“We’re looking for a new Account Executive, now that Jennifer is leaving us. If you know anyone who would be a great fit for this position, please email me directly.”
This was the mass email I received that crushed my hopes of getting the promotion I wanted so bad.
I was the great fit for the position.
I was the one completely capable of picking up where Jennifer left off.
I already worked there.
Why didn’t she just email me directly?
Why didn’t anyone consider me for the position?
I was embarrassed. When I found out Jennifer was leaving, I just knew that my time had finally come to level up and get the position I had been desiring for the past 11 months. I started mentally preparing for the opportunity, thinking about what I would say in the interview process, and how I would demonstrate that I was the perfect person for this new opportunity.
But, they didn’t even consider me.
They looked over me.
To them, I wasn’t good enough.
I even mustered up the courage to inquire about the position. But, it just solidified how much they weren’t considering me.
Weeks later, they hired two new people.
And, I continued my duties as normal.
Being looked over, sucks. It feels like crap. That’s the best way to explain it. Being looked over multiple times? You start to feel insane.
Looking back, I didn’t know how to confidently ask for the things that I knew I deserved.
[Tweet "I didn't know how to confidently ask for the things that I knew I deserved."]
I didn’t know how to flawlessly show my worth and my amazingness to others around me.
It’s no wonder they didn’t consider me.
If I’m honest, I didn’t fully believe in myself either. Not 100%. I doubted myself and the things that I could do. I doubted if I could even fill Jennifer’s shoes. I mean, everyone loved her and she was so good at what she did.
And, you know what? The doubt. The lack of confidence. It all showed in my face, in my actions, and in my performance.
I knew what I wanted. I knew that deep down, I deserved it. But I didn’t know how to demonstrate that to others. I didn’t know how to boldly demand the things that I deserved without coming off as too rude, too forceful, or too boastful.
Not knowing how to do those things held me back so much and for way too long.
It wasn’t until I finally felt like “I’m tired of this!” that I decided to do something about it.
I had a come to Jesus moment. I remembered that I am the only one in control of my career and my future and I realized that if I kept doing nothing to move the ladder in my favor, then I would never reach the heights that I desired for myself.
So, I reassessed the things that I was doing wrong and I took time to figure out the things I needed to do better to level up and showcase my worth to others.
Here are 4 Ways to Quickly Bounce Back After Getting Looked Over at Work:
1. Treat Yo’ Self
You still deserve it. You had a long day and the only person who’s in control of your happiness is you, my friend. So, do something you love. Eat a bowl of ice cream. Watch your favorite TV show. Arrange a night out of fun with your friends or your significant other. Life still goes on, so you might as well enjoy it – regardless of the setbacks you may encounter.
2. Reassess Your Ways
As much as it easy to say in a breakup, “It’s not you, it me” – and not mean it, sometimes, it really is you. There may be certain things that you’re doing that are holding you back. Take an in-depth look at your work ethic and the things you do and say around the office. Start paying attention to how others interact with you and how you interact with them.
3. Talk to Yourself
Seriously. Take a moment to ask yourself the hard questions. Why did you want that promotion anyway? What was it about that opportunity that excites you? Would that promotion really have satisfied you or did you just want it because you felt like you were supposed to have it? What do you really want out of your career?
When things like this happen to us, it is sort of a wakeup call. Use this opportunity to figure out what you really want to do next in your career so that you can create your own path of opportunities.
4. Get Your Mojo Back
Getting looked over or passed over for a promotion is not the end of the world. Even if you want to scream your head off at everyone, storm out of the office and never come back, you can’t. Rent still has to be paid and your weekend adventures still have to be funded.
So, find a way to inspire yourself again and keep going. The last thing you want to do is become bitter and rude to everyone at work. That only reinforces why they passed you over in the first place. Get your mojo back and aim to be twice as good as you once were before the whole fiasco happened.
For more actionable tips on how to stop missing out on the opportunities you desire and deserve at work, join my free email course and learn how to become the MVP at work.
Adunola Adeshola was the girl always searching for jobs in her free time and having weekly mini meltdowns about her career. Now, she is the founder of employeeREDEFINED and she teaches driven, purpose-minded millennials how to get more out of their careers and lives. Visit employeeREDEFINED.com for more tips and advice on how to get unstuck in your career and life.
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To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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