Dear Queen: An Open Letter To Passionate Women Who Find Themselves Dimming Their Light
Everything I do receives all of me.
I put my heart, mind, and soul into anything with my name attached to it. Believe it or not, I consider this a lot easier than half-assing things. In love and in my career, I am driven by passion and am sometimes caught off guard when that same passion is not reciprocated. From jobs to men, it's important to me to feel as though every last bit of me is desired and needed.
I've come across men whose only ties with love are spelling it correctly. They knew nothing about passion because their emotions knew nothing beyond the surface. I've come across jobs that didn't even require my mind, let alone my heart. They only required that I show up on time and be the placeholder who did everything the boss felt was beneath him/her.
Being a woman driven by passion, it is important that I only tend to things that will bring that passion out of me. It is also important that I don't let anything or anyone make me feel bad for having a fire burning inside of me.
Here's an open letter to all of the women who try to hide that fire in fear of what others may think:
Dear Queen:
Be yourself and be yourself without an apology to follow.
Be who you were born to be unapologetically.
Instead of feeling like it's a curse, know that it's a blessing that you're able to use your heart time and time again.
Don't be ashamed for wearing your heart on your sleeve.
Don't feel weak for not being able to do others how they've done you.
That's strength, not a weakness.
I pray that you don't water yourself down to allow others to simply float in your presence.
I pray that you don't partake in anything that doesn't require or even want all of you.
Because all of you is all you know.
All of you is all you know how to give.
Demand that they take everything that comes with you or leave you where you stand.
You're not crazy.
Not for loving hard and not for chasing everything you've ever dreamed of.
You're passionate.
And if you've ever felt bad about that, forgive yourself.
If someone was able to convince you that you're "too much," forgive yourself.
Unlearn the notion that only part of you is good enough.
Always remember that the world needs you.
Passion has the ability to heal and whether you know it or not, your passion has healed someone's wounds.
Your passion has given someone courage to keep fighting.
Your passion has changed the world in one way or another.
Your passion has kept everything from a person to a company above water.
Dear Queen, the women who's on the verge of putting out her fire, I pray that you choose more fuel instead.
Dear Queen is a series dedicated to letters from women written for themselves and other women. Have a “Dear Queen" letter? We want to read it! E-mail your letters to editor@xonecole.com. Subject: 'Dear Queen'
Featured image by Getty Images
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage