It's 2018 and we are still encountering many "firsts" for women of color. First black woman to headline Coachella. First black woman to own a NASCAR team. First black woman to earn a PhD in nuclear engineering from MIT. First black woman to win the San Francisco mayoral election. The list goes on. One notable "first" took place earlier this month: Dee-Ann Kentish-Rogers was crowned Miss Universe Great Britain – the first black woman to do so in over 66 years of the pageant's history.
Miss Universe Great Britain: Dee-Ann Kentish Rogers. Photo by Teresa Brooks.
Recently, Dee-Ann chatted with xoNecole to discuss her journey to pageantry, original aspirations to become an Olympic athlete, competing with natural hair, advice to her younger self, and everything in between. All hail the queen!
"I hope that my win will translate into a significant increase in the number of black woman entering Miss Universe Great Britain," Dee-Ann said, regarding her new crown. "My win says to them and woman of other ethnic background: Be bold, be courageous there is space for you in pageantry. Step into it and own it."
Long before Dee-Ann aspired to compete in Miss Universe Great Britain pageant, she had her sight set on a different competition: the Olympics.
"I was born in Antigua and spent most of my childhood running barefoot and climbing trees on Anguilla's beautiful shores. My mom was the soccer/volleyball/track/debate team mom and spent her time shuttling me from one extra curricular activity to another. I spent the vast majority of my time training to become an Olympic athlete for Great Britain and my determination allowed me to compete in the Commonwealth Games on two occasions and the World University Games three times as a heptathlete. Unfortunately, a knee injury at the Commonwealth Games in Scotland ended that dream prematurely."
Rather than let this devastating career blow keep her down, she found a new outlet for her competitiveness and a platform that would let her shine: pageantry.
"I looked for something else to channel my competitive energy into and in came pageantry on a shining white horse. My first attempt at pageantry was the Miss Anguilla pageant in 2017. After I won that crown, I caught the pageant bug and immediately began searching for another pageant."
Photo by Kev Wise.
Through her reign, Dee-Ann hopes to bring attention to a number of women's rights issues, including: fighting against female genital mutilation, ending acid attacks in India, supporting The Black Mambas, an all-female Anti-Poaching Unit, and providing programs for homeless women in Wales through the charity, A-Sisterhood.
Following in the footsteps of Miss Jamaica 2017, Davina Bennett, and taking another massive win for representation, Dee-Ann will compete with her natural hair and become the first Miss Universe contestant to compete with dreadlocks.
"I grew up with my natural afro frequently combed into two cornrows. My mother never allowed me to straighten my hair, even when I begged her. It was one of those decisions you become grateful for later on in life. As a student athlete, sometimes caring for my hair took up time I did not think I had. After researching dreadlocks, I decided it was something I wanted to do. I could trace my life journey through the knots in my hair. I made the decision not to change my dreads for the pageant because I felt it was important for young women to understand that they don't need to change themselves through enhancements in order to belong. Miss Universe has been edging close to crowning a natural hair woman."
"I could trace my life journey through the knots in my hair."
Photo by Zuri Wilkes.
Dee-Ann credits a lot of her success up to this point to the support and guidance of the strong black women in her family.
"My drive [is] to make the matriarch of my family - my late grandmother proud. For her, happiness came from seeing her children and grandchildren living their fullest lives. She grew up poor, working with her hands all her life but her ironclad determination allowed her to see her children succeed. As a fruit of her labour, I want to achieve everything she never got the chance to."
"My drive is to make my late grandmother proud."
Dee-Ann hopes her win will be a call to action for women of color to fearlessly pursue their dreams and to be more than a face in underrepresented spaces, but to be endearing and unwavering in their ambitions. "Do not to be afraid to reinvent your dreams. Life won't always pan out exactly as we plan but it always shifts course for a reason. Setbacks happen. Have the determination to stay focused and you will overcome."
6 Fun Facts About Dee-Ann Kentish-Rogers:
- Favorite food? OXTAIL!
- Favorite song? "All the Stars" by SZA and Kendrick Lamar
- Favorite hair product?June Milnrow Jamaican Black Castor Oil Edge Freeze Gel (life saving!!!)
- Favorite hobby? Salsa dancing
- One place you want to travel? Cuba
- The thing you can't live without? Honestly, it's probably my phone (I can feel my mother's disapproving glance from here).
For more De-Ann, follow her on Instagram.
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There is quite a bit of science to back this up too. For instance, physical touch can lower stress and boost immunity. Physical touch makes us calmer and more compassionate. Physical touch reduces pain and anxiety. Physical touch helps to cultivate emotional intimacy with other people. Physical touch creates comfort and pleasure. Bottom line, physical touch does so much for us which is why we should learn as much about it as we possibly can.
That’s not to say that all of us desire to be touched in the same fashion, though. For example, did you know that there is quite a bit of research to support the fact that men and women (overall) long to be touched in different ways?
In the effort that we all become more “fluently effective” when it comes to how we “speak” the language of physical touch to those around us (especially when it comes to our partner), let’s explore how a man wants to be touched vs. how a woman prefers to be.
Men and Women Are Different. Even When It Comes to Touch. Why, Though?
GiphyBefore I get into some things that I discovered about men and women when it comes to where they prefer to be touched and how those places differ from one another, first let’s — pardon the pun — touch on why there is even a difference in the first place. Apparently, because women’s fingers are naturally softer, they are better when it comes to touch discrimination. What is that? Touch discrimination is basically having the ability to tell the difference between different types of touch sensations. And this is probably a big part of the reason why research also says that when compassion, anger, or happiness is conveyed through touch, men and women tend to respond/react a bit differently as well.
Case in point: One study stated that when two men try to convey compassion through touch, it doesn’t really resonate well, although men can detect anger, even through the slightest touch, extraordinarily well. And happiness? Well, when two women are sharing that feeling through touch, it is clearly conveyed — meanwhile, between a man and a woman or two men? Yeah, not so much.
The thought process for these three emotions is, when it comes to compassion because women have been the prominent caregivers throughout history, they have “mastered” the ability to express it. Anger? Remember, men are good at detecting it — studies say that it’s because they tend to feel and express anger more often; I’d venture to say that being protectors and providers requires being aware of that emotion far more often as well. Happiness? Reportedly, women tend to be happier more often than men are and they also convey their emotions, openly, more than men do too.
How Men Feel About Physical Touch (Overall)
GiphyOkay, so when it comes to unique things about men and women as it relates to touch, let’s start with the fellas, out the gate. I wanna do that because, when I was doing my research on all of this, I immediately came across something that proved what I just said in the intro. What part in particular? Did you know that, even when it comes to truly platonic friendships, men still wish that their female friends would engage in physical touch more than women do (via their male friends)?
That’s because, even when it comes to intimacy among friends, physical touch displays trust and a feeling of closeness — and research says that men find that to be valuable. And so yes, this does amplify the point that physical touch and the need for it go well beyond sexual intimacy.
Still, I’m sure that it comes as absolutely no surprise that if you were to ask a group of men and women who prefer the love language of physical touch more, it’s going to be men (especially if they are over the age of 45). And while there are many theories for why this is the case, mine is that, since men are traditionally known and expected to be providers and protectors and that is hard work, I think they feel safe, reassured, seen, validated and deeply cared for through physical touch. It’s a way for them to get “off of the clock” from using touch to take care of others to being touched in a nurturing way.
Some other interesting things about men and touch is, although women seem to be more at ease with being touched overall, guys are more comfortable with being touched by strangers, especially in a flirty way (in part, because they process it as a potential for “opportunity” — read between the lines there), they prefer women touching them over being touched by men and they are known to initiate touch more if who they are touching is a woman.
And what about touch as it relates to sexual intimacy? Well, according to science, while both men and women enjoy their genital region, lips, ears, shoulders, and inner thighs to be caressed, men also respond to the back of their legs to be touched while women barely even acknowledge that part of their body (in this way). Men also consider their hands to be an erogenous zone far more than women do. It should also be noted that men are more aroused by touching their partner than being touched by them.
How Women Feel About Physical Touch (Overall)
GiphySo, what about women and touch? Well, something that is associated with women quite a bit is affective touch. If you’re not familiar with what that is, affective touch is all about having the ability to touch in a way that cultivates feeling and emotion. Not only do women tend to be better at doing it, but they also find it to be a more pleasurable experience than men do. Research says that this is because of the fact that, overall, women have had more positive experiences, as it related to touch than men.
Something else that is interesting about affective touch is women who express themselves through touch are typically considered to be more affectionate and trusting as opposed to men who touch a lot. And so, since women like to give affective touch, they are also highly responsive to it — and that could explain why women like to touch and be touched (like reaching out to touch someone’s hand) when someone is sharing their thoughts and feelings with them.
Another thing to note about women and touch is because their pain perception is a lot more sensitive than men’s, even slight adjustments in touch (pressure, temperature shifts in body parts, etc.) will affect them in a way that won’t affect men. When it comes to sexual intimacy, specifically, this could explain why even a slight shift in touch can bring a woman into or take a woman out of the mood far easier and quicker than it would a guy’s.
Something else that should go on record here is how women respond to touch based on their menstrual cycle. For instance, when a woman is ovulating, she tends to be more sensitive to touch; plus, she also finds kissing to be more of a priority. Meanwhile, the drastic shifts in hormones during menopause and postmenopause can make women less sensitive to touch.
As far as sex and sexual stimulation go, women reportedly like to be touched more than to touch. Also, when a man looks into a woman’s eyes while touching her, that increases her arousal levels significantly (men prefer women to gaze at their genitalia; not sure if anyone is shocked there — LOL). Places where they prefer to be touched include their breasts, neck, and butt; some even say that they can orgasm just from being stimulated in those spots (along with their lips and ears). As far as the type of touch that is most effective for women during copulation, oral reigns.
And what about how men feel about oral sex? Well, I once read an article that said that 27 percent of the male participants in their study would rather get some fellatio tonight than receive a raise, so…you do the math. LOL (while we’re on the topic of oral sex, a little over 50 percent of men and women find it to be more intimate than intercourse and consider refusal to engage to be a relationship deal-breaker. Agreed).
GiphyOkay, so with all of this intel on how men and women differ in the touch department, what does all of this even mean? To me, it’s a blaring reminder that even something as simple as touching has billions of layers to it — that even though touch is something that we all need, the art of it is something that must be studied and mastered; especially when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex and even more so when that person is our partner.
And yet, we shouldn’t take this information lightly because, when you (again) factor in all of the ways that touch is holistically beneficial…just imagine how much better intimacy would be, on all levels, if we respected how people prefer to be touched more often.
A poet by the name of John Keats once said, “Touch has a memory.” Think about that the next time you reach out to touch someone — and they reach out to touch you. Then ask yourself: what memories do you want them to have? What memories do you want to keep?
How can all of this data help to make that happen?
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Featured image by Giphy