I Was About To Get Plastic Surgery Until My 9-Year-Old Told Me This
They say that kids say the darnedest things.
They also have a subtle way of teaching us a few things about ourselves; whether it be where we could practice a little more patience or how to be courageous. As a single mother of two daughters, Alannah, 9, and Tahliah, 2, going on 20, I know this far too well!
Over a year ago, I ended a long-term relationship. One of the hardest decisions I've made in a while, considering the time invested, the fact that I thought I was going to marry my ex, recently giving birth to our child, and already having one failed marriage under my belt. Those close to me, know that for quite some time, I really struggled with my self-esteem and rediscovering myself. I even played with the idea of plastic surgery. After all, what's wrong with a little nip here and tuck there to get you back in the game... right?
Instead, I signed up for a gym membership and began working out. My plan was to eat right and get it tight, then go under the knife to tighten up my tummy and rid of some pesky stretch marks.
Only, it didn't go as planned.
I exercised and ate clean and it appeared as if I gained weight. While I could appreciate my rump which had rounded out over time, fact of the matter was, I wasn't remotely close to my pre-pregnancy weight and I wasn't happy! To makes matters worse, I began to eat my feelings, which turned out to be Reeses, Popeyes, Starbucks fraps and Chipotle. I didn't want to get dressed or leave the house, because I felt like a stuffed sausage in my clothes.
I even began a nasty habit of stalking Instagram accounts of new moms who flaunted their six packs and perfect breasts while posing in bikinis.
Before you knew it, I stopped taking pictures altogether.
By last fall, I had saved up enough money for surgery. While this should have felt like a victory, as I thought it was the answer to all my weight woes, instead, I felt ashamed. "Here I have two gorgeous girls who I tell each day how beautiful they are... just the way they are," I said to myself. Yet, here I was crying over my curves and basing my happiness on the size of my waistline. But it wasn't until my nine-year-old checked me one morning while helping her get dressed for school, that I really had my "Aha" moment.
"I feel so FAT!" I gasped, while grabbing my love handles in frustration.
My eldest replied, "Mama stop. You are perfect just the way you are. Isn't that what you tell us?"
Meanwhile, my tot who had been resting in the doorway with her hand on her hip added, "Yeah mama, you're purty." Instantly, I felt like a complete failure.
[Tweet "Here I was crying over my curves and basing my happiness on the size of my waistline."]
I began to look back over my extended pity party and thought about all the opportunities lost where I could have been a real good example. It quickly became clear that it was time to face my bigger insecurities and not just fix what was on the outside, but how I felt personally on the inside as wel.
The problem is, that in today's society, it's ingrained in our minds that women have to be "bad b*tches" at all times, despite their race, age, and whether or not they have children. When in fact, we should be aiming to be queens: a woman who exudes effortless beauty inside and out.
[Tweet "We should be aiming to be queens: a woman who exudes effortless beauty inside and out."]
Society tells us that pregnancy ruins your body, when in fact, my minions have given me a better relationship with mine. Sure, I still have days when I feel like all kinds of yuck, or when my twenty-something girlfriend's incite envy with a series of #aboutlastnight posts, highlighting a scantily clad crew on a night out on the town.
Fortunately, along the way, I've learned that my daughters, family, and friends don't love me for how I look; they love me for the fun, loyal, respectful, and occasionally wise woman I've grown into over the years. Is that to say that I've given up on my fitness goals? Absolutely not! And I am by no means criticizing women who opt for plastic surgery, as every woman should decide what's right for them. But for now, knowing that there are people in my life who love me unconditionally, whether I'm rocking a size 6 or size 10 pair of jeans, is good enough for me!
Ruu Hawkins is a highly dependent coffee life-form, currently working towards her Master's in this thing called life. When she 's not perfecting her pen game, she's a single mother of two queens who prides herself on being a creative, curly mobbin', couture enthusiast! Chat with her on Twitter @ruubabie.
Lover of tacos and a killer jacket. Keanu Reeves is bae. Mother of two amazingly awesome children. I live by one rule: Don't be a Richard. Follow me on Instagram @truthhawkins.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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6 Spring Events To Boost Your Professional And Social Networks
When spring arrives, we all want to be outside, looking fabulous, and back to socializing. And now is the perfect time to add a few great events to your calendar to get you through the quarter in order to make new friends, build new partnerships, and talk new opportunities to level up.
Spring is a high season for networking and social events for Black women, with many organizations and event entrepreneurs booking prime locations and offering dynamic experiences that you can maximize in whatever way possible. Write down your goals, and get out there. Start with a few of these events between now and the start of summer:
New Orleans Jazz And Heritage Festival, April 23 - May 3
The New Orleans Jazz And Heritage Festival is a 10-day event held over two weekends, bringing together thousands of musicians, craftspeople, and food lovers to share in common threads of culture in the heart of New Orleans. You'll get to enjoy works by artisans local to Louisiana as well as from across the U.S. and around the world.
Black Food Truck Festival, April 26-28
Hosted in Charleston, S.C., the Black Food Truck Festival includes an opening party, access to more than two dozen food truck vendors, and a time to workout with other attendees. Charleston has long been known as a Southern foodie destination, with global recognition due to James Beard-awarded chefs heading popular restaurants there and a renewed focus on Gullah and Geechee culture and food in the region. And what better conversation ice-breaker than to talk about food with a new acquaintance?
Black Women's Mental Health Conference, May 4
Hosted by New York University, this is a one-day event to tackle issues of mental wellness and health that uniquely affect Black women and girls. The keynote speaker for this year is Kim Young, MSW, LCSW, founder of Dope Black Social Worker® and host of the podcast Revolutionary Hoodrat, and leading licensed professionals in the field will offer their insights and share their experiences. And, of course, no college-led event is without time blocked specifically for networking.
Strength of a Woman Festival, May 11-12
Anything with Mary J. Blige headlining or leading is a win, especially if we're talking about women's empowerment and enjoyment. This event will be held in New York City, and beyond the performances from some of our favorites like Muni Long, Jill Scott, and The Clark Sisters, there will be a Gospel Brunch. And even if you're not able to attend or concerts aren't your thing, just being in the city during that time will mean you're bound to run into plenty of other women to network with at local bars and restaurants nearby.
Carefree Black Girl Cookout, May 4
Held in the Queen City, Charlotte, N.C., this is a day festival amplifying the voices and brands of Black women entrepreneurs, artists, and creatives. There will be vendors, glam and beauty bars, and complimentary meals for the first hour (according to the platform's website). They're hosting another cookout in Philadelphia on May 25.
Black Women Leading Live, May 13-16
Touted as an “intimate retreat + conference,” this Virginia Beach, VA event will be held on a resort and is offering a professional development experience led by Laura Knights, founder of the Black Woman Leading® program and podcast. It’s an ideal fit if you’re a mid-level or senior professional, as the topics and approach are set to cater to those levels of career experience, with coaches and speakers pouring into attendees with a holistic approach.
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