"Believe You're The Sh-t": Brandy Reveals How To Find Self-Love After A Bad Breakup
Do you remember where you were the first time you felt like you were the "-ish?"
Was it your college graduation day? The day you got your first car? Place? Can you remember the first time you felt couldn't nobody tell you nothin'? Most likely, yes.
Well for Brandy, that feeling was not that long ago.
For a multi-platinum, Grammy award winning, Broadway stage singing, Hollywood actress and bomb mom, you'd think Brandy had no issues in feelin' herself. But as the entertainer has admitted, empowerment is something very new for her. And she's enjoying every moment of the feeling!
Especially when it comes to her dating life. And if you ever wondered what a breakup is like for Bran; during her last breakup she sat down to discuss how her song, "Beggin' and Pleadin," takes us through that process.
Begging and pleading, hoping and wishing for a change
Forgive me
Begging and pleading, hoping and wishing for a change
Told you, walk out that door, you can keep your last name
Now I’m down on my knees, it’s a shame
Good God almighty
Wave me back
All them bi**hes won’t love you like I, don’t wave me back"
Brandy opened up about the autobiographical track in a behind-the-scenes video:
"I went through a really hard break up and I wasn't able to let it go and get over it. So when I did the song it felt like a true apology, everything I had in that moment, I gave it!When I did the song, it felt real. It felt like a true apology. Everything I had in that moment, I gave it right there because of how I was feeling. It felt like the song was writing itself. This particular song is freedom, [It's] liberty to express myself in the most interesting, edgiest way possible.”
But rather than feel vulnerable by her raw honesty, Brandy admits she feels strength in sharing her truth, regardless of exposing a "weaker" side of her pride and bruised heart:
"It's like "Bish what!" It's like that! It makes me feel bossy; it makes me feel like, even if it's for 2 minutes and 45 seconds, I feel empowered by it. By the story. By the vocal, by the production, everything sounds fearless to me. That 2 minutes and 45 seconds is eternal to me.I'm here to touch a lot of people. I'm not here to touch a few. I'm here to touch a lot. And if you just listen, you'll be able to touch and reach and bring everybody together in music. Especially if it is authentic. Unity, that's what we all need. It's all about what you believe at the end of the day. I believe that I'm the shit."
[Tweet ""It's all about what you believe at the end of the day and I believe I'm the sh*t." @4everbrandy"]
*reaches over and brushes Brandy's shoulder's off*
And for the teen-star who grew up right before our eyes, she admits that the feeling of believing in herself and her worth is slightly new, and that she's adjusting!
"I'm just now getting that [feeling of being the "ish]. It still feels funny to actually say that and like, mean it. Like my heart is beating fast while I'm saying that. And I'm here to stay!"
Welp! They don't call her "Forever Brandy" for nothing!
Sometimes it takes us being at our weakest point to realize the powers that lie within. From what it sounds like, Brandy had a case of a broken heart, something we often feel can only be cured with the help of an ex or a loved one. However, self love is always the best love, especially after you've accepted that it's time to let go and move on.
Check out the footage below of Brandy breaking down the meaning and empowerment behind 'Beggin and Pleadin.'
A modest goddess who keeps it humble between mumbles. I'm a journalism graduate with a HERstory in digital media, print and radio. Roll the credits: Power 96, VH1, xoNecole, EBONY, SOHH. Deemed "Top 20 Women in Media" by Power 105. Bronx made me, Broward raised me.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images