Dating? What does that even mean anymore?
Ask around and you'll get a multitude of answers, from hooking up and talking exclusivity with one person. Personally, I'm talking about good, old fashioned dating that allows you to see what's out in the world. By that definition, it's something that I've never partook in but something that feels necessary and that I feel ready to indulge in...finally. But with the world revolving around hookup culture and the apps that support it, how does one even go about doing that on the cusp of 2018?
In knowing exactly what I want, I have a 30-minute bandwidth with apps such as Tinder where I get request to have my p*ssy eatten after minimal dialogue. Don't get me wrong, that's great and all, but I'm not sure it's the proper way to manifest what I intended to manifest from the app. To that point, I'm not so sure that app is any better.
Hoping the results I yielded on the tried and true Tinder were isolated incidents, I also tried apps like Clover, Plenty of Fish, and even a few sugar daddy apps (because men and money never hurt nobody).
PoF was a bust from the second I downloaded, simply because the logistics of the app irked me and on Clover, I found an influx of undercover gay men and a crossdresser who expressed interest. Which is fine, just not for me. Post-dating app failure, I have a greater inclination to date the old fashioned way and that included meeting men in public settings. As someone who has always worked in female-dominated fields, there's not much of a space to meet men at work or in social settings.
So, the question remains: how the f*ck does one date in 2018? Sadly, for those who love our solo Netflix 'n' Chill seshes, I think dating remains the same no matter how it is that we change. That means getting out and unlearning the defense mechanisms we've come to utilize by hiding behind our phone screens and earbuds. It means being as present as we can in the few moments that we do spend out in the world.
And for those of us in this generation who are finding ourselves in more entrepreneurial endeavors and work from home roles that isolate us from a workforce, it means we must maximize every opportunity to meet people. Below are three ways to maximize your visibility in the 2018 dating scene.
1. Rideshares Are the New 'Getting Out' and Meeting People
I mostly Uber Pool because I have to, not because I want to. Nonetheless, Uber Pool opens a door that wouldn't otherwise be opened if you're behind the wheel of your own car. In my "Uber everywhere" lifestyle, I am exposed to attractive drivers and in my experience, the drivers typically have decent day jobs -- potentially weeding out men who lack potential. Furthermore, the other riders you meet along the way are always viable options as well.
Basically, there's love to be found in Ubers, or at least a free meal.
2. Use Social Media and Actually Get Social
It's particularly difficult to meet people when you're starting from the ground up. But this is especially made difficult if you're Black in a new city, or at least that's how I'm currently feeling. Currently, social media is probably the greatest community that I have outside of my predominately white cohort, so I've been thinking I need to play the hand I was dealt. Facebook groups of like-minded people often have meetups, so we can learn more about one another -- take advantage of these and go to the events that they offer.
3. Be Willing to Trot Around Solo
You don't need to wait to have friends before you start going out. Freeing yourself of the insane logic frees you up to chat up some stranger at the day party you attended without the defense of friends. It invites other people to approach you and perhaps you even make some friend-friends who you have no intent on dating.
Related Stories:
I Met Him In An UberPOOL And Now We're Getting Married! - Read More
Relocating & Dating In A Non-Diverse City Has Me Feeling Like Beyoncé - Read More
So, What's A Pre-Date Anyway? - Read More
Go Get Him! Study Shows Women Who Make the First Move Have Better Dating Success - Read More
Featured image by Getty Images
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RELATED
The seeds for these entrepreneurs were planted during their time as students at schools like Spelman, North Carolina A&T, and more, which is why xoNecole caught up with Look Good Live Well’s Ariane Turner, HBCU Buzz’s Luke Lawal and Morehouse Senior Director of Marketing and Comms and Press Secretary Jasmine Gurley to highlight the role their HBCU roots play in their work as entrepreneurs, the legacy they aim to leave behind through the work that they do, and more as a part of Hyundai’s Best In Class initiative.
On Honoring HBCU Roots To Create Something That Is For Us, By Us
Ariane Turner
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When Ariane Turner launched Look Good, Live Well, she created it with Black and brown people in mind, especially those with sensitive skin more prone to dryness and skin conditions like acne and eczema.
The Florida A&M University graduate launched her business to create something that addressed topical skin care needs and was intentional about its approach without negative terminology.
Turner shared that it is important to steer clear of language often adopted by more prominent brands, such as “banishing breakouts” or “correcting the skin,” because, in reality, Turner says there is nothing wrong with the way that our skin and bodies react to various life changes.
“I think what I have taken with me regarding my HBCU experience and translated to my entrepreneurial experience is the importance of not just networking,” Turner, the founder and CEO of Look Good, Live Well, tellls xoNecole.
“We hear that in business all the time, your network is your net worth, but family, there’s a thing at FAMU that we call FAMU-lee instead of family, and it’s very much a thing. What that taught me is the importance of not just making relationships and not just making that connection, but truly working on deepening them, and so being intentional about connecting with people initially, but staying connected and building and deepening those relationships, and that has served me tremendously in business, whether it’s being able to reach back to other classmates who I went to school with, or just networking in general.”
She adds, “I don’t come from a business background. As soon as I finished school, I continued with my entrepreneurial journey, and so there’s a lot of that traditional business act and the networking, those soft skills that I just don’t have, but I will say that just understanding how to leverage and network community and to build intentional relationships is something that has taken me far and I definitely got those roots while attending FAMU.”
On Solving A Very Specific Need For The Community
Luke Lawal Jr.
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When Luke Lawal Jr. launched HBCU Buzz, his main focus was to represent his community, using the platform to lift as they climbed by creating an outlet dedicated to celebrating the achievements and positive news affecting the 107 historically HBCUs nationwide.
By spotlighting the wonderful things that come from the HBCU community and coupling it with what he learned during his time at Bowie State University, Lawal used that knowledge to propel himself as an entrepreneur while also providing his people with accurate representation across the internet.
“The specific problem in 2011 when I started HBCU Buzz was more so around the fact that mainstream media always depict HBCUs as negative,” Lawal says. “You would only see HBCUs in the mainstream media when someone died, or the university president or someone was stepping down. It was always bad news, but they never shed light on all the wonderful things from our community."
So, I started HBCU Buzz to ensure the world saw the good things that come from our space. And they knew that HBCUs grew some of the brightest people in the world, and just trying to figure out ways to make sure our platform was a pedestal for all the students that come through our institutions.”
“The biggest goal is to continue to solve problems, continue to create brands that solve the problems of our communities, and make sure that our products, our brands, our companies, and institutions are of value and they’re helping our community,” he continues. “That they’re solving problems that propel our space forward.”
On How Being An HBCU Alum Impacts The Way One Shows Up In The World
Jasmine Gurley
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Jasmine Gurley is a proud North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University alum. She is even more delighted with her current role, which enables her to give back to current HBCU students as the Senior Director of Brand Marketing and Communications and official press secretary at Morehouse College.
“It was a formative experience where I really was able to come into my own and say yes to all the opportunities that were presented to me, and because of that, it’s been able to open the doors later in life too,” says Gurley of her experience at North Carolina A&T. “One thing I love about many HBCUs is that we are required to learn way more about African American history than you do in your typical K through 12 or even at the higher ed level."
She adds, “It allowed us to have a better understanding of where we came from, and so for me, because I’m a storyteller, I’m a history person, I’m very sensitive to life in general, being able to listen to the stories and the trials that our ancestors overcame, put the battery pack in my back to say, ‘Oh nothing can stop me. Absolutely nothing can stop me. I know where I came from, so I can overcome something and try anything. And I have an obligation to be my ancestors’ wildest dreams. Simultaneously, I also have a responsibility to help others realize that greatness.
Gurley does not take her position at an HBCU, now as a leader, lightly.
“People think I’m joking when I say I’m living the dream, but I really am,” she notes. “So I wake up every day and know that the work that I do matters, no matter how hard it might be, how frustrating it may be, and challenging it. I know the ripple effect of my work, my team, and what this institution does also matter. The trajectory of Black male experiences, community, history, and then just American advancement just in general.”
On the other hand, through her business, Sankofa Public Relations, Gurley is also on a mission to uplift brands in their quest to help their respective communities. Since its inception in 2017, Sankofa PR has been on a mission to “reach back and reclaim local, national, and global communities by helping those actively working to move” various areas of the world, focusing on pushing things forward for the better.
“Through Sankofa, we’ve worked with all different types of organizational brands and individuals in several different industries, but I would think of them as mission-based,” says Gurley.
“So with that, it’s an opportunity to help people who are trying to do good in the world, and they are passionate about what they’re doing. They just need help with marketing issues, storytelling, and branding, and that’s when my expertise can come into play. Help them get to that moment where they can tell their story through me or another platform, and that’s been super fulfilling.”
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
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