Ashanti Reunites With A Woman Whose Life She May Have Helped Save 10 Years Ago
"I give up."
"I can’t do this anymore."
We have all had those moments when it seems as if our backs have literally been backed against the wall. We don’t know which way to turn and we surely don’t know who we can turn to. During these times, the easiest thing we can do is simply throw in the towel and wallow in a pit of our own despair.
Maybe you’re in that moment now. Maybe even as you read this, you are contemplating throwing in the towel but in the stillness of this moment, pause. You don’t have to give up now. Not yet.
Recently, R&B singer Ashanti made a week-long appearance on the hit television show “The Real” and gave her account about a moment that changed her life forever. While in the prime of her career she was contacted by the Make a Wish Foundation which grants the wishes of children with life-threatening illnesses. They had a young girl by the name of Christina who had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and wanted to meet Ashanti as her last and final wish. Despite her chaotic schedule, Ashanti realized the importance of granting someone’s last and final wish and welcomed Christina with open arms:
“My mom and I flew out to Seattle. We rented this huge hotel suite for her and her mom and her best friend. I got her a limo and went to her house and surprised her. We ate dinner. I bought her this awesome, cute Tiffany’s bracelet and I had her name engraved in it. And I sat and hung out with her the whole day…It was a surreal moment to be able to touch someone I didn’t even know”
Two years ago, (which made it ten years since Ashanti had visited Christina), Ashanti received the amazing news from Christina herself that she had gone into remission. On the show, as Ashanti fought back tears retelling the story of their encounter, she burst into tears as Christina surprised her by walking onto the stage.
A walking miracle and a reminder that you can’t give up, at least not now.
As I fought back tears during Ashanti’s reunion with Christina, I couldn’t help but wonder, what if Christina had given up in the middle of her fight with cancer? What if she had listened to the diagnosis from the doctors that her life would soon be over? Most importantly, what if she had aborted her own destiny by taking her own life? Thankfully, we’ll never know the answer to those questions.
I remember as a child, one of my favorite movies was Finding Nemo. There was a scene in the movie when Dory gives some of the best advice I have ever heard in my life (yes, I get amazing advice from Disney Movies) that says: “When life gets you down, do you wanna know what you've gotta do? Just keep swimming.”
Christina kept swimming.
I’m not sure if she kept swimming because Ashanti granted her wish or if there was a stillness inside of her that also lies in each one of us that whispers, “No, not yet”. Whatever the case may be, she’s still here and you are too.
You may not be facing terminal cancer or any terminal illness for that matter but perhaps you are facing a moment in time that you feel as if you can’t keep going, you can. Doctors and scientific research told Christina that her life was over but when everything she knew to be true walked out, her faith stepped in.
Maybe you can’t relate to Christina’s journey, but we can all learn a lesson or two from Ashanti and that is to be kind to everyone, you never know if your one small gesture has the capacity to change someone’s life, forever.
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Check out the video below, grab some tissue and know your help is on the way!
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How To Tell If You're Disciplining Your Child Or Seeking Revenge
When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images