Women Are Using Yoni Steams To Heal Themselves From Reproductive Issues And Sexual Traumas
My conversations with my mother and sistah-friends are honest, heartfelt, and humorous when it comes to our yoni (womb/vaginal) wellness and sexual health. (Yes, I have those conversations with my mother).
I remember being in my pre-teen and teenage years, my mother would always keep it 100 about the sacredness of my vaginal.
She said that my vagina was sacred and I need to protect and care for my vagina because it is very important for my health and womanhood.
My mother insisted that every man is not deserving of my vagina because due to lack of respect, diseases, and lustful and one-dimensional behavior some men displayed negative spirits could pollute and traumatize my yoni.
As a teenager, I used to clutch my pearls because my mother kept it too real. At 32 going on 33, I give thanks to my mother for stepping out her comfort zone and passing on that wisdom from her mother and grandmother onto me. I'm also thankful for The Almighty for giving me permission to receive that important and lifelong message of self-protection and self-perseverance.
I always knew about yoni steaming through conversations with my sistah-friends and attending workshops and teleclasses on womb/yoni care. I even participated in a womb wellness restoration group coaching program that helped me to become aware of the power of my yoni and how to release negativity and anger that surrounded my yoni.
We underestimate the importance of it until something major occurs such as infertility, fibroids, PCOS, and other vaginal/reproductive health issues.
Many women each year are diagnosed with cervical cancer, fibroids, PCOS and other gynecological issues. On top of that, women of color don't receive quality and equal treatment from physicians. Physicians perform early hysterectomies, push clinical trial treatment drugs and other unethical treatment on women of color. Our bodies have been used as science experiments for eons. Hence, why we must start advocating for equality and quality of holistic health especially womb care. We have to really take the time to care for ourselves holistically, and have honest conversations about our inner care. Now is the time to start healing ourselves and wombs.
Our womb is intricate, delicate and powerful. Not only do we birth human beings, but we birth civilizations, ideas, love, and creativity. Our wombs are our 24/7 navigation and intuitive guide. When something is off balance, we feel it in our womb. Unfortunately, our wombs are often, unprotected, disrespected, and policed by systemic racism and oppression through reproductive policies and laws, and disrespected by patriarchy. People make unspoken decisions about our wombs without our consent. We often have our wombs monitored by friends and family members, and they're polluted through processed and fast foods, medications, misdiagnoses, hyper-sexualize behavior.
We suffer in silence by not taking care of ourselves and truly loving ourselves right where we are in life even when times are hard. We break our own bodies down due to not properly resting, nurturing, or nourishing ourselves and wombs. We have to make a stance and not allow ourselves and our sistahs to no longer be quiet and participate in self-destructive behaviors to our inner FLYness and sacredness.
Some women turn to vagina steaming sessions to heal and release sexual trauma. Others may turn to steaming for relief and healing if they are suffering from uterine fibroids, painful menstruation, irregular menstrual cycles, ovarian cysts, and endometriosis.
I decided to regularly participate in DIY yoni steaming at home because I needed some inner healing.
I suffer from hypothyroidism (low thyroid functioning) and Menorrhagia (prolonged and heavy menses). Over the holiday season, I found myself on the sick and shut-in list. I was suffering from heavy bleeding and cramping due to hormone imbalances and low thyroid functioning. My menstrual cramps were unbearable to the point, I couldn't sit up and participate in daily living activities. I was hyper-emotional and intolerable to be around due to the inner suffering. I was going through pads and panties like water.
Yikes and Yuck!
I had to buy overnight pads just to keep up with the heavy flow. This was a major disruption in my life that I could no longer tolerate.
I decided to make a drastic change and start researching yoni steaming along with discussing my journey with some of my fellow sistah-friends who also yoni steam on a regular basis. I came across so many positive and honest articles about vagina steaming and the benefits of why you should steam from other brown girls who discovered a drastic change in their holistic lifestyle. I read how some have shorter and painless menses, the betterment of their fertility, and the decrease of vaginal dryness. In other words, the wet, wet came back in full effect.
While reading the articles, I was like, "Yassssss, I am steaming by any means necessary." One of my sistah friends stated that she yoni steam a few weeks after giving birth. She stated that she healed quicker and restored her uterus quicker.
So, I took the leap of faith and yoni steamed...
I went to my local health store, Fertile Underground in Providence (since closed) to purchase my dried herbs. Herbs cost around $1.50 to $3.00 per oz in a bag. I spent under $25 and have plenty of herbs to last me about two months. You want to use dried herbs instead of essential oils because our vagina is very sensitive to using hot oils. Our yoni is very delicate so please handle with care.
Drea's Herbs of Choice:
- Lavender is a sweet-smelling herb that helps with cleansing and healthy uterine functioning.
- Rosemary helps with circulating out old fluids and blood. It helps purify and stimulate the yoni
- Lemon Balm helps with reducing occasional itchiness and it smells delightful
- Dandelion helps improve endocrine and reproductive health. It helps rid excess estrogen, sugars, and toxins of the body
- Marigold helps ease and treat cramping
- Burdock root helps with balancing hormones
- Peppermint helps with restoration of the yoni and enhance energy
- Chamomile helps with cramping as well. It smells yummy and it is great for soothing and relaxation.
Drea's DIY Home Setup:
- Research what plants/herbs you need for your steam. Do you need to steam due to your menses? Do you want to tighten up your yoni? You want so steam because you want to try something new? This is when you need to sit down and ask yourself what your yoni needs. We all have different needs for our yoni. You want to steam a few weeks before your menstrual cycle to ease the symptoms of you are steaming to ease menstruation.
- Prepare your yoni steam by pre-preparing the herbs by placing them in a mason jar. You need only a cup for your herbs
- Fill your pot with filtered water and add your herbs to the filtered water
- Boil your herbs and water together for about 10-20 minutes. Let steeped for about 5 minutes before adding to your bowl. Place your forearm need the herb infused water to ensure the comfort of the water temperature. You don't want to burn your yoni outer tissue
- I don't have a yoni steam chair so I cleaned my toilet bowl and place my pot inside the toilet
- Make sure you have tea, water, reading materials ready so you are not disturbed during your steaming session. Also, change into a long skirt, put thick socks on along with a long sleeve t-shirt to withhold the steam. You want to cover and wrap yourself with a thick blanket from neck to feet to ensure the steam is not being let out.
- Remove your underwear before sitting on the chair or toilet. Open your legs to allow the steam to enter into your yoni
- Steam for 20-30 minutes
- Once yoni steam is complete, go lay down and wrap yourself under a blanket to restore your body. Steaming relaxes and restores your body. You might become lightheaded the first time due to the steam cleansing and detoxifying.
I am officially a regular yoni steamer. Yoni steam part of my self-love and self-care routine and I do it weekly up until my menses begins. I usually make it a yoni steam, spa day at home because I am healing my inner FLYness, thyroid, and loving myself more and more.
The herbs I use are very beneficial for decreasing my cramps and help cleanse my holistic FLYness.
When I steam, I set loving and healing intentions for the steam and for my work week. I usually meditate and journey during my steam session. It gets emotional at times because I am releasing a lot of toxins from my body, mind, and spirit.
This is my personal 'Me" time in the comfort of my own home.
Have you ever had a yoni steam?
*Originally published on Brown Girl From Boston
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Andrea C. Imafidon is a Brown Girl From Boston, Certified Holistic Life Coach, Blogger, and Speaker from Boston, MA. Brown Girl From Boston blog fuse Hip Hop lyrics from Women Emcees and positive affirmations to promote self-care, self-love, and self-empowerment to Brown Girls around the World! Connect with Drea on Facebook and IG @BrownGirlFromBoston
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
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Not too long ago, while in an interview, someone asked me for a top complaint that I hear husbands say (first) and then wives state (second) as it relates to what goes down (or doesn’t go down) in the bedroom.
Ladies first: when it comes to women, I think what comes up more than anything might surprise some: it’s boredom. A lot of wives want there to be more spontaneity instead of taking the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach from their partner. As for men? I mean, would anyone be shocked to hear that they wished their wife would initiate sex more often?
I’m telling you, over frequency, technique, and even dressing up more for bed (and yes, those things also come up quite a bit), hands down, what I hear that more men want is for their partner to show them that they are desired by taking the initial steps to make copulation happen…more often.
And so, since I’m all about doing whatever I can to reduce dissatisfaction and frustration in the bedroom department, let’s explore this very topic today — from a few angles. For starters, what it truly means to be a sexual initiator; two, why it’s so vitally important to be a sexual initiator, and three, why it could literally change the entire tone, energy, and outcome of your sex life with your partner — if you’d simply be open to initiating sex more often than you (probably already) do.
What It Means to Initiate Something. LITERALLY.
Giphy
I’m word-literal — there’s no secret about that. So, when it comes to the topic of initiating sex, let’s start with what the word means. To initiate is “to begin, set going, or originate” and “to introduce into the knowledge of some art or subject.” Some synonyms for initiate include begin, open, set up, trigger, admit, introduce, and invest. And when it comes to all of the meanings of these words, between men and women, when it comes to sex specifically, guess who does it more? Men. BY A LONG SHOT TOO: a whopping 60 percent.
When it comes to why a lot of women are so comfortable with men initiating intimacy, many think that, just like men should pursue them for a relationship, it is also “the man’s role” to pursue sex in the bedroom; they literally think that it makes them look desperate or needy for them to be the initiator — yes, even as a wife. What in the world?
Listen, when two people sign up to be each other’s exclusive sex partner until death parts them, it means they are both saying that they desire each other so much that they are willing to make that kind of commitment — and so, there should be no “I don’t want to appear this way or that” when it comes to sexual activity.
So, with all of that ridiculous overthinking out of the way, that should make you want to “set up” some sex plans, “admit” to some sexual fantasies that you may have, and “introduce” some new ideas to your partner; especially since that’s exactly what so many men wish that their lady would do, to begin with.
So, with all of this said, if you’re someone who is hung up on not initiating, first spend some time really processing what the word means. Because when two people are eager to begin sex and invest in each other sexually, that is the recipe for a truly satisfying experience…over and over and over again.
C’mon. Who Doesn’t Want to Feel Wanted?
GiphyI remember once reading an article that said our brain processes rejection the same way that it does physical pain, and y’all, I don’t know about you, but if something is physically hurting me, my natural inclination is to get away from it. Along these lines, when it comes to relationships since research has proven that rejection can lead to things like jealousy, shame, anxiety, loneliness, and guilt — yes, it makes all of the common sense in the world that you would want to do all that you can to make your partner feel wanted…both in and outside of the bedroom because, just like no one wants to deal with physical pain, no one wants to keep dealing with rejection and all of the fallout that comes with it…either.
Actually, when it comes to this particular point, I think that an article that I once read on Psychology Today’s site said it best: “Not only does being needed help define your role in a relationship, but being needed can also influence how satisfied you feel in a relationship.” And before some of you say that “sex is not a need” — the hell you say? I mean, the only purpose of your clitoris is to provide sexual stimulation, so that alone should make us all deem sex (and sexual fulfillment) as pretty damn important.
Plus, by definition, a need is something that is deemed as being essential while also being something that is extremely necessary, and anyone who thinks that a romantic relationship doesn’t need physical intimacy? That’s someone who really needs to remain single because one of the top things that makes a relationship more than a friendship is there is intimacy that’s involved.
Besides, who doesn’t want to feel wanted by their partner — and I do mean, in every way? And when you make the decision to be in an exclusive relationship with someone else, you are declaring that they are someone who pleases you to the point where you don’t need to look for anyone else to do it; and, if that is indeed what you are saying, it doesn’t make sense that you wouldn’t initiate sex with them sometimes (and I do mean more than on their birthday).
One, because you choose them to “fill that role.” Two, because they are the source of your fulfillment in that area. Three, because it’s completely unfair (not to mention totally hypocritical) to expect them to make you feel wanted when you’re not being intentional about making them feel the same way in return. Not to mention the fact that initiating also helps to safeguard your relationship on a lot of levels too.
Since sex is important and rejection is detrimental on so many levels, it’s crucial to make your partner feel sexually wanted and desired by you. One way to definitely do that is to initiate sex.
What Initiating Sex Does for You
GiphySo, what does initiating sex do for the initiator? Something that I tell a lot of my women clients is it helps them to create an atmosphere that puts them in the mood. What I mean by that is, if their husband is perfectly content having sex on the couch during commercials (I’m kind of exaggerating to make a point…kind of…LOL) while they would like some candles, mood music, and rose petals — they can control that if they are the one who initiates.
Another perk that comes with being the initiator is you have more “control” over how the sex goes. The kind of foreplay you want, how fast or slow things go, how intercourse begins — all of this, you have more of a say so in if you’re the one who is initiating intimacy. Why? Well, think about when your bae initiates — doesn’t it seem like you tend to follow his lead more when he’s the one who is first to get the ball rolling?
Oftentimes, when a couple comes to me about being sexually dissatisfied, and I recommend that the one who doesn’t initiate takes more initiative, the one on the receiving end likes the fact that their partner is “running the show” — and the initiator likes “being in charge” more than they thought that they would. As a result, both end up experiencing far more pleasure.
The initiator shows what they want more of while the receiver feels desired in the process. A win/win for everyone.
What Initiating Sex Does for Him
sexy black and white GIFGiphyA couple of weeks ago, while in a session with a client, he was joking about how much he has “too much of a good thing” when it comes to his wife’s libido. Although science says that the fact that men have a higher amount of testosterone in their system, and it is the reason why they typically have a higher sex drive, don’t sleep on a lot of women out there who want to get it in more than their husband does. His wife is one of them. Since she’s a client of mine too (oftentimes, we do our sessions separately), it’s interesting that he’s fine with having sex a couple of times a month while she would like to a couple of times a week.
So, is he denying her when she wants it more often? Nope. The reason why they’re not having more sex is that even though her drive is higher, she still waits for him to initiate. Why? Because she thinks that’s what “the man should do”; not only that but “being wooed” turns her on more.
As I’ve been working on helping them to find a middle ground (because if marriage ain’t about compromise, I don’t know what is), he says that he feels like because he plans a lot of the dates, he wishes that she would initiate more: “I don’t think a lot of women get how hard it is to be a Black man out here. Nothing feels better than knowing that if no one else is thrilled by your presence, your woman is. For us, initiating isn’t just about sex. It’s about feeling wanted as a whole. And when we feel like our woman adores us, there is no greater turn-on.”
I’m not sure what y’all heard, but what it sounds like to me is when we, as women, initiate sex, men feel holistically special and cherished. That makes sense, too, because if we were to put our feet in their shoes, we would probably say the same thing. That’s just one more reason to pull the “gender roles” out of this topic; men and women both want to feel like they are the best thing on the planet by their sex partners. And again, initiating helps us all to feel that way.
What Initiating Ultimately Does for Your Relationship As a Whole
Issa Rae Love GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphyPersonally, I can only imagine how much better sex would be for everyone (who is in a sexual relationship) if people simply initiated copulation whenever they wanted to have it. That way, everyone would feel desired — and what could possibly be wrong with that? Especially if both individuals factored in some of the definitions for initiated that I already shared. Just think about if you rushed home tonight because you read about something that you want to introduce to your man or there’s a fantasy that you have that you want to admit.
The mere conversations alone will help to bring the two of you closer together because, after all, deep intimacy is about minds, bodies, and spirits getting as close as possible…right? And so, yes, by initiating sex, it can bring more closeness and stability to the relationship as a whole.
And what if you initiate and your partner isn’t interested at the time? Or what if you’re shy about initiating due to having a fear of rejection? That’s a fair and legitimate concern. One day, I’ll need to pen an article on how couples should handle situations like that with grace (on both ends) while applying the golden rule of “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.” For now, I’ll just say that if this is your greatest point of concern, share that with your partner as well.
After all, it’s pretty unrealistic to expect them to always want it when you do (although it’s been my experience and observation that men are almost always far easier to convince…LOL); just know that not wanting sex at the exact moment that you do doesn’t mean that they don’t want you altogether. Besides, oftentimes, a nap or a night of sleep can rectify that issue. Trust me.
____
Rihanna was actually once quoted as saying, “To me, sex is power. It’s empowering to do it because you want to do it.” I personally think that’s a great way to bring this to a close. Make your partner feel wonderful, empower yourself, and strengthen your relationship by initiating sex more often. I can’t think of one reason why it’s not a wise move. Can you?
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Featured image by Jacob Wackerhausen/Getty Images