I Saved My Virginity for My Husband and Ended Up with Bad Sex | xoNECOLE
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I Saved My Virginity for My Husband and Ended Up with Bad Sex

Comments (120)
  1. This sounds like more of an overall incompatibility. Seems like she didn’t know what she wanted or herself at the time of getting married. And certainly didn’t assess him as a husband thoroughly enough before the wedding. They were incompatible long before the bedroom, just sucks that they didn’t figure that out beforehand.

    (23)
    1. Leslie MCgee says:

      I feel the title of the article is deceptive since clearly the issues were because they were not a match overall. And technically she didn’t save her self for her husband since they weren’t married when they started sleeping together. What I got from this article was the importance of making sure this man is stroking your soul before he gets to stroke anything else. If he had truly cared about her and her needs , he would have gotten over himself and tried to meet her halfway.

      (14)
  2. Alexis Cubit says:

    So basically, it was more about incompatibility than the actual act. That can happen whether you wait or not.

    (18)
  3. Well wasn’t that just a fail see this is why it’s not good to subscribe to men’s bullshit patriarchal views on what makes a good woman. Personally I wouldn’t marry a man I never had sex with. That’s too much gambling. The only one that benefits from that crap is men. Women get the short stick, sometimes literally

    (17)
  4. KC John says:

    Test drive before making a life long commitment..

    (9)
  5. Why is everyone comparing one a woman’s greatest gifts to a car that depreciates as soon as you drive it off the lot. That speaks volumes and while it’s your body a lot of people get wrapped up in the wrong things and looking at this article she married for superficial reasons. They never had a true connection which meant their chemistry and intimacy would be out of wack.

    (8)
    1. If your greatest gift is your vagina, you’re aiming pretty low in life. Many women have more to offer than just sex. Clearly you aren’t one of those women.

      (17)
    2. Kyran Pope says:

      Um, I’ve had a great connection with a couple of men that still could not do it for me…that has nothing to do with it

      (3)
  6. Winnie Itago says:

    Please do not mislead readers. I think first place (not in a condescending or superior way) the reasons as to why she stayed a virgin was not right. You don’t keep yourself pure for a person-you do it because you want to live a life that is holy and righteous, one that is acceptable before God. Because if you do things of faith because of people, you’ll end up in disappointment.

    Secondly, she doesn’t say if they went through any premarital counseling because some of these issues of compatibility would have been uncovered if they did. They would have talked about how they imagine their sex lives, how they view each other and what they desired to make of their marriage. If she was not comfortable in her body around this guy and he demeaned her for it, that was a definite compatibility red flag for both of them. That was a toxic and dare I say, abusive relationship.

    Third, her reason for saying that if she would do it all over again she wouldn’t stay virgin is generalizing people’s experiences. People go abstinent for different reasons, for her it ‘didn’t work’. Furthermore, this guy was still living with his mum. There is some level of maturity that clearly wasn’t there. Given that they ‘fell’ during engagement while intoxicated, it’s a sign of immaturity as lovers and Christians, especially because she doesn’t really tell if they went through repentance or not. Or if they talked to a married couple about it and on how to maintain purity as a couple . There’s a lot of holes in her story that whereas I would not want to invalidate her experience, I also won’t take it as face value. It’s not a very convincing piece. But I must add, we are all sinners and in need of God’s mercy and forgiveness. I am glad you found someone who you finally are compatible with.

    (7)
  7. Gina Woods says:

    Hats off to people who wait for marriage. I’m sure this isn’t the first time this has happened to a Virgin and it certainly won’t be the last. But she deserves to be commended for waiting. But IN ALL HONESTY, if you don’t know your body, that may be part of the problem. Vaginal orgasms aren’t the same as clitoral. If you’re looking for that feeling, it’s no wonder you’re not satisfied.

    I did read this whole article and it appears that the husband played a big part in her dissatisfaction. Not only did he criticize her weight but was lame and boring.

    (6)
    1. xoNecole.com says:

      Agreed. Waiting is a big commitment in itself. I think knowing your body is part of it but it seems that her and her partner just weren’t sexually compatible. Which happens.

      (2)
    2. Felicia Ross says:

      If she’s never had sex before, how could she know it was lame and boring?

      (0)
    3. Sue Ibrahim says:

      U r right! ” hats off to people who wait” I did and I’m fine. I’m in 40’s and still glad I waited. It has nothing to do with how great or not the sex is to me its self respect and prioritizing myself.

      (0)
    4. Waiting is the way God intended but society disagrees but when he blesses you with HIS best than you can guarantee everthing else will fall into place.

      (-5)
  8. Dawn says:

    Nope. Not buying. First, there is waiting and fantasizing about how sex should be, building up ridiculous expectations that no man could fulfil. Then there is waiting an communicating. if you were over weight and felt your man didn’t desire you sexually there will be some apprehension that will lead to tension and displeased. just because you are a Christian doesn’t mean that you should be physically attracted to your potential mate. Second, you did wait for marriage. You had a drunken night of guilty sex. This does much psychological damage to both the man and woman who has made a commitment to God to wait. You walk into the bedroom with a mountain of regret. so great article to give someone ammo for not waiting, but shame on going or the misrepresentation.

    (6)
    1. Rae says:

      This!!!

      (0)
  9. According to the article there is already a lot of issues, it’s not just about sex. It seems that the sex was bad because it was terribly one sided and he criticize her body weight and found her unattractive. A guy appreciated that she was a virgin but did not really appreciate her body and soul. It seems the guy only married her a means to an end. Also she mentions in the article that she is extroverted and willing to try something new while he seems more introverted and wanted routine. A lot of girls told me stories how their sex with their boyfriend seemed great a first, but later complained that it was no longer great. The fact that guys just want to satisfy their urges and get it over with it, even though they leave their girl unsatisfied because the guy finishes the sex before the girl orgasms. A guy who truly loves his girl would put her desires beforehand his urges and would be more patient in satisfying her first before he finishes. Sex a really good one is about exploring and getting to know your partner body and soul. It suppose to connect. But if it is one sided, one partner would feel dissatisfied. I think anyone can just have sex which does not involve an emotional experience. It differs when both partners are truly in love and are making love not sex. Both appreciating each other’s body and are really attracted to each other. Some people marry for the wrong reasons. I think he married her for her virginity and she married him out of conveniece. A person’s character is important but so as attraction. How in the world did she marry him and not know whether he is attracted to her or not is the question.

    (5)
    1. Again, she was naive. Maybe women should learn self pleasure when their celibate.

      (3)
  10. It could’ve been worse. He could have been great in bed, but a horrible husband, communicator, father, friend, etc.

    (5)
  11. “It wasn’t until I started dating again that I realized the joys of what sex could be, and where I may have went wrong with my ex-husband. My first encounter was with a good friend who I had a deep connection with. With him, I could let down my guard—I didn’t feel uncomfortable or embarrassed as I did with my ex-husband. I realized that it was likely because with my ex, my weight was often criticized and my body critiqued in ways that expounded upon my already existing insecurities.

    Not only was I lacking in experience, but I also felt unattractive to the one person I should’ve felt the most beautiful around. I would often retreat inside my head instead of enjoying the moment, and him being a more cerebral person, he did the same.”

    She was dating the wrong guy for the wrong reasons. ‍♀️ Of course the sex is gonna be bad.

    (5)
  12. HumbleBeast says:

    As true as this might have been, I still agree that one should keep sex for marriage, and It is an act created by God that can be worked upon to get optimum results between the two parties.,

    Also if looked at from the christian perspective, sex is primarily meant to please your partner that would require one to pay close attention to their partner and not be rigid and selfish, otherwise divorce ought to never be an option and sex is for marriage.

    🙂

    (5)
  13. Oh no ‍♀️
    I almost had this happen.
    I had decided to be celibate and was going to wait to marriage due to all my failed relationships.
    I then met a guy I felt was a good guy and decided to go ahead and end my celibacy.

    This dude was not very endowed and had erectile issues that he failed to realize or admit! Smh.

    That scared me and I decided that I am a grown adult that can make sound decisions without having to put the “rules” on. No offense to those waiting but leave nothing unturned. Talk about everything and ask him to show it to you!!
    Seriously though!

    I decided that I would just choose more wisely because I am an adult, 31 years old, that knows the difference between just giving it up for the hell of it and actually building a solid foundation with a man I deem as husband material.

    Sorry, not sorry. I just can’t be surprised like that again.

    (4)
  14. My mom told me not to wait. She said sexual incompatibility dooms marriages.

    (4)
  15. You cheated yourself out of all of the goodies and now you’re stuck with a dud… SMDH

    (3)
  16. That’s a damn shame he is that bad!!! She had no one to compare him too and she still recognized it was bad That’s like having your first glass of wine and can tell it’s low quality

    My advice to her is to learn her desires and teach him. Damn though that’s really a shame. I feel bad for her. She was cheated lol

    (3)
  17. How would u know if it was “bad sex”. Just communicate with your husband

    (3)
  18. Tell him how to please you. How do you know what’s bad if you’ve never done it before?

    (3)
  19. Should have practised.Sex is all about women since they need it a lot more.

    (3)
  20. If you wouldn’t buy a car without a test drive how in da hell do you sign off on marriage before seeing what your partner can do in the bedroom? Lawd I couldn’t do it! It’s like wait for it – possibly disappointed on wedding night. Don’t wait for it – you a thot or ho. Personally I wish I would have waited for a better choice (I had none, raped the first time) but I could never think I’d be with a man forever and NOT know if we are sexually compatible. Folks don’t stay together for 50 years in sexless marriages no more so let’s be realistic here ladies ‍♀️ it sounds like the husband basically killed her sex drive with his criticism and wack eggplant.

    (2)
  21. Donna Austin says:

    That is definitely means for divorce ! He must be really bad , if she never had any !

    (2)
  22. Lol these comments hilarious…lol

    (2)
  23. I don’t get women who HAVE HAD SEX sayin “how would you know if you never had it?” ….Really??????
    You know what feels good and what doesn’t…if your vagina gets dry…I’d venture to say it’s a GREAT indication that it isn’t good to you….duh….Like really…..

    (2)
    1. I stopped counting at 9 lmao. I can’t decide if people are just being funny or they really think virgins don’t know anything about pleasure. This is so sad lmao.

      (2)
  24. BJ Vann says:

    I’d be curious to hear about the sexual experience and satisfaction of those who were virgins until they said “I do” and those who weren’t virgins but we’re celibate until they said “I do.” I have never heard one say something like this who did that all the way to the finish line.

    (2)
  25. Well she never had sex so it was probably her fault too

    (1)
  26. Wait before we start judging his prowess, does she know what she wants sexually?

    (1)
  27. But how does she know sexual satisfaction if she had nothing to compare it to

    (1)
  28. What does she have the experience to compare to, tv/movies/ talks with her friends?
    Is it bad because he’s inadequate or because she doesn’t know what to do? So many questions.

    (1)
  29. Jessie says:

    Kinda misleading since she didn’t wait till marriage, she waited till they were engaged. Then, she says the signs were there all along that they were incompatible in more ways than just the bedroom. If you save yourself for marriage and actually pick the right partner, it is a whole different story. These two could have had good sex and ended up divorced later on anyway because they weren’t right for each other.

    (1)
  30. Tink says:

    This one is for all my virgins out there … keep your legs close boo. This is more of a story of a woman who did not know herself and what she wanted in a man. This is not what you will experience if you take time to know what you do and do not want. Everyone waiting for the v card is not worthy of the access. 1. Thing you must avoid is a man who makes you feel bad about your body . 2. A man who talks about sex too much and how he going to have you scream … they are the dry ones. 3. The one that ain’t scared to grab the booty, not swear the p or talking about it, little freaky and trying to be good …. that is the danger zone …. he don’t have to talk about his game … he will show you .. never be alone with that hoe lol

    (1)
  31. How does she know what sex is supposed to be like if she never had it Hell my first time lasted 1 minute but I ain give up hope

    (1)
  32. Shana Dodd says:

    I say test drive a car before you buy it!

    (0)
    1. It may not be him, it’s those religious hang-ups .. They preach only nasty women enjoy sex.. SMH

      (7)
      1. Kay says:

        Your comment says EXACTLY what I’m thinking. This lady did everything right as it was taught to her by her parents and church family, and she ended up divorced. (I would love to know how they felt about this when it happened, but that’s for another day and time.) What parents fail to do in such a situation, is talk to their children about intimacy and love. They spend all of their children’s lives preaching about what they CAN’T/SHOULDN’T do, but never talk about what they CAN do. Everything comes from a negative mindset, and that’s terrible. Sex is not about just laying there and letting the man have their way with women. We as women should enjoy it also. But they won’t tell these girls that, because TBH, they don’t know. If it’s not “Godly” or “Holy”, they don’t talk about it. I feel so sorry for little girls that are/were brought up this way. They’re setting them up for heartbreak.

        (18)
        1. Aja says:

          Love your post!

          (1)
    2. Shana Dodd says:

      Exactly! I think she should give him another chance. Maybe he was nervous! Lol

      (2)
      1. Bri says:

        He was nervous for 3 years?

        (4)
  33. Nope. Try before you buy. Sorry not sorry.

    (0)
  34. But wait if she held onto for so long, how would she know it was bad. She suppose to NOT have anything to compare it too.

    (0)
    1. Quia says:

      Read the article. You know when you’re not satisfied. Also, she said she wanted to try other things and he only wanted to try 2 or 3 positions. Plus, the article was written after she was divorced and had something to compare it to.

      (4)
  35. Well I can’t comment because I couldn’t read the story due to pop ups… Sooo fill me in yaw

    (0)
  36. Marsha Evans says:

    Test the goods….

    (0)
  37. That’s why you always test drive the car before purchasing

    (0)
  38. Marsha Evans says:

    Try on shoes before you buy!!

    (0)
  39. Drea Nichole says:

    How would she know what “bad sex” is?

    (0)
  40. Pre marital sex for the win

    (0)
  41. Nicole says:

    Well damn!

    (0)
  42. The comments on here are literally the same two comments, repeated over and and over: ” if she’s never had sex before how does she know it’s bad?” And ” that’s why you should test drive the car before buying!” Sigh. There’s an underlying air of judgement i’m picking up. As if some women on here are lowkey kinda glad this happened to her.

    (0)
  43. What does she have the experience to compare to, tv/movies/ talks with her friends?
    Is it bad because he’s inadequate or because she doesn’t know what to do? So many questions.

    (0)
  44. Many men just never learned sex properly, even though he thinks he’s a stud. I was reading a book about JFK and so many women complained about his acting like a school boy in the bedroom well into his married adult years. I was thinking how he could have any woman he wanted, and that was all that was on his mind, but never learned the basics.

    (0)
  45. I have said this so many times and people laugh. I am sorry I have to test drive you b4 I spend the rest of my life with you.

    (0)
  46. He probably took the opportunity to water his grass too early and leave her dissatisfied. Which can be common when dealing with immature men. A grown man would have valued her in a way she would’ve seen stars all night. Don’t give up you can always open the conversation up. Seek therapy or places they teach couples how to be more sexually aware.
    Star

    (0)
    1. And ladies preserving yourself is a great experience whether you do it till marriage or till your ready to have sex with your new boy friend. It shouldn’t define you but it surely makes me feel more empowered. If you aren’t willing to let him get to know all of you how can you really enjoy sex. Sex is just sex is a big misconception. It be the same ladies giving you that advice that will save it when they encounter somebody special. Self awareness is the key and working on yourself is behind the door to self fulfillment 🙏🏽👩🏽‍💻☕️

      (2)
  47. Jewell Jones says:

    I waited for the engagement, but I had to test the goods before I made a commitment to it forever lol.

    (-1)
  48. I would have been sitting on the stairs of the court house waiting for it open from the night before getting this marriage annulled!!. Women have to stop letting these dated practices of forced patriachial morality lead them to misery. There is no way I am marrying without knowing if we are physically compatible. I tried waiting while dating once or twice it was failure. A utter disappointment never ever again.

    (-1)
  49. Saving it doesn’t guarantee good sex when you finally get married. Good news is, if the marriage doesn’t make it, there’s plenty out there.

    (-1)
  50. Who buys a car without a test drive though…?

    (-1)
  51. This concept has always baffled me. Women have to jump through all these hoops to prove themselves “worthy” of being chosen as a wife. If I’m giving up my name, free time, cooking cleaning, etc. I neeed to know what I’m getting when the lights go dim and if it’s even worth it.

    (-1)
  52. Joy Williams says:

    How does she know the difference? She might as well stay with him

    (-2)
  53. Come onnnn…. please virgins i advocate screwing/the act of being nailed before marriage 100%. Sex is different with different sizes (penis, that is). Memories are good to have. Men are like donuts (i like donuts ) they come in different sizes n some have cream filling (i like that too…lol) u wont like every donut but at least u know what u dont like….

    (-2)
  54. lol at prized possession. You ain’t the only vagina sweety.

    (-4)
  55. He was probably a Virgo.

    (-4)
    1. You cant place that on someone because of when they were born lol. There are people across the calendar that have erectile dysfunction.

      (1)
    2. Get yourself a Taurus! Love ‘em!

      (0)
    3. I almost spit MY drink out! 🤣🤣🤣

      (0)
    4. If you look up how to seduce a Virgo man on youtube. The video is 2min long. And thats exactly how much time you’ll get with a virgo male.

      (-1)
    5. Iris says:

      My ex husband a Virgo and I lived 16 years of awful sex life. He had dysfunctional wee wee, even when we were in our 20st no sexual drive it all in his 20’s he started taking pills & supplements in his 40’s it got worst…we are divorced lol…my bff also married a Virgo and having same issues unfulfilled sexual life 😟

      (-1)

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