Your Best Girlfriend Just Might Be Your Soulmate
I met my best friend when I was 11 years old, and what I loved most she had such much soul.
Okay, seriously, the way Common personified hip hop and made H.E.R. his mirror, his heart, his rhythm, his soulmate, I could undeniably relate because I had my own her, without the beats and the rhymes, but heart and soul nonetheless. It'd take me years to realize just how or why, it'd take me years to realize that my best friend exemplified my true soulmate.
In fact, it was last month while I was attending her wedding and acting as a maid of honor when the realization really hit me. I cried tears of joy as I delivered my toast to her because her husband-to-be loved her the way she deserved to be loved, like I loved her. The love I have for her is so deep that it has endured 14 years, so immense it's stood the test of distance as I lived in one country and her in another. We went from talking everyday to every now and then, but the love and our friendship was resilient. And to think, I used to naively believe female friendships were drama-ridden and not good for the soul.
Thankfully I am a recovered from that old misguided sentiment and have amazing women in my life that pulled me away from that point of view, including her. There's true value in women befriending women: they unequivocally and unabashedly know you, your struggles, your emotions, etc. A best friend pronounces that even further. I find myself in her.
I think that when we think about soulmates, it's a missing piece told from the perspective of a romantic relationship. I don't believe that it stops there though. Regarding the topic of soulmates, Eat, Pray, Love author Elizabeth Gilbert says:
“People think a soulmate is a perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soulmate is a mirror, the person who shows everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soulmate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake."
We spend our lives on the pursuit of our better halves, unaware that soulmates come in more forms than just romantic. Below are four reasons your best friend might be all the soulmate you need in life:
She Calms You
The wrong person, the wrong relationship, the wrong friendship can bring out every insecurity you have and make them appear louder and louder, heavier and heavier until you can't bear the weight anymore and it crushes you completely. You feel small and insignificant. The right relationship does the exact opposite of that. You're big, important, valuable – all of the things we are taught while we're young, but emphasized even further by the joy the company you keep brings. That's often the case for soulmates and in this case, your best friend. As the result of being in something so healthy as the thriving friendship and amazing bond you and your best friend share, you're safe to be a comfortable and confident you. The friendship radiates a calamity and thus, so do you.
She Mirrors You
What is significant about a mirror? A mirror does not lie. It shows you exactly who you are, flaws and all, and makes no apologies for it. Perfection is not the point of a mirror, imperfections are. Your best friend and soulmate have that in common. They don't point out your flaws as a means to ridicule you, but instead they raise you up and influence you to embrace those aspects of you because they are what make you who you are. While acting as a mirror for you, you do the same for her, both of you share an unconditional love for one another where you accept the good and bad aspects of each other.
She Connects With You
Ever meet someone who just “gets" you? Well you've felt that way about your best friend ever since you met her. She likes the same obscure bands and films as you, listens to the same ratchet music, finishes your sentences, and understands your quirks. The things about you that might make you look weird or crazy to other people, she just gets. Sometimes it takes years, but almost always with a soulmate, it feels instant, easy, and permanent. It's like you've known each other all of your lives when in fact, it's only been years. And although life might have you apart from each other at times, it's almost as though your friendship is not dictated by time.
She Challenges You
A lot of people believe that soulmate means relentless ease. Like any relationship involving two people, there will be ups and downs. A telltale sign that it is a soulmate you're dealing with is that in the face of those challenges, you strengthen oppose to breaking. Through such permanence and stability, you share comfort in knowing that even when times get hard, there is no threat to the demise of the friendship as you work to find yourselves individually while still having each other. She's not a “yes" woman and isn't afraid to put you in your place or check you when you need to be checked. You can also talk about controversial subject matter, discussing topics in a mature way in which you seek to understand versus seeking to be right. With hardships and difficult interactions that often take place in relationships, soulmates bring forth necessary life lessons and therein lays the true value of the friendship.
Is your best friend one of your soulmates? What are some things that solidify that for you? Share with me about who your best friend is and why below!
Featured image by Getty Images
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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If you’re like many other people who are prioritizing wellness these days, then attending a wellness retreat might be something to consider. Wellness retreats are a cool way to get the relaxation you’ve been missing in a space with like-minded people who share a common goal. I descended upon my first wellness retreat, the Mind, Body, + Sol Retreat, a couple of weeks ago at the Zoëtry Agua Punta Cana Resort in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic.
Zoëtry Agua is part of the Inclusive Collection for the World of Hyatt. It is nestled on a secluded part of Uvero Alto beach, which has crystal blue waters. The resort itself is picturesque, with its thatched roofs and lazy rivers that make you feel like you’re in a cute little village.
Mindy, Body, + Sol Retreat was hosted by Koya Webb, holistic health and wellness coach and yoga instructor, and it also featured other wellness practitioners who combined provided the ultimate gift of relaxation and getting back to oneself.
The first night was a Welcome Dinner that featured a five-course meal and an opportunity to meet our companions for the next three days. The food was impeccable and the only downside was that I wasn’t able to finish it all. The next day, however, was the official start of the classes, and I was ready to dive in.
Aura and Chakra Reading
Aura and chakra reading
Photo courtesy
My first class was an aura and chakra reading led by Laura McCann and James Levinson, an Asheville, NC couple. I’ve had chakra readings before, but never like this. There was a computer, a camera, and a scanner, which I placed my hand on for the reading. After two minutes, I received a 15-page report explaining my aura and chakra reading.
It breaks down what the colors of your aura are and what your chakras say. My main colors were green and yellow, which were defined by a variety of things. The top of my aura was green, meaning I have a social mental state and I’m a natural healer. My aura on my left side was yellow meaning my energy flowing is optimistic and light and so on.
After James discussed the findings with me, I then met with Laura, who gave me aromatherapy oils from their ADORAtherapy line that represented each chakra. She further explained the results of my chakra reading and shared how each oil can assist. Chakras are the energy centers in our body, and there is a total of seven: root, sacral, solar plexus, heart, throat, third eye, and crown. All of my chakras were high except for my heart chakra, which I have since been working on. I may follow up about that in another article.
Sound Bath
Sound bath class
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Next was the sound bath class. It was located in the spa, which was indoor/ outdoor and the perfect setting for this kind of experience. Andrew Francis and Carrie Bailey of Zenden Meditation were the co-pilots in transporting attendees into a place of tranquility. I laid down, closed my eyes, and allowed the sounds around me to bring me into a relaxing state. From the singing bowls to the wind chimes, I was in heaven. I even fell asleep and got some of the best rest I’ve had in a while. It was a beautiful experience. However, remember when I noted it was an indoor/ outdoor venue? I forgot to put on bug spray and woke up pretty itchy. But it didn’t stop me from enjoying the moment.
Tea Party
Art of Tea Ritual Tea Party
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The last event of the day was the Art of Tea Ritual located in the resort’s tea garden. It was everything you could want in a tea party. Delectable treats such as cookies, cakes, and white chocolate-covered strawberries, which are my fave. And, of course, tea. While I got to sip tea, I also got to make my own tea blend. There were many different teas to choose from, like hibiscus to your regular black tea. I decided to mix rose and mint and I called it RoseMint. I didn’t get to try my tea blend until I got home, and I’ll be honest, it’s probably the best tea I ever had. The tea herbs taste so fresh, and I love how fragrant it smells.
Breathwork
Breathwork Class
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The next morning was all about breathwork. If you exercise regularly, then you probably know the importance of breathing. But there’s more to it besides remembering to breathe during your workout. Margaret Townsend is a breathwork facilitator who helps people achieve wellness by consciously changing their breathing patterns. In her class, I learned to change my breathing pattern for energy as well as for relaxation. While I know that breathing is a relaxation tool, I was blown away to learn that it can also energize you. Because it was a different breathing pattern, I was also able to stay present and keep a steady pace.
Yoga
Koya Webb's yoga class
Photo courtesy
The final class of the retreat was evening yoga with Koya Webb, who, as I mentioned earlier, was the host. Her class was held beside the beautiful Uvero Alto beach, which made for a stunning backdrop and the perfect way to end the retreat. It was important for me to get back into my body after not doing yoga for a few weeks, so I was really focused on nailing the moves. However, Koya kept the energy light and fun, evening cracking a few jokes throughout, which made it easy for me to relax and enjoy the moment. She ended the class with a dance break and hugs from our classmates.
The Mind, Body, + Sol Retreat reminded me how important it is to take time to love on myself. Each class was an opportunity to be present and get reacquainted with oneself in the most loving way. Being surrounded by individuals who encouraged my journey was what I needed, and I am so honored to have had this experience.
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