The Art of Mastering TF Out of Your Twenties
If it's one thing I'm sure of, it's the accuracy of how well SZA was able to capture almost every single phase, worry, and emotion that comes with being in your twenties on her latest album Ctrl.
You know what I'm talking about.
You're stuck in that phase where grocery shopping starts to feel less like a chore and more like fun.
You're in that phase where half of your old high school and college-mates are getting married and have children and the other half have charges pending.
You're in that phase where a job with guaranteed 40 hours a week and a full benefits package sounds like heaven but then again so does drinks and queso with your friends every weekend.
You feel like there's more that you should be doing, that you should be moving forward and yet you don't really know what direction that is.
I get it, I really do but it doesn't have to be this way.
Here are eight things you can do to help you master tf out of your uncertain twenties:
Engage the Power of Community
You are never in things alone, no matter how you may feel and it's better to learn that now. Spend time with and find a tribe of women that will encourage you, convict you when needed, and be that shoulder to cry on when you do have your down moments. There's strength in numbers, sis.
Get to Know Yourself
With all of the beautifully curated lives on social media and the plethora of gurus on television, it can be hard to decipher your wants, needs, and interests from the masses. Get clear on who you are. Not who you "post to be." Figure out what makes you happy, your affirmations, how certain things make you feel, and what's important to you. Dead the noise and get reacquainted with you.
Check Impostor Syndrome at the Door
Listen here sis: YOU ARE AN ACHIEVER.
Stop downplaying your accomplishments and everything you've got you've gotten through hard work and good work. Feeling like a fraud is fake news, okay? This is only the beginning. You're more than able and you belong in every room you find yourself in so walk like it.
Define Your Version of Success
For some people, success is three houses, five luxury cars, a rich spouse, and 2.5 children. For you, it might be getting through an entire workweek without taking a nap, not postponing wash day for two weeks, and cooking yourself dinner five days out of the week instead of going out. Figure out what success looks like for you and make it happen as often as you can.
Understand the Come-Up Doesn't Happen Overnight
Don't let the 'gram fool you. All we see is the highlight reel when it comes to our favorite influencers and celebs. Most of them didn't achieve their level or acclaim and significance right out the gate and you shouldn't expect to either. Use your 20somethings to put in that work that can set you up for a beautiful glow up in the future. Rome wasn't built in a day and neither was Oprah's bank account. Do the work.
Practice and Establish a Self-Care Routine
After you get done grinding, take some time to enjoy you. Center yourself in the morning by incorporating some prayer and exercise. Take a break midday and plug into your favorite music for a quick escape. Go watch your favorite movies and buy all your favorite snacks. At the end of the week, after all is said and done, go get your nails done and have drinks with your friends. Treat yo' self.
Remember You Don't Have to Have It All Together
With every phase of life that you find yourself in, you must remember that you've never experienced it before and neither have other people. You've never been in your 20somethings, your parents have never been in their 50somethings. Everyone is literally learning as they go and that's the beautiful thing about growing up. You never stop learning and the minute you try to rid yourself of that fact, you put yourself in an unfair position.
Allow yourself to get it wrong sometimes and know that it's okay. Allow yourself to not know how or what the next right move is and choose to not feel inadequate. Take solace in the fact that we all still honestly have some growing to do.
Good luck on them 20somethings!
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- Why Navigating Your 20s Is Hard | Goop ›
- How You Spend Your 20s Will Define You ›
- 20 Tips To Kill It In Your Twenties: As Told By a Woman In Her 60s ... ›
Writer. Empath. Escapist. Young, gifted, and Black. Shanelle Genai is a proud Southern girl in a serious relationship with celebrity interviews, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and long walks down Sephora aisles. Keep up with her on IG @shanellegenai.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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We all love that Beyoncé's recent foray into country music has turned the world's attention back to the impact of Black legends and icons who were foremothers of the genre. All of the buzz around the superstar's take on country music (along with the fab TikToks of Black women getting their country glam on to prep for a possible country music tour), brings to the forefront stories of the amazing impact of women like Sister Rosetta Thorpe, Elizabeth Cotton, and Linda Martell. These women laid the groundwork for folk, country, and rock music way before any of us reached our mother's wombs.
I've loved country music since childhood and would rock, sway, and sing along to songs by The Neville Brothers, Patsy Cline, and Elvis. (Yep, I loved me some Elvis, honey. It was an admiration I inherited from my mom.). Back in the day, my friends and I would all enjoy the country music songs played at a popular hangout spot, the local skating rink. The DJ would go from 69 Boys, Brandy, and Usher to Billy Ray Cyrus ("Achy Breaky Heart), Dolly Parton ("9-to-5" and "I Will Always Love You,") and Shania Twain ("Man! I Feel Like A Woman.") Country music has always been part of my life's soundtrack.
Since it's Women's History Month, what a perfect time to highlight some of the other Black women who have been standing it the gap for years, doing this country music thing, and doing it well. Here are a few to add to your playlists this month and beyond.
The Boykin Sisters AKA The BoykinZ
Sisters Nylan, Nytere, Anale, and Alona took the country music world by storm on TikTok, drawing more than 480,000 followers and 10 million likes for their soulful country music swag. They've performed with Shania Twain on the Country Music Awards, appeared on The Kelly Clarkson Show, and have recorded with legendary country music producer Nathan Chapman. Each brings their own unique flavor to the group, from style to music abilities.
Rissi Palmer
She released her self-titled debut album with hit singles, “Country Girl,” “Hold On To Me,” and “No Air,” and has since performed at The White House, New York's Lincoln Center, and the Grand Ole Opry. She’s also shared stages with country and pop music heavy-hitters including The Eagles, Charley Crockett, and Taylor Swift. Taking things to the advocacy level, she launched her own radio show Color Me Country with Rissi Palmer on Apple Music Country and created the Color Me Country Artist Grant Fund to support newbie country artists of color to reach their entertainment industry dreams.
C Brandon / Contributor/Getty Images
Yola
A U.K.-bred country music artist, this singer and actress was nominated for multiple Grammys for her 2019 debut album, Walk Through Fire, including Best Americana Album. Her 2021 album, Stand For Myself, mixes country and soul with intriguing and relatable visuals. She also magnificently starred as Rosetta Thorpe in the 2023 Elvis biopic, a film whose soundtrack was an American Music Award winner.
Mickey Guyton
A modern-day pioneer in her own right, Mickey Guyton was the first Black woman to be nominated in the Best Country Solo Performance category at the Grammy Awards in 2021, and, that same year, she became the first Black woman to co-host the Academy of Country Music Awards. Her song, “Black Like Me,” released in the wake of the George Floyd protests and the Black Lives Matter movement, added more to her legacy of being a leader and advocate in country music.
Brittney Spencer
This newbie artist in the game has given us strong previews of her talent, releasing two EPs and receiving Country Music Awards and Country Music Television award nominations. Elektra signed her to a deal in 2022, and this year, she released her debut album, My Stupid Life, which has been described by one Rolling Stone reviewer as “one of the most convincing country statements in a while.”
Reyna Roberts
The self-proclaimed "Princess of Outlaw Country," is serving soul, sass, and style with her music, with a debut album titled, Bad Girl Bible, Volume 1, sparking intrigue and fan support. Her more than 300,000 followers on IG rally behind her, as she campaigns for big-ticket performances that we are sure, will be in her future.
Chapel Heart
Sisters Danica and Devynn Hart have joined musical forces with cousin Trea Swindle as a country music trio, and found early viral success performing on “America’s Got Talent.” In 2021 the group was inducted into Country Music Television’s “Next Women of Country,” and they’ve been honored as “International Group of the Year” as well as “International Song of the Year” for the single “You Can Have Him Jolene” in Scotland. They have been nominated for several British CMAs including “Group of the Year” and “Album of the Year” for their second album release The Girls Are Back In Town.
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Featured image by Emma McIntyre / Staff/Getty Images