'Dear Self' Letters: An Important Part Of My Self-Care Ritual
Dear Alley,
Do. Not. Quit. On. Yourself.
It's been a whirlwind couple of months and there is much more to learn. Trust yourself to make the right choices and leave fear alone. If you fall, you fall. Just keep getting up. Also, please remember to take note of how much you've grown since March 11, 2016. In this new chapter, you are your own boss; take pride in that.
Keep slaying,
Alley 7.25.16
I write little love letters to myself.
I keep them tucked away in a journal as a reminder that even on those days where there seems to be a black tar cloud following me, I am still enough.
We set incredibly high standards for ourselves. Whether you are an entrepreneur, work a full-time job, are enrolled in school, or simply hustling, we often forget to pour what we put out into the world back into ourselves. We are far better at sending words of encouragement and love to besties but hardly look in the mirror, smile, and relish in our own dopeness.
Taking the time to say it aloud, dance it out, or write it down, that we are amazing without attaching a “but" is important. The world does enough in beating us down, being conscious in uplifting ourselves, without noting what we might think we are missing or lacking, is a simple and effective way to boost our own morale without seeking outside validation.
Setting aside time to do more than post a motivating quote on Instagram is vital to your mental and emotional health. Self-care can be many things:
An uninterrupted solo date to the nail salon,
A walk in the park,
Reading that book you haven't had time to get into.
Whatever your preference may be, try adding love letters to yourself to your self-care routine as well.
Sometimes reading through my previous letters to myself helps push me through a particularly tough day, because I know I've overcome much worst in the past. It's a form of instant self-gratification as I give myself the love and adoration that I give to others so freely throughout my day to day. Self-reflection takes on a new form as a place the pen to paper and make the language I speak to myself more real.
Here are four tips on how to set time aside to reflect and write love letters to yourself:
Dedicate a Monthly Morning
I have a reoccurring date in my calendar that is dedicated to my self-care. On the last Sunday of every month, I take time to intentionally focus on myself. I begin that morning with writing these reflective notes.
Be Direct With Yourself
Writing to yourself might sound silly at first but use this time to have an out-of-body experience and become your own personal cheerleader.
Note Every Obstacle AND Triumph
In being your own cheerleader, wave your pom-poms for every triumph you've accomplished despite the initial challenge or pain felt. This includes the promotion you asked for and/or the toxic relationship you removed out of your life. Reflect and rejoice.
Update Your Goals
These love letters are both reflective and an effective way of tracking your goal progress. Are you neglecting your goals? Have you taken a few steps backwards? Be honest and direct with yourself, write it down, and set actionable steps to achieve that next level you're working towards.
At first, writing letters to yourself feels very weird. You're essentially talking to yourself, but not in a “seek help type of way." These mini letters function as a time of self-reflection and goal setting. Keeping them dated and all together allows you to track how much you've grown and accomplished.
Have you ever taken a moment to write a “Dear Self" letter? How did it make you feel? Share with us below!
Featured image by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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You've Never Seen Luke James In A Role Quite Like This
Over the years, we've watched Luke James play countless characters we'd deem sex symbols, movie stars, and even his complicated character in Lena Waithe's The Chi. For the first time in his career, the New Orleans-born actor has taken on a role where his signature good looks take a backseat as he transforms into Edmund in Them: The Scare—a mentally deranged character in the second installment of the horror anthology series that you won't be able to take your eyes off.
Trust us, Edmund will literally make you do a double take.
xoNecole sat down with Luke James to talk about his latest series and all the complexity surrounding it—from the challenges taking on this out-of-the-box role to the show's depiction of the perplexing history of the relationship between Black Americans and police. When describing the opportunity to bring Edmund's character to life, Luke was overjoyed to show the audience yet another level of his masterful acting talents.
"It was like bathing in the sun," he said. "I was like, thank you! Another opportunity for me to be great—for me to expand my territory. I'm just elated to be a part of it and to see myself in a different light, something I didn't think I could do." He continued, "There are parts of you that says, 'Go for it because this is what you do.' But then also that's why it's a challenge because you're like, 'um, I don't know if I'm as free as I need to be to be able to do this.' Little Marvin just created such a safe space for me to be able to do this, and I'm grateful for everything I've been able to do to lead to this."
Courtesy
Them: The Scare, like the first season, shines a light on the plight of Black Americans in the United States. This time, the story is taking place in the 1990s, at the height of the Rodney King riots in Los Angeles. While the series presents many underlying themes, one that stands out is Black people and the complicated relationship with the police. "For the audience, I think it sets the tone for the era that we're in and the amount of chaos that's in the air in Los Angeles and around the country from this heinous incident. And I say it just sets the tone of the anxiety and anxiousness that everybody is feeling in their own households."
James has been a longtime advocate against police brutality himself. He has even featured Elijah McClain, the 23-year-old Colorado man who died after being forcibly detained by officers, as his Instagram avatar for the past five years. So, as you can imagine, this script was close to his heart. "Elijah was a soft-loving oddball. Different than anyone but loving and a musical genius. He was just open and wanted to be loved and seen."
Getty Images
Luke continued, "His life was taken from him. I resonate with his spirit and his words...through all the struggle and the pain he still found it in him to say, 'I love you and I forgive you.' And that's who we are as people—to our own detriment sometimes. He's someone I don't want people to forget. I have yet to remove his face from my world because I have yet to let go of his voice, let go of that being [because] there's so many people we have lost in our history that so often get forgotten."
He concluded, "I think that's the importance of such artwork that moves us to think and talk about it. Yes, it's entertaining. We get to come together and be spooked together. But then we come together and we think, 'Damn, Edmund needed someone to talk to. Edmund needed help... a lot [of] things could have been different. Edmund could have been saved.'
Check out the full interview below.
Luke James Talks Ditching Sex Symbol Status For "Them: The Scare", Elijah McClain, & Morewww.youtube.com
Featured image by Getty Images