The 10 Most Powerful Lessons On Love And Life Beyonce Taught Us
Beyonce has achieved an entire lifetime's worth of success in both her professional and personal life all by the age of 30. Her journey to this point is so inspirational. To help hercelebrate turning another year older, we've put together the 10 Most Powerful Lessons on Love, Life and Motherhood that we've learned from Beyonce.
Check out her most memorable quotes below!
1. There is Power in Partnership (aka Marriage!)
As a self-proclaimed feminist and humanist, some people were confused when Bey said this on her "Grown Woman" intro. Was Beyonce saying she needed her man to succeed? No. She was successful before her hubby, Shawn "Jay-Z" Carter. But did she need her husband to help "enhance" her as a business, brand and wife? Yes. And vice-versa for Jay-Z. Bey also stated in her 2014 "Yours and Mine" documentary:
"People feel like they lose something when they get married, but it doesn't have to be that way. There's nothing more exciting than having a witness to your life... Men and women balance each other out, and we have to get to a point where we are comfortable with appreciating each other
Everybody's not good at everything. It's okay to depend on someone. It's actually what we're supposed to do, we're supposed to depend on each other. And when you find the person that you trust and you love and you feel is going to respect you and take all of the sh-t you have and turn it around and bring out the best in you, it feeds you. It is the most powerful thing you can ever feel in your life.
2. There is Power in Knowing Your Purpose (and according to Beyonce, she discovered her purpose through motherhood)
During an interview with Anderson Cooper a few years ago, a then-new mommy Bey opened up about her love for motherhood and how it has added to her as a mother and overall being.
"We all have our purpose...[Having a daughter] just gives you purpose and all of the things that my self-esteem was associated with, it's all completely different.
[With Blue], I realized why I was born and more than anything all of the things I want to pass onto my child and the best way of doing that is not by preaching or telling her but showing her by example, which is one of the reasons I'm here."
Amazing! As a public figure, it's so important that at the end of the day, leaving an impression on her daughter means more to Beyonce than being impressive as a celeb. Not that she has to try too hard anyway. This definitely gets filed under "The Power of Prioritizing," too. Family first!
3. There is Power in Privacy ("I feel like I'm the property of the public")
Although Bey has certainly learned to live a life of balance, (which is evident from her Tumblr page of various family vacations and the fact that Blue probably has more stamps in her passport at 3 than any of us will ever have in a lifetime), it hasn't been easy being "Bey." The things that come easy to us, come hardest for her. Including a life of privacy- which she forfeited for fame.
"Before I was famous I was a girl, on the heel with a guitar, I was the girl that just wanted a beautiful view of the beach, and now that I'm famous it's really really difficult to do really simple things. I think [privacy] was the hardest thing to give up."
4. There is Power in the ... "Possession" of a Woman
During her Mrs. Carter world tour, Beyonce gave an epic introduction to her "Naughty Girl," track, and it went a little something like this:
“When you become a woman you celebrate who you are and know that sensuality is a gift. This gift gives you power. This power that you can manipulate. This power can celebrate. What would you do with this power? Would you let go? would you surrender? I can make you surrender. If you make the right selection the passion can intensify like a drug. Are you high right now? Can you reach me? Harnessing the power of your body requires responsibility seduction is much more than beauty, it is generous, it is intelligence, it is mysterious, [&] it is exclusive."
5. There is Power in the Process of Success (aka- What "Sleep?")
As a woman who has racked up a whopping 452 total awards in her lifetime, Beyonce is in no way, shape, or form anything less than half woman, half amazing. And of course that doesn't come without a bit of sacrifice:
"I am a workaholic and I don't believe in 'no.' I don't believe in I need to sleep. If I'm not sleeping nobody's sleeping. I'm one human being. It's a lot. If I want to be a businesswoman, I'm a businesswoman. Independence is not easy."
Any questions?
6. There is Power in Pride
After nearly 20 years in the industry, there are a few things that Beyonce has said about independence and having your own, as taught by none other than, "Mama" Tina Knowles:
"My mother always taught me to be strong and to never be a victim, never make excuses, never expect anyone else to provide for me things I can provide for myself. Your self worth is determined by you. You don't have to depend on someone telling you who you are."
Along with our personal favorite, which she once told to Oprah shortly after her marriage to hubby Jay-Z in 2006: "Make sure you have your own life before becoming someone else's wife!" Yes, Bey!
7. There is Power in Pain
"If I hadn't gone through some of the painful experiences in my life, I would not be me."
Beyonce knows a thing or two about pain, conflict and having fear, but she also knows a thing or two about healing and having faith. In her '"Yours and Mine" mini documentary which Bey filmed in honor of the one year anniversary of her self-entitled album, she went on to say:
"I was brought up seeing my mother trying to please and make everyone comfortable. And I always felt like it was my job to fix the problem. A people-pleaser. But I'm no longer afraid of conflict, and I don't think conflict is a bad thing. Because I know that when you grow up, when you learn a few things, you're no longer afraid of letting go, you're no longer afraid of the unknown. You're no longer afraid of going to certain places in your mind and your body and your soul that might make you uncomfortable. And it all starts when you can look in the mirror and say, 'I like that person, you know?'"
8. There is Power in Perception
Beauty is deeper than skin deep and if there is one person who knows that, it is the woman who created the tracks "Flawless" and "Flaws and All," - beautifully ironic, right? Ever the self-proclaimed feminist, Beyonce has once gone on record in her songs and interviews, not only praising the beauty of women everywhere, but embracing their strengths too:
"The most alluring thing a woman can have is confidence," while also saying: "We have to reshape our own perception of how we see ourselves. We have to step up as women and take the lead."
9. There is Power in Imperfection ("Perfection is a disease of the nation.")
"The reality is: sometimes you lose. And you're never too good to lose. You're never too big to lose. You're never too smart to lose. It happens."
Simply said: You win some, you lose some but in the end, only the blessed get to live another day. And another day, means new opportunities. If at first you don't succeed, simply dust yourself off an try again!
10. There is Power in... Power!
"Power is not given to you, you have to take it!"
A modest goddess who keeps it humble between mumbles. I'm a journalism graduate with a HERstory in digital media, print and radio. Roll the credits: Power 96, VH1, xoNecole, EBONY, SOHH. Deemed "Top 20 Women in Media" by Power 105. Bronx made me, Broward raised me.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I think we all can agree that social media really is a double-edged sword. What I mean by that is there is just as much bad that can come out of it as good. At the end of the day, it really is about 1) having your own mind, 2) finding balance when it comes to how much time you spend online, and 3) doing your own research instead of taking random people’s opinions as the gospel (i.e., facts).
Gee, I wish more folks did all of this when it comes to if a man needs to have a large penis to sexually satisfy a woman (he does not) and if a woman who has had multiple sex partners will ultimately end up with a vagina that is too large for smaller penises to please her (a lie).
Science totally has my back on debunking both of those things (more on that in a bit). Know what else does? A particular type of sex method that is becoming more popular by the day. One that just might convince you to, as they used to say back in the day, focus less on the “size of the wave” and ride out the “motion of the ocean” instead.
It’s called shallowing. Here’s what it’s all about.
What Is Shallowing?
GiphyIf there’s one thing that I wish folks would say more thoroughly when it comes to women and orgasms, it’s that when it comes to75 percent of women not being able to orgasm from only intercourse, the accurate statement is they struggle with achieving a vaginal orgasm without the assistance of some type of clitoral stimulation. Yeah, we’ve really got to remember that very few things in this life are a complete monolith — orgasms included (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”).
In fact, it was while I was reading up on pairing — a word that is used for when clitoral stimulation transpires during penetration — that I decided to do some deep-diving into shallowing (because it was mentioned inone of the articles that I read).And what is it? Shallowing is when a penis, finger, tongue, or sex toy of some sort is used in order to ever so slightly penetrate the vaginal opening of a woman.
And why is shallowing not just a current sex trend but something that every woman on this planet should try? It’s because of what I’ve said, more than once, on this platform: it focuses on the most sensitive part of a woman’s vagina, which isthe first two inches of her vaginal opening.
When the emphasis is placed there, not only does it increase your chances of experiencing “the big O,” but it can also build up anticipation, which can intensify your orgasms too — yes, shallowing can also be seen as a form of edging.
Another thing that’s cool about shallowing is — and it really and truly can’t be said enough — something that makes vaginal and blended orgasms easier to achieve for some women really has little to do with the size of a man’s package or even his technique; it’s straight up anatomy. Yep, the closer that a woman’s clitoris is to her vaginal opening, the easier it is for a penis to stimulate both. So, science makes it possible for vaginal orgasms to be easier for some women than others.
At the same time, shallowing can make it possible for more women who want to see what a vaginal orgasm actually feels like (because it’s easier for the head of the penis to stimulate the opening of the vagina while the shaft can rub up against your clitoris; based on the position that you are in, of course — the missionary with some pillows propped under the lower part of your back is ideal for this).
Now that you see what shallowing actually is, do you get why I said that penis size doesn’t matter when it comes to doing it — and getting the kind of orgasms that you want? Contrary to popular belief, your vagina is only around four inches. In fact, some health experts say that it ranges between 2-4”. Anything larger, your body literally has to stretch out to accommodate; this includes penises and babies. So, if your vagina is “making room” for more than four inches, why in the world do you think you need a 10-inch man? Yeah…exactly. It really is time to get over the silliness. The average penis continues to be 5.5”. Makes sense when you take it all in (no pun intended).
Aight, so now that you know what shallowing is all about, let me try and hard sell you on why it’s a sex technique that you should try as soon as tonight (if you possibly can).
1. It takes the pressure off of you and your partner.
I’ve been working with couples for almost 20 years at this point. This means that the topic of sex comes up quite a bit. And if there’s one thing that continues to be an issue is inconsistent orgasms (check out “Why Do Orgasms So Often Seem Like A ‘Hit-Or-Miss’ Experience For Women?”).
Listen, no matter how many articles you read or sex positions you try, if you’re anxious, stressed out, or overthinking, it’s gonna get in the way of you experiencing high peaks of pleasure on a consistent basis. Since shallowing is something that can easily be done even in foreplay (via fingering and/ororal sex) if you get that first “release” off, that makes it easier to just sit back and enjoy the ones that (hopefully) are to follow.
2. It teaches you more about your vagina.
A part of the reason why I keep repeating certain facts about vaginas in these articles is that it’s amazing how little certain things are discussed en masse — like the size of the vaginal tube. And since shallowing helps you to stimulate the nerve endings at the entrance of your va-jay-jay along with your G-spot (which is housed a little ways from your opening), shallowing is a great way to explore that area of your body as you figure out what truly works for you and…what doesn’t.
3. It’s the perfect merging of foreplay and intercourse.
When you really stop to think about it, shallowing is like the bridge between foreplay and intercourse because you can use so many different things to do it. So, if you want to experiment with a new sex toy or you want a bit more time to “warm up the engine” before full-on penetration begins, shallowing is one of the most sexually arousing compromises there is.
4. It can help to increase your partner’s stamina.
A few years back, I penned an article for the site entitled, “We’ve Got Some All-Natural Ways To Increase Stamina & Sensitivity.” Listen, even though I onceread a GQ article that said that over 60 percent of the people they polled were fine with intercourse lasting no longer than 5-10 minutes — that poll doesn’t speak for all of us, chile.
So, if you would like your man to build up to going longer, shallowing can help to make that happen. Since he’s barely putting beyond the tip in, he can learn how to be in you for longer periods of time without being, well, in you.
5. It helps you to appreciate whatever “package” he has.
Again — and it really can’t be said enough — if shallowing is all about exploring the mere entrance of your vagina, you don’t need a man with BDE (check out “BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go”) or honestly, even anything close to it.
I mean, even though, reportedly, the size that the average woman says gives her the most orgasms is eight inches — I bet those women have never really tried shallowing before. 10”, 8”, or the average 5.5” can certainly get the job done. And well.
6. It feels A-MAZ-ING.
Okay,so now that you know about shallowing, I promise that if you put the word into your favorite search engine, you’re either gonna see articles on golfing (LOL) or sex, especially as of late. That’s because more couples are trying it out and getting mind-blowing results from it. So, if you’re looking for something new to try, give shallowing a shot.
Hey, anything that’s designed to stimulate your most intense vaginal nerve endings has got to be something for the record books. I mean, how could it not be? Lawd.
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Featured image by Juan Moyano/Getty Images