I'd even wake up, look in the mirror, and go in shock over what I'd done.
So…why do I want this for you? Why insist that every woman question her beauty, as if the media doesn't give us enough cause for that already?
In the end, the unencumbered freedom, greater sense of self, and symbolic emotional healing I gained made me wonder why all women don't cut their hair!
Read more about the positive effects I experienced after cutting off my hair.
Unencumbered Freedom
We all know that women, black women in particular, spend entirely too much time and money on their hair. I mean, have you seen the hair care aisle? Men have a few shelves. We have an aisle.
Black women have entire beauty supply stores! The Black hair care industry is even valued at almost $500 billion!
We're constantly inundated with hair ads and shampoo commercials and videos of gorgeous, extension-laden celebs. Hair, hair, hair!
Before you go on a date, what do you have to worry about? Makeup, outfit, and hair. Before a job interview? Outfit, interview prep, hair. Before you leave the house in general? Hair is always a concern!
That's not to say that having short hair is a walk in the park, either. But when I had short hair, I cut my wash day to a mere wash hour. Styling time went from an hour and a half to 15 minutes!
I wasn't overly worried about how to tame her (my hair is a she) or what impression she'd help me make because she was barely there, unlike my can't-ignore-it 'fro.
Having the ability to wake up and go most days caused me to lessen the importance I have on my hair. You don't realize how much value you place on your hair until you don't have any.
I gained a sense of freedom I'd never had. I'd always had too much damn hair.
I felt freer, lighter and not just in the physical sense, but in the emotional sense because I had more room to just focus on me, the real me, sans luscious locks, which brings me to my next point.
Greater Sense of Self
Men love long hair. That's no secret. Here's a secret: so do you.
It's not your fault. Society conditions men and women to go heart eyes over long, flowing hair. It's the standard of beauty.
Most of us won't realize how deep-seated this love for long hair is. A lot of us will even deny this internalized European standard of beauty, claiming that we love ourselves regardless of if our hair is two or twenty-two inches long.
“I am not my hair," we will say. And then we shear off our beloved hair and later that night, gawk in disbelief at our reflection as ridiculous worries seep out:
Will my hair ever grow back? Am I still attractive to men? Is my curl-free, short, natural hair beautiful?
Am I still beautiful?
Questioning your beauty makes you question your inner self. Maybe you had a good grasp of who you were before, but now you must reconfigure yourself as someone who is able to find her beauty with or without long hair.
Will you be someone who finds her power in her hair or will you reject that notion of womanhood? Are you someone who has the courage to go against what nearly everyone considers “beautiful" or do you readily go with society's standards because that's what's comfortable?
Cut off your hair and see. Because not only will you gain this clearer picture of yourself, but you'll gain a newfound strength and confidence in your femininity. And that's not even the best benefit…
Symbolic Emotional Healing
It's a peculiar feeling to watch your hair float to the floor, and then study it as it decorates the tiling, while coming to the sobering realization that it's no longer connected to your head. I am now a bald-headed bitch, you think. Or, for those less ratchet, I really don't have hair anymore.
I can only describe it as a mixture of fear, excitement, worry, but one other emotion is most prominent: relief. Oh what a great relief!
Maybe you're like me and don't even notice when you're lugging around too much emotional baggage until you see your strands severed, and with it feel simultaneous severing from past pain and emotional healing. Or maybe you're more in tune with your emotions and revel in your now unburdened back. Your load is almost weightless. It's light.
Here's the thing: that long-standing joke that women cut their hair when they're going through something–it's true, but those women get the last laugh. There are very few material things that you can shed in such a short amount of time and with it feel the immediate, deep impact that cutting off your hair gives you.
We talk about cutting off toxic people and things every New Year. It's easy to delete a phone number or throw away those brownies (mostly), but how easy is it to cut off the memory of the one you love telling you it's over or the deep-rooted self-hatred that drove you into a depression or the image of a text message with words that disrupt your entire world or the echo of your family members' voices saying you'll never be any good? Now imagine it being as easy as a snip!
Cutting off your hair won't heal the wound in its entirety, but it will pour on that soothing balm and get the healing process started. It's been a time-worn, crucial first step for countless women and take it from me, it feels damned good!
*Originally published on The Next Train's Coming; Featured image by Shutterstock.
Layla A. Reeves is a 20-something freelance writer, copy editor, and ESL teacher who's still trying to figure this life thing out, never mind adulting. She's lived overseas in Spain, but only mentions that when she wants to feel better about not knowing what she's doing. Read more of her musings on her blog.
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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What Astrology Can Reveal About Your Relationship With Your Father
Explore your sign’s 2024 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
The Sun in Astrology represents your personality, ego, and purpose, and your father and your relationship with him. Depending on what sign the Sun was in when you were born, you can dive deeper into the correlation between who you are and your experience with your father or the father figure in your life, as your sun sign represents your father’s traits and how you perceive him. You can see the strengths and significance of your relationship with your dad, where challenges may be more likely, and how to navigate this energy in life.
When diving deeper into the dynamics of your family, where you come from, and how to understand more about this aspect of your life, Astrology can point you toward clarity.
The Sun Sign and The Relationship With Your Father
When looking at your relationship with your parents overall, you want to look at your moon sign for your mom , and your sun sign for your dad. You look at your 4th house for your home life and quality of it, your 5th house for your children, and your 7th house for your marriage. The sun sign, however, and the house your Sun is in, is telling when it comes to your relationship with your father and highlights where you shine in life and where this comes from.
What Your Sun Sign Says About Your Relationship With Your Father
For example, Leo Suns tend to have very outgoing fathers who take a lot of pride in their children. Pisces Suns tend to have more creative, emotional, yet maybe a little more distant dad who takes on a more vulnerable role in their life. It makes sense that your sun sign also rules your personality and goals in life because a lot of the time, this stems from what we learned when we were younger and who led us towards these types of revelations, which often come from the father figure in our lives.
By understanding your Sun sign deeper, you can better navigate how your father shows up, how you perceive him, and what you need and value from this connection.
Read for your Sun sign below to learn more about your father and to find out more insights about your relationship with your father.
Aries Sun Relationship With Their Father
Your dad is most likely very high-energy and active, and you may take on a lot of the physical traits of your father. He has a strong sense of self, is independent, and prefers to be the leader of the family. He could be someone who is a little impatient and who doesn’t beat around the bush. He says exactly what is on his mind and may be a little short-tempered.
Your father was most likely always on the go, but also someone encouraging you to follow your goals, focus on yourself, pursue sports, and overall have a direction in life. Aries tend to have more masculine-energy fathers.
kali9/Getty Images
Taurus Sun Relationship With Their Father
As a Taurus Sun, your father is dependable and someone you can rely on. He is someone who is focused on the stability and financial security of the family, and someone who took on a lot of responsibilities. He could be a really good gift giver or love to spoil you with gifts or financial investments. Your father could also be very stubborn and strong-willed, and it can be hard to get through to him at times as well.
His biggest concern is making sure you are comfortable and safe, and does a lot in life to make this so for you. Your dad tends to be someone who makes you feel stable.
Gemini Sun Relationship With Their Father
With a Gemini Sun, your father is likely more of a wildcard in your life. He is creative and communicative but may be hard to pin down and truly understand. He is someone who has a lot going on in his life at once and can be a bit emotionally distant. He may be busy a lot or have a somewhat detached sort of personality.
He is not someone you would necessarily go to about your emotions, but someone who you can always count on to make you laugh and lighten the mood. Your father is most likely someone with high intelligence and someone clever and fun.
Cancer Sun Relationship With Their Father
As a Cancer Sun, your father tends to be nurturing, supportive, and emotional. He is someone who is more prone to mood swings and tends to keep to himself a little more than most. He may be somewhat overprotective of you, and he prefers to keep his family close. He is someone who is there for you when you need him and is often your go-to person in life.
You see your dad as someone who is nurturing and compassionate, and you tend to like to spend time with him or be around his energy. Your dad is someone who shows he cares in the little ways.
Leo Sun Relationship With Their Father
As a Leo Sun, you are someone who most likely looks up to your father or the father figure in your life. You have a lot of respect for your father and may even see him as a hero.
Your dad is someone who is confident, prideful, and fun. He is someone you see as gregarious and successful and someone you tend to put on a pedestal in your life.
Your dad may also be highly connected to his ego and may have problems with anger issues or abrasive energy. Your relationship with your dad may change a lot as you get older, as you try to create a life of your own and move out of your father’s shadow and strong influence.
Virgo Sun Sun Relationship With Their Father
Your dad may be meticulous, hard-working, and detail-oriented, Virgo Sun. He may be a little hard on you or someone who has very high expectations for you and the family. He is someone who is very encouraging of you to go after your goals and put in the effort, and he is somewhat predictable for you as well.
He likes for things to be clean and orderly in the home and may put this same type of expectation on you, too. He may be the person in your life who demands a lot from you or who will put some extra responsibilities on your shoulders.
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Libra Sun Relationship With Their Father
As a Libra Sun, your father is the peacekeeper in the family and tries to create a harmonious life. He is someone who can see all points of view, and he is the mediator that everyone goes to. Your father may have a more feminine energy; he has good taste and is outgoing. He is the type of dad you can go shopping with, and he’d have fun doing it.
He is someone who may be a bit passive-aggressive, as he is not one for confrontation and doesn’t like having disagreements with you or others. He may also be someone who is hard to get a hold of or a little unstable and flaky.
Scorpio Sun Relationship With Their Father
Your dad is fun, optimistic, and generally positive, Scorpio Sun. He likes to be active, travel, and explore the world, and sees himself as someone adventurous. He is most likely well-educated, intelligent, and someone who teaches you a lot about life and encourages your educational pursuits as well.
Your dad is very in tune with his fun and youthful side, Scorpio Sun, and he is the guy that everyone loves. He may have a different background than your mother or where you are from and, overall, has a lot of insight to share with you in life.
Capricorn Sun Relationship With Their Father
Your father is someone who is very headstrong and capable, Capricorn Sun. He is someone who taught you early on in life that you can do anything you put your mind to with hard work and logic, and he is a very no-bullshit type of dad.
He is someone who pushes you to be the best that you can be, and he puts a lot of responsibilities on your plate because he believes you can handle it.
He most likely instilled some traditions in you that he grew up with, and he is a more nostalgic father. He is big on legacy and wants to make the family name proud.
Aquarius Sun Relationship With Their Father
Aquarius Sun, your father is someone who you find different from most fathers. He is unique, nontraditional, and inspiring for you, and you most likely have a good friendship with him as well. He is someone who encourages you to think outside of the box and to use your mind more than anything.
He could, however, be a little unpredictable, and someone a little more distant, and it’s difficult to know what to expect with him. You may take on a lot of your father’s more different or unusual traits, and he is someone who shapes your future a lot in life.
Pisces Sun Relationship With Their Father
Your dad is more emotional, creative, distant, and moody. He may be an artist, a musician, or someone who has a more creative career. Your dad is someone who shares how much you mean to him, someone inspiring, and someone who is compassionate towards you, Pisces Sun.
However, there could also be some issues with substance abuse, escapism, or not feeling stability with your father. He is someone who is vague and may not have very much influence in your life or someone who you see very often. You may feel very vulnerable around your father or see him in a weaker sense in life.
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Featured image by hobo_18/Getty Images