Plenty of men avoid claiming one woman while Deray Davis, comedian and star of Living With Funny, is claiming two, girlfriends Coco and Caro. The throuple, a three-person couple, has been happily existing for more than three years. Forget for a minute that many would consider their romantic situation a social taboo. All things considered, they are realistically in a successful, long-term relationship.
If you do your Googles, you may come across Deray’s ex, Claudia Jordan, who tweeted that their split was because “he had too many b-tches.” So, instead of cheating, Deray decided to keep it real. Who knows if this three-way love situation has more or less problems than a twosome. Either way, Deray's unapologetic approach to love will work for some people.
Here's why:
Relationships aren't always pretty.
Sure, the bae photos we rush to post to Instagram are cute as hell, but when the shit called life hits the fan, you better be in a situation that speaks true to who you are so you don’t lose yourself in the fray.
Relationships , specifically the relating part , are gritty and downright ugly at times. Therefore, you should only entertain a relationship that represents what you truly need. You may not need two committed lovers like Deray, but you should at least learn to accept your relationship exceptionalities.
[Tweet "You should only entertain a relationship that you truly need"]
Some couples live in separate homes, others take separate annual vacations, and some decide to never have children. Their decisions may go against the norm, but one thing is certain : at some point two people sat down and had a very honest conversation about what they need. And when you keep it 100 about what you're looking for in a partner, you're sure to find it.
We bend and break our own rules too often.
Plenty of women think a good man who is able to fully commit is a unicorn. We say we don't want this or that in a relationship when, in fact, often times, we less than our expectations in fear that speaking up will send him running to another woman's arms.
If Deray never spoke up and admitted to his penchant for variety, Coco and Caro would just be additions to the string of scorned women trailing behind him. Ladies, we need to be just as brutally honest about what we need. You can’t stay open to love if you’re not ready to accept your truths and stick to your "hell nahs."
Life shouldn't be harder than it already is.
[Tweet "We are constantly met with opinions we didn't ask for by people we don’t even know. "]
But it’s the time to fully embrace our Black Girl Magic, especially in relationships. It’s OK to love differently than other people. Gay, straight, trans, couple, throuple, situationship, monogamy — hell, some women have even married themselves (side eye). Be brave enough to own everything you want in love.
Customizing your relationships doesn’t have to be extreme. You don’t have to be willing to have a Friday night orgy just to exist in the fullness of your personal truth.
But you do have to be OK with yourself.
Be OK with who you may (or may not) find as you navigate through love’s waters.
Be OK with building something that may not fit into what’s expected.
Be OK with the growth that is supposed to happen when you love yourself enough to love someone else.
And if you feel so compelled , cop two boyfriends and see what it’s about.
Just make sure you report back to us! :)
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To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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