Women Are Using Yoni Steams To Heal Themselves From Reproductive Issues And Sexual Traumas
My conversations with my mother and sistah-friends are honest, heartfelt, and humorous when it comes to our yoni (womb/vaginal) wellness and sexual health. (Yes, I have those conversations with my mother).
I remember being in my pre-teen and teenage years, my mother would always keep it 100 about the sacredness of my vaginal.
She said that my vagina was sacred and I need to protect and care for my vagina because it is very important for my health and womanhood.
My mother insisted that every man is not deserving of my vagina because due to lack of respect, diseases, and lustful and one-dimensional behavior some men displayed negative spirits could pollute and traumatize my yoni.
As a teenager, I used to clutch my pearls because my mother kept it too real. At 32 going on 33, I give thanks to my mother for stepping out her comfort zone and passing on that wisdom from her mother and grandmother onto me. I'm also thankful for The Almighty for giving me permission to receive that important and lifelong message of self-protection and self-perseverance.
I always knew about yoni steaming through conversations with my sistah-friends and attending workshops and teleclasses on womb/yoni care. I even participated in a womb wellness restoration group coaching program that helped me to become aware of the power of my yoni and how to release negativity and anger that surrounded my yoni.
We underestimate the importance of it until something major occurs such as infertility, fibroids, PCOS, and other vaginal/reproductive health issues.
Many women each year are diagnosed with cervical cancer, fibroids, PCOS and other gynecological issues. On top of that, women of color don't receive quality and equal treatment from physicians. Physicians perform early hysterectomies, push clinical trial treatment drugs and other unethical treatment on women of color. Our bodies have been used as science experiments for eons. Hence, why we must start advocating for equality and quality of holistic health especially womb care. We have to really take the time to care for ourselves holistically, and have honest conversations about our inner care. Now is the time to start healing ourselves and wombs.
Our womb is intricate, delicate and powerful. Not only do we birth human beings, but we birth civilizations, ideas, love, and creativity. Our wombs are our 24/7 navigation and intuitive guide. When something is off balance, we feel it in our womb. Unfortunately, our wombs are often, unprotected, disrespected, and policed by systemic racism and oppression through reproductive policies and laws, and disrespected by patriarchy. People make unspoken decisions about our wombs without our consent. We often have our wombs monitored by friends and family members, and they're polluted through processed and fast foods, medications, misdiagnoses, hyper-sexualize behavior.
We suffer in silence by not taking care of ourselves and truly loving ourselves right where we are in life even when times are hard. We break our own bodies down due to not properly resting, nurturing, or nourishing ourselves and wombs. We have to make a stance and not allow ourselves and our sistahs to no longer be quiet and participate in self-destructive behaviors to our inner FLYness and sacredness.
Some women turn to vagina steaming sessions to heal and release sexual trauma. Others may turn to steaming for relief and healing if they are suffering from uterine fibroids, painful menstruation, irregular menstrual cycles, ovarian cysts, and endometriosis.
I decided to regularly participate in DIY yoni steaming at home because I needed some inner healing.
I suffer from hypothyroidism (low thyroid functioning) and Menorrhagia (prolonged and heavy menses). Over the holiday season, I found myself on the sick and shut-in list. I was suffering from heavy bleeding and cramping due to hormone imbalances and low thyroid functioning. My menstrual cramps were unbearable to the point, I couldn't sit up and participate in daily living activities. I was hyper-emotional and intolerable to be around due to the inner suffering. I was going through pads and panties like water.
Yikes and Yuck!
I had to buy overnight pads just to keep up with the heavy flow. This was a major disruption in my life that I could no longer tolerate.
I decided to make a drastic change and start researching yoni steaming along with discussing my journey with some of my fellow sistah-friends who also yoni steam on a regular basis. I came across so many positive and honest articles about vagina steaming and the benefits of why you should steam from other brown girls who discovered a drastic change in their holistic lifestyle. I read how some have shorter and painless menses, the betterment of their fertility, and the decrease of vaginal dryness. In other words, the wet, wet came back in full effect.
While reading the articles, I was like, "Yassssss, I am steaming by any means necessary." One of my sistah friends stated that she yoni steam a few weeks after giving birth. She stated that she healed quicker and restored her uterus quicker.
So, I took the leap of faith and yoni steamed...
I went to my local health store, Fertile Underground in Providence (since closed) to purchase my dried herbs. Herbs cost around $1.50 to $3.00 per oz in a bag. I spent under $25 and have plenty of herbs to last me about two months. You want to use dried herbs instead of essential oils because our vagina is very sensitive to using hot oils. Our yoni is very delicate so please handle with care.
Drea's Herbs of Choice:
- Lavender is a sweet-smelling herb that helps with cleansing and healthy uterine functioning.
- Rosemary helps with circulating out old fluids and blood. It helps purify and stimulate the yoni
- Lemon Balm helps with reducing occasional itchiness and it smells delightful
- Dandelion helps improve endocrine and reproductive health. It helps rid excess estrogen, sugars, and toxins of the body
- Marigold helps ease and treat cramping
- Burdock root helps with balancing hormones
- Peppermint helps with restoration of the yoni and enhance energy
- Chamomile helps with cramping as well. It smells yummy and it is great for soothing and relaxation.
Drea's DIY Home Setup:
- Research what plants/herbs you need for your steam. Do you need to steam due to your menses? Do you want to tighten up your yoni? You want so steam because you want to try something new? This is when you need to sit down and ask yourself what your yoni needs. We all have different needs for our yoni. You want to steam a few weeks before your menstrual cycle to ease the symptoms of you are steaming to ease menstruation.
- Prepare your yoni steam by pre-preparing the herbs by placing them in a mason jar. You need only a cup for your herbs
- Fill your pot with filtered water and add your herbs to the filtered water
- Boil your herbs and water together for about 10-20 minutes. Let steeped for about 5 minutes before adding to your bowl. Place your forearm need the herb infused water to ensure the comfort of the water temperature. You don't want to burn your yoni outer tissue
- I don't have a yoni steam chair so I cleaned my toilet bowl and place my pot inside the toilet
- Make sure you have tea, water, reading materials ready so you are not disturbed during your steaming session. Also, change into a long skirt, put thick socks on along with a long sleeve t-shirt to withhold the steam. You want to cover and wrap yourself with a thick blanket from neck to feet to ensure the steam is not being let out.
- Remove your underwear before sitting on the chair or toilet. Open your legs to allow the steam to enter into your yoni
- Steam for 20-30 minutes
- Once yoni steam is complete, go lay down and wrap yourself under a blanket to restore your body. Steaming relaxes and restores your body. You might become lightheaded the first time due to the steam cleansing and detoxifying.
I am officially a regular yoni steamer. Yoni steam part of my self-love and self-care routine and I do it weekly up until my menses begins. I usually make it a yoni steam, spa day at home because I am healing my inner FLYness, thyroid, and loving myself more and more.
The herbs I use are very beneficial for decreasing my cramps and help cleanse my holistic FLYness.
When I steam, I set loving and healing intentions for the steam and for my work week. I usually meditate and journey during my steam session. It gets emotional at times because I am releasing a lot of toxins from my body, mind, and spirit.
This is my personal 'Me" time in the comfort of my own home.
Have you ever had a yoni steam?
*Originally published on Brown Girl From Boston
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Andrea C. Imafidon is a Brown Girl From Boston, Certified Holistic Life Coach, Blogger, and Speaker from Boston, MA. Brown Girl From Boston blog fuse Hip Hop lyrics from Women Emcees and positive affirmations to promote self-care, self-love, and self-empowerment to Brown Girls around the World! Connect with Drea on Facebook and IG @BrownGirlFromBoston
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
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THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
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III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
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Age-Gap Dating Is HUGE Right Now. Still...Read This Before Doing It.
If you’re someone who’s been reading my content for a while, you know that I’m pretty big on accountability (with both men and women), and that means sometimes I will call out blatant hypocrisy and double standards. Today? It’s the fact that I find it to be mighty interesting that when an older woman is dating a younger man, she’s usually considered to be a “cougar” yet when an older man dates a younger woman, suddenly he’s a “perv” (short for pervert).
It's important to bring up that super unfair comparison because, when it comes to a particular dating trend that’s on the list of being a really big dating trend right now, it’s both men and women who are looking to get in on it — and if it’s good for one gender (within reason), in all fairness, it should be seen the same way for the other (again, within reason).
So, with that said, whatever it is that I’m about to share on the topic of age-gap dating, just know that I have no bias; I simply think it’s important for men and women, younger and older, to take a very realistic approach to this kind of dating…because as with pretty much everything in life, it has its pros and some, well, cons too.
Popular Doesn’t Automatically Mean Best
GiphySomething that has kind of always fascinated me about our culture is how so many people will abandon all common sense and logic, just to do something that is considered popular. Well, at the end of the day, that’s pretty much what a trend is: something that is currently done by a lot of people for…whatever the reason. When it comes to dating trends, specifically, oftentimes, they are “birthed” out of surveys from dating sites or apps. When the people who conduct them notice that something is overwhelmingly preferred, encouraged, or supported, then it becomes a trend — and that’s just where age-gap dating came from.
Long story short, Bumble kinda-sorta-recently did a survey and discovered things like 63 percent of folks don’t factor in age when it comes to dating, and 59 percent of women said that they would date a younger man; those are pretty large numbers, and so, there ya have it: a trend.
I will say that although the study wasn’t super-duper specific about when an age gap is considered to be too much of one,Glamour published an article a few years back that said, 10-plus years between two people is enough to start causing some issues if one is not careful (more on that in a sec). And so, before you decide to get out here lookin’ for a youngin’ or a more — eh hem — mature man, just because it currently seems like everyone else is open to it, consider if 10 years — backward or forwards — is something that you would want to deal with; especially long-term.
If you’re not sure, keep reading. Hopefully, I will provide some things for you to ponder.
Difference in Age Means Differences Everywhere
GiphyI’ve got people in my world who have big age gaps in their relationships. I’m talking about more than just 10 years. One example that immediately comes to mind is a married couple who has 15 years between them; the wife is older. On some levels, everything seems cool and copasetic. Oh, but there are nuances. Like she can be very condescending when it comes to what he finds to be fun and entertaining. Plus, their sex drives are not even close to being compatible now that she is well past menopause. It’s interesting because, rather than acknowledging that a lot of all of this has to do with their vast age differences, she prefers to see him as being immature. He’s not immature, sis. He’s just a lot younger than you are.
So, when it comes to age-gap relationships, that’s the first thing that you should think about: are you willing to deal with the differences that will probably come about, simply because you are at different stages in your lives due to your different ages?
Example: Because people say that I don’t look my age (‘preciate it), it’s not uncommon for folks to try and set me up with someone who is in their early 30s. For the most part, I’ll pass. For one thing, I intentionally decided that I didn’t want to have kids a long time ago, and I don’t want to have that discussion/debate with someone who may feel otherwise (quite possibly because they don’t have kids or want more of them). Also, I’ve worked with people, in the lane of relationships, for quite some time now.
Men before 35? For the most part, I encourage their focus to be on themselves and building their life (because a lot of guys don’t hit their professional and financial peak until their late 40s or early 50s). As for myself, I’m pretty settled, so I don’t want to be a hindrance when it comes to them up and moving a few times or switching career paths. Do that babe. You should.
I could go on and on when it comes to this particular point. The bottom line is dating someone who has a semi-significant age difference from you and then having a problem with the differences that come along with it is like really enjoying the summertime and then expecting winter to act like it…just because you do. Feel me?
Age-Gap Dating Requires Being a (Patient) Student. And Teacher.
GiphyWhenever people talk to me about the hours that they spend (or is it waste?) arguing with folks on social media, something that I will oftentimes say (for instance) is, “Some of those folks weren’t even born when Freaknik happened. Let them come to the wisdom and insight that you have, due to your age, on their own.” Same thing goes for age-gap dating.
When it comes to these celebrity relationships, so many of them switch up like they change their underwear, so I won’t even give specific examples. If you surf or scroll on a daily basis, though, you know that there are some older women dating younger men and older men who are dating younger women who show all the signs in the world of heading for a real roller coaster ride because…they are simply at two totally different points in their life.
For instance, when you’re in your 20s, it’s not automatically a red flag that you want to go to the club often. Oh, but when you’re in your 40s, you can be tempted to tell them that it is — even though you did the same thing when you were their age. You know, just because you’ve “been there and done that” before, that doesn’t mean you should look down on them because they haven’t (yet).
Yeah, that’s another challenge about age-gap dating and age-gap relationships: you tend to think that you should be someone’s parent instead of their partner.
So, do I think that age-gap dating can never work? No, that’s not the case. What I will say is if you’re not a very flexible person, you are about to be pissed, often. Because when you’re with someone who has a different view of things that you do, and a part of it is because they are a different age than you are, you’ve got to be willing to teach some things that could help them to grow and also learn some things that could help you to become a better person — whether they are the older one or not.
Take two of my clients where, again, the husband is younger (by nine years) and the wife is older. He says all of the time that if he had not come into her life, she would’ve aged faster because she owns the fact that she’s not naturally a very adventurous person. At the same time, because of her influence in his life, he’s better with time management, which has helped him professionally, because she’s a huge planner (something that she learned to become due to “fumbling some balls” back when she was younger). See what I mean: the student as well as the teacher.
Does this apply to all relationships? It should. I’m just saying that when age-gap dating comes into play, lessons tend to pop up often and sometimes, very unexpectedly, simply due to folks being at various places and stages due to their age alone. If you can’t fathom dealing with that, age-gap dating is probably not something that you should get involved with.
Casually Doing It Can Tend to Backfire
GiphyOkay, so what if you’re someone who wants to do some age-gap dating on a casual level? What could possibly go wrong there? Well, from reading some of my other articles (check out “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex'”), you’ll already know that I’m not big on the meaning of casual: apathetic, careless, off-hand, without serious intention. Me? Especially at this age, I have zero energy or interest to be dealt with on a casual basis (whew, chile). And what if you’re the one who wants to take this approach? I mean, you’re grown, right? Do you.
I will just give the heads up when it comes to, say, wanting to have a casual sexual situationship with a younger man, while there is more content out here that says while 20-somethings may be having more sex, it’s the people in their 40s who are actually enjoying it the most (which means that it shouldn’t be assumed that the young guys do it better), science is science — and science says that testosterone levels are at their highest when a man is in his 20s. Meanwhile, for us, we are reportedly able to have the most consistent orgasms while we’re in our 30s. Where am I going with all of this?
I actually didn’t become sexually active until college. My first love was younger than I, and goodness, when didn’t he want to hump my leg? The college period was like a sea of raging hormone vessels with free rooms in the form of dorms. Chaotic and damn near diabolical in hindsight. LOL. And a big part of that is because guys have testosterone surging, and we as women are hella fertile. Getting off stays at the forefront on some level (at least for most of us).
The challenge with that is a lot of people who are hormone-driven may not necessarily be relationship-minded. And once you hit your late 30s-40s, after a couple of months of mind-blowing sex (perhaps), that could get old, especially if the sweet young thang doesn’t have much more to offer than that. And so…where do things have to go? That’s the thing about casual…usually nowhere. Again, by definition.
I will say that if you just read all of that and was like, “Okay…and still, what’s the problem?” — hey, do you, sis. I just think it needs to go on record that once you reach a certain point and place in life, casual experiences with younger men can damn near seem brutal — and you can’t really blame them if you got turned out, yet they barely respond to any texts that don’t have sex on the menu. #justsaying
Make Sure to Be Extremely Honest About Your Needs. And Expectations.
GiphyLet’s swing to the other side of this: you dating an older man. I know someone who is currently doing that as well. She’s in her late 30s, and he’s in his early 50s. He’s stable. He’s smart. She said the sex is bomb. Dating him is fun, spontaneous, and full of surprises. So, what’s the problem? He’s super set in his ways. His values are hella traditional (hers are not).
More than anything, though, she wants to get married, and he’s divorced, so he has more of a “been there, done that” take on it. Does he have a problem with being exclusive? Absolutely not. However, having another wife or more children? His kids are grown. He’s mentally and emotionally past that time, too. And so, at a bit of a crossroads, they are — both are invested, and yet, because they are in different seasons of life, they don’t want the same things.
That’s another thing to consider when it comes to age-gap dating — if you are looking for something serious or substantial, you don’t really have time to waste when it comes to getting your needs and expectations out on the table. That’s why, past the first date to see if there is potential for a real connection beyond just chemistry, when it comes to age-gap dating, you really need to get your needs and expectations out there (on both sides) as soon as possible because — and pardon the pun — time is definitely of the essence.
___
A lot to think about? Yeah, perhaps. At the same time, is the age-gap something to be leery of? No. It’s just important to check your motives, be realistic, and not lie to yourself or the person you’re seeing about what you want to get out of it.
Because no matter how hot of a trend age-gap dating may currently be, you need to do what’s right and best for you…not merely what is…popular.
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Featured image by FG Trade/Getty Images