Amber Rose: 'Sexual Consent Doesn't Begin With How A Woman Dresses'
Even though the words "no means no" are repeated often in conversations about rape and sexual assault, there still seems to be confusion about what the word consent actually means.
Perhaps the confusion lies in how consent is communicated. Some people feel that consent begins with how a woman dresses, so if she wears provocative clothing, she's agreeing to sexual assault, inappropriate touches, groping, and cat calling. Wherever the confusion lies, the solution of a woman dressing according to how she wants the world to view her keeps being brought up in conversations about consent. But that idea keeps getting proven wrong, especially when conservatively dressed women, whether she's wearing a hijab or jeans, are reported as rape victims in the news.
In the end, it doesn't matter why or where the uncertainly looms, how a woman dresses has absolutely nothing to do with consent.
[easy-tweet tweet="How a woman dresses has absolutely nothing to do with consent. "]
Fortunately, Amber Rose was able to break down the word and dispel any doubts during her appearance on the OWN show, "It's Not You, It's Men" with Tyrese and Rev. Run.
The conversation started with Amber saying that she is always inappropriately touched by both men and women, and it get's to be too much.
“When I walk down the street, people think because I’m famous, or I’m cool and I’m taking pictures, that they can just grab my ass or put their hand under my skirt or [say], ‘Oh Amber, can I come grab your boobs?'...Girls do that to me all the time, and it does get like, I love you girls so much, but it does get like, stop grabbing on my boobs constantly and my butt...And guys, too. This is my privacy.”
Tyrese tried to explain that the energy a woman sends out with the way that she dresses may be part of the reason why people felt compelled to touch her inappropriately. But Muva wasn't having it, and she broke it down for the homie really quickly.
Tyrese: The comfortability that people find in wanting to touch or grope you, or feel like just like...it's an energy that's being sent out there that creates that type of response. Amber: No it doesn't, and I'm [going to] tell you why, If I'm laying down with a man butt naked, and his condom is on, and I say, 'You know what? No, I don't want to do this, I changed my mind.' That means no! That mean's f*cking no, that's it!
It doesn't matter how far I take it, or what I have on, when I say 'no' it means 'no.'
Rev. Run jumped in the conversation, and added that there was truth in the idea that women should "dress how you want to be addressed," and Amber shut the Rev down with that idea.
Amber: Oh boo! No, that's not realistic. Stop it! If I want to wear a short skirt, or a tank top, and I'm at the club and I'm having fun with my friends and I feel sexy, I'm not DTF. I'm not even looking at you. I don't even want to have sex with you. I didn't come here to have sex. I didn't come here to hook up with nobody. I came out here with my girls, and I just feel pretty. I'm not asking for nothing.
She brought home her sermon by giving it to Rev. Run and Tyrese plain and simple: society is to blame for the idea that a women should cover up in order to avoid being slut shamed or raped. She said,
And I'm not mad at ya'll, because that's how society raised all of us. I'm a former slut shamer, I've called women whores a million times, you know what I'm saying? And now I'm not. I'm a former slut shamer, and I have a slut walk, so like I said, society teaches us to be that way. You see a woman that's like, dressed provocative, and you're just like, 'She's loose.'
There's a lot a validity to what Amber has to say about consent. A woman shouldn't have to dress like a pilgrim in order to not be looked at as an object, because an entitled man is going to look at her like an object anyway.
We can only hope that in the future, the conversation of men addressing a woman with respect will be more important in combating rape and rape culture, rather than focusing on the a woman chooses to wear.
Watch the full episode tonight on OWN at 9 p.m. ET tonight.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Will Smith Gets Candid About How His Perspective On Money Shifted After Turning 50
From The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air to becoming an Oscar-winning movie star, the evolution of Will Smith has been one to watch over the decade. And now, the 55-year-old actor is sharing his newly evolved perspective on money.
In an interview with Complex, Smith was asked by host, Speedy Morman about his net worth, to which the actor replied, "I don’t even know, man. I don’t discuss such things.”
However, after further uncovering, Smith opened up about his current relationship with money after noting his journey as someone, “who's had money, lost money, then had it again, bigger than you ever imagined."
“This is the downsize phase of my life,” Smith shared. “The first half of my life was gather, gather, gather, the second half of my life is gonna be give, give, give.”
Smith shed his realization that material possessions and wealth cannot bring lasting happiness and that true satisfaction must come beyond material possessions.
“People… always have that moment somewhere around 50 where something changes,” he added. “But what happens is you just realize none of it can make you happy. Once you’ve bought everything you want and there’s literally nothing on Earth else that you want to buy, I just wish that was a gift that everybody could have because there’s nothing that material can do to satisfy you.”
The Bad Boys star went on to discuss how he’s entering a phase of life where one confronts the realization that external factors do not lead to true fulfillment, but instead through making peace with one’s inner struggles and reflections.
“I’m in that phase of my life that can actually be scary — when you realize that no relationship, that no money, that no kids—there’s literally nothing that can make you happy,” Smith shared.
He continued, “That happy is internal, full frontal contact with your dark knight of the soul and you reconcile that you gotta make happy in here — you gotta make happy in here with none of that stuff. You gotta take happy to the people you love — you can’t try to get it from them… It’s not for the faint of heart.”
During a 2021 interview with Idris Elba, Smith revealed his troubles with the IRS before landing his role on the hit TV show, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air — causing him to borrow money from his “drug dealer” friend. "So Uncle Sam wanted his money. I didn't forget—I just didn't pay,” Smith said.
"So, I borrowed $10,000 from a friend of mine who was a purveyor of neighborhood pharmaceuticals," he added, as the crowd laughed. "I borrowed $10,000 and I moved to Los Angeles,” he continued.
With so many of us seeking meaning while managing our desires for a prosperous life, it’s refreshing to hear a seasoned and respected actor share their wisdom on money and happiness.
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Featured image by Tristan Fewings/Getty Images for The Red Sea International Film Festival