'Dear Self' Letters: An Important Part Of My Self-Care Ritual
Dear Alley,
Do. Not. Quit. On. Yourself.
It's been a whirlwind couple of months and there is much more to learn. Trust yourself to make the right choices and leave fear alone. If you fall, you fall. Just keep getting up. Also, please remember to take note of how much you've grown since March 11, 2016. In this new chapter, you are your own boss; take pride in that.
Keep slaying,
Alley 7.25.16
I write little love letters to myself.
I keep them tucked away in a journal as a reminder that even on those days where there seems to be a black tar cloud following me, I am still enough.
We set incredibly high standards for ourselves. Whether you are an entrepreneur, work a full-time job, are enrolled in school, or simply hustling, we often forget to pour what we put out into the world back into ourselves. We are far better at sending words of encouragement and love to besties but hardly look in the mirror, smile, and relish in our own dopeness.
Taking the time to say it aloud, dance it out, or write it down, that we are amazing without attaching a “but" is important. The world does enough in beating us down, being conscious in uplifting ourselves, without noting what we might think we are missing or lacking, is a simple and effective way to boost our own morale without seeking outside validation.
Setting aside time to do more than post a motivating quote on Instagram is vital to your mental and emotional health. Self-care can be many things:
An uninterrupted solo date to the nail salon,
A walk in the park,
Reading that book you haven't had time to get into.
Whatever your preference may be, try adding love letters to yourself to your self-care routine as well.
Sometimes reading through my previous letters to myself helps push me through a particularly tough day, because I know I've overcome much worst in the past. It's a form of instant self-gratification as I give myself the love and adoration that I give to others so freely throughout my day to day. Self-reflection takes on a new form as a place the pen to paper and make the language I speak to myself more real.
Here are four tips on how to set time aside to reflect and write love letters to yourself:
Dedicate a Monthly Morning
I have a reoccurring date in my calendar that is dedicated to my self-care. On the last Sunday of every month, I take time to intentionally focus on myself. I begin that morning with writing these reflective notes.
Be Direct With Yourself
Writing to yourself might sound silly at first but use this time to have an out-of-body experience and become your own personal cheerleader.
Note Every Obstacle AND Triumph
In being your own cheerleader, wave your pom-poms for every triumph you've accomplished despite the initial challenge or pain felt. This includes the promotion you asked for and/or the toxic relationship you removed out of your life. Reflect and rejoice.
Update Your Goals
These love letters are both reflective and an effective way of tracking your goal progress. Are you neglecting your goals? Have you taken a few steps backwards? Be honest and direct with yourself, write it down, and set actionable steps to achieve that next level you're working towards.
At first, writing letters to yourself feels very weird. You're essentially talking to yourself, but not in a “seek help type of way." These mini letters function as a time of self-reflection and goal setting. Keeping them dated and all together allows you to track how much you've grown and accomplished.
Have you ever taken a moment to write a “Dear Self" letter? How did it make you feel? Share with us below!
Featured image by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage