8 Empowering Mantras From Tracee Ellis Ross That We All Should Live By
With so much negative space and energy on the Internet, reading the refreshing words of wisdom from Black-ish star Tracee Ellis Ross is always a welcomed change. Basically, she's my girlfriend in my head.
Tracee is constantly offering up some great words of wisdom that any woman can turn into a daily mantra to help themselves live their best lives. From loving yourself as you are today to embracing fear, check out her wise words to anyone looking to live and feel whole.
1.Stop Worrying About What You're Supposed To Be
In an interveiw with Motto:
We spend so much time as women in our culture being told that we are 'supposed' to be something: 'Supposed' to be married, 'supposed' to be a certain weight, 'supposed' to do a certain thing. There's so much that gets left out. If you're so focused on the scale, you'll miss a lot of other things. I'm known for my style, I love beautiful clothing and makeup. I love all of those things, and there's space to be all of those things as a woman. There's space to be sexual and beautiful and intelligent—all of it. And I think any messaging that limits it, it's time for it to be done.
2.Have An Unconditional Relationship With Yourself As You Are Right Now
via Tracee's sit-down with Huffington Post:
This quote changed the direction of my life honestly: 'Right now, can you make an unconditional relationship with yourself? Just at the height you are? The weight you are? With the intelligence that you have? And your current burden of pain? Can you enter into an unconditional relationship with that?' And it changed the course of my life because I felt like so often it's, 'How can I be something other than I am?' There's a lot of ways that I make myself happy and I think, for me, happiness is not always the goal, but joy more. Happy is sometimes is a little fleeting for me and I think we can be as happy as we make our minds up to be. It was said to me, and it made me roll my eyes, 'It's about the journey.' But it really is.
3.Celebrate The #BlackGirlMagic Within Yourself And Others
via The Cut :
I need to see my own beauty and to continue to be reminded that I am enough, that I am worthy of love without effort, that I am beautiful, that the texture of my hair and that the shape of my curves, the size of my lips, the color of my skin, and the feelings that I have are all worthy and okay....I really feel like there's a paradigm shift that has occurred in the last ten years for how black women in this country are seen, the voice that we have, how we see ourselves, how we - our images are portrayed. I want to see images that remind me that I am beautiful and I am enough, so that I don't have to waste any energy feeling ashamed of myself or any of that, so I can actually go out and do extraordinary things. Using my voice to recognize and celebrate other women is a joy for me.
4.Find Your Truth By Surrounding Yourself With Like-Minded Friends
via Motto:
That is a daily exercise big and small, finding one's own voice and finding your truth. There are a ton of tools I use. I think, first and foremost, having a relationship with a core group of like-minded, supportive, compassionate humans that become your counsel is extremely important. Having your own tribe of people, some of which are in exactly the same place as you, that mirror your own experience and help you to see your own experience in a loving and compassionate way.
5.Listen To Fear And Learn From It
via her speech at the Essence's Black Women in Hollywood luncheon:
"We should remind ourselves in daily life to make space for selfhood...Boobs don't belong up here, they belong down here. This is where God put them. I am human. I listen to fear and lean into it. I don't always feel fierce but I do feel human."
6.Embrace Your God-Given Beauty
via The Cut;
I used to try to beat my hair into submission so that it could look like other people's hair. The moment that I stopped doing that and allowed my hair to be what it is, I came alive. If how I do my hair inspires them to find a new style for the way they want to do their hair, then God bless. I didn't love my hair growing up, I didn't love my body growing up, all those kinds of things. To then have people mirror back that it's good — it's really nice. I feel like our culture is so good at pulling other people down and being so judgmental, but there's space for all of us to be who we are. There's space for us to celebrate each other and root for each other and not take each other down.
7.Practice Self-Acceptance
via People:
I feel strongest when I'm practicing self-acceptance. Allowing myself to be myself makes me feel really powerful...I think it requires a sense of community. You have to unplug from what our culture and our world tells us is strong, is pretty, is better. It opens up the door for some fun, because otherwise it all becomes so serious. Strong can be serious, but there's also some play in just allowing.
8.Eat Joyfully
No one is going to feel joy if they're always hungry. That's why it's great to have a diet that tastes as good as it makes you feel.
Tracee told People that she doesn't restrict her eating to "firm meal times," but at the same time she eats using the same philosophy that she lives: joyfully.
I have this philosophy on eating that it not only has to taste good in my mouth, but also feel good in my body...So, a lot of things that taste good in my mouth don't feel good in my body.
I'm pretty sure that Tracee was a spiritual leader in her former life, because she's always speaking the gospel truth!
Featured image by Dia Dipasupil/Getty Images
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images