"You are way too talented not to be achieving your full potential." - Gabrielle Deculus
In 2015, I experienced many high and lows which ranged from receiving a bomb promotion and an increase in my salary, to ending up in a financial hell hole and experiencing personal insecurities. Despite all of this, I am looking forward to this new year. This year and next, I plan on living up to my highest potential and creating more opportunities for myself. In all areas of my life, I plan to become what I aspire to be: The Ultimate Alpha Woman.
This is why, I had to sit down with with Gabrielle Deculus, a visionary, businesswoman, and entrepreneur. She is currently the Development Director with Habitat for Humanity, has her own marketing and business consulting agency, and is also the founder of Business Rules for Women, a new platform geared towards elevating and educating entrepreneurs and business women (and men) alike.
During our chat, Gabrielle gave me her six business rules in becoming your own version of an Alpha Woman and why it is so important.
The Alpha Woman is a strong, bad-ass, fearless female.
She can often be intimidating to those around her, yet she still isn't afraid to ask for what she wants and work hard until she gets it. The Alpha Woman is doing well professionally and always strives to become better. She is brilliant, has confidence in herself, and has ambition. She isn't scared to speak her mind and doesn't put up with anyone else's shit.
As Gabrielle says being called an "Alpha Woman" is not an insult - it is a compliment. In order to become an Alpha Woman, you have to know that if there isn't a door, you need to build it. If life doesn't give you a door, you need to climb out the window or do what you can to reach your goals. As an Alpha Woman, it is important to create your own opportunities and go for them. You have to know that people are not going to give you what you want all the time, and if you are not careful you will end up just settling. As you are setting goals for yourself, you should seek opportunities (or make your own) and then just make it happen.
In order to become an Alpha Woman, use the tips below by Gabrielle Deculus and apply them to your life.
1. Invest In Yourself
"People take risks daily. We spend money on things that will never help us grow as a person or accomplish our goals. Investing in self is much like investing in a business. No banker will give you a loan if you have not saved or invested your own money - you have to bring something to the table. You are your best product, service, brand, and self. If you are not investing in your mind, body, spirit, skills, perspective, then why would a person who has (invested in themselves) take a chance on you?"
2. Dare To Go For It
"I remember when I started my firm in 2010 with my business partner, Lisa Valadez. I was in undergrad and she was well into her career with twin teen boys, three dogs, and a husband. With our new business, we created an opportunity for ourselves. (With my background in grassroots event marketing/branding and hers in community outreach, no one would still give us an opportunity to work for their company.) As Alpha Women, we knew we had to develop a client list, portfolio and deliver results. Six years later, I am sharing business content via Business Rules for Women (BRFW), and I recently relocated to Atlanta to step in as Development Director at Habitat for Humanity and managing clients around the world. Lisa quit her job and stepped into a career with flexibility, travel, and social activism... Just as we did, YOU have to go for IT!"
3. Avoid Putting Yourself Down - You Are Your Biggest Cheerleader
"'Change your language, change your life' is a quote that sticks with me daily. I do not speak negatively on myself. Some people actually think that when you say, 'Life's good' or 'I'm doing great' that you are bragging. Fuck that. You have to be your biggest fan, your thoughts are truly an ingredient used to manifest your life... and future!"
4. Desire A Partner Versus A Boyfriend
"I've dated, like most people. It's draining. The thought of a boyfriend, based on my experience, is nothing like having a partner (in crime). One of the most attractive things a guy can do is actually know me and what my dreams are, and then be able to articulate it to someone he knows. Him wanting me to succeed and helping propel me into great situations/relationships is huge! That means HE is investing in ME. There are other great things I desire in a partner in crime, but wanting to help me achieve is priceless."
5. Know When To Let Go
"Letting go or walking away from something you wanted or thought you wanted is tough. Sometimes we fight it and make excuses, but that moment when you realize that it's a lesson is the moment you open many doors of opportunity. Be bold enough to call it quits and move on when you have exhausted all solutions. Be aware of how other people's negativity can effect your life. Lastly, be confident that you will be alright and whats for you is FOR YOU!"
6. Avoid Competing Against Others - Instead, Strive To Be Better Than You Were The Day Before
"Social media has amplified our desire for instant gratification and the desire to be seen. Workplaces and work-spaces have become a war zone where women are stepping on each other only to have their male counterparts to acknowledge their work. Being in touch with your uniqueness is directly related to your confidence. When you know and love yourself you don't need anyone's validation. Other people can tell when you have tapped into this and trust me, there is an undeniable energy and aura you exude. It's queen-like."
In the new year, do what you can to make it the best 12 months. Every time we are given a new year, we are getting the opportunity to better ourselves. By trying our best to become an Alpha Woman, we are taking the necessary steps in becoming the best version of ourselves. For more business rules on becoming an Alpha Woman, check out the graphic below.
Featured image by Getty Images
- How To Date An Alpha Female - AskMen ›
- 15 Signs You're An Alpha Female And Stand Out From Everyone Else ›
- 15 Things All Badass, Fearless Alpha-Women Do Differently from ... ›
- 3 Strategies of An Alpha Female in Business — La Belle Intelligence ›
- 15 Things All Badass, Fearless Alpha-Women Do Differently From ... ›
- The Alpha Female: 9 Ways You Can Tell Who is Alpha | Science of ... ›
- Two Paths for the Aspiring Alpha Female - The New York Times ›
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak
