10 Reasons To Love Being 30 And Single
We're supposed to have it all in our 30s, aren't we?
And by "it all," we mean the fantastic career, the financial stability, the kids, the dog, and of course, the husband to keep us warm at night. Everyday, more and more women challenge what a successful life looks like and that goes double for the love lives we choose to lead.
Just in case you're feeling a little left behind as a single woman approaching 30 or in her 30s, below are 10 reasons that being single and ready to mingle in your 30s isn't the romantic kiss of death we once feared it was:
1. You Trust Logic Above All Else
You get to choose. No really, you get to make a well informed decision on who you partner with. While your heart is still in the game, the intelligence and wisdom you garnered over the years is also in full swing. Although you may have been led solely by your heart or your hmmm - let's say, lady parts - in the past, this time around you have much more control over “Her" and she is probably the last part of you that has a say.
2. You See The Positives In Past Relationships
You realize your past loves completely made you grow. As scumbaggish as they may have seemed at the time, they added some fabric to the woman that you are and you become grateful. You are grateful for the lessons that you learned and at the same time, grateful that you were spared from a lifetime with him.
3. You Are Real About What You Want
The 30+ dating scene is absolutely awesome! It is like a game of chess, or checkers, or spades, or whatever you like to play. And guess what? Everyone in the game knows that they are in it and what they are in it for! Communication between potential partners become very clear, intentions are set almost immediately, and there are no guessing games! If you like each other, you decide together on your next move. If you don't well, boy bye (in the friendliest, it was great meeting you, type of way possible).
4. You Don't Fall For Your Old Type
Relative to number 3, you know who is for you! You know what you are looking for, you have a gauge on what your type is, and you have an understanding on the type that you should absolutely stay away from. You are consciously aware of who to share your precious time with, because let's face it, in all this making of you, you ain't got time for that (yes, I said ain't).
5. You Start To Chill All The Way Out
You stop being in a dating rat race, you stop recanting the broken hearts, you stop being anxious about whether or not he calls, you just stop and decide that if he is for you, he will be for YOU and the rest becomes history.
6. You Build On Your Twenties Foundation
You come to the realization that your twenties were all about laying down your foundation; realizing that you have to continue to build or that what you have built is pretty solid, you are no longer willing to settle for someone bringing nothing to the table. Your eye is on the prize for a GOOD MAN and you know just what a good man is! Now, where the picking at this point is pretty slim – due to the women who were patient enough to see their men through success and maturity into his 30s – you also realize, that you've got some competition, but you also now have patience and time, which inevitably means, you become #FIERCE. Bomb.com!
You become THAT woman for THAT man, yes him, he who you want, even if not visible, you get ready. You hit the church, mosque, synagogue, temple, the therapist, the salon, the mall, the gym, the library, the internet, your mama, great grandma, your exes, and wherever else you may be able to go, in order to collect the tools needed to work on and develop YOU. You become the greatest version of yourself, so that your man will present himself to you, as the greatest version of himself.
7. You're Okay With Being Single
Regarding competition, after being tired of hearing people ask why you don't have a man all throughout your twenties, getting depressed about it, crying yourself to sleep about it, and getting in terrible relationships because of it, you start to think about just how great your man will be. I mean why go through all of that to wind up with someone less than what you want? You start looking at who has been taken and who is left and suddenly decide that your him will be the King of all Kings and that your love will be the love of all love, if not for you, for the world and the furthering of mankind (ok, maybe this is going too far, but this is how my brain works).
8. You No Longer Fear Rejection
Rejection becomes laughable, no literally, laughable. You call your homegirls and have conversations like this, “Girrrl he was sooo mad, I mean it was really just one date," or “Girl he said he didn't like my ankles, guess I'll get me some new ones". It just becomes fun and not stab in the heart, send me back to my bed, under my covers weeping in pain and devastation, every single time it happens like (yep, nope, I'll plead the fifth on this one).
9. You Rise Above All Of The Advice Catered to Single Women
Blog posts telling women how to get a man no longer infuriate you, they too become laughable. It's like really dude, you Sir or Madam, may have a few things to work on yourself… insert side eye, emoticon… (I will save my professional opinion on “relationship experts" for the sake of entertaining reading, but let's just say, Freud said that… oh, never mind).
10. You Flourish In Love
Relationships become universal and you start loving everyone deeply. Your lovely is no longer garnered towards the search for just one person, instead it spreads universally. You fall in love with the universe, just as deeply as you fall in love with yourself. You love your pets, the mailman, bus driver, trees, flowers, the world with the same openness and joy you readily give to someone romantically. You finally realize that you have the ability to love your future someone just as deeply. You are ready for his love.
What are lessons in love that have guided you in dating in your 30s? Let us know in the comments below!
Niama T. Malachi, PsyD, 32, Author of "A Hip Hop State of Mind" holds a Doctorate in Applied Clinical Psychology. Her research and writing is based on Social Psychology, practices and principles. She is a current member of the American Psychological Association's Society for the Psychology of Women.
- Women Told Us What It's Really Like To Be 30 And Single | HuffPost ›
- I'm 30, Single And Happy. And Truthfully, That Scares Me. | HuffPost ›
- Mid 30s and Single: Did I Wait Too Long to Settle Down? - Vogue ›
- Single, female, and 30? DO NOT PANIC. ›
- What No One Tells You About Being Single At 30 | Thought Catalog ›
- Why Being Single In Your 30s Is Actually An Incredible Opportunity ›
- Being Single At 30: A Vogue Memoir | British Vogue ›
- Advice for Dating in Your 30s | 30 & Single | eHarmony Advice ›
- Why being single in your 30s is better than in your 20s - The ... ›
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How A Stay At Switzerland's Luxurious 7132 Hotel Reminded Me To Live The Life I Deserve
Sometimes, as women—especially as single Black women—we simply need to be reminded that we are deserving of living a life we dream of. Even if that means creating it for ourselves. I recently set out on a weeklong trip to Switzerland, a trip I’ve been wanting to take for years, and near the end of my visit, I had an epiphany.
“DeAnna, this is the life you deserve,” I thought to myself as I took in the gorgeous bathroom in my suite at the famous 7132 Hotel and Thermal Spa. It was one of the most luxurious hotels (and bathrooms) I had ever stayed in—and that’s saying a lot for someone who often travels for work.
To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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