6 Business Rules For Alpha Women
"You are way too talented not to be achieving your full potential." - Gabrielle Deculus
In 2015, I experienced many high and lows which ranged from receiving a bomb promotion and an increase in my salary, to ending up in a financial hell hole and experiencing personal insecurities. Despite all of this, I am looking forward to this new year. This year and next, I plan on living up to my highest potential and creating more opportunities for myself. In all areas of my life, I plan to become what I aspire to be: The Ultimate Alpha Woman.
This is why, I had to sit down with with Gabrielle Deculus, a visionary, businesswoman, and entrepreneur. She is currently the Development Director with Habitat for Humanity, has her own marketing and business consulting agency, and is also the founder of Business Rules for Women, a new platform geared towards elevating and educating entrepreneurs and business women (and men) alike.
During our chat, Gabrielle gave me her six business rules in becoming your own version of an Alpha Woman and why it is so important.
The Alpha Woman is a strong, bad-ass, fearless female.
She can often be intimidating to those around her, yet she still isn't afraid to ask for what she wants and work hard until she gets it. The Alpha Woman is doing well professionally and always strives to become better. She is brilliant, has confidence in herself, and has ambition. She isn't scared to speak her mind and doesn't put up with anyone else's shit.
As Gabrielle says being called an "Alpha Woman" is not an insult - it is a compliment. In order to become an Alpha Woman, you have to know that if there isn't a door, you need to build it. If life doesn't give you a door, you need to climb out the window or do what you can to reach your goals. As an Alpha Woman, it is important to create your own opportunities and go for them. You have to know that people are not going to give you what you want all the time, and if you are not careful you will end up just settling. As you are setting goals for yourself, you should seek opportunities (or make your own) and then just make it happen.
In order to become an Alpha Woman, use the tips below by Gabrielle Deculus and apply them to your life.
1. Invest In Yourself
"People take risks daily. We spend money on things that will never help us grow as a person or accomplish our goals. Investing in self is much like investing in a business. No banker will give you a loan if you have not saved or invested your own money - you have to bring something to the table. You are your best product, service, brand, and self. If you are not investing in your mind, body, spirit, skills, perspective, then why would a person who has (invested in themselves) take a chance on you?"
2. Dare To Go For It
"I remember when I started my firm in 2010 with my business partner, Lisa Valadez. I was in undergrad and she was well into her career with twin teen boys, three dogs, and a husband. With our new business, we created an opportunity for ourselves. (With my background in grassroots event marketing/branding and hers in community outreach, no one would still give us an opportunity to work for their company.) As Alpha Women, we knew we had to develop a client list, portfolio and deliver results. Six years later, I am sharing business content via Business Rules for Women (BRFW), and I recently relocated to Atlanta to step in as Development Director at Habitat for Humanity and managing clients around the world. Lisa quit her job and stepped into a career with flexibility, travel, and social activism... Just as we did, YOU have to go for IT!"
3. Avoid Putting Yourself Down - You Are Your Biggest Cheerleader
"'Change your language, change your life' is a quote that sticks with me daily. I do not speak negatively on myself. Some people actually think that when you say, 'Life's good' or 'I'm doing great' that you are bragging. Fuck that. You have to be your biggest fan, your thoughts are truly an ingredient used to manifest your life... and future!"
4. Desire A Partner Versus A Boyfriend
"I've dated, like most people. It's draining. The thought of a boyfriend, based on my experience, is nothing like having a partner (in crime). One of the most attractive things a guy can do is actually know me and what my dreams are, and then be able to articulate it to someone he knows. Him wanting me to succeed and helping propel me into great situations/relationships is huge! That means HE is investing in ME. There are other great things I desire in a partner in crime, but wanting to help me achieve is priceless."
5. Know When To Let Go
"Letting go or walking away from something you wanted or thought you wanted is tough. Sometimes we fight it and make excuses, but that moment when you realize that it's a lesson is the moment you open many doors of opportunity. Be bold enough to call it quits and move on when you have exhausted all solutions. Be aware of how other people's negativity can effect your life. Lastly, be confident that you will be alright and whats for you is FOR YOU!"
6. Avoid Competing Against Others - Instead, Strive To Be Better Than You Were The Day Before
"Social media has amplified our desire for instant gratification and the desire to be seen. Workplaces and work-spaces have become a war zone where women are stepping on each other only to have their male counterparts to acknowledge their work. Being in touch with your uniqueness is directly related to your confidence. When you know and love yourself you don't need anyone's validation. Other people can tell when you have tapped into this and trust me, there is an undeniable energy and aura you exude. It's queen-like."
In the new year, do what you can to make it the best 12 months. Every time we are given a new year, we are getting the opportunity to better ourselves. By trying our best to become an Alpha Woman, we are taking the necessary steps in becoming the best version of ourselves. For more business rules on becoming an Alpha Woman, check out the graphic below.
Featured image by Getty Images
- How To Date An Alpha Female - AskMen ›
- 15 Signs You're An Alpha Female And Stand Out From Everyone Else ›
- 15 Things All Badass, Fearless Alpha-Women Do Differently from ... ›
- 3 Strategies of An Alpha Female in Business — La Belle Intelligence ›
- 15 Things All Badass, Fearless Alpha-Women Do Differently From ... ›
- The Alpha Female: 9 Ways You Can Tell Who is Alpha | Science of ... ›
- Two Paths for the Aspiring Alpha Female - The New York Times ›
Brittani Hunter is a proud PVAMU alumni and the founder of The Mogul Millennial, a business and career platform for Black Millennials. Meet Brittani on Twitter and on the Gram at @BrittaniLHunter and @mogulmillennial.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I think we all can agree that social media really is a double-edged sword. What I mean by that is there is just as much bad that can come out of it as good. At the end of the day, it really is about 1) having your own mind, 2) finding balance when it comes to how much time you spend online, and 3) doing your own research instead of taking random people’s opinions as the gospel (i.e., facts).
Gee, I wish more folks did all of this when it comes to if a man needs to have a large penis to sexually satisfy a woman (he does not) and if a woman who has had multiple sex partners will ultimately end up with a vagina that is too large for smaller penises to please her (a lie).
Science totally has my back on debunking both of those things (more on that in a bit). Know what else does? A particular type of sex method that is becoming more popular by the day. One that just might convince you to, as they used to say back in the day, focus less on the “size of the wave” and ride out the “motion of the ocean” instead.
It’s called shallowing. Here’s what it’s all about.
What Is Shallowing?
GiphyIf there’s one thing that I wish folks would say more thoroughly when it comes to women and orgasms, it’s that when it comes to75 percent of women not being able to orgasm from only intercourse, the accurate statement is they struggle with achieving a vaginal orgasm without the assistance of some type of clitoral stimulation. Yeah, we’ve really got to remember that very few things in this life are a complete monolith — orgasms included (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”).
In fact, it was while I was reading up on pairing — a word that is used for when clitoral stimulation transpires during penetration — that I decided to do some deep-diving into shallowing (because it was mentioned inone of the articles that I read).And what is it? Shallowing is when a penis, finger, tongue, or sex toy of some sort is used in order to ever so slightly penetrate the vaginal opening of a woman.
And why is shallowing not just a current sex trend but something that every woman on this planet should try? It’s because of what I’ve said, more than once, on this platform: it focuses on the most sensitive part of a woman’s vagina, which isthe first two inches of her vaginal opening.
When the emphasis is placed there, not only does it increase your chances of experiencing “the big O,” but it can also build up anticipation, which can intensify your orgasms too — yes, shallowing can also be seen as a form of edging.
Another thing that’s cool about shallowing is — and it really and truly can’t be said enough — something that makes vaginal and blended orgasms easier to achieve for some women really has little to do with the size of a man’s package or even his technique; it’s straight up anatomy. Yep, the closer that a woman’s clitoris is to her vaginal opening, the easier it is for a penis to stimulate both. So, science makes it possible for vaginal orgasms to be easier for some women than others.
At the same time, shallowing can make it possible for more women who want to see what a vaginal orgasm actually feels like (because it’s easier for the head of the penis to stimulate the opening of the vagina while the shaft can rub up against your clitoris; based on the position that you are in, of course — the missionary with some pillows propped under the lower part of your back is ideal for this).
Now that you see what shallowing actually is, do you get why I said that penis size doesn’t matter when it comes to doing it — and getting the kind of orgasms that you want? Contrary to popular belief, your vagina is only around four inches. In fact, some health experts say that it ranges between 2-4”. Anything larger, your body literally has to stretch out to accommodate; this includes penises and babies. So, if your vagina is “making room” for more than four inches, why in the world do you think you need a 10-inch man? Yeah…exactly. It really is time to get over the silliness. The average penis continues to be 5.5”. Makes sense when you take it all in (no pun intended).
Aight, so now that you know what shallowing is all about, let me try and hard sell you on why it’s a sex technique that you should try as soon as tonight (if you possibly can).
1. It takes the pressure off of you and your partner.
I’ve been working with couples for almost 20 years at this point. This means that the topic of sex comes up quite a bit. And if there’s one thing that continues to be an issue is inconsistent orgasms (check out “Why Do Orgasms So Often Seem Like A ‘Hit-Or-Miss’ Experience For Women?”).
Listen, no matter how many articles you read or sex positions you try, if you’re anxious, stressed out, or overthinking, it’s gonna get in the way of you experiencing high peaks of pleasure on a consistent basis. Since shallowing is something that can easily be done even in foreplay (via fingering and/ororal sex) if you get that first “release” off, that makes it easier to just sit back and enjoy the ones that (hopefully) are to follow.
2. It teaches you more about your vagina.
A part of the reason why I keep repeating certain facts about vaginas in these articles is that it’s amazing how little certain things are discussed en masse — like the size of the vaginal tube. And since shallowing helps you to stimulate the nerve endings at the entrance of your va-jay-jay along with your G-spot (which is housed a little ways from your opening), shallowing is a great way to explore that area of your body as you figure out what truly works for you and…what doesn’t.
3. It’s the perfect merging of foreplay and intercourse.
When you really stop to think about it, shallowing is like the bridge between foreplay and intercourse because you can use so many different things to do it. So, if you want to experiment with a new sex toy or you want a bit more time to “warm up the engine” before full-on penetration begins, shallowing is one of the most sexually arousing compromises there is.
4. It can help to increase your partner’s stamina.
A few years back, I penned an article for the site entitled, “We’ve Got Some All-Natural Ways To Increase Stamina & Sensitivity.” Listen, even though I onceread a GQ article that said that over 60 percent of the people they polled were fine with intercourse lasting no longer than 5-10 minutes — that poll doesn’t speak for all of us, chile.
So, if you would like your man to build up to going longer, shallowing can help to make that happen. Since he’s barely putting beyond the tip in, he can learn how to be in you for longer periods of time without being, well, in you.
5. It helps you to appreciate whatever “package” he has.
Again — and it really can’t be said enough — if shallowing is all about exploring the mere entrance of your vagina, you don’t need a man with BDE (check out “BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go”) or honestly, even anything close to it.
I mean, even though, reportedly, the size that the average woman says gives her the most orgasms is eight inches — I bet those women have never really tried shallowing before. 10”, 8”, or the average 5.5” can certainly get the job done. And well.
6. It feels A-MAZ-ING.
Okay,so now that you know about shallowing, I promise that if you put the word into your favorite search engine, you’re either gonna see articles on golfing (LOL) or sex, especially as of late. That’s because more couples are trying it out and getting mind-blowing results from it. So, if you’re looking for something new to try, give shallowing a shot.
Hey, anything that’s designed to stimulate your most intense vaginal nerve endings has got to be something for the record books. I mean, how could it not be? Lawd.
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Featured image by Juan Moyano/Getty Images