Using A Crystal Dildo Changed More Than My Sex Life
Nearly two months ago, I sat in my bed, face full of tears, asking myself to step back and dig deep.
Dig deep into what it was that I was doing wrong when it came to my relationships. Because while this guy had cheated and that guy had just been completely "not shit" -- I had to admit that there was a reason I continued to attract these men.
After weeks of seeing various people using their crystals, I had nothing much to lose and a couple dollars to spare. So I began doing the research on the healing power of crystals, went into a local shop in the city, and made my first crystal purchase.
Initially, when I began the journey, I constantly wondered if and when I'd know that the crystals were working. I soon learned that this journey would be faith-based. The impact of the crystal would happen, but I wouldn't be able to see it, just feel its magic working. Fast forward to now and those crystals have become permanent fixtures to my hand -- I carry them with me everywhere.
But, it wasn't long after that I was able to get my hands on my first ever dildo -- a Chakrub -- I had spent weeks infatuated by the stories of intimacy brought on by this 100 percent crystal dildo.
While initially set on the "The Original Heart" made of Rose Quartz, I wound up with The Rabbit Jade (made of White Jasper) and, in doing so, I learned that sometimes you don't choose it, but the crystal chooses you.
The Jade seemed to come in my life at the right time and it was a quality I hadn't realized that I was in need of -- peace.
Still not knowing much about crystals, I took my time before diving into the masturbation.
I decided to open my mind and cuddle (as others had done) with my Jade during the night and while at first it seemed weird, it was also somehow comforting.
"It was the intimacy I had so badly been craving, the intimacy that no other toy has been able to provide me."
An intimacy that closely mirrors that of actually having another being's body heat laying next to you.
It offered me a quiet mind and the best sleep that I'd had in almost a year. Sure, it could be chalked up to many other things -- perhaps even a placebo effect of sorts. But if it is, and I don't think it is, I certainly wouldn't be complaining about a state of delusion that brings me peace every. single. night. It further comforted me that Chakrubs owner Vanessa Cuccia put this theory in perspective for me with some thought-provoking words of wisdom:
Finally, after weeks of just cuddling, I finally dared to look for pleasure in my Chakrub, and with the help of a little lube, the experience was every bit as magical as the crystal itself. The white, hard phallic crystal warmed to match my rising body heat. My masturbation experience was transformed, it was no longer just me scratching an itch for sex but me filling my body with all of its desires -- from a good orgasm to a feeling of completeness that I secretly yearned for.
"It was no longer just scratching an itch for sex but me filling my body with all of its desires."
While I still use my battery-operated toys because they meet different needs for me, it goes without saying that my Jade has changed my solo sex experience for the better and there's simply no unknowing that feeling.
That said, there may be some of you that are curious about exploring the power of crystals yourself and while I'm still new to this game and can't really get in-depth with helpful info -- I was able to get a few more bits of advice from Cuccia that will help guide you in your early journey.
1. Comprehension Is Key
If you're anything like me, then taking in all the information about Crystals may prove to be a bit overwhelming and even confusing, but Vanessa recommends Judy Hall as "a great place to start" given the comprehensive nature of her literature pertaining to crystals and their chakra correlation.
2. Choosing Crystals
Of course, it may seem fairly simple to choose a crystal and it is in the end, but reading all the sources out there may leave you feeling a little uncertain. Cuccia suggests that you, "Go for a mix of higher reasoning and intuitive guidance." However, with Chakrubs she points out that you should, "start with what you want on a physical level."
She adds, "Do you want something more generous in size, more of a tickle, do you want a curve, etc? [After deciding] then look at the Chakrubs with what's available in the shape that you want and read the descriptions of the crystal. Allow your intuition to speak to you about what crystal to go with, and you have your answer."
3. Cleanliness Is Next To Goddessness
The one bit of advice that will be consistent around the board is the cleansing of your crystal. You see without cleansing it you won't be able to cleanse you. The crystal retains all the energy that it comes into contact with, so you must clean and occasionally recharge to get the full benefit of it. This is no different when it comes to your Chakrub, Cuccia insists that you, "Charge them in the moonlight, the sunlight" while you can "cleanse them in the smoke of sage, cleanse them with visualization, or sound."
*Originally published Black Girls Vibe
Featured image by Getty Images
- Our Guide to Everything Moms DON'T Want for Valentine's Day ... ›
- I Found Inner Peace with a Healing Crystal Dildo | Inner peace ... ›
- Crystal Sex Toys Vibrators Dildos - Chakrubs ›
- Chakrubs Feature: “Slutever” Star Karley Sciortino Manifests ... ›
- We Talk To The Woman Who Brought Crystal Healing Dildos To The ... ›
Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Stress Awareness Month: Sneaky Workplace Triggers Affecting Black Women, And How To Cope
We all know about the major stress triggers of everyday life, from relationship woes to monthly bills to unexpected emergencies, but there are small, subtle triggers that impact Black women in a big way, especially when it comes to work. It’s good to be aware of these sneaky stressors in order to maximize your day and find ways to incorporate solutions into your self-care routines.
Since it’s Stress Awareness Month, we caught up with Keanne Owens, LCSW, founder of Journey To Harmony Therapy Center, to talk about these triggers and what Black women can do to manage and cope.
Owens is an experienced South Florida-based counselor and social worker who offers her services via Grow Therapy, a therapy and medication management platform. She has worked with Black women professionals to unpack issues related to workplace stressors. “One is the pressure to perform–having to meet deadlines and deliverables. And a lot of times, these subtle stressors from performance are put upon ourselves as Black women. We want to make sure we’re doing our best. We don’t want to be critiqued in certain ways.”
Excessive micromanagement leading to fear of overly critical bosses is another subtle trigger that can negatively impact Black women in the workplace.
“Whenever something is done wrong, or we experience some type of injustice and have to report it, it’s the fear of retaliation–[fear that] we won’t be taken seriously or [our words] will be taken out of context because of being deemed as the ‘angry Black woman,’” she said.
Black Women And Workplace Stress Triggers
Her sentiments are backed by research. A recent report by Coqual found that 28% of Black women (compared to 17% of White men) say their supervisor uses “excessive control or attention to detail” when managing them. There’s more: A survey by the National Employment Law Project found that Black workers were “more likely to have concerns (80 percent) and twice as likely as white workers (18 percent) to have unresolved concerns at work, with 39 percent reporting they were “not satisfied with the employer’s response or did not raise concerns for fear of retaliation.”
The survey also found that 14 percent of Black respondents said they “avoided raising concerns to their employer for fear of retaliation—more than twice the average rate of 6 percent for all survey respondents.”
Owens pointed to the fact that these subtle stress triggers can negatively impact our physical health and our career advancement. “A lot of time it’ll affect our productivity,” Owens added. “We start to have negative thoughts of ourselves. The stressors can also cause fatigue. We’re no longer meeting or working up to our desired potential.” Other challenges as a result include insomnia and increased insolation, withdrawal, and lack of motivation to apply for jobs or promotions even when qualified.
valentinrussanov/Getty Images
How To Manage Subtle Stress Triggers
While there are systemic issues at play for Black women at work that has less to do with us and more to do with major overhauls that must be addressed by the powers that be, there are steps we can take for the betterment of ourselves and our mental health. Owens offered the following tips:
Tap into a support system, whether it’s a coworker you trust, a family member, an organization, or an outlet like a hobby.
Create a good work-life balance before burnout even starts. “Having certain boundaries [is the goal] such as, for example, if you get off at 5, you get off at 5. If your job description is this, you don’t go above and beyond because that brings you to a lot of burnout,” Owens said.
Prioritize self-care, whatever that means for you. “If you don’t have a routine, create one. Practice mindfulness and even some meditation,” she added.
Create structure in your life outside of work. “Even if you have a family, applying some structure in your routine helps relieve stress,” she said.
Get into grounding techniques. “Do a real quick square breathing exercise, that’s literally 30 seconds, or you can do a grounding technique that’s less than two minutes, right there where you are. You don’t need any other materials. That’s something you can do with just yourself and your body.”
Ask for help. “As Black women, we don’t ask for help enough,” she said. “Find where you need to ask for help. A lot of times, people think that’s indicative of weakness, but we need to rewrite that narrative. It’s okay to ask for help where you see fit. [If] you’re a mom, [it could be] every Wednesday from 5 to 6, your children are with the dad. You have to carve out that time.”
For more information on Grow Therapy, visit their website. You can also find out more about Keanne Owens, LCSW, via BeginYourJourneyToHarmony.com.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Charday Penn/Getty Images