Why I Chose Celibacy After Having His Baby
Love & Relationships

We Gave Up Sex After Having Our First Child

Comments (19)
  1. SOD says:

    Would not recommend this order of development for any relationship. It usually doesn’t end well for most, however, I am glad that things worked out for you. I hope your family goes from strength to strength.

    (6)
    1. Thank you 🙂 this was not meant to be a recommendation – it’s merely my story . What I would like for people to take from it is this …. evaluate your own situation and create a path to your final destination that works for you – you don’t have to be married because society says you do – -you don’t have to have kids if you don’t want to because people deem that “the next step” – you don’t have to have a traditional career – or traditional education-… if you don’t want to . So many marriages fail because two people were not ready – I didn’t want that ! I knew it would come but we had work to do first … The most important part is to figure out what you want and go after it ignoring the noise around you … it took me a while to get to this place of planning a wedding but I am here now and I am so glad I didn’t rush it – we have so much more appreciation for each other and for this family because we allowed time for growth

      @iam_kimf 🙂 thanks for reading

      (4)
  2. So… she did things in an unconventional fashion and thankfully things are working out well for her family. This scenario could have taken several lefts and willingly placing yourself and your child in that realm of possibility is both selfish and unfair to a child. Like I said, I’m glad everything worked out, but I don’t agree with her gamble.

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    1. Annie Boo says:

      Yes… she took a gamble on that child’s stability because “she always wanted to be a mom” That’s the part that bothered me. But then again they’re still not married so we can’t fully say their plan worked out. It’s like they are test running a family to see if they like it!

      (6)
  3. It would be interesting to see how her partner feels about the situation as a whole. She sounded very focused on herself and her wants (child) than she was on building a relationship with this man at the start of her relationship.

    (3)
    1. iam_kimf says:

      This was a mutual decision actually. Even when I was like screw this lets just have sex.. he would turn me down. This entire things was about finding way other than sex to love and show love. Since for me , I only recognized love from a man through sex. He wanted to show me that there was more to building a life together. Our having a child was just as much a want for as it was for me.

      (0)
  4. Idalia Moore says:

    Black women we got to do better…white men not out here short changing their women like that

    (3)
  5. Sounds like she was about to turn 30 so decided to have a child in a rush and she didn’t care who it was with.

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    1. iam_kimf says:

      only it was with the love of my life and we decided to play by our own rules. it’s easy to run and get married but we decided to focus on parenting.

      our relationship is better than ever now.

      I did make a conscious decision to have a baby at that age. but it was well thought out and planned and I didn’t have the pressures to rush the other areas of my life that weren’t ready. i.e. marriage. and I didn’t feel “pressured” to wait to have a baby because society says thats what you’re supposed to do.

      You’d be so surprised how much clarity you and your man will get when you aren’t distracted. We had to find other ways to say “Hey babe I am soooo into you” .

      (0)
  6. Wow. I’m not sure what side if the fence I’m on with this one but I will say that I throughly enjoy seeing how others choose to live beyond the norm. I think it’s dangerous to say what the standard should be in any relationship because everyone is different. Would I do this? Probably not but I don’t think there is anything wrong with them deciding what’s best for their situation and standing in that decision. I know MANY people who did things the “right way” and it didn’t work out so I don’t believe there is a one size fits all answer.

    (1)
  7. Mallari says:

    Thank you for sharing. I wish I had strength and confidence to take the path you chose.

    (1)
  8. Nyla Nyla says:

    This is backwards to the max, but if you can’t control urges that led to a baby at least they’re reconditioning themselves.

    (0)
    1. iam_kimf says:

      this was not urged that led to a baby. this was a decision to have a baby that took months of planning and miscarriages. our baby was no mistake at all .. neither was our decision to abstain from sex. we needed to find a way to love and show love without sex. It was about learning to show affecting because for me i only recognize love from a man though sex and my body. when i told him that, he was saddened. That we had been having sex from the beginning, Within a week of meeting.. There was never any time to just love on each other without that. THis was a mutual decision.. outsise of the norm that society has programmed people to think.

      (0)
  9. But he already had the milk and the cow…

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  10. Sb386 says:

    Love the fact that you paved your own road. Everyone thinks relationships, careers life has to go a “certain way” leaving a trail of tears, unemployment and single mothers behind. You have done things in your own right. Good for you and your partner. The maturity you have developed at your age is astounding.

    (0)
  11. If that’s what works for you… Kudos

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  12. Sex and love are two totally different things. If all you do is have sex all the time, how you going to find out who that person is. That is why a lot wait to do a lot of sex because they really want to know if opening themselves up to someone is a good idea. If they don’t wait and just do it all the time, eventually that’s all it will be about and you will have no room for a relationship. Thanks for bringing in your story IAM_KIMF

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  13. NICOLE WILLIAMS says:

    I get what the author is saying. She had a child by a man who she KNEW would be with her ; therein lies the difference between her and women having kids by “maybe” men. When you know you know, you don’t need society or a piece of paper to KNOW . Some women are 35 plus still waiting for the perfect situation to have a child and could be well over 40 having a geriatric or high risk pregnancy..sometimes women MUST make a decision when it comes to reproduction and not wait on a perfect man. Marriages come and go, children are forever so if that is what you want just make sure it is with A GOOD MAN WHETHER HE IS WITH YOU OR NOT.

    (0)

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