10 Reasons To Love Being 30 And Single
We're supposed to have it all in our 30s, aren't we?
And by "it all," we mean the fantastic career, the financial stability, the kids, the dog, and of course, the husband to keep us warm at night. Everyday, more and more women challenge what a successful life looks like and that goes double for the love lives we choose to lead.
Just in case you're feeling a little left behind as a single woman approaching 30 or in her 30s, below are 10 reasons that being single and ready to mingle in your 30s isn't the romantic kiss of death we once feared it was:
1. You Trust Logic Above All Else
You get to choose. No really, you get to make a well informed decision on who you partner with. While your heart is still in the game, the intelligence and wisdom you garnered over the years is also in full swing. Although you may have been led solely by your heart or your hmmm - let's say, lady parts - in the past, this time around you have much more control over “Her" and she is probably the last part of you that has a say.
2. You See The Positives In Past Relationships
You realize your past loves completely made you grow. As scumbaggish as they may have seemed at the time, they added some fabric to the woman that you are and you become grateful. You are grateful for the lessons that you learned and at the same time, grateful that you were spared from a lifetime with him.
3. You Are Real About What You Want
The 30+ dating scene is absolutely awesome! It is like a game of chess, or checkers, or spades, or whatever you like to play. And guess what? Everyone in the game knows that they are in it and what they are in it for! Communication between potential partners become very clear, intentions are set almost immediately, and there are no guessing games! If you like each other, you decide together on your next move. If you don't well, boy bye (in the friendliest, it was great meeting you, type of way possible).
4. You Don't Fall For Your Old Type
Relative to number 3, you know who is for you! You know what you are looking for, you have a gauge on what your type is, and you have an understanding on the type that you should absolutely stay away from. You are consciously aware of who to share your precious time with, because let's face it, in all this making of you, you ain't got time for that (yes, I said ain't).
5. You Start To Chill All The Way Out
You stop being in a dating rat race, you stop recanting the broken hearts, you stop being anxious about whether or not he calls, you just stop and decide that if he is for you, he will be for YOU and the rest becomes history.
6. You Build On Your Twenties Foundation
You come to the realization that your twenties were all about laying down your foundation; realizing that you have to continue to build or that what you have built is pretty solid, you are no longer willing to settle for someone bringing nothing to the table. Your eye is on the prize for a GOOD MAN and you know just what a good man is! Now, where the picking at this point is pretty slim – due to the women who were patient enough to see their men through success and maturity into his 30s – you also realize, that you've got some competition, but you also now have patience and time, which inevitably means, you become #FIERCE. Bomb.com!
You become THAT woman for THAT man, yes him, he who you want, even if not visible, you get ready. You hit the church, mosque, synagogue, temple, the therapist, the salon, the mall, the gym, the library, the internet, your mama, great grandma, your exes, and wherever else you may be able to go, in order to collect the tools needed to work on and develop YOU. You become the greatest version of yourself, so that your man will present himself to you, as the greatest version of himself.
7. You're Okay With Being Single
Regarding competition, after being tired of hearing people ask why you don't have a man all throughout your twenties, getting depressed about it, crying yourself to sleep about it, and getting in terrible relationships because of it, you start to think about just how great your man will be. I mean why go through all of that to wind up with someone less than what you want? You start looking at who has been taken and who is left and suddenly decide that your him will be the King of all Kings and that your love will be the love of all love, if not for you, for the world and the furthering of mankind (ok, maybe this is going too far, but this is how my brain works).
8. You No Longer Fear Rejection
Rejection becomes laughable, no literally, laughable. You call your homegirls and have conversations like this, “Girrrl he was sooo mad, I mean it was really just one date," or “Girl he said he didn't like my ankles, guess I'll get me some new ones". It just becomes fun and not stab in the heart, send me back to my bed, under my covers weeping in pain and devastation, every single time it happens like (yep, nope, I'll plead the fifth on this one).
9. You Rise Above All Of The Advice Catered to Single Women
Blog posts telling women how to get a man no longer infuriate you, they too become laughable. It's like really dude, you Sir or Madam, may have a few things to work on yourself… insert side eye, emoticon… (I will save my professional opinion on “relationship experts" for the sake of entertaining reading, but let's just say, Freud said that… oh, never mind).
10. You Flourish In Love
Relationships become universal and you start loving everyone deeply. Your lovely is no longer garnered towards the search for just one person, instead it spreads universally. You fall in love with the universe, just as deeply as you fall in love with yourself. You love your pets, the mailman, bus driver, trees, flowers, the world with the same openness and joy you readily give to someone romantically. You finally realize that you have the ability to love your future someone just as deeply. You are ready for his love.
What are lessons in love that have guided you in dating in your 30s? Let us know in the comments below!
Niama T. Malachi, PsyD, 32, Author of "A Hip Hop State of Mind" holds a Doctorate in Applied Clinical Psychology. Her research and writing is based on Social Psychology, practices and principles. She is a current member of the American Psychological Association's Society for the Psychology of Women.
- Women Told Us What It's Really Like To Be 30 And Single | HuffPost ›
- I'm 30, Single And Happy. And Truthfully, That Scares Me. | HuffPost ›
- Mid 30s and Single: Did I Wait Too Long to Settle Down? - Vogue ›
- Single, female, and 30? DO NOT PANIC. ›
- What No One Tells You About Being Single At 30 | Thought Catalog ›
- Why Being Single In Your 30s Is Actually An Incredible Opportunity ›
- Being Single At 30: A Vogue Memoir | British Vogue ›
- Advice for Dating in Your 30s | 30 & Single | eHarmony Advice ›
- Why being single in your 30s is better than in your 20s - The ... ›
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Growing up in Brooklyn, New York, Caribbean culture has always been all around me, from the food to the dancehall and soca music to traditions carried out by all of the Caribbean people living in the city. As a youngin, I loved attending the West Indian Day Parade every September because the floats, steel drums, extravagant feathers, and upbeat music made me feel free and gave me a deeper appreciation for the culture.
As I got older, I learned that the yearly Carnivals happening across the Caribbean put NYC’s little festivities to shame. Traveling to the islands themselves and experiencing the people and culture first-hand really gives you a deeper understanding and appreciation for Caribbean culture.
The history of Carnival celebrations in the Caribbean can be traced back to enslaved people who were forbidden from participating in the Pre-Lenten celebrations and thus created their own celebrations and traditions, which over time developed into celebrations of freedom and rebellion. Each country in the Caribbean has its own unique history of celebrations, as well as its own Carnival traditions that set it apart from other festivities.
What started as a Pre-Lenten celebration is now celebrated during a range of months throughout the year and now attracts hundreds of people from all over the world. Here are six carnivals that you should go to this year to experience this culture for yourself.
Crop Over - Barbados Carnival
Crop Over Dates: July 31, 2024 - August 6, 2024
What better place to celebrate carnival than the home of our Bajan Queen Rihanna? While some festivities start as early as May, the official festival season in Barbados starts in July and ends in early August. Crop Over originally started as a way for plantation workers to celebrate the end of the sugarcane harvest season and has now evolved into a much larger celebration. Crop Over is a blend of both old and new traditions, such as the Ceremonial Delivery of the Last Canes, and Cohobblopot, where bands show off their beautiful costumes and play soca and calypso music.
All of the week's festivities culminate with the Grand Kadooment, Crop Over’s big parade featuring all of the bands and droves of people taking to the streets in their beautiful costumes and dancing to the local music.
Other things to do: Visit Hunte’s Garden in Joseph’s Parish and find peace in the picturesque garden while spotting an array of different birds and animals. If you’re looking for beach relaxation, spend a day at Carlisle Bay, the perfect beach for swimming, taking in some sun, and a possible turtle sighting.
Saint Thomas Carnival
Saint Thomas Carnival Dates: April 28, 2024 - May 5, 2024
No passport? That won’t be a problem for U.S. travelers looking to get in on the carnival experience. Saint Thomas, one of the three U.S. Virgin Islands, is known for its crystal clear beaches, scuba diving scene, and overall vibrant culture. The island celebrates its carnival in late April and features a dynamic lineup of events including colorful adult and kiddie parades, calypso competitions, and street parties. Virgin Islanders are known to love to party, so make sure to fill up before the festivities with some local favorites like johnny cakes, callaloo, and conch fritters.
With its rich cultural heritage and lively atmosphere, this is a carnival experience perfect for a first-timer who wants to ease their way into the lifestyle.
Other things to do: Visit one of Saint Thomas’ many turquoise blue beaches such as Coki, Magens Bay, Brewers Bay, or Lindquist Beach. Coki Beach is perfect if you're looking for a more lively experience and want to snorkel without swimming far out, and Brewers Bay is best known for the sea turtles that you can see from the sand. You can also take a short ferry over to Saint John, another of the Virgin Islands, and spend a day at Lime Out, a floating taco and margarita bar.
Spicemas - Grenada Carnival
Courtesy of Grenada Tourism Authority
Spicemas Dates: August 7, 2024 - August 14, 2024
Grenada, also known as the Spice Isle due to its production of a variety of spices, has one of the most anticipated carnivals every year. During Spicemas, revelers hit the streets for lively music, paint, oil, dancing, and good times. One of the most important aspects of Spicemas is Jab Jab, a celebration that involves covering one's body in black oil or paint. This tradition started as a post-emancipation masquerade, in which former enslaved Africans would paint themselves black emulating a “Jab” derived from the French word diable, which means devil.
This was a way of mocking their former masters and also represented rebellion and freedom. Since then, the tradition has evolved into a staple of Carnival on J’ouvert morning, a celebration of freedom, and undoubtedly an element that makes Grenada stand out from other Carnivals across the diaspora. Outside of J’ouvert, Spicemas is a beautiful culmination of colorful and vibrant costumes, steel band competitions, delicious rum, and music that you’ll dance to all night.
Grenada is celebrating 50 years of independence this year, so just know that Spicemas is going to be extra special!
Other things to do: For the ocean lovers, the Molinere Bay Underwater Sculpture Park is a must-see attraction. It is the world's first underwater sculpture park and a popular excursion for folks visiting the island. This year, five new installations are being added to the park, which can all be viewed through snorkeling, diving, or a glass bottom boat ride.
Antigua Carnival
Antigua Carnival Dates: July 31, 2024 - August 7, 2024
Every August, carnival lovers flock to the beautiful island of Antigua for its annual carnival festival. First celebrated in 1957, Antigua’s Carnival started as a celebration of emancipation from slavery and has since expanded into a dynamic showcase of local talent, music, and cultural pride. Some events to look forward to are the Party Monarch and Calypso Monarch competitions, as well as the Caribbean Queen’s Competition.
Antigua Carnival is an almost two-week extravaganza that leads into J’ouvert on Carnival Monday and the main parade on Carnival Tuesday. If you love good music, vibrant costumes, and delicious food, this is the carnival for you.
Other things to do: Take a trip to Shirley Heights Lookout for live music and breathtaking panoramic views of the coastline and ocean. And with 365 beaches in total, you’d be missing out if you didn’t fit in a few on your itinerary.
Bermuda Carnival
Bermuda Carnival Dates: June 12, 2024 - June 17, 2024
Also known as Heroes Weekend, Bermuda Carnival may be smaller than some of the other carnivals, but is still a great time. Bermuda is one of the newer carnivals, originating in 2015. Celebrated in June, this long weekend of festivities draws inspiration from other popular carnivals while also highlighting elements of Bermudian culture. You can expect some similar elements as other countries such as daily fetes, soca music, and a parade filled with different bands and extravagant costumes.
They also celebrate Bermuda’s National Heroes during carnival with a national feast. Bermudians have immense pride in their country and culture, and their carnival is the biggest celebration of the year that you don’t want to miss.
Other things to do: Take a day trip to Crystal and Fantasy Caves, beautiful caves formed over millions of years that you can take tours of. Spend a few hours taking in these beautiful natural wonders and seeing some of the formations and underground pools.
Saint Lucia Carnival
Saint Lucia Carnival Dates: July 10, 2024 - July 17, 2024
Home to some of the most beautiful mountains and beaches in the Caribbean, Saint Lucia has the perfect backdrop for an unforgettable carnival experience. Saint Lucia Carnival didn’t take flight until the late 1940s but has grown into a favorite for both novice and seasoned masqueraders. Formerly held in February, this carnival now kicks off in July which allows it not to compete with the highly revered Trinidadian carnival that also happens at that time. Saint Lucia’s Carnival has grown in popularity over the years because of the lively music, delicious food, and turned-up fetes.
One of the highlights is the Parade of the Bands, where masqueraders adorned in elaborate costumes dance through the streets to the rhythms of soca, calypso, and steelpan music. The best way to prepare for the Saint Lucia Carnival is to stay hydrated and well-fed so that you can thoroughly enjoy the plethora of events and parties happening from early morning to nightfall.
Other things to do:The Pitons, Gros Piton and Petit Piton are a UNESCO World Heritage Site and one of the main attractions in Saint Lucia. Take a hike of Gros Piton or just marvel at its natural beauty. If you're there on a Friday night, stop by the weekly Gros Islet Street Party, which is filled with music, drinks, and local food.
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Featured image courtesy of Grenada Tourism Authority