Curlbox's Myleik Teele Keeps It Real On Being A Boss, Psychotherapy & Dating As An Entrepreneur
Whenever Myleik Teele posts a podcast, I'm all ears—soaking up every word of wisdom that I possibly can.
There's something about her transparency and realness that draws me in as she touches on topics that many at her level of visibility would shy away from. With every new post she reminds me that I'm not alone in my pursuit of purpose and leaving behind a legacy that will inspire and impact generations to come. Nor am I the only one attempting to navigate the world of dating without letting my biological clock rush me into the wrong arms, or allow my work to overwhelm me into an early grave.
To put it simply, Myleik is that home girl that you want to call up whenever you're going through a crisis and need a gentle reminder that “you've got this, boo!"
When I hop on a call with the founder and CEO of curlBOX—a subscription service that allows women of color to explore natural hair by delivering quality products to their doorstep every month—she brings that same level of realness to our conversation as if she were at home recording another #MyTaughtYou lesson from the school of hard knocks.
I confess to her that I almost reached out after shutting down my former website, Necole Bitchie in July 2015. It was four weeks after I called it quits and decided to create a platform that was positive and uplifting for women of color—a bold step that left me tripping over my emotions—broken and having to risk going broke as I was dumping every dollar I made back into a site I wasn't sure would work. I wasn't sure who to turn to for support during my confusion, so I tuned into Myleik's uplifting podcasts. It left me wondering who she reached out to as an entrepreneur during her times of struggle.
“Honestly, Necole, I go to a licensed psychotherapist," she says. Revealing her secret as to how she deals with the pressures of running a business without letting it ruin her life. “I got to a point where I kind of had outpaced my circle. I had a circle of girlfriends. And then you start complaining like, 'I'm making too much money and I'm unhappy,' and they're like 'f-ck you.' Nobody wants to hear that. I've been in psychotherapy; this month makes three years; every Tuesday I go."
It reminds me of the article that I read in Inc. Magazine on “The Psychological Price of Entrepreneurship," and how many entrepreneurs battle depression and succumb to suicidal thoughts due to long hours, mounting debt, and no guarantee that your risk will come with reward. It's no secret that being your own boss isn't always glitz and glamour. Sure there are the successes and the wins—the press opportunities from respectable magazines, red carpet appearances, and award banquet invitations. But there's also the side that is often less visible but highly experienced—a subject that up until recently has been so taboo that many die masking their pain. I, too, know that taking a leap of faith means free falling before spreading your wings and soaring to success. Myleik is familiar with it as well.
Growing up in Los Angeles, CA, Myleik always knew that she would be successful, and made a point to be around people who reflected the success that she desired. Her résumé is a reflection of her hustle—working in PR for The Grammy Awards, American Idol and celebrity clients such as Prince and Linkin Park before snagging a job with Travis Barker to work as his personal publicist. But when the musician and his band mates were involved in an unfortunate plane crash that left four of the six passengers dead, it caused her to rethink her own path in life and whether or not she was living her life to the fullest.
“My friend died in that crash, and at his funeral I don't know what happened, but I had this huge light bulb moment where I was like this could be you. How many times are you going to sit and promise to live the life you've always wished for and do all the things they say you should do before you die and not do it? And that was my wake up call. It was basically like "ride or die" until you're in that casket. I've never went back since then."
With $7,000 cashed out from a 401K, she moved to Atlanta, but couldn't find a job due to the recession. Desperate for money, she signed up for babysitting service Care.com, and was contacted by Kim Zolciak from The Real Housewives of Atlanta for a job. She worked as a personal assistant to the reality star for a year before branching off in 2010 to launch her boutique PR firm, snagging celebrities, apps and beauty brands as clients. When friend-turned-client Ken Burkeen, founder of the Huetiful Hair Steamer, hired her to do PR, she started attending hair meet ups and shows, where she noticed a lack of sample products geared towards black women.
It sparked the idea for curlBOX, and after seeing her own massive collection of hair products that were piling up under her sink, she decided it was time to create the product that she always needed. “I was like white girls get samples all of the time. They can go to Macy's and get their own, but what about us?"
The product junkie took her passion and knowledge for beauty and hair products from a thought to reality, utilizing her connections to help her with the foundations of her business from logo design to photos for her website, which launched in November 2011. In January 2012, she put the first box on sale for $20 per month. In her first month she made $4,000, and has continued to be profitable for the last three years.
At this point, I'm curious, because many business owners will attest to losing money for the first few months (or even a few years) before becoming profitable. Within 10 months Myleik was already moving her booming business into a warehouse. She credits her gift of gab to being a big part of her financial success.
“I think that some of the skills that I gained as a PR person is just relationships. I figured out how to do it. I spent a lot of time traveling; I spent a lot of time connecting with my brand. What's so funny is I think a lot of people wonder how I get this network or why people like me so much and this is just what I do, so people who I befriend really love me. They really take care of me, and I do my best to take care of them."
Though she's churned a profit, she's also made some costly mistakes—such as kicking out $6,000 for a website that wouldn't work for her e-commerce platform. But one thing about Myleik is that she's made a point to never go back to broke and always has a plan. In this case, it's an exit plan for when she reaches the dollar amount that she's comfortable with retiring off of.
“I have two wealth managers and they know what my goal is. If I don't figure out what my next move is, I am planning to retire early, so I know how much it cost me. I'm saving to be able to have the option to quit one day, so that in the event that I get sick of this and I don't know what's next, I can live off of interest. I try to convince the girls that work for me to get $10,000 saved up, because I think that's kind of a minimum to get a good investment account going, and just work from there."
Noted. Not to mention that she has investors reaching out to cash in on her curlBOX product line. But she's in no rush to share a slice of the pie with anyone who can't bring more to the table.
Between managing her team of full-time staff and interns, on top of building the curlBOX brand, her mentoring site MYTaughtYou.com, and her social media, it's no wonder why Myleik is up at the crack of dawn.
“Successful people have this insane amount of discipline and do things when they are tired or they don't feel like it. I've seen so many people do so much in a day with very little complaining. I always say that I don't know a successful person that doesn't wake up early."
But don't get it twisted; taking care of self is numero uno on her agenda—something that I personally have just begun to master. She references one of my previous blogs where I confessed to taking my first break in three years and I can feel the side eye through the phone.
“I was like she's crazy! I will take a break on you so fast! I realized that I'm useless or I would get sick and would hate this if I don't stop and take a break. Last year I took like 15 vacations. I love massages; I am the queen of the spa."
We both agree that if you don't take care of you, nobody else will. It's easy to burn out in this business, and if you don't know your limits someone will surely push you beyond them. Going to psychotherapy is part of what keeps Myleik mentally and spiritually sound. So much so that not even a man can come in and disrupt her peace. We talk about dating at our age as independent girl bosses with me sharing that throughout the years, I've sacrificed my love life to completely dedicate my time to growing my brand, and her keeping it real and admitting that she doesn't want to have “all of this and nobody to share it with." When her friend Melody McCloskey, co-founder and CEO of StyleSeat, encouraged her to get on Tinder, she gulped down two glasses of wine, hooked up her profile, and started swiping right.
“Dating is just like a trial period. It's going to take you time to see if this person has all your points or if you like them. You just never know when you might find a gem; be open to everybody and everything. Take it serious. If you do, there's no way you'll be single."
She's on her second Tinder boyfriend and is learning the art of balance in a relationship. With both her and her partner working (he's a curator for a museum), making time is just as important as making money. Between traveling and work they find time in their down time to nurture their relationship.
“I own my business; I won't turn the ringer off. I'm just not there yet, and he completely respects that. I'm reading this book and it says that once a woman has a good circle of friends and is in a career that she's satisfied with and happy, she should begin to date. I just decided to make dating a priority like I do everything else. I was like okay, at least two nights a week, I will block my calendar off for a date, you have to do it. I used to have this anxiety that I was going to be single forever; Tinder taught me that that's not true. I told myself 'you will never get to the end. It's an endless supply of men, you have never gotten to the end of it and you never will. Until you have gone through every single man on Tinder is when you can officially say you're going to be single forever.' There's plenty on there."
Of course I had to admit to Myleik that I sometimes wonder if I sacrificed having kids for a demanding career, and whether or not she was concerned about not being able to have babies. Being in your 30s, you can hear your biological clock loud and clear, and even if you ignore it, there's always someone else there to remind you. That's when I felt a little sadness as Myleik detailed going to the doctor a year ago. At age 35, they told her that her eggs were dying and that she wouldn't be able to have a baby if she didn't act soon. She had a no-pregnancy scare, and talked to the fertility doctor about freezing her eggs. $12,000 and five shots a day later, she was informed that her Anti-Mullerian Hormone (AMH) levels were too low, and that she had a year before her chance at being a mommy would run out.
“I went through a really dark period because I just did all of this stuff only to find out that I may not have the opportunity," she says. “And then, I think it was a conversation I had with a friend who said, 'if this is the worst thing that happens to you in your life, you're actually doing well. And what we know is that the statistics and all of the stuff that they say is not accurate.'"
Like always, Myleik has a plan for if she runs into the issue of infertility. There are donor eggs, which will still allow her to have the whole pregnancy experience, and then, of course, there's adoption, which has been the option for many successful businesswomen.
“There are so many ways that I think that a woman can become a parent, and whatever this wave that is about to happen to us career women that decide to have children later, it's going to be a different type of motherhood that I'm excited for us to experience."
In the meantime, I remind her that through her podcasts—her honest revelations—that she's birthing the next generation of female entrepreneurs. I can recall countless times when I tuned in just in time to hear the words that I needed to keep going, and her 76,000 followers are proof that she's speaking life into people.
“I do it because at the end of the day what I know now is what I wish I knew [before]. I'm sure somebody can benefit from it. When I hear people like you and other people telling me 'I listen to your podcast,' I feel like thisthat is the greatest gift anybody could ever give me. That beats any kind of cash, just knowing that somebody now has success. Because we will all benefit from what you are going to do next."
Catch up with Myleik on her MyTaughtYou website, and subscribe to her podcasts on Itunes for priceless entrepreneural gems and life lessons each and every week.
– Interviewed by Necole Kane, penned by “as told to" Kiah McBride @writeonkiah
Republished
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Not too long ago, while in an interview, someone asked me for a top complaint that I hear husbands say (first) and then wives state (second) as it relates to what goes down (or doesn’t go down) in the bedroom.
Ladies first: when it comes to women, I think what comes up more than anything might surprise some: it’s boredom. A lot of wives want there to be more spontaneity instead of taking the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach from their partner. As for men? I mean, would anyone be shocked to hear that they wished their wife would initiate sex more often?
I’m telling you, over frequency, technique, and even dressing up more for bed (and yes, those things also come up quite a bit), hands down, what I hear that more men want is for their partner to show them that they are desired by taking the initial steps to make copulation happen…more often.
And so, since I’m all about doing whatever I can to reduce dissatisfaction and frustration in the bedroom department, let’s explore this very topic today — from a few angles. For starters, what it truly means to be a sexual initiator; two, why it’s so vitally important to be a sexual initiator, and three, why it could literally change the entire tone, energy, and outcome of your sex life with your partner — if you’d simply be open to initiating sex more often than you (probably already) do.
What It Means to Initiate Something. LITERALLY.
Giphy
I’m word-literal — there’s no secret about that. So, when it comes to the topic of initiating sex, let’s start with what the word means. To initiate is “to begin, set going, or originate” and “to introduce into the knowledge of some art or subject.” Some synonyms for initiate include begin, open, set up, trigger, admit, introduce, and invest. And when it comes to all of the meanings of these words, between men and women, when it comes to sex specifically, guess who does it more? Men. BY A LONG SHOT TOO: a whopping 60 percent.
When it comes to why a lot of women are so comfortable with men initiating intimacy, many think that, just like men should pursue them for a relationship, it is also “the man’s role” to pursue sex in the bedroom; they literally think that it makes them look desperate or needy for them to be the initiator — yes, even as a wife. What in the world?
Listen, when two people sign up to be each other’s exclusive sex partner until death parts them, it means they are both saying that they desire each other so much that they are willing to make that kind of commitment — and so, there should be no “I don’t want to appear this way or that” when it comes to sexual activity.
So, with all of that ridiculous overthinking out of the way, that should make you want to “set up” some sex plans, “admit” to some sexual fantasies that you may have, and “introduce” some new ideas to your partner; especially since that’s exactly what so many men wish that their lady would do, to begin with.
So, with all of this said, if you’re someone who is hung up on not initiating, first spend some time really processing what the word means. Because when two people are eager to begin sex and invest in each other sexually, that is the recipe for a truly satisfying experience…over and over and over again.
C’mon. Who Doesn’t Want to Feel Wanted?
GiphyI remember once reading an article that said our brain processes rejection the same way that it does physical pain, and y’all, I don’t know about you, but if something is physically hurting me, my natural inclination is to get away from it. Along these lines, when it comes to relationships since research has proven that rejection can lead to things like jealousy, shame, anxiety, loneliness, and guilt — yes, it makes all of the common sense in the world that you would want to do all that you can to make your partner feel wanted…both in and outside of the bedroom because, just like no one wants to deal with physical pain, no one wants to keep dealing with rejection and all of the fallout that comes with it…either.
Actually, when it comes to this particular point, I think that an article that I once read on Psychology Today’s site said it best: “Not only does being needed help define your role in a relationship, but being needed can also influence how satisfied you feel in a relationship.” And before some of you say that “sex is not a need” — the hell you say? I mean, the only purpose of your clitoris is to provide sexual stimulation, so that alone should make us all deem sex (and sexual fulfillment) as pretty damn important.
Plus, by definition, a need is something that is deemed as being essential while also being something that is extremely necessary, and anyone who thinks that a romantic relationship doesn’t need physical intimacy? That’s someone who really needs to remain single because one of the top things that makes a relationship more than a friendship is there is intimacy that’s involved.
Besides, who doesn’t want to feel wanted by their partner — and I do mean, in every way? And when you make the decision to be in an exclusive relationship with someone else, you are declaring that they are someone who pleases you to the point where you don’t need to look for anyone else to do it; and, if that is indeed what you are saying, it doesn’t make sense that you wouldn’t initiate sex with them sometimes (and I do mean more than on their birthday).
One, because you choose them to “fill that role.” Two, because they are the source of your fulfillment in that area. Three, because it’s completely unfair (not to mention totally hypocritical) to expect them to make you feel wanted when you’re not being intentional about making them feel the same way in return. Not to mention the fact that initiating also helps to safeguard your relationship on a lot of levels too.
Since sex is important and rejection is detrimental on so many levels, it’s crucial to make your partner feel sexually wanted and desired by you. One way to definitely do that is to initiate sex.
What Initiating Sex Does for You
GiphySo, what does initiating sex do for the initiator? Something that I tell a lot of my women clients is it helps them to create an atmosphere that puts them in the mood. What I mean by that is, if their husband is perfectly content having sex on the couch during commercials (I’m kind of exaggerating to make a point…kind of…LOL) while they would like some candles, mood music, and rose petals — they can control that if they are the one who initiates.
Another perk that comes with being the initiator is you have more “control” over how the sex goes. The kind of foreplay you want, how fast or slow things go, how intercourse begins — all of this, you have more of a say so in if you’re the one who is initiating intimacy. Why? Well, think about when your bae initiates — doesn’t it seem like you tend to follow his lead more when he’s the one who is first to get the ball rolling?
Oftentimes, when a couple comes to me about being sexually dissatisfied, and I recommend that the one who doesn’t initiate takes more initiative, the one on the receiving end likes the fact that their partner is “running the show” — and the initiator likes “being in charge” more than they thought that they would. As a result, both end up experiencing far more pleasure.
The initiator shows what they want more of while the receiver feels desired in the process. A win/win for everyone.
What Initiating Sex Does for Him
sexy black and white GIFGiphyA couple of weeks ago, while in a session with a client, he was joking about how much he has “too much of a good thing” when it comes to his wife’s libido. Although science says that the fact that men have a higher amount of testosterone in their system, and it is the reason why they typically have a higher sex drive, don’t sleep on a lot of women out there who want to get it in more than their husband does. His wife is one of them. Since she’s a client of mine too (oftentimes, we do our sessions separately), it’s interesting that he’s fine with having sex a couple of times a month while she would like to a couple of times a week.
So, is he denying her when she wants it more often? Nope. The reason why they’re not having more sex is that even though her drive is higher, she still waits for him to initiate. Why? Because she thinks that’s what “the man should do”; not only that but “being wooed” turns her on more.
As I’ve been working on helping them to find a middle ground (because if marriage ain’t about compromise, I don’t know what is), he says that he feels like because he plans a lot of the dates, he wishes that she would initiate more: “I don’t think a lot of women get how hard it is to be a Black man out here. Nothing feels better than knowing that if no one else is thrilled by your presence, your woman is. For us, initiating isn’t just about sex. It’s about feeling wanted as a whole. And when we feel like our woman adores us, there is no greater turn-on.”
I’m not sure what y’all heard, but what it sounds like to me is when we, as women, initiate sex, men feel holistically special and cherished. That makes sense, too, because if we were to put our feet in their shoes, we would probably say the same thing. That’s just one more reason to pull the “gender roles” out of this topic; men and women both want to feel like they are the best thing on the planet by their sex partners. And again, initiating helps us all to feel that way.
What Initiating Ultimately Does for Your Relationship As a Whole
Issa Rae Love GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphyPersonally, I can only imagine how much better sex would be for everyone (who is in a sexual relationship) if people simply initiated copulation whenever they wanted to have it. That way, everyone would feel desired — and what could possibly be wrong with that? Especially if both individuals factored in some of the definitions for initiated that I already shared. Just think about if you rushed home tonight because you read about something that you want to introduce to your man or there’s a fantasy that you have that you want to admit.
The mere conversations alone will help to bring the two of you closer together because, after all, deep intimacy is about minds, bodies, and spirits getting as close as possible…right? And so, yes, by initiating sex, it can bring more closeness and stability to the relationship as a whole.
And what if you initiate and your partner isn’t interested at the time? Or what if you’re shy about initiating due to having a fear of rejection? That’s a fair and legitimate concern. One day, I’ll need to pen an article on how couples should handle situations like that with grace (on both ends) while applying the golden rule of “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.” For now, I’ll just say that if this is your greatest point of concern, share that with your partner as well.
After all, it’s pretty unrealistic to expect them to always want it when you do (although it’s been my experience and observation that men are almost always far easier to convince…LOL); just know that not wanting sex at the exact moment that you do doesn’t mean that they don’t want you altogether. Besides, oftentimes, a nap or a night of sleep can rectify that issue. Trust me.
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Rihanna was actually once quoted as saying, “To me, sex is power. It’s empowering to do it because you want to do it.” I personally think that’s a great way to bring this to a close. Make your partner feel wonderful, empower yourself, and strengthen your relationship by initiating sex more often. I can’t think of one reason why it’s not a wise move. Can you?
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Featured image by Jacob Wackerhausen/Getty Images