I Broke Up With My Boyfriend After Four Years And A Year Later He Became The Love Of My Life | xoNECOLE
Love & Relationships

I Broke Up With My Boyfriend After Four Years And A Year Later He Became The Love Of My Life

Comments (55)
  1. Ness says:

    So they’ve been together almost 8 years now but still not married? I thought that’s where it would lead in their commitment. That’s a long time to still be dating if you’re sure that’s who you want to be with, especially because she gave him time to be more committed. Hopefully that’s the next step to her and their child.

    (0)
    1. http://xonecole.com/wp-content/themes/xon/images/xoicon.png Kimberly Fleming says:

      Hi Ness,

      Yes, you’re right that’s a long time. For a long time Marriage wasn’t something I was sure I wanted (that’ll be perfect for another article)…we did, however, unconventionally plan a pregnancy and went through a rough pregnancy that brought us even closer. Now that we have a son I see things very differently and I do want him to value the unity of marriage and all that comes with it. I do feel some type of way when I check him into the doctor and our last names are different. I was the girl who always wanted to be a mom but was kind of “not convinced” on marriage. We’ve had this talk and we discuss my fears and we both are moving in the steps of marriage. With prayer and communications and support of other married people my fears and worries about marriage are slowly going away. Thanks for reading- soon my last name will be gray too @iam_kimf

      (11)
  2. I cried reading this. I felt like I was reading my life but the person writing it had strength I didn’t/don’t have. Thanks for this post. If no one benefited from it, just know I did!

    (7)
    1. http://xonecole.com/wp-content/themes/xon/images/xoicon.png Kimberly Fleming says:

      Tayana,

      You do have the strength you just have to start believing it – that you will be okay. Know That the unknown of leaving is better than knowing that where you are is the best it’s going to get . From my experience, a man’s behavior is directly correlated to what is allowed. Me walking away was saying if you want me you can’t act like a heartless jerk anymore …goodbye! I was literally prepared to never talk to him again and I had to make myself super busy to get by each day but I made it …. you will too ! – @iam_kimf

      (2)
  3. CeCe says:

    I went through a similar situation with my ex minus the living together part. I begged and pleaded for him to listen to my needs and wants over and over again. I was giving 100% of myself and he was giving 50. I left him about 10 months ago and it took him a while to finally give up and stop calling me. I too ignored every call and told my mom to do the same. He instantly got a new girlfriend when I left him but I knew it was a rebound and he was just trying to find someone to get over me so it didn’t bother me much. Fast forward to 3 days ago I get that “Happy New Year, you still have my heart, I love you like the first time I told you, I am single now, I need my best friend back, can we do dinner text”. I kind of feel the opposite of you with him, could be because I am 32 and he is 47. I know at dinner he is going to pour his heart out on the table, but it’s hard for me to “sh*t and step back in it”. The only thing that keeps playing back in my mind is ANGER at myself for putting up with his mess for 2 years. I am upset because I knew better than to accept it and I was raised better than that. Anyway to make a long story short, as much as I want a happy ending like yours, I don’t think I want that happy ending with him. Sorry so long…

    (5)
    1. http://xonecole.com/wp-content/themes/xon/images/xoicon.png Kimberly Fleming says:

      That’s awesome you realize that !!! No more wasted time! I think the important thing is to trust your self and your worth to know what you want for you’re life .. we only get one life !!! I am sure your right guy is coming now that you are open and focused on self love … congrats girl ❤☺️~ @iam_kimf

      (2)
  4. Mrs.Callaway says:

    Just came across your story “And Loving it”. God has a plan for each & everyone of us, we just have to know when to follow our path. Leaving my husband & divorcing him was the best thing I could’ve done. After, being separated for 3 years I started asking God to give me a new beginning but here’s the twist. When I would pray my ex-husband would be the image of my new beginning, I will reply”NO GOD HOW AFTER ALL HE HAS DONE TO ME”. Still, single the 4 year. Because, of grace & mercy we are happily back together & working on our family & re-marrying soon, still wearing his last name. I knew he was my soulmate from the first day we meet 13 years ago. God is the only way, without him you will never see the great potential in your spouse or vice versa. Be blessed you & your future husband if your not already married.

    (4)
  5. Shay says:

    Ok so I’m late reading this, but when I say your words spoke from MY HEART it is unbelievable. I was once in that exact situation only the emotional disconnect happened over time where all that stuff (kisses, the I love you’s, etc) I received before began to decline and even disappear. To make it so bad we were married. I still was the single yet married one at family functions because he never wanted to go and I too made excuses for him. I made the hard decision almost 2 years ago to leave and start living for myself and find my happiness once again. Eventually finding my happiness and reconnecting with my spirituality led me to realize that I was happier alone than I was in a lonely marriage, so of course the marriage ended in divorce. I still believe in love and I know one day love will come my way again but in the meantime I’m happy. Thanks for sharing your story.

    (2)
    1. http://xonecole.com/wp-content/themes/xon/images/xoicon.png Kimberly Fleming says:

      You are a strong woman. I cried many tears but I am so happy I left. Congrats on realizing your desires matter. Love will find you again and it’ll be perfect. Thank you for reading ~ @iam_kimf

      (1)
  6. hellifiknow says:

    Thank you for posting this Kimberly I have done the very same thing in a relationship I was in for a long time. Your story was encouraging and made the point that love is often created, not just something that you fall into blindly. I commend you for recognizing that prioritizing yourself and your happiness would ultimately lead to a better relationship, even if not with the same man. It took me a lot of personal growth and discipline to stand up for myself and my needs and I don’t know that the man I was with will ever be able to love me. But I damn sure know that he has been an amazing catalyst for my growth. I am encouraged to see a real story of love not just the fairy tale version some of us want so badly to believe in. I hope this helps other women see that they set the tone in a relationship and that standing up for and loving yourself will only end a bad relationship that you need to leave or ultimately evolve one if you are meant to be together. I truly appreciate this testimony.

    (3)
  7. Maya says:

    Wow, I’m 22 years old (soon-to-be college graduate) and had an experience just like this one in my own relationship. For two years I remained unhappy in my relationship and somehow thought that things would change…until I found myself lying in bed one day depressed, crying and not wanting to do anything for myself after yet another disagreement with him..let alone my significant other. I was exhausted from giving so much of myself and never requiring that the man I had done so much for even considered reciprocating. I realized that I cannot look for self-love in anyone other than myself. This includes acknowledging my own wants and needs and making sure that my partner does as well. Like you said, if you don’t give to yourself, how will you ever have anything to give your partner?

    I left him. Ignored him and cut off all communication with him, his friends and family. I felt like a weight had been removed from my shoulders. I began to explore who I was again and made plans for my own future that made me so happy and grateful to be alive. I traveled abroad. I became myself again, and not an extension of a dying relationship. I remembered what it felt like to be loved unconditionally…God and I had many talks.

    Months later, after finding a way to reach me (I changed my phone number and blocked all ways of communication – petty? No. I was ready for a new start…so a lot of old things left with relationship including my 10-year old phone number), he sent me a number of gifts via mail and requested a phone conversation. We talked and agreed to go on a date….soon after we figured things out and are very happy today.

    I believe we, as women, get stuck in the rut of people pleasing our way to getting what we want, and when the award we hope for doesn’t surface, we internalize the consequences or go into “fix it” mode. I’ve become a more direct communicator with my boyfriend as a result of our breakup and it has helped our levels of communication tremendously. He didn’t know that I was so upset and unhappy with our relationship because I 1.) had been so afraid to say so and 2.) was even more afraid to leave the person I once thought was “the one”…and to be “alone”.

    You must know your own strength and love yourself…and never forget it. You are worthy and have always been. If you are not happy, do not settle as you only have one life to live and would be such a tragedy to look back and wonder what it would have been like to be happy. Time cannot be given back and so it should not be wasted.

    Excellent read.

    (3)
  8. OMG!! THIS RIGHT HERE!!!

    (1)
    1. http://xonecole.com/wp-content/themes/xon/images/xoicon.png Kimberly Fleming says:

      It was definitely something out of a movie – 🙂 thanks for reading ~ @iam_kimf

      (1)
  9. Happened to me! Married almost one year with a baby on the way now! Love is beautifully complex!

    (2)
  10. Joey Beard says:

    He had man problems
    Learned my lesson already

    (2)
  11. Joti Banipal says:

    Hi Kimberly, this was an amazing read. I can VERY much relate, you have no idea! I sent this article to my bf saying this is something that would happen to us. He is very much interested in the guys side,

    (2)
  12. This right here!!!!

    (0)
    1. http://xonecole.com/wp-content/themes/xon/images/xoicon.png Kimberly Fleming says:

      The struggle was so real . He was so mean and hurtful when I left but I recognize pain even if it’s presented in the form of asshole so I just ignored him Lolol ~ @iam_kimf

      (1)
  13. Carmen says:

    This article really just made me bawl my eyes out! I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and Im really starting to feel this way. He has always lacked love and affection, but 3 years later it’s starting to get with me. He is 5 years older than me, how am I to show a grown man how to love?? This last month has been so hard for us. My level of being fed up has reached it’s max, but I feel terrible for wanting to give up on him. I feel so lost. Your article is so true but how do you walk away?? Walking away is so hard. I was with my abusive cheating ex-husband for 7 years (married 3). It took me that long to finally find strength within myself to walk away. I was single for 4 years before I got with my man now. He’s told me from the beginning this was how he was, so I feel responsible for putting myself in this situation. I love him dearly and all relationships have their ups and downs but when will enough be enough??!! Im sure one day Ill figure it out, I just wish it wasnt to hard!

    (0)
    1. http://xonecole.com/wp-content/themes/xon/images/xoicon.png Kimberly Fleming says:

      This is your life!! You only get one – if telling him that you are bored and unhappy isn’t enough to spark change in him – walk away !!! His excuse that this is how he is isn’t valid – relationships are about give and take and growth no one gets to just stay stagnant …

      Love has very little to do with this – you can love him while you take control of your life and feel free to extend the invitation for him to join you at LIVING in the future if you are still available

      Right now he won’t change because he doesn’t have to change …

      Talk to him first then make a move

      Thanks for reading @iam_kimf

      (1)
  14. Kelli Jordan says:

    One of the best articles I’ve read in a long time!

    (0)
  15. Trea Hollis says:

    This sounds about right. I made the choice to give myself space earlier today. I hope it works out the same way.

    (0)
    1. http://xonecole.com/wp-content/themes/xon/images/xoicon.png Kimberly Fleming says:

      Thank you for reading – and congratulations on choosing you! Even if it doesn’t end the same way – you win . Allows that person to figure out that they want you (or don’t ) … No more wasted time … date yourself for awhile — @iam_kimf

      (0)
  16. Great article. Touched my soul.

    (0)
  17. Sb386 says:

    The self love you found was unbelievable. You found love because you were willing to lose to gain self. People are not in the stepping back to move forward game anymore. How awesome of you to share this beautiful story ❤️. Knowing your worth is power.

    (0)
  18. Yes I can relate to so much of this article. I think of you ever go back to an ex, they have to be a different version of themselves and you have to be different too.

    (0)
  19. Safiya Lomon says:

    This was so sweet and just what I needed to read

    (0)
  20. msraachxo says:

    This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing your story 💕

    (0)
  21. Kai says:

    Wow. I can’t believe I found an article with words that matches my life/situation! Me and him are both 23 years old, highschool sweethearts since junior year. 6 years into our relationship with 3 years living together I abruptly decided to end it 3 days before Christmas. Our breakup ended badly with me and him saying hurtful words that escalated physical! we were both unhappy for a very long time but at the same time we both wanted to love each other! We were each other’s best friends and we was very comfortable with one another. But he was very inconsistent financially and mentally. And I was very detached and unattentive. We started to grow apart as our life paths began to separate. i loved him but wasn’t in love with him as he was still in love with me. But we both wasn’t making no effort into making our relationship better as we was still arguing, pointing fingers, and miscommunication (or non at all) we couldn’t respark our relationship because of life circumstances that got in the way. Going into this new year I feel so alone. But i wanted to get to know me better as I felt like I lost a little of myself being that I’ve been in a serious relationship since I was 17 years old. I hate how we ended. I blocked him from everything but he managed to reach out to me saying how I felt as well. He still loves me. And I do too and I miss him so much. But I really don’t want to get back with him after all that happen and we both don’t make the effort to change. Not sure if I can go a whole year without him. But if that’s what I must do I will!

    (0)
  22. Mom of Three says:

    This was a wonderful article. My life, only difference is we have been married for 12 years and have 3 children. I often think of leaving or pray that he will leave me. From the outside we look perfect. He doesn’t cheat, he provides, and good father but not a good husband. I am always alone when I go places and constantly make excuses for his absence. Its easy to do with three boys. We rarely date. We argue and I am always the one to give in to keep the peace. He is self centered and thinks everything is about him.

    (0)
  23. Sara says:

    I read this article everyday. It is saved in my phone as a reminder to keep going. I cut off all contact a month ago with my ex because we need to grow separately. I cry so many times but I know it’s what is best. You’re story match my story. thank you for your story!

    (0)
    1. http://xonecole.com/wp-content/themes/xon/images/xoicon.png Kimberly Fleming says:

      You are very welcome ! It’s going to be hard! Men are mean and stubburn at first when they are hurt – just remember no matter how the relationship went wrong and no matter what he shows – he is hurting too. And just continue to remind him and yourself that this decision is for YOU. And continues to be nice and love yourself first even if you guys never get back together – you win !!!

      Thanks for reading @iam_kimf

      (0)
  24. Deion says:

    I have one question to every woman. First I think this is a good article reminds me of similar situation I’m in. But the biggest question is where does the double standard/ equality come in a relationship. Im trying to look at both pictures (one side being the womans and the side of the man). Ok first I tell what I understand about this woman by reading this article. I see how depress she was in the beginning of the article and that she was depress in her relationship and felt that she was not receiving enough love from her man. With all arguments and disagreements she finally had enough and decided to distance herself from man and focus more her. Ok cool I get. To summarize the rest of this article she basically made her man chase after just so he can realize what he was doing wrong in the relationship and admit that he was wrong. Finally it took them to communicate better for her relationship to get better. Ok also cool I’m beleiver of that when it comes for me as a man to see her point of view. Now that said that. Ok lady’s heres my question about the authors artilce.Looking at men point of view and trying to solve the bigger picture. Here it goes:
    -If communication was the whole problem of your relationship why didn’t try to talk to your man on how you feeling?
    -What makes you feel like you were giving enough love?
    -what do you feel like you wrong in this relationship
    It just seems like so many times in a relationship a woman feels like she always right and you can never tell her anything that you think she doing wrong(not saying she always wrong). It always the man who comes to a point where he has to be the bigger person to admit that he wrong w/o the woman doing the same thing because she thinks she right. I feel like the one thing a relationship always fail to do is communicate. It takes two to communicate not one chasing after the other.
    Please ladies give me your opinion on double standard and what you think relationship should be comprise by.

    (0)
  25. Dayana says:

    Your story is truly beautiful and inspiring me and my ex have been on and off for 2 years and reading this article has made me truly walk away… hoping one day he will be the man I need him to be.

    (0)
  26. Jessica says:

    Kimberly, I don’t know you but this was extremely well written, it was authentic

    (0)
  27. Doubledee32 says:

    Beautiful story so glad you had the strength to get out when you did. I had a very good friend of min who was easy going and would let guys feelings come before hers well she finally got the message moved on and got married to a college sweetheart. And this clown wants her back now that she’s married!!

    As I told her it’s his loss and he should have made the effort to keep her when he had her. Some Guys/Ladies seem to take good people for granted given the opportunity. But I’m glad things worked out for you and hopefully you two will get married soon!

    Best OF Luck!

    (0)
  28. MsQ says:

    I loveee this article sooo much! Thanks for sharing!!!

    (0)
  29. Rusty says:

    Love this article. Going through the same situation…But im a dude. I blocked my ex on everything and told her that if she learns to respect me than she can reach out to me. I feel like if she really wanted to respect or make an attempt to try to atleast understand what I meant by that; she would find a way to call me(through another number of course). Is this effective? Did I go too far in my methods? I know Women think differently than Men. Can a woman give me a woman’s perspective on this?

    (0)
  30. Ayanna says:

    I literally had to pull myself together after reading this. Not the same exact situation but it all comes from the same place and we women experience the same things. It’s comforting yet scary to literally read my own thoughts in this article! I so needed this cry. Lol

    (0)
    1. Thank you so much for reading Ayanna. It was a difficult time but I see now that I went through it for people like you. Be strong girl. You GOt this

      (0)
  31. Jennifer says:

    Late reading this, as it came up on Twitter just now. While I see how space helped you value yourself more, in the end you still didn’t progress all that much. If you had so many fears about marriage, you shouldn’t have let this guy who treated you like crap come back around and get you pregnant. You should have “moved in the steps of marriage” BEFORE your son, not made it an afterthought. Now you’re tied for life to someone who you still aren’t sure you want to be with. That makes me sad for your son.

    (0)
  32. Dustin says:

    Hi there…

    I broke up with my girlfriend of two years and 3 months yesterday… I have a lot a lot to talk to you about because your story fits my life like a glove… I’ve been crying my eyes out.. I’d really appreciate it if you could email me.

    Thank you Kimberly

    (0)
  33. Mimi says:

    I read this article and was like yessss!!!! I am in the same situation when I would ask for his affirmation his response was I was to clingy . We started off our relationship as a long distance so it would hurt when he said that we would go months without seeing him and so when I was with him I missed him . He doesn’t show me emotion . I moved to his city to be with him and cuz I ended up pregnant with his child and I am so lonely here I have no friends and family is far and yet still no love I can’t remember the last time we had sex on top of that I suffer from ppd and I’m so lonely like how are you supposed to be I a relationship but lonely as hell n ur partner feels more like your roommate…hes always on his phone or tablet and I’m just to scared to walk away.at this point I crave it I feel like I’m being deprived n like u I thought the same thing well he’s not cheating etc.. Your story is so relatable many women find themselves in relationships like that

    (0)
  34. Tai says:

    This article was so impactful because I recently had this exact situation happen to me. I was in a 3 year relationship and was beginning to feel as though he wasn’t there with me. The communication aspect of it began to clash, the sex was just ok and I began to feel as though we were just coasting. I expressed my feelings and oftentimes he would dismiss them. “You’re emotional right now.” Would be the common statement anytime I voiced my opinion on certain things. We didn’t live together per se but I was a frequent guest in his home. We did everything together and when I wanted space for myself it was greeted with annoyance. And I understand that most individuals would thrive on this type of affection but not for me. I had presented the option for us to live separately and to go to couples therapy and he resisted. Finally one evening I told him I wanted to break up. It wasn’t easy. It was by far the hardest thing in life and man have I dealt with some stuff. He asked for a second opportunity with the agreement of all that I had asked for. Everything was bliss for about 3 weeks. Shit hit the fan and we broke up again after a serious argument. I swore I never wanted to see him again. But then, my days became greyer. I was sad, anxious, I cried ALOT. Not hearing from him not knowing how he was tore me up. So I called him one day. We agreed to meet up to discuss what had happened. We communicated in a way that we hadn’t in forever. I was finally able to express my feelings and reasonings for my actions. He understood. We continued to talk and it felt as though we were finally going somewhere. We’re still in the midst of repairing the relationship but no joke this experience has been so damn good. It hasn’t been easy. Nope. Not one bit. But I’m hopeful for what the future holds for the both of us. He’s my forever. I know that without knowing that consciously.

    (0)
  35. Kimberly says:

    I’m going through the exact situation. I recently just broke up with my boyfriend mainly because of the same reasons. Lack of communication. Arguing BECAUSE he wouldn’t communicate with me. I’ve been feeling unhappy with him for a while but I finally had my breaking point with him. I felt as if I was going to go crazy!!! I know he’s the one for me. At least I hope, we fit like a glove. And we’re always having a good time. After reading this article I felt alive. I felt like I wasn’t wrong for wanting to be single for a while. I just hope there’s a light at the end of our tunnel for me and my baby

    (0)
  36. Kendra says:

    This is beautiful. I found myself smiling through out this article, I’m happy for the both of you. Thanks so much for sharing.

    (0)
  37. J says:

    This article literally gets me through my days. Thank you.

    (0)
  38. shannon says:

    I’m not a big fan of reading but i started looking at this when I was in a dark place feeling done. (my military boyfriend and I just ended things after I thought I was carrying his child and I almost died in a car accident) I didn’t want things to be over but this really made me see that we need to grow separably as people , especially myself and come together in the future when he can be there for me and I’m not feeling like I’m pouring all my love into nothing. This is so hard for me to except and I don’t think I can move on yet so I check out your article when i need to remember were young and we can work towards a better life. Thank you very much Kimberly

    (0)
  39. Thank you for reading Shannon . This is a very tough situation to go through – even if you never stop feeling pain you have to learn to feel while moving forward – that’s what life is about – I talk about this very thing on my podcast http://www.graylove.com/podcast episode 2 you will hear from my boyfriend and how he took the break up and why personal growth is so important on both ends – please continue to write me and let me know how you are doing. @iam_kimf

    (0)
  40. Mar says:

    Ive read this article numerous times since January. That’s when my ex and I broke up. Story is familiar, except I am the one who got 30 days to leave. He broke up with me. For the past 8 months I’ve been trying to get my pieces back together. It’s different when you’re on the other side of the stick. I’m not as angry as I was anymore, but the wound is deep. I hope our story has an ending like yours.

    (0)
  41. Leighton Meester says:

    I LOST MY HUSBAND TO ANOTHER WOMAN AND I COULD NOT BRINK HIM BACK AS GOD WILL HAVE HIS WAY I MET DR.MACK A LEGITIMATE SPELL CASTER I EXPLAIN MY SITUATION TO HIM HE TOLD ME NOT TO WORRY THAT HE WILL BE ABLE TO HELP ME BRING BACK MY HUSBAND AGAIN, I RECEIVE A CALL FROM MY HUSBAND AND HE TOLD ME HE IS VERY SORRY AND WANT US TO COME BACK AGAIN AND I WAS SO HAPPY WITH THE HELP DR.MACK RENDERED TO SECURE MY MARRIAGE, IF YOU NEED TO CONTACT ANY ANYONE TO HELP YOU OUT WITH RELATIONSHIP ISSUE PLEASE CONTACT THIS EMAIL ADDRESS ([email protected] COM) HE WILL HELP YOU

    (0)
  42. They just got all of their sexual energy out…. Kind of like the “where i wanna be ” song by Donnel Jones…. Good on them though!

    (-1)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *