Hustle A Job Or Hustle A Man? 9 Things I Learned About Sugar Babies

What is a sugar baby?

Back in 2013, I co-wrote my first screenplay about a financially frustrated young woman who went looking for a man to take care of her. Yes, she was a sugar baby ­and was looking f0r a sugar daddy or momma to pay her bills and pamper her, in exchange for companionship.

During the first few drafts of the story, my husband and I were broke and ended up homeless. As much as we love each other, we both thought about cheating on each other in exchange for someone with more money. We’re best friends, so when we eventually started talking about our thoughts, we opted for prayer instead of infidelity.

But everyone is not married to their best friend. The enticement of creating a companionship with another person outside of their relationship, in exchange for money is real for some people. Take Donald Sterlings sugar baby Vanessa Stiviano for instance. She made headlines after putting the Clippers' owner's racist rants on blast last year. Throughout their sugaring relationship, she was gifted with a $1.8 million duplex, and $800,000 in cash handouts and luxury cars including a Ferrari. She was sued by Sterling's wife who said Stiviano manipulated her 80-year-old husband, and in April, lost a lawsuit which required her to hand the $2.3 million in gifts, property and cash back over.

Every sugaring relationship is not going to end like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.

What I can tell you is that I learned a great deal about the men and women who live on the edge of, what is essentially, the sex industry and it was very interesting to say the least.

This what I learned:

1. Some women feel like it's easier to hustle a man, than hustle a job!

Feminists have been preaching the idea that any woman can go out in the world and make something of herself. Although it can be true, there are women who find this concept difficult for several reasons.

One, some women find it easier to hustle a man who will care for her, than to hustle a job. The hypocrisy lies in the women who hustle for a man to care for them, and then look down their noses at women who are vocal about the amount of money a man must make in order to be with her. Whether this kind of woman gets a man with a factory job, or a man with a white collar job, they’re essentially doing the same thing.

Also, a lot of sugar babies have full time jobs. Some are lawyers, doctors, beauticians, fitness instructors, “Instagram models” ­ you name it. “Sugaring” is more of a side hustle for them, than a full time gig. Probably because they realized long ago that they are not interested in making a way for themselves by themselves.

2. Sugar Babies are different from prostitutes.

Just because the relationship is arranged, or doesn't follow the rules of traditional courtship, does not make it illegal. There are huge differences between sugar babies and prostitutes.

According to Seeking Arrangement:

A prostitute and a client have a transactional relationship. They meet, exchange funds, and participate in some sort of physical act and part ways. Typically, this is a one time occurrence. A job. There is no relationship, and no possibility for a relationship. And that is the key difference really: Relationship.Sugar Babies and Sugar Daddies have on-going relationships, not transactions.
Sugar is a lifestyle choice, not a profession. A sugar baby is a woman who wants to date financially secure men who can provide her with the lifestyle she desires. She’s selective about who she dates; a prostitute isn’t picky about who she takes on as a client.

3. Real sugar babies move in silence.

Remember the xonecole.com article, “Dear “Rich” Instagram Fashionista, You’re Giving Me Anxiety”? The writer of the article was right when she said that a lot of Instagram fashionistas have a leased or borrowed lifestyle.

But a real sugar baby will show off what she has as a way to “market” the lifestyle, and a lot of times what she is showing you is 100% paid for (at least with the sugar babies that I’ve met). You’ll never see her face, and she’ll never mention her sugar daddy’s name. Those are the rules.

Why? A lot of people meet their benefactors on social media.As she shows off her lifestyle, the “potential”, or pot, will know how to approach her ­ if you can’t afford what she’s showing you in the photo, then step off.

There’s also some sugar babies who “market” the lifestyle as a way to show newbies the game. They want you to DM them so they can help you to not get ripped off by a pot, because they were once vulnerable themselves. This part of the game is pretty deep. All you have to do is search “sugar baby” on Tumblr, and you’ll see exactly what I’m talking about.

4. They will do anything to keep their kid(s) from going hungry.

The first sugar baby that I met, Laila, was a the divorcee with six children. I listened to her story about how her husband left her high and dry with the house, the car, and the bills to go with it.

With no job skills, and an empty refrigerator, she entertained a man for a few hours in exchange for money. $30,000 later, she was able to feed her kids something very nice, and probably organic. (Oh, and please note that not all sugars can yield that kind of paycheck her first time. Leila just got lucky.)

She absolutely could have done something different to improve her financial situation. But as a mother, when times are desperate, you’re not going to ask many questions about what you could do to improve your situation. You’re just going to make immediate changes. Sometimes without thinking twice about what you’re doing.

5. Some women fall into the 'Sugar Baby' game to pay off debt and build wealth.

The first two sugars that I chatted with online were both beautiful black women who were students. Their wants were the same as any other college student ­to get an education minus the debt.

A Pew Institute study states that Millennials are the best­educated generation in history, and 34 percent of them have at least a bachelor’s degree. But a 2009 study of 25,000 Millennialsfound that nearly 20% of the employees polled between the ages of 21 and 30 had seen at least one pay cut since 2008, and 14% suffered a layoff

Compound that with out ­of­ control student loan debt (In 2011, two­thirds of college graduates average someone around $27,000 in student loan debt); High unemployment (53 percent are either jobless or underemployed); And the 36 percent of young adults ages 18­-31 who are still living at home, and it’s easy to see why college students flock to the sugar lifestyle.