Time For A Baecation: Here Are 3 Benefits Of Traveling As A Couple
I'm learning that traveling when you're young is not a glamorous thing, especially when young can be synonymous with broke. It's not for the meek or the mild, it's for the wild, the bold, and the brave. Because it's easy to stay in your comfort zone, to talk yourself out of living because of this responsibility or that one, exiling your passions and aspirations to be tasted and tempered with later on in life. Dare I ask, why? Dare I counter that standard with a, "But will you really?"
Maybe it's a dangerous thing to not trust what I tell my future self, but maybe it's also what makes my anxious self much more present and forces my present self to be more accountable about what she wants from her life. She wants adventure. She wants today. She wants now. I am blessed to have a partner whose ideals are similar in that regard, and who is just overall supportive of my needs.
Sheriden Chanel
He knew I needed a pause in my Atlanta life, a change of scenery, a getaway, and adventure. So we found a cheap flight to a place we'd never been and went away for a long weekend. I thought travel was largely in part for me, but was surprised to learn how much richer and stronger it left our relationship by taking us out of our element and causing us to thrive in a whole new one. There's a lot to learn from traveling as a couple. Let me give you just a few lessons...
Bonding Gets Undivided Attention
Being home and in a relationship, bonding is whatever quality time the two of you can find throughout the week be it phone calls, texts, or a weekly date night. Other aspects of your life require your attention, and the relationship can suffer a bit in lieu of responsibilities like running a household, being on someone else's clock through work, and if you're pursuing your passions while you work, that slice of the pie is cut even thinner.
Sheriden Chanel
But when you travel together, bonding is the entirety of your trip in both big and small ways. It was bae's first time ever on a plane, and it warmed my heart that it was willing to conquer that fear with me. He called our "baecay" his first real experience as an adult, he even tried oysters for the first time. It was my first time traveling with a romantic partner as well, so I think those realities combined made us vulnerable and receptive to everything around us that was happening. We were a lot more open emotionally than we thought we'd be on a NOLA excursion, we didn't even need the alcohol that we previously thought we would have to rely on. We were very real and human, which was beautiful and healing to me.
Vacation Sex is INCREDIBLE
Oh my God, if I could write an essay about each and every romp session we had, I would--but I'm limited in this space so I won't bore you with details. Let's just say that it's bangin.' I think it's the combination of the natural high you get from being in a new place paired with your beautiful surroundings--it's a match made in sex heaven. It might have a lot to do with being well-rested too. On a regular day, twenty minutes is bliss to me. But on a vacation where I'm well-rested, well-fed, with skin kissed by the sun, and a little liquor in me, an hour or two in the intersection of languid lovemaking and frenzied pounding was paradise. Our bed creaked entirely too much, but I honestly didn't give a damn. The whole experience of a vacation makes sex feel more tantric in my opinion.
You're Forced to Deal with Your Sh-t!
I thought bae and I would be at each other's throats for much of the trip because we'd be spending four uninterrupted days together with not a whole lot to divvy up our time. Not only that, but traveling can be draining, which puts a damper on attitudes. Surprisingly though, we kept it cute and was able to work on some communication issues because we were forced to iron sh-t out versus sweeping it underneath the rug because we didn't want our time to be ruined. Our tolerance for simple bumps in the road improved because it became a thing of, “Do we really need to bicker about this?" When the answer was “no" we let it go because it wasn't worth it.
Sheriden Chanel
The silently relayed and mutually understood philosophy worked up until the day of our departure. It was storming outside like crazy, we had pretty much run out of spending money so we decided to head to the airport a little early. We sulked in front of each other's faces for quite a bit until I came up with the idea of playing Hangman. We ended up playing that for three-and-a-half hours. It wasn't ideal, but it taught me: Something I thought I already knew, but something that was really solidified for me in that moment.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Stress Awareness Month: Sneaky Workplace Triggers Affecting Black Women, And How To Cope
We all know about the major stress triggers of everyday life, from relationship woes to monthly bills to unexpected emergencies, but there are small, subtle triggers that impact Black women in a big way, especially when it comes to work. It’s good to be aware of these sneaky stressors in order to maximize your day and find ways to incorporate solutions into your self-care routines.
Since it’s Stress Awareness Month, we caught up with Keanne Owens, LCSW, founder of Journey To Harmony Therapy Center, to talk about these triggers and what Black women can do to manage and cope.
Owens is an experienced South Florida-based counselor and social worker who offers her services via Grow Therapy, a therapy and medication management platform. She has worked with Black women professionals to unpack issues related to workplace stressors. “One is the pressure to perform–having to meet deadlines and deliverables. And a lot of times, these subtle stressors from performance are put upon ourselves as Black women. We want to make sure we’re doing our best. We don’t want to be critiqued in certain ways.”
Excessive micromanagement leading to fear of overly critical bosses is another subtle trigger that can negatively impact Black women in the workplace.
“Whenever something is done wrong, or we experience some type of injustice and have to report it, it’s the fear of retaliation–[fear that] we won’t be taken seriously or [our words] will be taken out of context because of being deemed as the ‘angry Black woman,’” she said.
Black Women And Workplace Stress Triggers
Her sentiments are backed by research. A recent report by Coqual found that 28% of Black women (compared to 17% of White men) say their supervisor uses “excessive control or attention to detail” when managing them. There’s more: A survey by the National Employment Law Project found that Black workers were “more likely to have concerns (80 percent) and twice as likely as white workers (18 percent) to have unresolved concerns at work, with 39 percent reporting they were “not satisfied with the employer’s response or did not raise concerns for fear of retaliation.”
The survey also found that 14 percent of Black respondents said they “avoided raising concerns to their employer for fear of retaliation—more than twice the average rate of 6 percent for all survey respondents.”
Owens pointed to the fact that these subtle stress triggers can negatively impact our physical health and our career advancement. “A lot of time it’ll affect our productivity,” Owens added. “We start to have negative thoughts of ourselves. The stressors can also cause fatigue. We’re no longer meeting or working up to our desired potential.” Other challenges as a result include insomnia and increased insolation, withdrawal, and lack of motivation to apply for jobs or promotions even when qualified.
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How To Manage Subtle Stress Triggers
While there are systemic issues at play for Black women at work that has less to do with us and more to do with major overhauls that must be addressed by the powers that be, there are steps we can take for the betterment of ourselves and our mental health. Owens offered the following tips:
Tap into a support system, whether it’s a coworker you trust, a family member, an organization, or an outlet like a hobby.
Create a good work-life balance before burnout even starts. “Having certain boundaries [is the goal] such as, for example, if you get off at 5, you get off at 5. If your job description is this, you don’t go above and beyond because that brings you to a lot of burnout,” Owens said.
Prioritize self-care, whatever that means for you. “If you don’t have a routine, create one. Practice mindfulness and even some meditation,” she added.
Create structure in your life outside of work. “Even if you have a family, applying some structure in your routine helps relieve stress,” she said.
Get into grounding techniques. “Do a real quick square breathing exercise, that’s literally 30 seconds, or you can do a grounding technique that’s less than two minutes, right there where you are. You don’t need any other materials. That’s something you can do with just yourself and your body.”
Ask for help. “As Black women, we don’t ask for help enough,” she said. “Find where you need to ask for help. A lot of times, people think that’s indicative of weakness, but we need to rewrite that narrative. It’s okay to ask for help where you see fit. [If] you’re a mom, [it could be] every Wednesday from 5 to 6, your children are with the dad. You have to carve out that time.”
For more information on Grow Therapy, visit their website. You can also find out more about Keanne Owens, LCSW, via BeginYourJourneyToHarmony.com.
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Featured image by Charday Penn/Getty Images