This Throwback Clip Of DeJ Loaf Is A Reminder That Childhood Trauma Can Affect You As A Grown-Ass Woman
Trauma is one hell of a drug, isn't it, ladies and gentleman?
While on one hand, no one truly likes pain and healing is always the goal, on the other, the brain has a tendency to crave what's familiar and for many of us, we know trauma as soon as it walks through the door. In a recently resurfaced throwback clip of VICE's The Therapistfrom 2017, DeJ Loaf said that she can totally relate and has seen firsthand how childhood trauma can affect you as a grown-ass woman.
In the intimate session with Dr. Siri Sat Nam Singh, Dej revealed that in the past, she's experienced depression but didn't know exactly what to call it:
"I just used to like cry a lot. I was going through depression, but I didn't know because I didn't know what depression was. I just thought I was dying. I think I just wanted out of just like everything that I saw."
If trauma seems to be the monkey you can't quite get off your back, please know that fear was the gateway drug. DeJ told Dr. Singh that growing up in Detroit left her in a constant state of alarm, and her panic turned out to be well-warranted after a tragic incident when she was only four years old:
"Back in the day, it was amazing. I know Motown and the good old days, but it's turned into something so rough. It seems like every part of Detroit is just like the hood, which is not safe, you know? I don't care what nobody says, like it's not safe. My dad got killed when I was four, back in 1995."
"We stayed in the projects. Um, he was just gunned down right outside in front of the house and you know, it was just tragic. You know, it was crazy."
DeJ explained that after the death of her father, her mother's depression left her unable to care for the would-be entertainer and soon after, she moved in with her grandmother:
Getty Images
"When my dad got killed, we had to move with my grandmother, who sold drugs. New environment, new lifestyle. It was different. She wasn't like the typical grandmother with a cane. She was like a gangster."
The 28-year-old performer explained that even after surviving a tragic childhood, things didn't get easier after fame. DeJ and Dr. Singh also addressed subsequent milestones of her trauma throughout the years, including experiencing loss and being stolen from. While DeJ thought that her past has given her "crazy trust issues", her therapist expressed that her feeling of defeat after trauma is normal AF and explained that affirmations may be the key to her healing.
"I think of them as seeds that you're putting into your psyche to grow. So place your hands over your heart center and close your eyes and just be there with yourself. Know it's all about you. It's not about me. It's all about you. The power lies within you."
We all have some unhealed trauma that we can stand to heal from, so place your hand over your heart and ok ladies, now let's do affirmations. *Cue Beyonce*
Repeat after me:
I love myself. I trust myself. I will be myself.
To watch the full clip, click below!
Featured image by Getty Images.
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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It’s spring, and it’s time to blossom into our favorite pastel nail colors. We can finally part ways with dark, neutral tones, looking forward to colors that make us feel lighter in spirit. Spring is a time to lighten the mood with floral designs and other aesthetics. Soon, our social media feeds will be filled with tons of nail inspiration, giving us many options. However, we can also understand how time-consuming it can be to find the perfect nail design.
We’ve collected 10 of the trendiest nails for every aesthetic. Warning: choosing one of these designs may cause every girl to ask you where you got your nails inspo from. In those moments, it’s advised to remember us. You’ve been warned.
Subtle Pastel Girlie
So, if you want to ease into your pastel colors, we get it. This nail art is perfect for getting into the nail season without fully committing. We love the subtle flower design with nude undertones. This color palette is ideal for anyone looking to keep their “clean girl aesthetic” without being too dull. If the solid pink color is still too much for your liking, try opting for nude on all the nails and allowing the two floral design to have their moment. There are many ways to get into the season without stepping outside our comfort zone.
Chrome Flower Girl
This nail design is an absolute show-stopper! Make everyone blind every time you wave hello with this incredible chrome art. This design is unique because of the gorgeous mix of purples, pinks, and yellows. This design is for the girl ready to move on from winter and enter her “spring girl era.” As if the colors alone weren’t enough, the two floral designs are the icing on this already captivating work of art. Live spring out loud with this masterpiece!
Yellow Mellow
Yellow is a signature spring color. This design honors the season with various yellows, making it stand out. Each pigment adds contrast to the design. This color scheme makes us want to break up with the typical nude aesthetic that has been around for way too long. Move forward and be the spotlight with the incredible yellow design.
Short But Mighty
Calling all of my short-nail girls! Yes, the rumors are true - we can have fun too. Short nails get a bad rap for not being as flashy as long nails. This design put those rumors to rest with its adorable pastel nail aesthetic. We love the hint of green complimented with pink floral nail art. This design is fun, classic, and refreshing for the upcoming season. Must have short nails for your job? No problem! Don’t lose out on feeling like that girl with this not-so-subtle nail art.
Pastel Anyone?
Gorgeous, gorgeous girls wear pastels! Can’t pick one pastel color for your next nail appointment? No worries! The beauty of nail art is that there are no rules. You can wear each pastel color on your fingertips with no regrets. This nail design proves just that with its impeccable color scheme matched with chrome to make things more interesting. Don’t stress yourself trying to find a design or pick a color. Do it all! You only live once, after all.
French Tip With A Twist
We love a classic white French tip as much as the next person, but in 2024, we are stepping it up! This pastel French tip will have all the girls screaming. Become mesmerized by the swirls of pinks, blues, and yellows across your tips. With this nail design, you’ll have anyone under your spell.
Easter Treat
Easter isn’t over until we say it’s over! This adorable Easter-inspired design will have you leaping into spring. Just look at those cute bunnies complimented with Easter eggs! The colors, design, and festive aesthetic have us jumping for joy. This design also has a nice balance of nudes, which can be great for anyone who wants to have fun with their nails and stay committed to neutral tones. This design has something everyone can appreciate, from the nail art girlie to the neutral girlie.
Simple Spring Chic
We have the perfect nail inspiration for you if you want to keep things clean and classic. This simple nail color eases into the season while still maintaining a classic touch. Let your jewelry be the glam when rocking this clean nail color.
Flower Girl
This design truly captures spring without words. From the colors to the flowers, there isn’t a part of this design that isn’t refreshing. The hues of pink alone give us soft girl Barbie vibes. Let your hands do all the talking with this perfect nail art.
Seeing Things Clearly
Finally, winter is behind us, and the spring sun allows us to see things clearly - just like this nail design! Clear nails have not gotten enough respect until now. These gel x clear spring nails are all you need to set the tone for the season. Colorful flowers are the main vocal point of the design while remaining simple. This design is a breath of fresh air we’ve all been waiting for. Welcome to spring!
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Feature image by Justin Lambert/ Getty Images