6 Business Rules For Alpha Women
"You are way too talented not to be achieving your full potential." - Gabrielle Deculus
In 2015, I experienced many high and lows which ranged from receiving a bomb promotion and an increase in my salary, to ending up in a financial hell hole and experiencing personal insecurities. Despite all of this, I am looking forward to this new year. This year and next, I plan on living up to my highest potential and creating more opportunities for myself. In all areas of my life, I plan to become what I aspire to be: The Ultimate Alpha Woman.
This is why, I had to sit down with with Gabrielle Deculus, a visionary, businesswoman, and entrepreneur. She is currently the Development Director with Habitat for Humanity, has her own marketing and business consulting agency, and is also the founder of Business Rules for Women, a new platform geared towards elevating and educating entrepreneurs and business women (and men) alike.
During our chat, Gabrielle gave me her six business rules in becoming your own version of an Alpha Woman and why it is so important.
The Alpha Woman is a strong, bad-ass, fearless female.
She can often be intimidating to those around her, yet she still isn't afraid to ask for what she wants and work hard until she gets it. The Alpha Woman is doing well professionally and always strives to become better. She is brilliant, has confidence in herself, and has ambition. She isn't scared to speak her mind and doesn't put up with anyone else's shit.
As Gabrielle says being called an "Alpha Woman" is not an insult - it is a compliment. In order to become an Alpha Woman, you have to know that if there isn't a door, you need to build it. If life doesn't give you a door, you need to climb out the window or do what you can to reach your goals. As an Alpha Woman, it is important to create your own opportunities and go for them. You have to know that people are not going to give you what you want all the time, and if you are not careful you will end up just settling. As you are setting goals for yourself, you should seek opportunities (or make your own) and then just make it happen.
In order to become an Alpha Woman, use the tips below by Gabrielle Deculus and apply them to your life.
1. Invest In Yourself
"People take risks daily. We spend money on things that will never help us grow as a person or accomplish our goals. Investing in self is much like investing in a business. No banker will give you a loan if you have not saved or invested your own money - you have to bring something to the table. You are your best product, service, brand, and self. If you are not investing in your mind, body, spirit, skills, perspective, then why would a person who has (invested in themselves) take a chance on you?"
2. Dare To Go For It
"I remember when I started my firm in 2010 with my business partner, Lisa Valadez. I was in undergrad and she was well into her career with twin teen boys, three dogs, and a husband. With our new business, we created an opportunity for ourselves. (With my background in grassroots event marketing/branding and hers in community outreach, no one would still give us an opportunity to work for their company.) As Alpha Women, we knew we had to develop a client list, portfolio and deliver results. Six years later, I am sharing business content via Business Rules for Women (BRFW), and I recently relocated to Atlanta to step in as Development Director at Habitat for Humanity and managing clients around the world. Lisa quit her job and stepped into a career with flexibility, travel, and social activism... Just as we did, YOU have to go for IT!"
3. Avoid Putting Yourself Down - You Are Your Biggest Cheerleader
"'Change your language, change your life' is a quote that sticks with me daily. I do not speak negatively on myself. Some people actually think that when you say, 'Life's good' or 'I'm doing great' that you are bragging. Fuck that. You have to be your biggest fan, your thoughts are truly an ingredient used to manifest your life... and future!"
4. Desire A Partner Versus A Boyfriend
"I've dated, like most people. It's draining. The thought of a boyfriend, based on my experience, is nothing like having a partner (in crime). One of the most attractive things a guy can do is actually know me and what my dreams are, and then be able to articulate it to someone he knows. Him wanting me to succeed and helping propel me into great situations/relationships is huge! That means HE is investing in ME. There are other great things I desire in a partner in crime, but wanting to help me achieve is priceless."
5. Know When To Let Go
"Letting go or walking away from something you wanted or thought you wanted is tough. Sometimes we fight it and make excuses, but that moment when you realize that it's a lesson is the moment you open many doors of opportunity. Be bold enough to call it quits and move on when you have exhausted all solutions. Be aware of how other people's negativity can effect your life. Lastly, be confident that you will be alright and whats for you is FOR YOU!"
6. Avoid Competing Against Others - Instead, Strive To Be Better Than You Were The Day Before
"Social media has amplified our desire for instant gratification and the desire to be seen. Workplaces and work-spaces have become a war zone where women are stepping on each other only to have their male counterparts to acknowledge their work. Being in touch with your uniqueness is directly related to your confidence. When you know and love yourself you don't need anyone's validation. Other people can tell when you have tapped into this and trust me, there is an undeniable energy and aura you exude. It's queen-like."
In the new year, do what you can to make it the best 12 months. Every time we are given a new year, we are getting the opportunity to better ourselves. By trying our best to become an Alpha Woman, we are taking the necessary steps in becoming the best version of ourselves. For more business rules on becoming an Alpha Woman, check out the graphic below.
Featured image by Getty Images
- How To Date An Alpha Female - AskMen ›
- 15 Signs You're An Alpha Female And Stand Out From Everyone Else ›
- 15 Things All Badass, Fearless Alpha-Women Do Differently from ... ›
- 3 Strategies of An Alpha Female in Business — La Belle Intelligence ›
- 15 Things All Badass, Fearless Alpha-Women Do Differently From ... ›
- The Alpha Female: 9 Ways You Can Tell Who is Alpha | Science of ... ›
- Two Paths for the Aspiring Alpha Female - The New York Times ›
Brittani Hunter is a proud PVAMU alumni and the founder of The Mogul Millennial, a business and career platform for Black Millennials. Meet Brittani on Twitter and on the Gram at @BrittaniLHunter and @mogulmillennial.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images