How 3 Career Women Manage Their Successful Side Hustles With Full-Time Jobs
This year, the side hustle is the new black. Millennials around the country are tapping into their passions and monetizing their hobbies to find a sense of fulfillment that sometimes a 9-to-5 doesn't offer. Although side hustles have gained in popularity, the hustle isn't for the faint-hearted, especially when you are holding down a full-time job. Whether you start a non-profit, offer consulting services, or monetize your personal brand, there are sacrifices that are made to start any entrepreneurial endeavor.
Dreams are free, but the hustle is sold separately. Check out these tips from women who are successfully balancing and hustling their way to the top had to say about managing their side hustles.
Stop Procrastinating – Just Do It
Emmelie De La Cruz fell into her side hustle as her peers began to seek her advice on job hunting, resumes, and cover letters. "I was over answering the same questions about how I got my job and what did I do differently. I started The Branding Muse as a blog to answer those questions and from there, people followed my expertise through my written work and hired me for consulting opportunities. It's something that found me, but I felt there was a need for it," says Emmelie. With only a year after she graduated and launched her blog, The Branding Muse was named one of the Top 100 Websites for Your Career by Forbes in 2013.
Courtesy of Emmelie De La Cruz
Over-thinking, over-planning, and over-doubting are just a few ways we can get in our own way and slow down the process of bringing our ideas to life. “My advice is to just do it. If you have an idea just do it. As women, we have perfectionist syndrome. We always want to have everything perfect and, to me, perfection is the cousin of procrastination."
“In being successful as a side hustler, you really have to prioritize on your business fold. Focus on the activities that will help move the needle and go from there. For me, it's about what's going to make me money. I need to focus on the activities to help me do that. So if I want to sell more books, I need to focus on creating content that is going sell my books. Sometimes it's like, I haven't blogged in three weeks, but I sold 200 books. My Instagram posts are going to be about my books.
"Some people are like; 'I'm just going to blog. I'm just going to waste three hours of my week writing a blog post that I really don't want to write just because I read somewhere on the Internet that I should.' A lot of gurus talk about consistency, but, for me, I think it's more important to be valuable. My audience would prefer that I deliver a kick ass webinar every seven weeks rather than do a mediocre webinar each week. You have to learn how to accept that you don't have to pressure yourself into doing certain things in order for your business to continue to be successful," Emmelie says.
Master the Balancing Act
They say there's not enough time in one day. Juggling a professional and personal life is already tough, but adding in a side hustle can be overwhelming. Just ask Mercedes Smith, who got the idea for her side hustle, Care More, while commuting to work one day. “I noticed the homeless population was out of control. On my commute to work, I watched as numerous people passed the homeless as though they were invisible. I don't always have a dollar to give, so I thought to myself, what could I do to help and give hope," says Mercedes.
One hot summer day in August of 2014, she walked into Rite Aid and bought a bag of toiletries and started distributing toothbrushes, toothpaste, deodorant, and lotions to the homeless, meanwhile offering words of encouragement and providing them with information to shelters or other resources. A year after founding Care More, Mercedes caught the attention of O Magazine and was featured in the October 2015 issue's “Beauty of Giving" article, which honored women who run non-profits and have dedicated their lives to helping others.
Courtesy of Mercedes Smith
“You have to be passionate about what you are doing to devote the time. What I am starting to do now that things are picking up is when my full-time job is over at 6 p.m., I start working on Care More. If I have to take a phone call during the day for Care More, I put it on my calendar and use fifteen minutes to take a call. I also use 30 minutes of my lunch break to catch up on emails, research, and social media. What it boils down to is that you really have to be passionate. After being tired from working from 9 to 6, I have to remember it's more than me. There were times that I wanted to take a break from Care More, but what keeps me motivated is knowing that this is bigger than me," Mercedes says.
Part of being balanced means knowing when it's time to push pause on your yes year. “My number one goal going into (the new year) is learning how to say, 'no'. A lot of people will be coming to you to work with you, but you have to remember the cause. If it doesn't align with the vision or what you are trying to do then it is okay to say no."
Plan Ahead or Fall Behind
Brittany Smith is a Budget Analyst for the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, also known as DARPA by day, and at nights and weekends, she is a wedding and event planner based out of the D.C., Maryland and Virginia area. "I've always loved weddings and the wedding industry and I've planned events since high school. I believed that launching my weddings and events business was the next organic step to pursuing my ultimate passion," Brittany says.
Her biggest advice? Plan for the business that you want.
“Planning, planning, planning is key! Your business will only go as far as the energy and time you put into it. You have to put in the hours. If you plan accordingly, you don't have to be an entrepreneur staying up in the wee hours of the morning and then report to their full time job at 8 a.m.," Brittany says. “I usually try to plan out my weeks the Sunday before and evaluate what I have going. Based on what I have going on that week, I plan out my wedding business hours accordingly."
What keeps her head up during times when she is overwhelmed is her faith and knowing that her full-time job doesn't fulfill her passion. “I know that one day I want to take the big leap of faith, pursue my business on a full-time basis, and not have to work for someone else. In order to do that, I know I have to keep putting in the hours to make my dreams come true."
Take Advantage of Apps & Hacks to Help You Manage
For all three ladies, the key to time management is taking advantage of technology:
“The more you can make your business automated and have it do things for you without physically being there, the more money you can make and the more successful you can be," said Emmelie. Mercedes uses Buffer to help her manage Care More's social media content. “You can take the guesswork out of manually spreading out your posts overtime. Buffer feeds your content into a cue that will automatically space out messages throughout the day with a preset calendar. You can also use the analytics tab to see how well each individual message is performing."
For Emmelie, pictures speak louder than words. “The Internet is a very visual space and visual communication speaks to the value of your services. Everything that I do is accompanied with a graphic. You can insert your product in a mock up photo or template if you don't have the camera or design skills. I use Canva.com for my graphics and Pixlr is another tool. They are free tools comparable to Photoshop that have templates to create graphics," Emmelie says.
Courtesy of Emmelie De La Cruz
“I use Fiverr to find the resources to do things that I'm not good at. Be cognizant of what tasks you're good and not good at. If you're not good at doing something and you have the finances to outsource that responsibility to an expert, do so!" Brittany says.
“Evernote, you can create digital notebooks for everything from keeping track of your expenses and managing your calendar, to creating slideshow presentations and planning your next trip. Whether it's personal or business expenses, keeping track of receipts is impossible for even the most organized of people. By creating one of Evernote's digital notebooks, you're able to screenshot your receipt right after payment, making it easier to locate expenses in the future," Mercedes adds.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Originally published December 18, 2017
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Brittney Oliver is a marketing communications professional from Greater Nashville. Over the past three years, Brittney has built her platform Lemons 2 Lemonade to help Millennials turn life's obstacles around. Her platform is known for its networking mixers, which has brought over 300 NYC young professionals, entrepreneurs, and creatives together to turn life's lemons into lemonade. Brittney is a contributing writer for Fast Company and ESSENCE, among other media outlets.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Not too long ago, while in an interview, someone asked me for a top complaint that I hear husbands say (first) and then wives state (second) as it relates to what goes down (or doesn’t go down) in the bedroom.
Ladies first: when it comes to women, I think what comes up more than anything might surprise some: it’s boredom. A lot of wives want there to be more spontaneity instead of taking the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach from their partner. As for men? I mean, would anyone be shocked to hear that they wished their wife would initiate sex more often?
I’m telling you, over frequency, technique, and even dressing up more for bed (and yes, those things also come up quite a bit), hands down, what I hear that more men want is for their partner to show them that they are desired by taking the initial steps to make copulation happen…more often.
And so, since I’m all about doing whatever I can to reduce dissatisfaction and frustration in the bedroom department, let’s explore this very topic today — from a few angles. For starters, what it truly means to be a sexual initiator; two, why it’s so vitally important to be a sexual initiator, and three, why it could literally change the entire tone, energy, and outcome of your sex life with your partner — if you’d simply be open to initiating sex more often than you (probably already) do.
What It Means to Initiate Something. LITERALLY.
Giphy
I’m word-literal — there’s no secret about that. So, when it comes to the topic of initiating sex, let’s start with what the word means. To initiate is “to begin, set going, or originate” and “to introduce into the knowledge of some art or subject.” Some synonyms for initiate include begin, open, set up, trigger, admit, introduce, and invest. And when it comes to all of the meanings of these words, between men and women, when it comes to sex specifically, guess who does it more? Men. BY A LONG SHOT TOO: a whopping 60 percent.
When it comes to why a lot of women are so comfortable with men initiating intimacy, many think that, just like men should pursue them for a relationship, it is also “the man’s role” to pursue sex in the bedroom; they literally think that it makes them look desperate or needy for them to be the initiator — yes, even as a wife. What in the world?
Listen, when two people sign up to be each other’s exclusive sex partner until death parts them, it means they are both saying that they desire each other so much that they are willing to make that kind of commitment — and so, there should be no “I don’t want to appear this way or that” when it comes to sexual activity.
So, with all of that ridiculous overthinking out of the way, that should make you want to “set up” some sex plans, “admit” to some sexual fantasies that you may have, and “introduce” some new ideas to your partner; especially since that’s exactly what so many men wish that their lady would do, to begin with.
So, with all of this said, if you’re someone who is hung up on not initiating, first spend some time really processing what the word means. Because when two people are eager to begin sex and invest in each other sexually, that is the recipe for a truly satisfying experience…over and over and over again.
C’mon. Who Doesn’t Want to Feel Wanted?
GiphyI remember once reading an article that said our brain processes rejection the same way that it does physical pain, and y’all, I don’t know about you, but if something is physically hurting me, my natural inclination is to get away from it. Along these lines, when it comes to relationships since research has proven that rejection can lead to things like jealousy, shame, anxiety, loneliness, and guilt — yes, it makes all of the common sense in the world that you would want to do all that you can to make your partner feel wanted…both in and outside of the bedroom because, just like no one wants to deal with physical pain, no one wants to keep dealing with rejection and all of the fallout that comes with it…either.
Actually, when it comes to this particular point, I think that an article that I once read on Psychology Today’s site said it best: “Not only does being needed help define your role in a relationship, but being needed can also influence how satisfied you feel in a relationship.” And before some of you say that “sex is not a need” — the hell you say? I mean, the only purpose of your clitoris is to provide sexual stimulation, so that alone should make us all deem sex (and sexual fulfillment) as pretty damn important.
Plus, by definition, a need is something that is deemed as being essential while also being something that is extremely necessary, and anyone who thinks that a romantic relationship doesn’t need physical intimacy? That’s someone who really needs to remain single because one of the top things that makes a relationship more than a friendship is there is intimacy that’s involved.
Besides, who doesn’t want to feel wanted by their partner — and I do mean, in every way? And when you make the decision to be in an exclusive relationship with someone else, you are declaring that they are someone who pleases you to the point where you don’t need to look for anyone else to do it; and, if that is indeed what you are saying, it doesn’t make sense that you wouldn’t initiate sex with them sometimes (and I do mean more than on their birthday).
One, because you choose them to “fill that role.” Two, because they are the source of your fulfillment in that area. Three, because it’s completely unfair (not to mention totally hypocritical) to expect them to make you feel wanted when you’re not being intentional about making them feel the same way in return. Not to mention the fact that initiating also helps to safeguard your relationship on a lot of levels too.
Since sex is important and rejection is detrimental on so many levels, it’s crucial to make your partner feel sexually wanted and desired by you. One way to definitely do that is to initiate sex.
What Initiating Sex Does for You
GiphySo, what does initiating sex do for the initiator? Something that I tell a lot of my women clients is it helps them to create an atmosphere that puts them in the mood. What I mean by that is, if their husband is perfectly content having sex on the couch during commercials (I’m kind of exaggerating to make a point…kind of…LOL) while they would like some candles, mood music, and rose petals — they can control that if they are the one who initiates.
Another perk that comes with being the initiator is you have more “control” over how the sex goes. The kind of foreplay you want, how fast or slow things go, how intercourse begins — all of this, you have more of a say so in if you’re the one who is initiating intimacy. Why? Well, think about when your bae initiates — doesn’t it seem like you tend to follow his lead more when he’s the one who is first to get the ball rolling?
Oftentimes, when a couple comes to me about being sexually dissatisfied, and I recommend that the one who doesn’t initiate takes more initiative, the one on the receiving end likes the fact that their partner is “running the show” — and the initiator likes “being in charge” more than they thought that they would. As a result, both end up experiencing far more pleasure.
The initiator shows what they want more of while the receiver feels desired in the process. A win/win for everyone.
What Initiating Sex Does for Him
sexy black and white GIFGiphyA couple of weeks ago, while in a session with a client, he was joking about how much he has “too much of a good thing” when it comes to his wife’s libido. Although science says that the fact that men have a higher amount of testosterone in their system, and it is the reason why they typically have a higher sex drive, don’t sleep on a lot of women out there who want to get it in more than their husband does. His wife is one of them. Since she’s a client of mine too (oftentimes, we do our sessions separately), it’s interesting that he’s fine with having sex a couple of times a month while she would like to a couple of times a week.
So, is he denying her when she wants it more often? Nope. The reason why they’re not having more sex is that even though her drive is higher, she still waits for him to initiate. Why? Because she thinks that’s what “the man should do”; not only that but “being wooed” turns her on more.
As I’ve been working on helping them to find a middle ground (because if marriage ain’t about compromise, I don’t know what is), he says that he feels like because he plans a lot of the dates, he wishes that she would initiate more: “I don’t think a lot of women get how hard it is to be a Black man out here. Nothing feels better than knowing that if no one else is thrilled by your presence, your woman is. For us, initiating isn’t just about sex. It’s about feeling wanted as a whole. And when we feel like our woman adores us, there is no greater turn-on.”
I’m not sure what y’all heard, but what it sounds like to me is when we, as women, initiate sex, men feel holistically special and cherished. That makes sense, too, because if we were to put our feet in their shoes, we would probably say the same thing. That’s just one more reason to pull the “gender roles” out of this topic; men and women both want to feel like they are the best thing on the planet by their sex partners. And again, initiating helps us all to feel that way.
What Initiating Ultimately Does for Your Relationship As a Whole
Issa Rae Love GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphyPersonally, I can only imagine how much better sex would be for everyone (who is in a sexual relationship) if people simply initiated copulation whenever they wanted to have it. That way, everyone would feel desired — and what could possibly be wrong with that? Especially if both individuals factored in some of the definitions for initiated that I already shared. Just think about if you rushed home tonight because you read about something that you want to introduce to your man or there’s a fantasy that you have that you want to admit.
The mere conversations alone will help to bring the two of you closer together because, after all, deep intimacy is about minds, bodies, and spirits getting as close as possible…right? And so, yes, by initiating sex, it can bring more closeness and stability to the relationship as a whole.
And what if you initiate and your partner isn’t interested at the time? Or what if you’re shy about initiating due to having a fear of rejection? That’s a fair and legitimate concern. One day, I’ll need to pen an article on how couples should handle situations like that with grace (on both ends) while applying the golden rule of “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.” For now, I’ll just say that if this is your greatest point of concern, share that with your partner as well.
After all, it’s pretty unrealistic to expect them to always want it when you do (although it’s been my experience and observation that men are almost always far easier to convince…LOL); just know that not wanting sex at the exact moment that you do doesn’t mean that they don’t want you altogether. Besides, oftentimes, a nap or a night of sleep can rectify that issue. Trust me.
____
Rihanna was actually once quoted as saying, “To me, sex is power. It’s empowering to do it because you want to do it.” I personally think that’s a great way to bring this to a close. Make your partner feel wonderful, empower yourself, and strengthen your relationship by initiating sex more often. I can’t think of one reason why it’s not a wise move. Can you?
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Featured image by Jacob Wackerhausen/Getty Images