5 Date Night Ideas That Are Better Than Your Average Dinner
Confession time: I haven't been on a first date in a minute, but boy do I reminisce on those days. Admittedly, with my past dating experiences I've always tried to venture out of the default dinner date night bubble and what's considered to be the first date norm. Despite the fact that I am a bit of a film buff, I absolutely hated the idea of a first date being at the movies.
1) You spend two or more hours sitting in the dark trying to pretend you don't talk to the screen during movies like the actors can hear you.
2) It's a very intimate setting done in a way that's impersonal – because essentially you don't know the person you're there with. Granted, it lays the groundwork for beautiful conversation after, but still.
I wrote guys off sometimes if they questioned why I wasn't up for a movie during the first date.
Dinner was another thing. It's the end all be all and the often used option when planning to go out on a date night. And, it's glamorous.
For that very reason, I abstained from dinner dates whenever possible, seeking to do something active, something that would tell me more about the person I was going on a date with versus a dinner date where impressing me would be the main objective because my panties were something he wanted at the end of the night. I've always had the most fun on active dates that took me out of my comfort zone and that were not dinner.
And as I settle into the, at times, monotonous mundane routines of being in a comfortable, functioning long term relationship, I've noticed how much I readily revert to ways I didn't care for while I was single. Food is lovely, but it's just dinner at the end of the day, you know? Yes, being comfortable has gotten us into a date night rut ladies! So I started to remember that getting out of that comfort zone shouldn't just be reduced to our bedroom adventures or first dates, and that our 35th date could have just as much personality, if not more. So here's a list of date night ideas that aren't dinner in case it's your first date, your 7th, or your 35th – something to challenge your comfort levels. Check them out below!
Open Mic Night
I'm all about poetry, whether it be in the form of an artist who spits rhymes, an artist who sings her truth, or one who indulges in spoken word. Open mic nights are a more intimate and less elaborate alternative to full-on concerts. It's a great way to engage in the sounds of local artists while being inspiring and renewing. Talk that talk honey, walk that walk money. Y'all know that Love Jones.
Indoor Wall Climbing
climbing GIFGiphy
For the physically active, indoor wall climbing for me is kind of up there with indoor trampolines. So do one or both. I think if you're really into using your body, you will absolutely LOVE incorporating fitness during a date night sans the gym. It can be really tough, but it's also a nice segue into some friendly competition. Indoor trampoline places like Skyzone are fun--you literally feel like you're flying. I promise the laughter between you will not stop.
Scavenger Hunt
The term “scavenger hunt" isn't something we readily apply to life as adults, and definitely not through a romantic lens, but I had an amazing scavenger hunt once. There are a lot of murals in my city (through art initiatives like The Living Walls and WeLoveATL) and I decided to make a game of it by hunting down each one and documenting them. The whole day was filled with tracking these art pieces: paintings, murals, sculptures, interactive art. We took photos with them and of them and it was really fun, learned a lot about one another along the way. So choose something obscure and make a game of it.
Art Walks
Issa Rae Lawrence GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphy
I am such a fan of art, so here is another entry in favor of the art world on this list. A lot of cities offer Downtown Art Walks at the beginning of every month, especially during the warmer seasons. These art walks consists of gallery hopping and pop up eateries with food specials and great glasses of wine. It's typically free aside from food and drinks and a great way to expose yourself to flavor and culture of your city with your date.
A Roadmap Dinner Date
In case you can't shake the old faithful dinner routine, exchange it for a remixed version of it. Again, I am a big proponent of active dates, so this fulfills two of my biggest loves: food and my need to be active during dates. Pick a restaurant to grab an appetizer from and only an appetizer. Next, head to another spot to eat your entree. Then, hit up the last place for dessert. And if you're up for a nightcap with drinks, by all means, start the turn up. It's a great way to add some additional adventure to dinner and is one of my favorite ways to do date night.
These date night options are slowly but surely helping me come up with new answers to bae's “What do you want to do tonight?" question and it's helping us out of our date night rut. Dinner is cool and all, but change can be good.
What are some things you do to shake up the default date night ideas? Share below and give your girl some more ideas! Thank ya!
Featured image by Shutterstock
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I think we all can agree that social media really is a double-edged sword. What I mean by that is there is just as much bad that can come out of it as good. At the end of the day, it really is about 1) having your own mind, 2) finding balance when it comes to how much time you spend online, and 3) doing your own research instead of taking random people’s opinions as the gospel (i.e., facts).
Gee, I wish more folks did all of this when it comes to if a man needs to have a large penis to sexually satisfy a woman (he does not) and if a woman who has had multiple sex partners will ultimately end up with a vagina that is too large for smaller penises to please her (a lie).
Science totally has my back on debunking both of those things (more on that in a bit). Know what else does? A particular type of sex method that is becoming more popular by the day. One that just might convince you to, as they used to say back in the day, focus less on the “size of the wave” and ride out the “motion of the ocean” instead.
It’s called shallowing. Here’s what it’s all about.
What Is Shallowing?
GiphyIf there’s one thing that I wish folks would say more thoroughly when it comes to women and orgasms, it’s that when it comes to75 percent of women not being able to orgasm from only intercourse, the accurate statement is they struggle with achieving a vaginal orgasm without the assistance of some type of clitoral stimulation. Yeah, we’ve really got to remember that very few things in this life are a complete monolith — orgasms included (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”).
In fact, it was while I was reading up on pairing — a word that is used for when clitoral stimulation transpires during penetration — that I decided to do some deep-diving into shallowing (because it was mentioned inone of the articles that I read).And what is it? Shallowing is when a penis, finger, tongue, or sex toy of some sort is used in order to ever so slightly penetrate the vaginal opening of a woman.
And why is shallowing not just a current sex trend but something that every woman on this planet should try? It’s because of what I’ve said, more than once, on this platform: it focuses on the most sensitive part of a woman’s vagina, which isthe first two inches of her vaginal opening.
When the emphasis is placed there, not only does it increase your chances of experiencing “the big O,” but it can also build up anticipation, which can intensify your orgasms too — yes, shallowing can also be seen as a form of edging.
Another thing that’s cool about shallowing is — and it really and truly can’t be said enough — something that makes vaginal and blended orgasms easier to achieve for some women really has little to do with the size of a man’s package or even his technique; it’s straight up anatomy. Yep, the closer that a woman’s clitoris is to her vaginal opening, the easier it is for a penis to stimulate both. So, science makes it possible for vaginal orgasms to be easier for some women than others.
At the same time, shallowing can make it possible for more women who want to see what a vaginal orgasm actually feels like (because it’s easier for the head of the penis to stimulate the opening of the vagina while the shaft can rub up against your clitoris; based on the position that you are in, of course — the missionary with some pillows propped under the lower part of your back is ideal for this).
Now that you see what shallowing actually is, do you get why I said that penis size doesn’t matter when it comes to doing it — and getting the kind of orgasms that you want? Contrary to popular belief, your vagina is only around four inches. In fact, some health experts say that it ranges between 2-4”. Anything larger, your body literally has to stretch out to accommodate; this includes penises and babies. So, if your vagina is “making room” for more than four inches, why in the world do you think you need a 10-inch man? Yeah…exactly. It really is time to get over the silliness. The average penis continues to be 5.5”. Makes sense when you take it all in (no pun intended).
Aight, so now that you know what shallowing is all about, let me try and hard sell you on why it’s a sex technique that you should try as soon as tonight (if you possibly can).
1. It takes the pressure off of you and your partner.
I’ve been working with couples for almost 20 years at this point. This means that the topic of sex comes up quite a bit. And if there’s one thing that continues to be an issue is inconsistent orgasms (check out “Why Do Orgasms So Often Seem Like A ‘Hit-Or-Miss’ Experience For Women?”).
Listen, no matter how many articles you read or sex positions you try, if you’re anxious, stressed out, or overthinking, it’s gonna get in the way of you experiencing high peaks of pleasure on a consistent basis. Since shallowing is something that can easily be done even in foreplay (via fingering and/ororal sex) if you get that first “release” off, that makes it easier to just sit back and enjoy the ones that (hopefully) are to follow.
2. It teaches you more about your vagina.
A part of the reason why I keep repeating certain facts about vaginas in these articles is that it’s amazing how little certain things are discussed en masse — like the size of the vaginal tube. And since shallowing helps you to stimulate the nerve endings at the entrance of your va-jay-jay along with your G-spot (which is housed a little ways from your opening), shallowing is a great way to explore that area of your body as you figure out what truly works for you and…what doesn’t.
3. It’s the perfect merging of foreplay and intercourse.
When you really stop to think about it, shallowing is like the bridge between foreplay and intercourse because you can use so many different things to do it. So, if you want to experiment with a new sex toy or you want a bit more time to “warm up the engine” before full-on penetration begins, shallowing is one of the most sexually arousing compromises there is.
4. It can help to increase your partner’s stamina.
A few years back, I penned an article for the site entitled, “We’ve Got Some All-Natural Ways To Increase Stamina & Sensitivity.” Listen, even though I onceread a GQ article that said that over 60 percent of the people they polled were fine with intercourse lasting no longer than 5-10 minutes — that poll doesn’t speak for all of us, chile.
So, if you would like your man to build up to going longer, shallowing can help to make that happen. Since he’s barely putting beyond the tip in, he can learn how to be in you for longer periods of time without being, well, in you.
5. It helps you to appreciate whatever “package” he has.
Again — and it really can’t be said enough — if shallowing is all about exploring the mere entrance of your vagina, you don’t need a man with BDE (check out “BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go”) or honestly, even anything close to it.
I mean, even though, reportedly, the size that the average woman says gives her the most orgasms is eight inches — I bet those women have never really tried shallowing before. 10”, 8”, or the average 5.5” can certainly get the job done. And well.
6. It feels A-MAZ-ING.
Okay,so now that you know about shallowing, I promise that if you put the word into your favorite search engine, you’re either gonna see articles on golfing (LOL) or sex, especially as of late. That’s because more couples are trying it out and getting mind-blowing results from it. So, if you’re looking for something new to try, give shallowing a shot.
Hey, anything that’s designed to stimulate your most intense vaginal nerve endings has got to be something for the record books. I mean, how could it not be? Lawd.
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Featured image by Juan Moyano/Getty Images